KAIEN IBURI
Bursting into the detention center, Kaien heard a scream suddenly cut off.
In a few blinks, he stood within the interrogation room.
He was too late.
Before him lay the still-warm bodies of the eggheads whose heads had been cracked like… well, eggs.
It'd been close, but 'close' only counted in horse shoes and exploding tags. And fireball jutsu. And poisonous clouds. And… Ahem, anyway, not the point.
The point was, he was too late and someone had silenced the detainees before his questions could be answered.
But he wasn't too late to capture the assassins.
Best hop to it, then.
He exhaled, and his body exploded into a spiralling torrent of smoke as he streaked down the hallway.
They were clearly expendable tools, competent but disposable. Their shinobi craft was good, and they could've slipped away from most, but he was just better at this.
In moments, he had caught up to the two figures slipping silently down the dim corridors of T&I.
Reconstituting his upper body, he weaved a few quick handsigns, puffed his cheeks, and blew. The hallway quickly filled with something invisible that definitely wasn't air, and probably broke a few village statutes.
What the fogies don't know, won't inconvenience me.
He willed the undetectable cloud to center on the two shinobi, then slapped his hands against the ground. In response, a thick stone slab launched from the floor to the ceiling further down the hallway, cutting off the assassins' escape route.
They whipped around, shuriken and kunai with exploding tags flying.
It all passed through Kaien's gaseous body, clattering on the floor behind him. The explosion caused his body to billow briefly before reforming.
The two gave each other the briefest of glances, then one began to rapidly fire through hand signs while the other charged.
Kaien recognized those signs and smiled to himself.
The charging shinobi drew a tanto in an approximation of an iado quickdraw as he arrived in front of him. Kaien let it pass through him as well, maintaining his smokey form, just as the attacker intended.
Down the hall, the long ranged attacker finished their sequence and drew in an enormous breath to fuel a powerful wind jutsu.
Then things went sideways for the pair.
From the very beginning, he'd been breathing in Kaien's special mix of methane, laughing gas, and friends. He wasn't aware he hadn't been receiving any new oxygen, or that a paralytic was accumulating in his body.
So, that deep breath did not precede an attack as intended. Instead, the man giggled, coughed, then crumpled to the ground unconscious.
Kaien looked at the lone conscious attacker that had been 'forcing' him to maintain a gaseous body that was vulnerable to powerful wind jutsu.
He painted a concerned look across his face and inquired.
"Ara, your friend fell asleep. Have you two not been getting enough rest?"
His only response was another slash, this time with fire chakra coating the blade.
Once again, Kaien stood there and let it slip through his body.
"Don't you know it's dangerous to swing that around, you could poke my eye out!"
His arm snaked out and grabbed the blade. A quick application of chakra, and the metal heated, turning a brilliant white.
A sizzling sound was briefly heard before the man dropped the blade.
His back was blocked by the stone wall and Kaien's lingering gas cloud. His front by a pain-in-the-ass elite Jonin that he couldn't seem to hit.
The agent did as the Foundation taught.
Kaien felt it just before it happened. A rapid concentration of chakra forming in the man's skull, then the world was turned red in an explosion of bone and meat.
A moment passed.
Kaien looked down at his gore covered body and clicked his tongue.
"Gross."
He shifted to smoke, and the human viscera dropped to the floor.
Reforming, he turned around to see Ibiki Morino and some T&I mooks turn the corner and glance at the mess he'd made in the hallway.
"You're late."
Kaien strode down the hall, inhaling his gas cloud as he went. He crouched over the unconscious form and slapped a seal onto his forehead.
He turned and looked back at the gathered shinobi.
"His chakra's been restricted. Don't lose this one."
HIRUZEN SARUTOBI
The rooftop of the Hokage Tower was quiet, save for the rustling of Konoha's leaves and the hushed murmuring of villagers going about their daily lives below.
Hiruzen had enjoyed sitting here to smoke and watch over the village for his entire reign. It was a daily reminder of his purpose, and the reason for the village's founding.
Of the Will of Fire.
A sacred duty. Something he had been tasked with protecting and handing down to the future generations.
A task that had grown ever heavier as age caught up with him.
I've grown far too old for this.
A puff of smoke rose from his pipe, forming into a leaf. He smiled, watching it dance in the wind.
A mushroom shaped smoke cloud appeared beside it, turning to reveal an adorable face.
