Whoever said that being condemned to Hell was difficult, they've never met most of the numerous Sinners that wound up in the place, it should be obvious that it was absolutely not that hard to be sent there. Years of endless poor decisions, chronic relapsing in their vices, and just by being an all around asshole is what got them eternity in Hell, showing actual consequences for their actions. Since it doesn't take much to get into Hell, it makes someone like Lincoln wonder if it's exceptionally hard for a human to meet the standards required to be accepted into Heaven.
He's met a lot of unique demons so far and has seen a lot of what Hell is usually like.
When he's having some downtime, he wonders just how the afterlife is in Heaven.
If it was as great as most devout Christians believe, or is there more to it than what he's heard. The princess of Hell's catchy jingle makes it sound like it's worth Sinners redeeming themselves over.
Lincoln would receive his answer during Blitzo's target practice on a series of used televisions. "So, you're gonna shoot at TVs?" Lincoln asked.
"Don't worry your weird snow head about it, intern." Blitzo spun his flintlock gun. "We got plenty of spares right there.."
"Does that mean you regularly shoot at appliances?"
The television was on a channel showing a commercial provided surprisingly by Heaven, making it evident that programs from Heaven can even be viewed in Hell. Standing on clouds were golden gates that opened and a small town is shown, many of the buildings feature warped and lopsided exteriors. They were colored sky blue and gold, with sky blue windows if the walls were colored gold, and gold windows for buildings colored sky blue and at the end of this town was an imposing golden gate with the Eye of Providence at its top that closed the town off from a nearby city that looked far more like a metropolis. This was Cherub Town, a location of Heaven that housed Cherubs, a species of Angels.
A light ginger-haired angelic being clad in overalls over a baby yellow shirt and white collar appeared, graciously waving. He resembled a small human child with large purple colored eyes and blush marks. Like most of his kind, he had feathery wings and a halo hanging over his head. "Howdy, all! My name's Cletus and you proved to be good enough to enter through the pearly gates for a slice of Heaven pie! Congratulations!"
Following that introduction, their own jingle started.
More cherubs appeared such as Colin, a Cherub resembling a walking talking sheep colored periwinkle posed.
Keenie, a female Cherub also looking like a sheep only with yellow colors, a dress, and purple pupils with pink irises joins in.
Cletus banded them all together.
Their business' logo appeared."
"C.H.E.R.U.B?" Lincoln questioned.
"Now this is some good target practice." Blitzo snorted. "Just look at these little shits. They run a service that only works for free, but are all about spreading love and joy. Where's a bucket when you need it? The real kicker is that it's the exact opposite of our thing. Nothing but fucking waste of time in my book." They did so in the belief that good people will spread this good will to others. "God sure broke the mold when he decided to make those little insects. All for what? To make humans surround themselves with better people and ditch their friends? Guess the good lord's not so nice." Blitzo had about enough.
The old fashioned television where the commercial was being viewed swiftly explodes after Blitzo shoots it with his flintlock pistol. "Nice shot, B!" Millie praises her boss in his impeccable aim.
"So, those were Cherubs, huh?" Lincoln surmised.
Blitzo twirls his gun with a look of contempt. "That's right, intern. Heaven's answer to us imps. A bunch of frilly little goody two-shoes that matter as much as we do down here that are all about protecting and saving and all that shit. That, and they did a huge rip-off of our jingle!"" It comes to no surprise that Blitzo has a low opinion of their angelic counterparts, their entire business is the complete opposite of what I.M.P does.
No payment required.
Blitzo always believed that if you were good at something, then capitalize off it. From a certain point of view, a company that doesn't accept money does make someone question that company's existence. "Doesn't sound that bad to me." Lincoln spoke honestly.
His boss gagged. "Ugh, please don't fall for that whole scam, kid. I bet you're thinking that such a stand up operation like that is just so generous and kind, but trust me, it's not all great times up there if all they have taken residence are judgy pricks." It's not uncommon for a human to actually believe in the whole paradise of goodwill that Heaven always tries to present itself as. But everything comes at a price, and longstanding paradise is one of them. Lincoln's beginning to understand the reality of unrepentant humans and Blitzo feels he needs another reality dose.
"What? I'm just saying. It actually feels nice knowing there is a Heaven looking out for people." Lincoln hoped there were such guardians watching over his family.
