This morning was... unusual.
At least, that's what Haruto told himself as he gently swayed back and forth.
Not on a hammock.Not in a cozy tent.Nope.
He was hanging upside down from a tree by what appeared to be a glowing magical vine, arms flopped like a lifeless scarecrow, face staring down at the forest floor with the deadest anime expression known to mankind.
His voice was devoid of life.Devoid of hope.Devoid of emotional connection to the situation.
"…Can someone," he mumbled, swinging side to side like a sad wind chime,"…explain what kind of isekai morning bonus stage this is?"
On the ground below, Kohana stood in panic mode, both arms flailing as she looked up at the scene.
"W-Wait! Haruto, don't move! I think it's tightening when you swing!"
"Too late," he replied flatly, "I've already given up on joy."
And nearby—
On a rock throne of judgment, clutching her sides, Yue the Phantom NEET was laughing so hard she had tears in her ghost eyes.
"BWAHAHAHAHA!!""Who—who would've thought?! Day three of the Maou journey: captured by spirit monkeys!!"
"Glad you're enjoying this," Haruto mumbled as he spun slowly in midair, "because my brain has decided to un-install."
Around the base of the tree, the culprits were gathered:A dozen gremlin-sized spirit monkeys with big ears, wild eyes, and mischievous grins—each wearing leafy loincloths and tribal paint like jungle hooligans.
One held a stick.Another held Haruto's belt like a trophy.
They were definitely the ones responsible.
And judging by their excited chittering…
They were enjoying the show.
"Ook!""Ook-ook!"[Translation: Bring out the banana ball! Let's play another round of 'Smack the Human'!]
Haruto let out a slow sigh as one monkey launched a small coconut at his forehead.
BONK.
"…I'm beginning to think this world hates me."
Kohana was frantically digging through her pouch.
"There's gotta be something in here for monkey curses—monkey curses—why is that even a thing?!"
Yue wiped her eyes, still cackling.
"This is what peak magical leadership looks like. Glorious. Inspiring. Banana-flavored downfall."
Haruto blinked slowly, now rotating midair like a depressed rotisserie chicken.
"If I ever get powers, the first thing I'm doing is haunting YOU."
"I'm already dead," Yue replied smugly and crossing her hands.
"THEN I'LL DOUBLE-HAUNT YOU!"
Haruto dangled from the tree like a cursed fruit of suffering, still swaying gently as the spirit monkeys chanted and danced around their banana bonfire.
He raised his head weakly, attempting diplomacy.
"Okay, listen up, monkey militia. We don't have to do this. Let's talk. We're all sentient creatures here, right? We can build a peaceful dialogue based on—"
One monkey threw a nut at his forehead.
BONK.
"…Okay, never mind, this is literally Planet of the Apes meets magical fever dream."
From the peanut gallery, Yue's voice echoed from her perch.
"I give this episode 5 out of 5 bananas. Please continue, this is the best scene I've ever witnessed." Yue said with almost crying from laughing.
Haruto rolled his eyes mid-swing.
"Kohana. Help. Please. Before I get turned into jungle stew."
Kohana, now very visibly over it, stomped forward with furrowed brows.
"I tried talking to them. I tried offering fruit. I even bowed. Time to do this the shrine maiden way."
She planted her feet, summoned glowing spirit energy into her legs, and lined herself up beneath Haruto.
"K-Kohana…?" Haruto squinted. "What exactly is 'the shrine maiden way'?"
"Air-exorcism."
"Wait that's not—"
BOOM.
With a divine shout and a glowing yellow burst, Kohana leapt into the air and delivered a magically enhanced rocket kick directly to the base of the vine.
It worked.
Sort of.
The vine snapped.
The monkeys screamed.
And Haruto?
Haruto didn't fall.
He flew.
W H O O O S H
His body launched skyward like a cursed missile, spinning into the distance with the grace of a stunned fish.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—"
He vanished into the horizon with a twinkle.
Kohana blinked, still hovering in the air with one foot out.
"...Oh no."
Yue blinked twice from her rock, then slowly said:
"Did you just blast the Maou into orbit?!"
Kohana turned pale. "I-I think I used too much ki!"
The monkeys applauded wildly.
[Translation: 10/10 launch. Do it again!]
Yue stood up, brushing herself off.
"Well," she muttered, "time to go find the idiot missile before he ends up stuck in a tree… or married to one."