Ryu stared at the Core, a red-static orb pulsing like Valdris's middle finger. HP at 5, chest bleeding static, he clutched the Core Key—five Patch Shards fused into it, glowing like a glitchy nuke. The undercity chamber shuddered, neon tubes sparking, code-tiles melting. Lira loomed, Waffle Iron of the Grid dripping Admin Avatar guts, smirking "Crash it." Gorv nodded, axe propped high, growling agreement. Pip cackled, toucan screeching flames, Dustbuster vac buzzing like it was ready to eat a world. The system flickered: [Choice: Crash Valdris? Y/N. Warning: You're fucked either way, asshole.]
"Crash it is," Ryu rasped, jamming the key into the Core. The orb screeched—static exploded, swallowing the dome. [System: Valdris.exe Crashing… Enjoy the ride, dipshit.]
Snarkfang pulsed, runes blazing. "You're crashing a fucking world, shitlord—I'm goddamn proud!"
"Fuck you," Ryu snapped, as the chamber dissolved—pixels tearing, reality glitching into a vortex.
The crew spun—Lira roaring, Gorv bellowing, Pip whooping—then slammed onto asphalt. Real asphalt—no glitchy tiles. A city skyline loomed—towers of steel and glass, cars honking, humans screaming. Earth, fucked up by Valdris's crash-landing. Billboards flickered, now flashing "ERROR 404: SHIT'S BROKEN," skies streaked with static. A glitch-rift tore open nearby—vines and flaming dildos spilled out, tangling a taxi. The system dinged: [Location: Earth (Glitch-Infested). Note: You broke it, fucker—fix it or fight.]
A roar—something big crawled from the rift. No Admin bitch—just a Glitchspawn Titan, a mashup of Valdris's worst: Codekong's buzzsaw arms, Trashatron's wrecking balls, all stitched with static and rage. [Enemy: Glitchspawn Titan (Level 65). Weakness: Fuck if we know.]
Ryu staggered up, HP ticking to 10 from rest. "New world, same bullshit—let's roll, fuckwits!"
Lira charged, "Wreck this freak!"—iron smashed a buzzsaw arm, sparks flying, metal buckling. [Damage: 110. Effect: Titan's arm's fucked.] No scrap lust—just a feral "Next limb!" as she swung again.
Snarkfang whistled. "Klepto's a goddamn butcher—keep her, shitlord!"
Gorv roared, "NO MORE GLITCHES!" and leapt, axe crashing—glitched into a gravity pulse, slamming the Titan into a parked car. Metal crumpled, humans screamed. [Damage: 130. Effect: Titan's grounded.]
Snarkfang snorted. "Big boy's a fucking wrecker—still thick as shit, but I'll cheer."
Pip cackled, "Suck this, rift-fuck!" and lobbed his vac—it glitched mid-air, turning into a flaming leafblower that blasted the Titan's face, code sizzling. [Chaos Triggered: Blowtorch Bitch. Damage: 100.] The toucan dove, torching a wrecking ball—slag dripped. [Damage: 70.] Ryu grinned. "Pip's a pyro king—finally worth the chaos."
The Titan screeched—buzzsaw arm slashed. Ryu dove, triggering Glitch Gush. Snarkfang pulsed—a flood of glitchy goo sprayed, coating the Titan's legs. It slipped, crashing into a storefront—glass shattered, goo glitching into sticky tar. [Glitch Gush Effect: Tar Trap. Damage: 150, Mobility -80.]
Snarkfang cackled. "You're a fucking slime lord, dipshit—drown 'em!"
The Titan's wrecking ball swung—Ryu dodged, but it clipped Lira's shoulder—she snarled, bleeding static. [Damage to Lira: -35 HP.] She roared, iron smashing its chest—code gushed, frame dented. [Damage: 120.] Gorv charged, axe cleaving a buzzsaw arm off—gravity pinned it to the street. [Damage: 140.] Pip's leafblower rammed its optics, toucan torching the stump—flames glitched into RGB streaks. [Damage: 130.]
Ryu swung—Glitch Grind hit. Snarkfang spun, grinding the Titan's leg into glitch dust that choked the air—cars honked, humans fled. [Glitch Grind Effect: Dust Storm. Damage: 160, Visibility -60.] The Titan flailed—a wrecking ball smashed a hydrant, water glitching into soda spray. [Environment: Wet and sticky—great.]
The beast roared—rift pulsed, spawning mini-glitchspawns: spider-drones with flaming dicks for legs. Lira smashed two, iron sparking—"Die, freaks!" [Damage: 100.] Gorv's axe pulsed, crushing three into pixel paste. [Damage: 110.] Pip's leafblower torched a cluster—toucan screeched, glitching the flames wider. [Damage: 120.]
Ryu grit his teeth. "Fuck this!" He swung—Glitch Goad flared, runes taunting "RIFT-RAT" in its face. The Titan glitched—buzzsaw slashed its own arm off. [Glitch Goad Effect: Self-Mutilation.] He followed with Glitch Gatling—rubber skulls fired, chattering and gumming its joints—dust and goo mixed into a mess. [Damage: 170.]
The Titan pulsed—rift flared, rift-vines whipping. Ryu took a hit—vine lashed his chest, static burning. [Damage: -40 HP. HP: 5/80.] Lira roared, iron smashing its core—metal split, code bled. [Damage: 150.] Gorv cleaved its head—gravity crushed it flat, buzzsaws stalling. [Damage: 180.] Pip's leafblower rammed the rift, toucan torching it shut—flames glitched, frying the Titan's last arm. [Damage: 160.]
Ryu staggered, "Die, fucker!"—Glitch Gash hit, slicing the core—static bled, mini-spawns dissolving. The Titan bluescreened, collapsing into fizzing junk. [GlitchspawnTitan.exe terminated. +800 EXP. Level Up: Glitch Knight Rank 15. New Skill: Glitch Gripe (Cripples enemy glitches).]
Ryu fell to his knees, HP at 5, goo-soaked. The rift fizzled shut—Earth still glitched, cars honking, humans screaming. Lira wiped her iron, snarling, "Freak's toast." Gorv flexed, axe high, grinning. Pip high-fived his toucan, leafblower sparking victory laps. The system flickered: [Quest Update: Valdris Crashed. Note: Earth's fucked—deal with it, asshole.]
Snarkfang snorted. "You're a world-wrecking shitlord, Ryu—nice goo tan."
"Fuck off," Ryu rasped, eyeing the chaos.
The skyline pulsed—more rifts cracked open, roars echoing. Ryu glared at his crew. "Move, fuckwits—Earth's ours now, and I'm not dying in this glitchy shithole."
Lira smirked. "Next one's toast too."