The convenience store was absurdly bright tonight.
It wasn't just fluorescent—it was like the heavens themselves had descended through busted ceiling panels and declared,
"BEHOLD, HARUTO. THY MICROWAVABLE MEAL AWAITS."
The instant ramen aisle glowed like a sacred temple. The ready-meal shelf let out a soft angelic choir. Somewhere, a spotlight shone directly onto a hamburger steak bento with demi-glace sauce. Destiny had chosen.
Wrapped in his oversized hoodie, hair unbrushed like a wild raccoon who had given up on life, Haruto Kisaragi (22, unemployed, formerly famous, currently regretting existence) stood in line. His eyes were dead. His soul had long since left the building.
"…Five hundred and eighty yen," the clerk muttered, half-asleep.
"Ah. Right."Haruto handed over a crumpled thousand-yen note with the tragic elegance of a fallen aristocrat at his lowest point.
He shuffled out of the convenience store like a cursed NPC stuck in a depression loop.On his way past the automatic doors, he glanced at a giant digital billboard flashing ads for his old idol duo: 2HEARTZ, now rebranded as 1HEART with his former partner smiling like the betrayal wasn't real.
"New single out now! We Don't Need the Dead Weight!"
Haruto stared.He blinked.He sighed.
"…It's like the universe is taunting me."
And just as he muttered those fateful words—
Reality betrayed him.
The sidewalk disappeared.The ground twisted into glowing rings of kanji and nonsense text.An interdimensional loading screen opened under his feet.
"WH-WHAT THE—?! IS THIS GARBAGE RNG?!"
Haruto screamed as gravity did a backflip, his prized bento flying from his hand in slow motion like a tragic anime death scene.
He fell.
Not metaphorically. Not emotionally.
Literally.
He was falling.
Falling through what could only be described as the world's worst animated loading screen. Neon kanji spun in the void like slot machines. Error codes blinked in midair:
[WORLD TRANSFER EXCEPTION: FILE "HUMAN_HARUTO.EXE" NOT FOUND]
"What kind of isekai uses DEBUG MODE?!" Haruto screamed, spinning helplessly.
The wind rushed around him, though there was no wind. The laws of gravity were currently being re-negotiated by cosmic lawyers. At one point, a pixelated sloth floated past holding a sign that read:
"WELCOME TO DIMENSIONAL IMMIGRATION—PLEASE WAIT."
Just when Haruto thought he'd gone completely insane, he slammed—belly first—onto something soft, springy, and deeply confusing.
"…A futon?"
He groaned and opened his eyes.
It was not a futon.
It was a floating hammock suspended in a cosmic nothingness, gently swinging between two orbiting moons. Sitting in it, sipping on bubble tea, was a smug little kid with messy golden hair, mismatched red and blue eyes, and a hoodie covered in brass gears.
"Yo," said the kid.
Haruto sat up like a dying cat. "Who the hell are you?! Where the hell am I?! And where the hell is my bento?!"
The kid slurped his drink obnoxiously.
"Name's Riru Roku. I'm kinda-sorta a god. You got sucked into my backdoor teleport gate. My bad."
"…You what?"
"I left the portal open. It happens! You were standing right on top of the bug zone. Super rare. You should gacha-roll."
"GACHA ROLL MY ASS!!"
Haruto jumped to his feet—well, floated angrily—and pointed. "I didn't sign up for this! I didn't die! I didn't even finish dinner!"
Riru gave him a slow blink.
"Yeah… see, funny thing. That gate was one-way only. Kind of a cosmic vacuum. Can't really undo it."
Haruto's mouth hung open. "So you're saying…"
Riru took another sip of bubble tea.
"Yup. You're stuck. Congrats!"
"NOOOO!!!"
Haruto clutched his head.
"So let me get this straight… I was buying a hamburger steak bento… fell into a magical trash gate YOU forgot to close… and now I'm permanently stranded in some fantasy world?!"