"Yeah? Where were they when that teacher went and cursed you to Hell?"
Millie gasped, aghast. "Blitz!" She knows how much her little boy hates being reminded of that day.
"Hey, how am I in the wrong here? If those uppity Heaven folk are so big on noble deeds, then just where the fuck were they, huh? For god's sake, you sure don't see any angel coming down here to drag Lincoln off, either."
That's right.
At Lincoln's hour of need, there was no divine intervention that saved him from the wrath of Stillman and when none came during the Mayberry job, that fueled some resentment in Lincoln, but he's tried to calm down since then. Setting aside the creepy looking Exterminators that Heaven sends every year for a purge of the massive residents of Hell, at least the Cherubs seem more approaching and welcoming. "Now don't you listen to him, hon." Millie smiled his way. "Personally, I consider that day the best day of my life. It was the day you came into our lives, after all!"
A weird way to put a positive spin on such a traumatic day, but Lincoln accepted it.
"Enough mushiness!" Blitzo wanted to continue with the target practice. "Give me another Mox!"
Moxxie walks while carrying another TV and swipes the remains of the last one off to place it on the counter. He turned it on to 666 News, but Blitzo wanted to see a channel that made him want to shoot. "Nah, not feeling it. Next!" he demands, pouring gunpowder into his pistol.
Nervous about being in the blast radius of the ensuing explosions, Moxxie switched to random channels that didn't pique Blitzo's trigger finger. "Keep going, try the next one, and the next." Blitzo urged and the next channel showed another commercial where an imp appeared for a commercial.
Lincoln felt some recognition. "Hey, wasn't that guy at Loo Loo Land?"
Wally Wackford, a notable salesperson that's always looking to make a profit out of just about anything he can think of, like during his brief stint as a torch vendor at the now destroyed Loo Loo Land was now in a new business venture. "I say, I say! Are you looking to get work making a lot of crazy contraptions and goofy gadgets?!" he uses his cane to pull down a circular background that looks like something out of more old cartoons and a title appears. "Well, call me at Wacky Wally Wackfords's Wacky Idea Factory! Where you make the things, and I make the money!" Wally shows up again to continue his pitch, getting close to the screen and now pleading desperately. "Please, I'm very desperate!"
Another imp trying to get by in a hellscape that expects less from his kind.
Blitzo could really relate to his plight.
That wasn't really his style, though.
"Bingo!" Grinning, he shoots and that's another TV exploding.
Millie cheers for her boss. "Whoo! You're on a roll, sir!"
"At this rate, we'll run out of TVs. You know that, right, Blitz?" Lincoln pointed out, rubbing his ears from the loud bangs.
"That's the idea!"
It was mighty impressive the Loona was able to sleep through it all, her snoring must've tuned out the explosions as she napped on her chair with a leg on the table. Her slumber became interrupted once a shaking sensation was felt throughout the office and her cup spilled. "Guys, do you feel that?" the hellhound asked, expressing a rare show of concern.
"Oh, shit! Is that a hellshake?" Blitzo inquired, more annoyed than distressed.
Lincoln turned to Moxxie, getting nervous. "That's a thing here, Moxxie?"
"Of course not, Lincoln. That's-"
Millie was more panicky than her husband, holding him tightly. "Alright! Don't panic, boys!" she urges Lincoln to stick by her side. "Just hold onto Momma, Lincoln! I'll keep you safe!"
"Millie, there's no need for any panic." Moxxie attempts to soothe her worries. "Hellquakes don't, nor have they ever happened."
Loona grabbed hold of Moxxie and shook him like a doll even though the shaking momentarily stopped. "Stop getting hysterical, fatty!" she screamed, then slapped him across the room and he hit the wall. "And Lincoln, listen to Millie, alright?!" she kneels down and protectively holds his shoulders to pull him close.
At that moment, a wrecking ball appearing to be made out of black tubes crashed through the wall and part of it crumbled on top of Moxxie, burying him. The tubes separated into two and a Sinner Demon entered through the hole. Blitzo and Millie took a cautious step back as Loona got on all fours and stood defensively in front of Lincoln, growling at the intruder. He resembled a classic supervillain ripped from the comics that Lincoln used to read back home, he had a red skinned face with a handlebar mustache, long red horns, and a prominently long red nose. A black top hat with a neon green band laid upon his head and covering his eyes were a pair of acid green goggles with dark green swirls in the lenses and a black strap on his face. His outfit was a black jumpsuit with a bright green neck piece, along with a bright green curve on his chest and stomach that forms into a question mark. He also wears red gloves, bright green boots and a blood red cape.
