Ryu stood in the Glitchvine Jungle's wreckage, the fifth Patch Shard pulsing in his hand like a pissed-off glowstick. The other four synced up in his pocket, humming a glitchy tune that made his teeth itch. Codekong's corpse fizzed behind him, toucan-pecked and soda-soaked. Lira crouched nearby, prying a buzzsaw tooth from the beast with her Waffle Iron of the Grid—no "shiny" bullshit, just a grunt of "This'll cut." Gorv loomed, axe propped on his shoulder, flexing like he'd finally grown a spine. Pip whistled a tuneless mess, his flaming toucan perched on his head, shitting embers.
The system flickered: [Quest Update: Patch Shards Assembled. Objective: Find the Core—fix this shithole or break it more, asshole.] A map popped up—glitchy, half-rendered, pointing to a city skyline flickering on the horizon. Towers twitched, neon signs stuttered, and a dome of static crackled overhead.
Snarkfang pulsed, runes glowing. "A city? You're gonna get urban-fucked, shitlord—I'm popcorn-ready."
"Fuck you," Ryu snapped, slicing a vine that glitched into a rubber dick and flopped away. "No more jungle crap—let's move."
"Dream on, fuckface—cities mean bigger bastards. Stab something tall and let's roll."
The jungle thinned into cracked pavement—roads glitched between asphalt and pixel sludge, streetlights flickering with faces screaming silent bullshit. The city loomed: Glitchopolis, a neon-drenched hellscape of skyscrapers that bent at wrong angles, billboards flashing "ERROR 404: FUCK YOU" and "BUY SHIT NOW." Citizens shuffled—NPCs with glitchy limbs, some missing heads, others doubled up like laggy clones. The system dinged: [Location Discovered: Glitchopolis. Warning: Full of glitchy pricks—don't trust 'em.]
A rumble shook the street. No goons—just a mech stomping out of an alley. Ten feet of scrap metal and code, arms ending in wrecking balls that glitched into fists mid-swing, optics glowing with "DELETE" in red. [Enemy: Trashatron (Level 40). Weakness: Maybe recycling? Figure it out, dipshit.]
Ryu gripped Snarkfang. "New city, new fucker—let's roll, fuckwits."
Lira didn't spark her iron—she charged, roaring, "Smash this tin can!" She swung the waffle iron two-handed, clonking the Trashatron's leg—sparks flew, denting metal. [Damage: 70. Effect: Mech's limping.] No loot talk—just a feral "Next!"
Snarkfang whistled. "Klepto's a fucking wrecker now—love the upgrade, shitlord!"
Gorv bellowed, "NO MORE BUZZSAWS!" and leapt, axe crashing down. It glitched—not lasers, but a shockwave, rattling the mech's frame. Plates popped off, exposing glitchy wires. [Damage: 80. Effect: Trashatron's rattling.]
Snarkfang snorted. "Big boy's got some balls—still dumb as a stump, but I'll take it."
Pip didn't whistle—he cackled, "Eat this, junkpile!" and lobbed a chunk of rubble. It glitched mid-air, turning into a screaming Roomba that latched onto the Trashatron's optics, vacuuming code. [Chaos Triggered: Roomba Rage. Damage: 50.] The toucan dove, torching a wrecking ball into slag. [Damage: 40.] Ryu grinned. "Pip's finally useful—hell froze over."
The Trashatron swung—Ryu dodged, triggering Glitch Gambit. High risk, high reward—fuck it. The air warped, and Snarkfang split—two blades, one slashing, the other taunting "FUCK YOU" in runes. Both hit, carving the mech's chest. [Glitch Gambit Effect: Double Dipshit. Damage: 120.] But the gambit bit back—Ryu's arm glitched, locking up. [Backfire: Arm's fucked, 10 seconds.]
Snarkfang cackled. "You're a glitchy dumbass, fuckface—worth it!"
The mech's wrecking ball smashed down—Ryu couldn't move, but Lira tackled him out, snarling, "Not today, boss!" The ball cratered the street, glitching into a pile of pixelated bricks. Gorv roared, axe slamming the mech's knee—it buckled, wires sparking. [Damage: 90.] Pip's Roomba zipped up, sucking an optic out—Trashatron's "DELETE" flickered to "DELE—" [Damage: 60.]
Ryu's arm rebooted. He swung—Glitch Geyser hit. The pavement erupted—a fountain of glitchy bowling balls, smashing the mech's torso. Metal crumpled, balls bouncing into NPCs who glitched into breakdancers. [Glitch Geyser Effect: Bowling Bash. Damage: 100, Chaos +200.]
Snarkfang wheezed. "You're a fucking alley king, dipshit—I'm proud!"
The Trashatron screeched, optics fritzing. Lira leapt, iron smashing its head—sparks fried circuits. [Damage: 80.] Gorv charged, axe cleaving a wrecking arm off—code sprayed like digital piss. [Damage: 110.] Pip's toucan torched the stump, and the Roomba glitched into a flaming Dustbuster, blasting the mech's core. [Bug Overload: Dustbuster Doom.]
Ryu swung—Glitch Gatling fired, blasting rubber eyeballs that gummed the Trashatron's joints. It staggered, bluescreening mid-swing. [Trashatron.exe terminated. +450 EXP. Level Up: Glitch Knight Rank 11. New Skill: Glitch Goad (Taunts enemies into glitching).]
Ryu panted, street cracked underfoot. Lira wiped mech oil off her iron, growling, "Fucker's scrap now." Gorv flexed, axe dripping code, grinning. Pip high-fived his toucan, Dustbuster buzzing at his feet. A glowing panel flickered in the wreckage—Core vibes, close. [Quest Update: Core Proximity Detected. Note: Shit's deep, fucker.]
Snarkfang snorted. "You're a city-slicker shitlord, Ryu—nice trash tan."
"Fuck off," Ryu muttered, kicking a bowling ball that glitched into a rubber duck.
The city pulsed—NPCs glitched harder, buildings twitched, and a shadow moved—taller, meaner. Ryu glared at his crew. "Move, fuckwits—Core's waiting, and I'm done with this glitchy shithole."
Lira smirked. "Scrap's mine."