"Basically, yeah."
Riru nodded, lazily rotating upside down in his hammock. His bubble tea had sprinkles. Why did it have sprinkles?
Haruto screamed into the void. "I WANT A REFUND!!"
"Sorry, no refund policy. Check the Terms of Cosmic Service Agreement."With a flick of his finger, a 200-page scroll of glowing, unreadable text unfurled in midair and slapped Haruto across the face.
"Also," Riru added, "you technically clicked 'I Agree' when you said 'What the hell is this garbage?' earlier."
"That wasn't consent, that was screaming!!"
"Same difference."
Haruto dropped to his knees in the sky-floor of nothingness. "No… no, no, no. This isn't how it's supposed to go. I'm supposed to get hit by a truck. Or get summoned with a hot princess saying, 'Oh, brave hero, we need you!' Not… this low-budget cosmic back alley!"
"Yeah, sorry. Hero slots are full. You just missed the last one. Lucky guy got triple S-rank blessings and a talking sword."
Haruto glared up. "Then send me back!"
"Can't. Portal's closed. Universe would implode. But hey—good news! You still get an entry bonus."
Riru clapped his hands.
A cosmic status screen blinked into view.
[New Arrival Transfer Options]
Legendary Rock of Wisdom – Unmoving. All-knowing. Literally a rock.
Demon Lord – Currently vacant. Benefits include: castle (ruins), staff (0), public image (feared/hated).
Haruto stared.
Then slowly, his lips moved.
"…What in the seven layers of isekai hell is this garbage tier selection?!"
"You want a third option?" Riru asked, eyes gleaming. "We can maybe squeeze you in as a background tree—no dialogue, seasonal shedding, occasional squirrel interactions."
"I'M NOT ROLEPLAYING AS SHRUBBERY!!"
Haruto stood up, trembling with rage, and pointed at the second option.
"FINE. I'LL TAKE THE STUPID DEMON LORD ONE."
"Whoa," Riru blinked. "Didn't even ask about cheats. Bold."
Haruto froze.
"…Wait. I can pick cheats?"
Too late.
A giant magical stamp slammed down on the screen:
[CONFIRMED – DEMON LORD ROUTE SELECTED]
"NOOOOOOOOOOO—!!!"
Riru slurped his drink one final time."Good luck. You're gonna need it."
Light exploded.
Reality rebooted.
And Haruto was suddenly very aware that he was plummeting face-first through the sky.
"WHY IS THERE NO DESCENT CUTSCENE?!"
Wind howled past his ears. Birds screamed and scattered. A fluffy cloud slapped him on the way down like it disapproved of his life choices.
Below him, the vast world of Balveria stretched out like a fantasy postcard—rolling hills, ancient ruins, sparkly rivers, and of course, the majestic Forest of Spine-Destroying Branches.
"NOOOO—NOT THE TREES, ANYTHING BUT THE TR—!!"
CRASH.
Haruto hit every single branch on the way down.
One smacked his back.Another whacked his butt.One particularly aggressive pine branch karate-chopped his pride.
By the time he landed, it looked less like a magical arrival and more like a ragdoll physics demo gone horribly wrong.
He finally thudded into the grass with a wheeze, a twig lodged in his hoodie, his body spread in a perfect "I'm-so-done" pose.
For a moment, the forest was silent.
Then…
"Transfer complete," said a disembodied voice. "Welcome to Balveria, Demon Lord Candidate Kisaragi Haruto. Please enjoy your stay. Survival not guaranteed."
Haruto groaned. "Can I uninstall reality?"
He rolled over, coughing up a leaf.
His new world smelled like damp moss and poor decisions. Magical butterflies fluttered around him like they were judging his faceplant technique.
Slowly, he sat up, trembling.
No welcome party. No cute guide. No tutorial fairy.
Just birds. Trees. Pain.
And somewhere in the distance… an ominous roar.
"…Yup," Haruto muttered. "Totally screwed."