The tubes were in fact metal tentacles that extended from his back.
"Do not be afraid!" he told the company of assassins, plus one cursed child, with a grin.
Unfazed, Blitzo deadpanned. "Please tell me you got that insurance thing." After the whole Eddie thing from before they met Lincoln, Blitzo thought that he might as well learn about it and use it himself.
"Who are you and what do you want?!" Millie demanded, armed with a sharp black axe, in case this guy came looking for trouble and if he knew what was good for him, he won't harm Lincoln.
The Sinner slid along black loops until he struck a villainous pose between them. "I am Loopty Goopty! Dastardly inventor of all things loopy and loopish!" he sang, making the I.M.P team slightly infuriated by his off-putting nature.
"Could've just used the door, dude." Loona criticized his dramatic entrance, no longer seeing him as a threat, just another thing to ignore. "Doesn't need to be this whole thing." Way too corny for her tastes.
"I am eccentric and must therefore do eccentric shit!" Loopty explained, doing a wavy dance to further showcase his point.
Blitzo sniffed him and recoiled in revulsion. "Ugh! This old fuck reeks of the living world. Did you just die?"
"Yes!" Loopty confirmed. "Moments ago, in fact! Which is what brought me here!" he gestured to their office, shouting out his sentences.
Loona tapped on her phone, still giving her own critical opinions on his over-the-top actions. "Just saying, the front door would've gotten you here fine."
"It'll probably take weeks to fix it." Lincoln said.
"Shut up, dear furry and little lad!" Loopty held up a finger to her face, making her growl in anger.
Lincoln was there to calm her down. "Easy, Loona."
"I can't help it, Linc! This guy's about as annoying as Blitz! Doesn't help that he sort of sounds like him, too."
Loopty presented a photo of a sickly old man in bed to Blitzo, indicating him as their target. "I caught a glimpse of your sign and after ignoring the many errors, I gathered that you delved into the practice of killing still-alive humans who have wronged departed souls such as I! And so, I give you the man I'm gonna need you to ki~ll~!"
Blitzo looked at the photo. "Not even a shit's length of time in Hell and already plotting revenge?" he surmised and smiled, impressed with his drive to get payback. "I can respect a man with that sort of passion! I'm Blitz, the "O" is silent." he shook hands with their new client and Loona walked off, already having enough of Loopty's presence.
"Wha O"?" Loopty quizzically asked.
"Aww, thank you. Now what's the tea, sis?" Blitzo asked in a gossipy expression.
"The tea?"
Moxxie's arm reaches out as he struggles under the weight of the debris. "Guys, help!"
"Oh, dang! Moxxie!" Lincoln quickly rushed over and used the grimoire to levitate the debris off of him.
Blitzo clarified that he wished to know the reason why Loopty wanted this man specifically to die. "Yeah, why are we killing this guy? I mean, what did he do to you?" he slapped Loopty's stomach.
Loopty became emotional once he recounted the events leading up to his passing. "He was...my business partner! You see, I was not always an old man!" He remembered it all so vividly. Those were happier days for Loopty Goopty, the days where and his close friend would make so much money from inventing technological advancements and innovations at the cost of inhumane experiments and complete disregard for the ethical issues. "My partner, Lyle, and I ran Lyle-Loopty Robotics, a technological empire!" Back when he was in his prime, he and Lyle Lipton would stand atop the roof of their building surrounded by factories and columns spewing smoke. "Earlier today, we were testing a new machine intended to stop or reverse the aging process! It was our magnum opus!" A machine that could make it possible to prolong the life of people or make them wither away at the blink of an eye. Humanity itself would have improved so much if that machine had been used for the sake of others, but since both inventors were greedy and rich with no morals, they focused more on how it would've benefited them and those like them.
