~~~ Kaien Iburi ~~~
The Memorial Stone's polished surface gleamed, reflecting the soft morning light. Endless names were etched across it, a quiet testament to those who had given everything for the village. Among them, one stood out.
Shisui Uchiha.
Kaien squatted before the stone, arms draped over his knees, taking a slow drag from his pipe. Wisps of smoke curled lazily, pirouetting through the air. The scent of the smoldering herbs lingered, faint and comforting.
His red eyes traced the carved name, expression unreadable.
"Morning, Shisui," he muttered. "Bet you'd get a kick out of this—me actually waking up early."
The stone, as always, remained silent.
A small gust of wind rustled the leaves, carrying the scent of damp earth and fresh foliage. It smelled like those early mornings with his genin team. Fresh, familiar, and bittersweet.
Kaien exhaled another slow breath of smoke, watching as it drifted upward, shrouding the name for a fleeting moment, then dissipating into nothing.
Like Shisui had.
Like they all would.
Time passed, but some absences never truly faded. He'd stopped expecting closure a long time ago. He was left with the ghosts, tied to the spaces they'd left behind.
"Fancy meeting you here."
Kaien didn't look up. Too much of a bother.
He'd sensed Kakashi's presence the moment he'd arrived, the scarecrow's chakra as distinct as the gravity-defying mess of silver hair now coming into view at the edge of his vision.
"What, come for your standing appointment?" Kaien asked, tapping the side of his pipe to shake loose some ash. "I know, brooding doesn't look quite as cool anywhere else."
"I don't have a monopoly, but try not to copy my style," Kakashi replied, stepping closer. His single visible eye flickered over the stone before he settled beside Kaien, hands tucked into his pockets. "Didn't expect to find you here."
"Just catching up with an old friend." He looked up at the name again, reaching out to brush his fingers over it. "It's been six years now."
A beat of silence passed between them. They had both lost too many people. Too many names carved into this stone.
Kaien stood, stretching out his limbs with an exaggerated groan. "Tch. All this sentimentality. Shisui would say I'm brooding like an Uchiha."
Kakashi sighed, the weight of familiarity settling into his stance. "Lord Hokage has a mission for us."
Kaien finally glanced up, one eye open, mimicking Kakashi's lazy one-eyed stare. He exhaled one last plume of smoke before giving his pipe a lazy flick, sending the embers scattering like tiny fireflies before he snuffed it out.
"But I'm busy."
Kakashi gave a half-shrug. "You know how it is. Enjoy the quiet while it lasts."
"Don't wanna."
Kakashi turned slightly, his tone losing its usual casual air. "It's about a facility. One connected to Orochimaru."
Kaien stilled.
The lazy slouch straightened ever so slightly. His fingers twitched once, then went still. The smoke curling around him dispersed, dissolving into the morning air as if it had never been there at all.
"Right," he said, voice light but lacking its usual amusement. "Guess I'd better make myself useful then."
As they walked away, the stone stood as silent as ever.
…
The team moved swiftly through the treetops, silent shadows weaving between the dense canopy of the Land of Fire. The morning sun had burned away most of the lingering mist, leaving behind the crisp scent of damp earth and pine. Birds scattered at their passing, startled by the near-soundless blur of motion.
Hop. Hop. Hop.
Kaien smiled to himself as he watched the poor saps exerting themself, jumping from tree to tree.
Kaien floated along beside them, the lower half of his body dissipated into curling smoke that carried him effortlessly through the air. Reclining midair like he was cloud watching, he exuded peak laziness, arms folded behind his head, his smoldering pipe held loosely between his lips.
"You're an affront to every shinobi who has ever trained their legs," Tenzo muttered, adjusting his pace to keep ahead of the smoke trailing in Kaien's wake.
"Legs, what do I need those for?"
"You could use them to walk off a cliff," Yugao riposted, her tone dry.
"Jealous much?" Kaien shot back, stretching in the air as if his body weren't currently defying gravity.
Anko clicked her tongue. "No, Yugao's right. It's disgusting how smug you look right now. If you're gonna be a floating menace, at least be useful. Scout ahead or something."
Kaien placed a hand over his chest, feigning deep offense. "You wound me, Anko-chan. And here I was making sure your mesh netting was holding up to all that abuse!"
