Morning in the village was quiet.
Birds chirped. Leaves rustled. The air was peaceful.
Inside Haruto's rundown shack, however—
Tension levels were set to 'Pressure Cooker about to Explode.'
Haruto sat at the rickety wooden table, hunched forward like a broken man, his right eye twitching violently.
Across from him, Yue sat with perfect, eerie calm, floating a few centimeters off her chair like ghost royalty.
She was reading a massive leather-bound grimoire that emitted occasional agonized screams with every page flip.
Dark mist swirled lazily around her like morning coffee for cursed beings.
Haruto's gaze drifted from Yue, to the door, back to Yue, then to the door again.
He was calculating escape routes. Or maybe trying to will himself into another dimension.
Yue, eyes focused on the screaming book, murmured absently as if narrating a cooking show.
"Hm… method 726: Sever soul thread using cursed silver and melted dreams. Effective against mildly intelligent bipeds with zero magical defenses..."
Haruto's jaw clenched. "I'm sitting right here."
She didn't blink.Didn't acknowledge.Didn't stop flipping pages.
"Ah, 742: Lure subject into reflective portal, swap body with haunted mannequin, lock soul in sock drawer..."
"Seriously. I CAN HEAR YOU."
"Hmm… 761: Turn weak human into potato. Feed to demonic boar to erase karmic signature."
Haruto stood up so fast the chair shot backward and hit the wall.
"OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH, YOU TINY DEATH GOBLIN!!"
Yue blinked innocently and looked up for the first time.
"Oh, did I say that out loud?"
"YOU'VE BEEN SAYING ALL OF IT OUT LOUD!!"
He pointed wildly at the grimoire. "WHY IS YOUR BOOK SCREAMING?!"
"It's dramatic," she said flatly, stroking the book like a cat. "It helps me focus."
"ON KILLING ME?!"
She sipped something from a teacup made of pure gloom. "I haven't decided yet."
"THAT'S NOT COMFORTING!!"
Just then—
THUNK.
The front door, still unhinged and now leaning against the wall, tipped over with a casual crash.
Kohana poked her head in with a fresh steamed bun.
"Morning~"
She glanced at Haruto mid-breakdown, then at Yue with her cursed grimoire, then back.
"…Soooooo how's your first day as a pet owner going?"
"I AM THE PET!!" Haruto shrieked.
Yue sipped again.
"Confirmed."
Kohana nibbled her steamed bun, watching Haruto with an amused glint in her eyes.
"You know, Haruto," she said casually, "if someone bet me 10,000 gold coins that you were the new Demon Lord, I'd lose that bet a thousand times in a row."
Haruto let out a sound somewhere between a sigh and a death rattle.
He crossed his arms defensively, slumping in his cursed chair.
"I didn't ask for this," he muttered. "All of this is a nightmare. A 900-year-old shoe-throwing loli slapped me into another dimension. I accidentally formed a contract with a vengeful spirit-child. And all of this happened on Day One. I'm scared to think about Day Two."
He was mid-internal suffering spiral when Kohana cheerfully interrupted:
"So, did you think about what you're gonna do next?"
Haruto's soul visibly left his body.
His face collapsed into a perfectly drawn stick-man expression of existential crisis.
"…I'm a potato," he said flatly. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Kohana tilted her head, tail swaying behind her. "Well, you do kind of give off 'root vegetable in denial' vibes."
Haruto groaned into his hands.
"Seriously though," Kohana continued, "you know our village elder isn't going to let you stay forever, right? She's not exactly a fan of the title 'Maou.' Last one burned three mountains, turned a river into beef stew, and insulted her tea set."
That… did sound vaguely like something Haruto would accidentally do.
Haruto blinked, coming out of potato mode.
"…Wait. Yeah. That's right. If I'm the new Maou, where's my castle? Or fortress? Or evil staff with glowing eyeballs? Don't I get anything from the previous Maou? Like… a starter army? A demon dog? A spooky cloak?"
He suddenly stood up, panic rising in his eyes.
"…OH NO. I just realized something huge."
Kohana leaned in. "Yeah?"
Haruto dramatically pointed to his own head.
"WHERE ARE MY HORNS?! I literally look exactly like I did in Japan!"
Kohana's eyes went blank.
"…Japan?"
"Yeah!" Haruto said proudly. "It's a country. Where I'm from."
Kohana slowly blinked. "Sounds fake, but okay."
Haruto pointed at the sky. "Blame that bubble-tea-drinking dimension god-child who dropped me here like leftover laundry!"
Kohana chuckled. "You're a magnet for cursed nonsense, aren't you?"
She shook her head. "I wasn't even born when the last Maou caused chaos, so I don't know much. But if anyone can tell you what happened to the Maou legacy, it's the village chief."
Haruto froze.
Sweat instantly exploded from his back like a broken faucet.
"…The shoe-throwing loli?"
Kohana smiled sweetly. "Yep. Lady Nerimaru, Destroyer of Tea Sets, Keeper of Holy Footwear."
Haruto's voice cracked. "Y-You think she'll help?"
"Probably not. But you can try."
He stared at her like she'd just told him to fight a dragon using a sock.
"…Will you escort me to her? I don't want to be assassinated by sandals before breakfast."
Kohana stretched her arms overhead. "Sure. We can try. Maybe she's in a less throw-y mood today."
From across the room, a soft groan echoed.
Yue, now floating midair upside down like a bored bat, looked over at Haruto with dead eyes.
"You are, without a doubt, the most useless potato—I mean, Maou-sama—in the entire recorded history of Belveria."
Haruto opened his mouth.
She vanished into mist before he could respond.
He stood in silence, pointing at the spot she'd disappeared from.
"…She said 'potato' on purpose that time."
Kohana patted his back. "You will get used to it."