An adorable face that had struck fear into hundreds of seasoned shinobi over the past decade.
Chomp!
The Hokage sweat dropped.
I hope that isn't a sign of things to come.
"Yo, gramps. Still smoking that weak stuff?"
Hiruzen glanced toward the voice. Sitting, or more accurately, lounging, beside him was one of the strongest supports of the village. And one of the biggest pains in his back.
Kaien was slouched on the bench, elbows propped on its back and head tilted to look up at the sky. Smoke trailed from his lit pipe, expressive faces fading in and out of view in the clouds as the boy played.
Based on the scowls, tick marks, and table flips, it appeared Kaien was not in his usual calm mood.
Perhaps he needs a grandfatherly figure this morning. Yes, that's likely.
"Good morning, Kaien."
The boy slouched even harder.
"That's just, like, your opinion, old man."
Hiruzen chuckled. He reached to his other side, where a cast iron tea kettle sat beside a few cups. He channelled some chakra into the pot, bringing the water to a whistling boil. Placing some tea leaves in a cup, he poured some for Kaien and extended it towards him.
"So it is, so it is. Have some tea and chat with this old man, my boy."
Kaien lazily turned his head, which was still reclined over the back of the bench. He gazed at the old man with dead fish eyes.
They stayed that way for a few moments, Kaien looking at him and the tea extended out in silent invitation.
With one last puff, Kaien removed his pipe, flicked the ashes out, and tucked it away.
"Sure, haven't had any leaf juice in a while. I'll share a cup with you."
Kaien took the offered cup, sniffed it once, twice, then took the scalding drink like a shot. Hiruzen looked on, his smile wooden.
"Don't give me that look. It's the only way I can get this dirt water down."
That's among the finest the Land of Tea has to offer. Has all the smoking ruined this brat's taste buds!
Cough. Cough.
"Yes, well, what troubles you, Kaien?"
Kaien subtly shifted, sitting a bit straighter. That meant this was serious.
"I think you know. Someone from the village is sending people off to Orochimaru."
Hiruzen's face fell. Orochimaru. That moment of weakness will haunt him to his grave.
Looking at the boy, it was apparent how heavily his former student's cruelty and madness had affected him. The irreverence, the smoking, and the more troublesome eccentricities… This boy, who he'd be relying on to protect the village, was damaged, and Hiruzen knew he wasn't without blame.
He sighed, leaning back himself.
"Yes, I read that report this morning. It was a real failure to allow the witnesses to be silenced. You did us a favor in taking one of the assailants alive."
Kaien quirked an eyebrow.
"It was more than that. Whoever is involved found out about the leak and had the eggheads killed within the hour. This stinks, gramps. Someone high up is involved."
It was true. Someone with many eyes and ears, a position with high clearance, or both, was involved in this. There aren't many it could realistically be.
Homura and Koharu were troublesome but loyal, and they hated Orochimaru.
Shikaku Nara, the Jonin commander, had the means and opportunity. But, honestly, no one would have ever caught on if that man really turned his mind against the village.
Danzo… No, it couldn't be.
I can trust Danzo. He has the best interest of the village in mind.
But, hadn't he attempted multiple assassinations and run the Root for all those years? That would explain things. But no, that was impossible.
I can trust Danzo. He has the best interest of the village in mind.
Hiruzen scratched his chin thoughtfully. Whoever it was, it couldn't go on. The village can't tolerate actors like this collaborating with traitors like Orochimaru.
"I'll get to the bottom of it, Kaien. You have my word."
The boy looked at him. Really looked. Then slowly nodded.
"Ok."
With that, Kaien withdrew his pipe, and the two sat in silence as they took turns one-upping each other's smoke creations.
...
KAIEN IBURI
It was called the Land of Fire.
The sweltering heat settling over the sun-drenched streets of Konoha lent credence to the name. Kaien wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead as he strode down the main street of the village.
Despite the heat, the marketplace was lively and humming with the usual end-of-day shuffle.
Kids darted past, furiously flinging paper shuriken and kunai. An unfortunate cat yowled as a shuriken pinged off the back of its head, collateral damage in the children's epic battle.
The killer kitten launched itself, claws out, to tear the face off the oblivious munchkin. It soared through the air, unwittingly passing just by Kaien's shoulder.