Anko's smirk was sharp as a kunai. "Oh, I'll show you some abuse."
"Kakashi, Anko-chan's being mean again!"
Yugao sighed, shaking her head. "Enough. We reach the perimeter soon. Keep your focus."
The group fell into a more professional silence, though Anko was still giving Kaien the occasional side-eye, likely debating whether to throw a kunai at his smug face.
Kakashi finally closed his book, slipping it away as he spoke. "Final check-in. Diversion team will engage the guards, keep them occupied. Kaien, you slip in, get the intel, and sabotage anything critical, and burn the place down."
Kaien gave a lazy thumbs-up. "Stealth, mischief, and destruction. All my best qualities."
"Try not to be to let the destructive part get out of hand again," Tenzo added.
Kaien smirked. "No promises."
Kakashi sighed but didn't push it further. "We'll be in position within the hour. Adjust accordingly."
The shift was immediate. Their playful banter settled, and their movements became sharper, more precise. The team moved as one, cutting through the trees toward their target.
Kaien's smoke curled tighter around him as his expression sobered. The real work was about to begin.
~~~ Anko Mitarashi ~~~
Kaien gave a lazy two-finger salute before dissipating into the dusky evening air, his smoke form vanishing into the shadows beyond the treeline. Anko watched him go, rolling her eyes. "There he goes, merrily jaunting off to commit war crimes."
Kakashi flipped a page in his book. "He's got real talent."
Tenzo exhaled. "Alright, let's keep the guards occupied."
Anko idly flipped a kunai between her fingers as they approached the facility's perimeter. The compound was nestled within a clearing, fortified walls half-hidden by creeping vines and damp moss. A cluster of sentries patrolled the grounds, their movements disciplined. No sloppy bandits here.
Good. I was getting bored.
Yugao walked up beside her, critically eyeing the nearest watchtower. "They're well-coordinated. Not your average mercenaries."
"Means we get to improvise," Anko murmured, a slow grin curling her lips.
Kakashi, perched lazily on a branch above them, snapped his book shut. "Alright. Diversion phase. No rushing, just keep them busy. Professionals or not, we just need to buy a quarter-hour at most."
Tenzo exhaled, adjusted his pilfered sound village hitai-ate, and dropped toward the sentries below.
Anko and Yugao watched in amusement as he approached the guards without a hint of hostility, arms crossed behind his back in a perfect imitation of a ranking officer.
"Gentlemen!" Tenzo called out, striding forward with a crisp, authoritative tone. "I have urgent business with your commanding officer."
The guards immediately stiffened, hands moving toward their weapons. "Who the hell are you?" one of them demanded.
"A man on a very tight schedule," Tenzo replied flatly. "Unless you want your superior breathing down your neck for delaying classified operations, I suggest you cooperate."
Anko had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. Yugao sighed, adjusting her grip on her sword.
One of the guards narrowed his eyes. "We weren't told about any visitors."
Kakashi landed casually beside Tenzo, nodding sagely. "Ah, classic. Upper brass not telling the boots on the ground anything. I sympathize. Really, I do."
The guards hesitated as Yugao and Anko arrived as well. Kakashi radiated authority when he wanted to, his demeanor half bored, half 'I'm too important for this.' It made people second-guess themselves.
"Look, fellas," Kakashi continued, rubbing the back of his head. "We're just here to do our jobs, same as you. The quicker you let us waste some time here, the quicker we're out of your hair."
One of the guards snorted. "You trying to slack off?"
Anko grinned. "We prefer the term 'strategic loitering.'"
That got a chuckle. The guards weren't completely dropping their guard, but they weren't reaching for weapons anymore either. Good enough.
Minutes stretched on, the team casually feeding the conversation, throwing in just enough nonsense to keep things rolling. Kakashi was vaguely complaining about bad mission logistics. Tenzo had somehow gotten two of them debating over the best kind of ration bars. Anko was flipping her kunai like she had all the time in the world.
It had been about ten minutes when Yugao shifted slightly. The subtle cue was all they needed.
Oh shit, why're there so many—
Everything exploded.
A section of the facility erupted in a plume of black fire and shrapnel, followed by outrageously large, flaming toadstools sprouting from the ground. They pulsed grotesquely before igniting in a chain reaction of massive explosions.
