Haruto slowly drifted back into consciousness.
His body ached. His soul felt bruised.Everything smelled faintly of incense, bandages, and herbs.
"...Am I in heaven?" he muttered.
Then he heard voices.
Two unfamiliar ones. Feminine. Cheerful. Deeply concerning.
"What is this thing?""I don't know, sister… but it's weirdly attached to his body.""You're right. Maybe if we pull it, he'll wake up?""Hmm... it looks scary.""Ara ara~ should we try anyway?"
WHAT?!
Haruto's eyes snapped open.
He wasn't in heaven. He wasn't even in a normal bed. He was lying on a futon covered in handmade quilts and mysterious herbs. Above him were two silver-haired girls—identical twins, with fuzzy wolf ears and bright yellow eyes.
One wore a lab coat far too tight to be legal.The other had a nurse outfit that had never been approved by any health ministry.
And one of them was holding—
"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH THAT!!"
Too late.
The "nurse" had reached down and was pulling at the waistband of his pants like she was starting a lawnmower.
Scene cut: a cucumber being stretched in slow motion.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"
Haruto leapt a full meter into the air, kicking the blanket halfway across the room.
"I HAVE RIGHTS!! I HAVE A PERSONAL BUBBLE!! I'LL CALL A LAWYER—I MEAN, A SWORDSMAN!!"
The twins just stared at him, blinking innocently.
"Wow," said the doctor twin. "He screams like a jungle frog."
"Maybe that means he's healthy?" said the nurse twin, twirling a stethoscope like a deadly weapon.
Haruto clutched his pants and backed into a corner like a traumatized housecat.
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE?!"
The twins turned in unison and bowed.
"I'm Lilia!""And I'm Lulu!""We're the village's medically certified twin healers!""Certified by who?!" Haruto cried.
Haruto pressed himself against the farthest corner of the wall, breathing heavily, one hand still clutching his waistband like it was the last bastion of his dignity.
Across the room, the twin wolf girls were now taking medical notes on paper shaped like a paw print.
"Screams like a banshee," muttered Lilia, writing furiously."Reflexes good. No tail," added Lulu. "Possibly defective fox variant?"
"I'M NOT A FOX!!" Haruto shouted. "I'M A HUMAN!! A NORMAL ONE!! WITH LAWS!!"
Just then—
SLIDE.
The door slid open, and in walked Kohana.She held a steamed bun in one hand and was casually chewing like this was all normal. Her tail swished lazily.
"Oh hey. You're awake," she said, waving the bun. "That's good. The elders were 70% sure you were cursed and 30% sure you were an enchanted body pillow."
Haruto nearly choked on air. "A BODY PILLOW?!"
"Yeah," Kohana said, nodding thoughtfully. "Apparently cursed artifacts sometimes fall from the sky around here. Last time it was a singing shoe. So they were being cautious."
"CAUTIOUS?! THEY WERE TUGGING ON MY PANTS!!"
"They were checking for a tag," Lilia said calmly."Or a zipper," Lulu added.
Haruto looked like his soul was trying to evacuate through his forehead.
Kohana sat down beside him and held out half her steamed bun. "Anyway, snack?"
"DO I LOOK LIKE I NEED STEAMED TRAUMA RIGHT NOW?!"
She shrugged. "Suit yourself."
Haruto curled into a ball. "I'm going to die in this village. They're going to repurpose my corpse as a heating pad."
Kohana took a bite. "Don't be silly. We don't do that until winter."
"THAT ISN'T COMFORTING!!"
Just as Haruto was about to spiral further into an anxiety vortex fueled by violated personal space and steamed food—
BOOM.
The ground trembled.
The room's sliding door creaked open—not slid, creaked, as if intimidated—and in stepped a shadow.
No.Not a shadow.
A tower of muscle, fur, and ancient judgment.
Grandma had returned.
Over two meters tall. Silver braid. Wolf ears twitching.Muscles that made armored knights cry in their sleep.And in one hand, her comically tiny walking stick of intimidation+99.
Her golden eyes scanned the room. Everyone froze.
"So… this is the guest."
Her voice sounded like a thunderstorm politely asking for tea.
Haruto, still curled into himself, looked up like a broken NPC trying to load the next dialog box.
Kohana waved. "Hey Grandma. He woke up."
"Was that screaming I heard?"
"He's kinda shy."
Grandma stepped forward.Each footstep made the tatami creak like it was filing for workers' compensation.
She stopped in front of Haruto and squatted down with the elegance of a boulder.
Her shadow engulfed him.
Haruto could barely look up.All he saw was fur. Muscles. And wisdom that could bench press a bear.
She reached out one hand.
He flinched.She placed it gently—almost reverently—on his head.
Then—
"Hmph. Soft skull. Good brain shake resistance. Fragile build. Useless in battle. But sturdy enough to survive forest stupidity. Acceptable."
"…Wha—what kind of checklist is that?!"
She nodded in solemn approval. "A good man. Might make decent breeding stock."
"WHAT?!"
The nurse twins immediately began scribbling excitedly.
"Oooooh~ Grandma approves~!""He's on the shortlist!"
Haruto's mouth opened and closed like a dying fish.
"I AM A PERSON!! NOT A FARM ANIMAL!!"
Grandma stood up.
"Good. Keep him warm. Feed him well. Maybe let him grow some muscle."