A shoulder upon which Bella was wobbling in excitement, cheerfully observing the children at play.
Thump.
The now doubly-unfortunate cat flopped to the ground, a smoking knot forming on its head from the gentle bop Bella had dished out to defend the pint-sized menace.
Kaien walked on, unmoved by the entire drama.
"You're such a sucker for those snot-nosed gremlins."
𓍊𓋼 乁( ◔ ౪◔)「 𓋼𓍊
A rosy hue was present on Bella's cheeks as she watched the retreating children with stary eyes.
It was clear she wanted one as a pet.
"I swear, if you ever bring one of those feral things home, I'm not taking care of it. You'll have to be the one to feed it, water it, and take it out for walks."
𓍊𓋼 Σ('◉⌓◉') 𓋼𓍊
A critical hit.
Bella shivered at the idea of being responsible for keeping something so fragile alive. Quickly, she turned her attention to a nearby cicada, dreams of pet ownership already abandoned.
Kaien snorted. "Yeah, that's what I thought."
They turned the corner and ambled past the outer wall of the Academy. The place was a racket. Dozens of shrill voices laughing and yelling, one kid wailing like he'd just flunked a shinobi spelling test. The gates were wide open and the little goblins were pouring out like puss from a popped pimple.
Eww.
Parents were waiting just beyond the gateway, arms wide open, voices warm. One dad caught his killer-in-training mid-run and spun her around like they'd been reunited after years apart.
Kaien slowed.
Bella didn't say anything, but she was clearly enjoying the familial scene.
His eyes flicked over the various families, full of warmth and normalcy. A mom crouched down to adjust her son's sandals. A chunin ruffled his little brother's hair, sportingly listening to a dramatic retelling of a legendary game of dodge-the-shuriken.
He turned away before he could think too long about it.
Bella's cap twitched.
Then she tapped on his cheek and pointed off to the side.
There, half-hidden beneath the long shadow of a tree cast by the late afternoon sun, a lone swing creaked back and forth.
Naruto.
He wasn't crying. Wasn't scowling. Just… staring.
He was quiet in a way Kaien rarely saw. His feet dragging soft furrows in the dirt. Eyes glued to the other kids.
Watching the families.
Kaien clicked his tongue.
"Nope."
He turned away only to see Bella floating into his vision, silent but insistent.
𓍊𓋼 (｡•́︿•̀｡)っ🤍 𓋼𓍊
"Don't."
She pulled out the big eyes.
𓍊𓋼 ٩◔̯◔۶ 𓋼𓍊
"No, stop it!"
She added the sparkles.
𓍊𓋼 ✨(ಥ﹏ಥ)✨ 𓋼𓍊
Kaien sighed long and loud, like a man preparing to wade into a minefield with no map.
"You're a bleeding heart."
Bella didn't disagree.
𓍊𓋼 (ᵔωᵔ)و ̑̑ 𓋼𓍊
He adjusted his haori and turned towards the swing, marching forward like a man to his own funeral.
"Alright, you win. But if he starts crying, you are the one hugging him."
𓍊𓋼 (≖ω≖)ゞ 𓋼𓍊
She accepted the mission nobly, ready to fall on that snot covered grenade.
…
Kaien slowed as he approached the swing, smoke curling from the corner of his mouth in lazy spirals.
Bella reached out and grabbed his pipe, snuffing it out before putting it back.
Tch.
Naruto didn't look up. He just kept dragging little trenches into the dirt with his sandals, lost in thought.
"Yo," Kaien said, with a comfortingly flat and unemotional tone.
Bella greeted the boy as well.
𓍊𓋼 ⊂(◉‿◉)つ 𓋼𓍊
Naruto blinked and looked up, eyes widening in surprise, then narrowing.
"Hmmph. What do you want, Ero-Smoke-Liar-Guy?"
That brought Kaien up short.
Liar?
Bella gave him an "I don't even know who you are!" look.
𓍊𓋼 ໒( •̀□•́ )७ 𓋼𓍊
"Don't give me that look, Bella, I don't know what he's talking about!"
Naruto turned, seeing Bella, his eyes opened impossibly wide and pointed, shouting at the top of his lungs, "What the heck is that awesome mushroom! Where can I get one!"
