What's worse than 8 babies in 1 dustbin?
1 baby in 8 dustbins.
…
But forget that. The dustbin beside me was speaking in premium English. Heck, I would say he was speaking in Times New Roman.
I was sitting on the ground, and Erect was the same.
We both stared at the dustbin. It was a standard silver tin-can-type dustbin—the kind you see in cartoons.
"Try talking to it, my lord."
"Yeah? What do you want me to say? 'How you doing, dustbin?'"
"I am afraid I am not faring well, unfamiliar acquaintance. My situation is decidedly grim, and I must emphasize that I am not a trash can—despite my current circumstances suggesting otherwise."
The dustbin answered my question. I wasn't even talking to it.
"Circumcision, what?" Erect didn't get anything.
I sighed. I wasn't understanding well either. I had to use a Skill for this.
[ Duolingo ]
With this, I could understand every language and every word.
"It's saying it's not doing well and that it's not a dustbin. Then what are you?" I asked.
"Kindly allow me a moment to make my presence known."
The lid of the dustbin fell off, and from it, two antennas popped out.
Then a head emerged, followed by an entire body.
Erect and I both figured out what it was.
It was an alien.
And not only was it wearing white sneakers, but it was also clad in a three-piece suit with a white shirt underneath.
This alien was well-dressed.
He stepped out of the dustbin and sat on the ground with us.
"I never anticipated encountering two humans here—let alone the Hero King himself. Consider me thoroughly astonished."
"Was it your wedding today or something?" I asked.
"Oh, most assuredly not. This is simply my customary garb. You see, I am akin to you in more ways than one—I am the Sovereign of the Aliens."
My eyes widened.
"You're the Alien King?"
I shifted back from him.
Erect did the same.
"Remain at ease, Hero King, for I harbor no desire to engage in combat with you at this moment. We find ourselves ensnared in a most dire predicament, and I daresay you share in this unfortunate circumstance. Would I be correct in that assumption?"
"Stop speaking like the Queen of England. That doesn't suit you. And why are you wearing a goddamn three-piece suit in broad daylight? Where did you even find such a suit?"
"Oh, this attire serves as a symbol of my sovereignty over the alien race, esteemed human. I must say, I am quite intrigued that you possess knowledge of England. Tell me, do you hail from Earth, or have you, like us, delved into meticulous research? This suit was tailored exclusively for me—after all, is it not befitting for a man of great wealth to adorn himself in such finery?"
This guy alone will make the word count skyrocket.
"I don't care anymore. Why are you hiding here? Your continents are being attacked. Go and fight him. Save your people. Defeat that monster," I said.
"Oh, no, no. I must refrain from entangling myself with that abhorrent being. I am but a humble alien, bereft of the remarkable abilities you possess. You have already vanquished many of our most formidable warriors—surely, you are the one suited to face him, Hero King. Should you emerge victorious, I shall owe you a great debt. And our deity has yet to grant me any divine gifts, and the mere sight of that monstrous entity sends an unbearable tremor through my very being."
My face went blank.
"So you're shit scared as well."
"Indeed, that is one manner of phrasing it. Could it be that even you, formidable human, harbor trepidation?"
"Yes. I harbor trepidation, and if I fight him, I will also harbor a problem with respiration."
"Ho, ho. How amusing. You have managed to elicit a chuckle from me."
"He's calling you a hoe, my lord."
"No, he isn't. And this guy is useless. He has no Skills. Their God gave him nothing. He'll die first."
"Perish the thought, Hero King. My deity has indeed granted me a divine boon."
The alien retrieved something from the inner pocket of his suit.
"This exquisite, diminutive tome of unparalleled value."
He showed it to us.
I saw it.
Erect saw it.
Erect didn't get it, but I did.
That tome of unparalleled value, that divine boon—I recognized it.
"That's a fucking dictionary!"
"I am well aware. It is brimming with such eloquent and profound words. I derive great gratification from perusing its pages each day. You should indulge in it at least once—an experience of unparalleled corporeal euphoria awaits you."
Basically, he is saying that he masturbates to a dictionary.
"I have no interest in jerking off to words. And what kind of sick fuck gets off on a dictionary? Your god just threw you a piece of paper and called it a gift. I'd say just convert at this point."
"Do not speak so, Hero King. I am certain that my deity shall soon grant me formidable Skills befitting my station."
"I don't think so. He should have given them to you by now."
[ He will receive his Skills soon. Me and their God have agreed to collaborate until this unknown threat is eradicated. ]
I see. A temporary truce.
We both found a common enemy.
"So when you get your Skills, you'll fight that guy?" I asked.
"Oh hell naw."
I blinked.
Erect looked at me.
"This is the first time I understood what he said."
"Yeah. He's so scared he broke character."
The three of us remained seated on the ground as the Alien King adjusted his tie.
"Pray, forgive the impropriety of my earlier words, Hero King. Moreover, how discourteous of me to have neglected to introduce myself. I am Sexistrum, though many refer to me as Sexis T."
He reached out his scythe-like hand toward me.
"I'm shaking your hand only because your name resonates with me."
I shook Sexis' hand.
"I presume we are bound by a temporary truce, at least for the time being?"
"Yes. And you will soon receive your Skills. Our gods are working together as well."
"Splendid. And when the time comes for me to receive my Skills, my chest shall radiate with a brilliant white glow. Only then can we devise a means to expel this intruder. After all, it is but a lone individual."
"Yeah. If we fight together, we can handle one guy."
CLAP!
A sharp sound rang through the air, and all three of us widened our eyes.
"You shouldn't have said that, my lord," Erect whispered.
I gulped, and the three of us peeked over the wall.
The red monster was the one who had clapped, and he was looking up at the sky.
He had clapped only once, but it had been a signal.
KLACK!
A metallic sound echoed from above, and the next second, just like the massive spaceship, the smaller ships also began to open their doors.
THUMP! THUMP!
Heavy footsteps rang out—too many to count.
Sweat gathered in my palms, and soon, from all ten spaceships, hundreds of figures began pouring out.
"Racis," the Alien spoke. "The ritual we so often partake in to amuse ourselves and forge stronger comrades—I daresay the same fate now awaits us. We are about to be overpowered in unison."
"What did he say, my lord?" Erect asked, his voice trembling.
I took a deep breath and translated the alien's words into simple thesaurus.
"We are about to be gangbanged."