The guards turned in sheer horror as their fortress was consumed by giant, burning mushrooms. Floating in the mushroom cloud was an unnecessary sign of Kaien's success.
༄༅༄༅ ヽ( •_)ᕗ ༄༅༄༅
"...What the fuck?" one of them whispered.
Kakashi crossed his arms. "Oh. That's unfortunate."
Tenzo sighed. "Paperwork's going to be a nightmare."
Anko grinned, hands on her hips. "Welp, looks like your boss won't be taking visitors after all."
Yugao cleared her throat. "We should go."
The guards, still too stunned by the absolute absurdity behind them, didn't even react as the four shinobi melted back into the forest, leaving them to process the scorched remains of their now non-existent base.
~~~ Kaien Iburi ~~~
~~ Minutes Before ~~
Kaien drifted through the air in his smoke form, a lazy wisp of darkness weaving its way through the gaps in the fort's defenses. No alarms, no hurried footsteps, just the usual ambient murmur of guards none the wiser.
Typical Mooks.
Slipping through a ventilation shaft, Kaien let himself reform in a dimly lit storage room, landing lightly on his feet. He exhaled, relighting his pipe with a small ember of chakra before making a quick sequence of handsigns.
He took a long drag.
A fluttering swarm burst from his lips, ash moths, tiny glowing embers shaped like delicate insects. They flittered through the cracks beneath the door, vanishing into the dark corridors beyond. Kaien closed his eyes, waiting.
Pop. Pop. Pop.
Each one burst soundlessly, releasing bursts of sensory feedback straight to his mind. He smirked.
Four guards near the west hall. Two researchers in a lab with a vault in the in one of the walls. No obvious administrative room, but the lab looked like the whole kit and caboodle.
Easy raid, easy life.
He stretched, cracked his neck, and then with a casual flick of his wrist, slammed his palm onto the floor.
Bamf!
A plume of smoke erupted in front of him, swirling into a shape.
A small, plump mushroom creature materialized, its large cap wobbling slightly as it looked up at him with glowing, ember-like eyes. Its wooden body curled like an old tree stump, and a faint trail of spores drifting into a tail from its stalk.
It blinked once.
𓍊𓋼 ( ﾟｰﾟ)ノ 𓋼𓍊
Kaien grinned. "Wassup, Bella. We got a lab to wreck."
The mushroom was here for it.
𓍊𓋼 (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ 𓋼𓍊
"That's why you're my favorite. Let's get moving."
Kaien and Fun Guy slipped out into the corridor, moving through the base like silent phantoms. The moths had already given him the layout, making the journey smooth as he avoided patrols with lazy efficiency. The lab was just ahead.
Inside, two scientists were muttering over notes, oblivious to their approaching demise.
Kaien strode in like he owned the place, giving them a lazy wave before exhaling a thick cloud of smoke into the air. Before they could react, the smoke curled around them, draining their consciousness in moments.
"Sleep tight, nerds."
He rifled through the scattered documents, pulling what looked important before stuffing them into his vest. This appeared to be one of Orochimaru's labs researching natural energy. Maybe this would help in getting that pervert's hicky off of his Anko-chan.
Maybe she'll reward me, hehehehehe.
Bella waddled up beside him, tilting its cap toward the unconscious researchers.
𓍊𓋼 (ʘ‿ʘ)🔪☠️❔ 𓋼𓍊
"Nah, don't kill 'em. They might be useful later. I'll bring them with us."
Bella made a disappointed little spore puff.
Kaien ruffled its cap. "C'mon, time for the fun part. You ready?"
𓍊𓋼 (⩾﹏⩽) 𓋼𓍊
The mushroom creature's tiny face scrunched in concentration before it shuddered violently, releasing a thick mist of spores. The walls, floor, and ceiling pulsed as the fungi took root, massive stalks pushing out of the ground, growing in seconds.
Kaien stepped back, watching the transformation with satisfaction.
"Alright, buddy. Make it pretty."
𓍊𓋼 ~(°▽°)~ 𓋼𓍊
The mushroom twitched once, then detonated, sending a ripple through the entire compound as the spores ignited, consuming everything in a chain reaction of black flame.
Kaien smirked, dissolving into his smoke form just as the first explosions started. Tossing the nerds over his shoulders, he was off.
Time to go.