𓍊𓋼 ＼(★ω★)/ ✨🌟✨ 𓋼𓍊
Stunned from the combination of a bellowing jinchuriki and a blindingly shining mushroom, Kaien was quick to break the current mood and get back to…
Emotionally supporting a troubled youth.
Sigh.
What has my life come to?
"Ahem. So, what was that about lying, brat? Don't besmirch my good name. I am simply Ero-Smoke-Guy."
Naruto turned back to him, a look of being wronged returning to his face.
"But you made a promise! But as soon as you saw my sexy body and got what you want from me, you went back on the deal!"
𓍊𓋼 Σ(ﾟДﾟ;) 𓋼𓍊
"Phrasing!"
Kaien frantically turned to Bella, who looked as though she may never recover from the shock of this revelation.
"I know what he's talking about, he showed me some crappy jutsu he made, and then ran off before I could show him a jutsu in return."
Naruto shot to his feet, pointing confrontationally at Kaien.
"Oi! You take that back! My Sexy Jutsu has even been able to defeat the Hokage!"
Bella and Kaien turned to look at him in unison, mirrored sweat drops falling from their brows.
This is going off the rails… quick, a distraction!
"So, that's why I've come to see ya, kid. I owe you a cool jutsu, right?"
Nod. Nod.
"Great. So, what's your chakra affinity? I have plenty of Fire, Earth, and Wind jutsu I could teach ya."
Naruto froze. He tilted his head to the side and squinted hard, as though he were rubbing two brain cells together, trying to make something spark.
"Chucker What?"
𓍊𓋼 ༼ ºل͟º ༽ 𓋼𓍊
Chuker??? Is this kid really an academy student?
Kaien coughed, covering his shock.
"Chakra affinity. Guess that means you've not been tested. Here, kid, just pump some chakra… err, that energy you use to make your jutsu… pump that into this piece of paper."
Kaien extended his arm, a piece of chakra paper having been conveniently on hand.
Naruto reached out and took it, looked up at the two of them to make sure he wasn't about to be pranked, then looked down and pulsed his chakra.
The paper was sliced in two.
"That'd be wind, kid."
A disappointed frown crashed onto Naruto's face.
"Wind! That's so lame."
Kaien smirked and reached out, ruffling Naruto's hair.
"Ever heard of an air cannon, little guy?"
A devilish look crossed man and mushroom's faces.
𓍊𓋼 ψ(｀∇´)ψ🔥🚀🚀🚀🔥 𓋼𓍊
Eyes wide, Naruto dropped into a full dogeza.
"Be my sensei!"
...
UNNAMED T&I SHINOBI
It had been a quiet shift.
He sat with his back straight, arms crossed, eyes fixed on the man strapped down on the other side of the two-way mirror.
No books, no tea, no idle chakra tricks. Just watching. Waiting.
They had the strictest of orders. Twenty-four hour surveillance. After what happened to the others, no one was taking chances.
So as one of the stronger members of the division, he had to pull overnight duty in case any more trouble showed up.
A soft click echoed from down the corridor.
Then another.
Click.
Clack.
Click.
The shinobi straightened instinctively.
An old man in a high-collared cloak turned the corner. His pace was unhurried.
His cane tapped gently against the stone with each step.
The guard stood to attention and bowed. "Ah. Elder Shimura. How can I help you this evening, sir?"
Danzo's only eye settled on him. So cold.
"What have we learned?" the elder asked, voice rasping like old paper.
"Nothing so far," the shinobi replied promptly. "The seal on his tongue's holding tight. Inoichi was called out on an emergency this morning, but he'll be back tomorrow and we think he can bypass it."
Danzo nodded, the barest motion.
Then smiled kindly.
"Thank you. You've done well."
He raised a hand.
The guard blinked. Just once.
The bandages shifted, and red bled into the world.
A four-pointed pinwheel turned slowly, spinning like the hands of a broken clock.
Danzo turned and walked away without another word.
Click.
Clack.
Click.
The guard stood for a moment longer, gaze unfocused.
Then he turned, unlocked the sealed door, and entered.
Inside, the prisoner remained restrained. Unconscious.
He approached.
The man was breathing slow and steady.
He placed a hand over the man's mouth and pressed.
A minute passed.
He was breathing no more.
The shinobi stepped back out, resealed the door, and returned to his chair.
He sat down, crossing his arms.
And kept watch for any attempts on the prisoner's life.
They couldn't lose this one.