The Mercenaries of Mayhem had faced many challenges before—burning forests, angry mobs, flaming rat kings—but this was their biggest (and dumbest) job yet.
Stealing a possibly fake elixir from a definitely real dragon.
Evelyn, being an intelligent person, was not coming with them.
"Wait, you're not coming?" Bob asked as they prepared to ascend the mountain.
Evelyn chuckled, standing beside her guards. "Oh, no. I have no intention of being roasted alive."
Jim gestured to the team. "But we do?"
Evelyn gave them a pleasant smile.
Derek pinched the bridge of his nose. "I hate how casual she is."
Evelyn nodded. "Good luck! Try not to die."
And with that, she turned on her heel and walked away, leaving them to their terrible fate.
Climbing the mountain was not smooth.
Bob, ever the optimist, tried to take the lead but fell into a pit trap within five minutes.
Jim kept drinking while climbing, somehow getting better at it.
Marcus, weighed down by his gear, got stuck between two rocks.
Bam nearly fell twice, but both times a conveniently placed gust of wind saved him.
Derek, the only competent one, somehow kept them all from dying.
Eventually, they reached what had to be the dragon's cave—a massive, dark entrance carved into the mountainside.
Bob grinned. "Alright! We made it!"
Jim wiped sweat off his forehead. "Huh. No dragon. That's… concerningly lucky."
Marcus squinted. "So, we just… walk in?"
Derek frowned. "No. This is too easy."
Bob, already stepping inside, waved a hand. "Relax! What's the worst that could—"
SNAP!
Bob immediately fell into another pit trap.
The group peered over the edge.
Bob groaned from the bottom. "Okay. That was unexpected."
Jim wheezed with laughter. "Oh my gods. We didn't even get past the entrance, and we're already setting off traps!"
Derek sighed. "Why are these traps here from the start?"
Bam just watched in amusement. "Majestic."
After pulling Bob out (again), they finally entered the dragon's lair.
The lair was not what they expected.
There were no piles of bones.
No scattered gold or treasure.
No ominous growling or glowing red eyes.
Instead…
There were shelves.
Filled with books.
And sitting in the middle of the cavern, on a massive, cushioned stone, was a huge, red-scaled dragon… wearing tiny reading glasses, holding a book in its claws.
The dragon slowly looked up from the pages, adjusting its spectacles.
It blinked.
They blinked.
The dragon sighed, closed its book, and rubbed its temples like a stressed-out librarian.
"Oh, great," it muttered in a deep, rumbling voice. "More idiots."
Silence.
Then Jim pointed at the dragon.
"…Why do you have glasses?"
The dragon stared at him, completely unamused.
Derek exhaled. "Oh gods, we're all going to die."