Then she turned and walked out without another word, the wind from her exit knocking over a tea set.
Haruto collapsed backward. "I think I saw my life flash forward and backward."
Kohana casually offered him the steamed bun again.
"Still not hungry?"
"I'M TERRIFIED!!"
Few minutes later...
Haruto lay on the futon, blinking at the ceiling like it had just insulted his family.
Kohana sat nearby, tail swaying lazily behind her as she gnawed on the last bits of her steamed bun. The nurse twins had left (probably to prepare "further tests"), and the air had quieted—aside from the sound of Haruto's dignity whimpering in the corner.
"…So," he muttered finally, "just to get this straight…"
Kohana looked up with mild curiosity.
"The last thing I remember was us walking through the forest. You were casually one-punching monsters like you were swatting flies. Then a wolf grandma the size of a bus dropped from the sky, roasted me with a single sentence, and now I've woken up here. Did I hallucinate all that or…?"
Kohana blinked.
Then smiled.
"Nope. That was real."
Haruto sighed. Deeply. Spiritually.
He closed his eyes as flashbacks hit him like a cursed anime opening montage:
Kohana curb-stomping a squirrel the size of a sofa.
A flying battle mushroom exploding into glitter.
A vine trying to marry him.
Kohana saying "We're here" right before Grandma descended like a final boss cutscene.
"Looks like a rice cracker with anxiety issues."
He sat up suddenly, hair sticking out in random directions.
"WHERE. AM. I?!"
Kohana, completely unfazed, gestured around the room.
"You're in my village. Deep inside the Cursed Magical Forest of Balveria. Home of the beastfolk. Safe zone-ish. Population: small but scrappy."
"…So I'm still in the murder forest."
"Technically, yes. But this part only tries to kill you once a week."
"…Fantastic."
Haruto rubbed his face, then looked at her seriously.
"Okay. So now what? What am I supposed to do next? I have no money, no items, no stats, no idea what I'm doing, and I've already been mistaken for a body pillow."
Kohana's ears perked up slightly.
She leaned back, looking genuinely curious now.
"That's a good question, huuman."
She tilted her head.
"What do you plan to do next?"
Haruto opened his mouth.
Then froze.
Then slowly lowered his finger.
"…I have absolutely no idea."
Haruto rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, eyes still twitching from the cumulative trauma of wolf doctors, death squirrels, and being called "soft skull" by an alpha grandma.
"…So uh. Hey," he mumbled. "Thanks. For, you know… not letting me die in the murder forest. Or get eaten by vines. Or vaporized by Grandma's side-eye."
Kohana blinked.
Then smiled like a fox who found candy.
"Oh? Feeling grateful now, are we?"
"Yeah, I just… I mean it."
She shrugged. "I only helped you because of the chocolate, you know."
"Pfft—OF COURSE YOU DID," Haruto groaned, throwing up his hands. "That's the most absurd reason I've ever heard—bribed into compassion by snacks!"
"Hey. That was divine-grade candy. I regret nothing."
Haruto sighed again.
Kohana stood up, dusted off her sleeves, and stretched. "Anyway. You should come see the village. If you're planning to stay longer than a night, you'll need to register with the elder. Otherwise, the magic security toads will try to tongue-lash you at sundown."
"…Magic. Security. Toads."
"Yep."
"…Of course."
When they wondered outside, village was… surprisingly alive.
Beastfolk of all kinds wandered the wooden paths and tree bridges—fox-kin, bird-kin, even someone who looked suspiciously like a sheep in a business suit. Stalls lined the main plaza, selling everything from grilled mushrooms to enchanted socks.
Haruto followed Kohana through the marketplace, cautiously eyeing a barrel labeled "Mildly Sentient Pickles: Buy One, Banish One."
While Kohana stopped to greet a passing merchant (a mole-man with shades and a monocle), something glinted by Haruto's foot.
"Huh?"
He crouched down and picked it up.
It was a small stone—smooth, perfectly round, and glowing faintly with a silvery-blue light. It shimmered like moonlight frozen in crystal.
"…Whoa. Pretty."
He turned it over in his palm. It gave off a strangely calming energy.
Then he looked over at Kohana, who was still chatting casually, tail swishing behind her.
"…Y'know what?" he muttered. "She did save my butt like… three times. Maybe I can give this to her. Just as a thank-you."
Smiling to himself, he walked up, tapped her shoulder, and held the glowing stone out.
"Hey. This looked cool, and I figured, you know… thanks for everything. Thought you might like it."
Kohana turned to him, blinking.
Then she looked down at the stone.
Then—
Silence.
A nearby merchant dropped a jar of pickled curses.
A bard gasped and dropped his loot.
Somewhere in the distance, a chicken exploded.
Kohana stared at the stone.
The mole merchant fainted.
"Uhh…" Haruto blinked. "Did I do something—?"
"D-Did you just…?" Kohana whispered, cheeks suddenly flushing pink.
"W-What?" Haruto looked around. "It's just a rock, right?! A shiny one, yeah, but I mean—"
"THAT'S A MOONSTONE GEM," shouted a random villager.
"YOU JUST GAVE HER A MARRIAGE STONE!!" yelled another.
"HE CLAIMED HER!!" screamed someone from the sock stall.
Haruto's soul left his body for second time today.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN MARRIAGE?!?! I JUST PICKED IT UP FROM THE FLOOR!!"