"It could've saved all three trillionaires! Unfortunately, we neglected to test the machine on the poor like we usually do. We were too sure of our own genius. But the machine was accidentally set forward! Another hiccup was that we made it too indestructible and our weak little old man arms just couldn't open the door! But, in my defense, what's the point of having led if you're not gonna use it besides poisoning the waters with it?"
Pride always tends to lead to downfall, and their own pride made them forget to make sure the thing was set to "young" instead of "old" and they made the machine a little too indestructible. "By the time we managed to get out thanks to paramedics, it was too late. At least, for me. My old heart was much too fragile, you see. As for Lyle, that fat old bastard was the only one who survived!". It burned Loopty so much that his partner had more luck, even though he was now barely clinging to life. Even so, Loopty couldn't contain his rage over how since he still lives, that means his former partner will now bask in the riches that he once had shared and amassed together with his deceased associate.
A fact that sparked Loopty Goopty wanting revenge.
"Now, that evil son of a bitch is going to take over the empire we built together! Without me to share it with him, he'll make all the goddamn money in the world, become the fourth trillionaire, and get all the credit!"
Loopty's already picturing his former partner laughing evilly as huge loads of money rains down upon him while the now Sinner Demon has to spend several lifetimes in the pits of Hell.
This was a crime Loopty Goopty wasn't going to let go.
And that is where I.M.P comes in.
After hearing the story, it was just about as karmic as any Sinner's backstory and the reasons for him wanting Lyle dead were equal amounts of petty and self-serving, not uncommon when it comes to most jobs. "Yeah, that's not really evil." Blitzo notes. The jobs where the client's reasoning for wanting someone alive and still human dead made things a bit more exciting when they go up for some murdering.
Lincoln snorts at his hypocritical comment. "Since when do you care? I thought "innocent" and "guilty" weren't our business?"
"Yes..." Moxxie groans a bit as Lincoln supports him. "At the very least, this Lyle person deserves some form of punishment for experimenting on the poor."
"Don't think I'm going soft. It sounds more fun when it's someone that really does a client dirty. The same old shit of petty squabbles gets old real fast." Blitzo replies.
"Well, it was evil towards me!" Loopty Goopty indignantly argued. "Now get your crimson asses up above and send that heartless no-good son of a bitch to Hell, where he belongs!"
Lincoln taps his chin. "Hang on. Lyle-Loopty Robotics? My little sister, Lisa, once told me about you guys. You two were the most immoral, hazardous, avaricious and disgraceful excuses of inventors in the history of technology. A great shame to the science community itself and a blight upon the world that it would be a much better place if you weren't in it." Everyone stared at Lincoln with widened eyes over the blunt description of how much of a piece of crap Loopty and his partner were. "...Those were her words, not mine."
Shaking his head, Blitzo brought up one thing Loopty should count on.
"I'm sure you know, Poopty-"
"It's Loopty!" the inventor seethes.
Blitzo puts his hands up meekly and soothes him with profound sweating, always wary of a Sinner's anger. "Yes, of course. See, even if he does end up dying at our hands, he'll still be sent down. That means you'll be stuck with him. Forever. At least until Extermination comes a calling, but if you both manage to live through the night and do so the next many years, then that's it. You and him. Forever down here.""
What Blitzo saw as a downside, Loopty Goopty saw an opportunity.
"Oh, trust me, my friend! I'm counting on it!"
Grinning maliciously, Loopty Goopty summons an array of weapons with his metal tentacles which includes several guns, a launcher, and a circular saw blade.
He positively couldn't wait for a reunion with Lyle.
It's not right that only he should spend a lifetime in Hell.
Given the long history they've had of sharing wealth, why not share eternal damnation while they're at it?
"...That's actually kinda hot." Moxxie compliments, admiring the weapons and his bloodlust.
"Now then, imps, furry, and poor child, I bid you farewell!"
Loopty cartwheels to the wall, then takes off with a jetpack that also shoots out confetti to further make his exit that much more interesting. "Even his exits have to be a whole thing." Loona groaned.
"Well, guys. You heard the cliche supervillain cosplayer!" Blitzo pours in more gunpowder and aims his pistol upwards. "We got an old geezer to put in the ground, so let's get to it, people!"
"I'll get you guys your weapons." Lincoln hoped they didn't fall off the hole.
"Nice hustle, kid! But first things first. Disguises!"
Like any job I.M.P does, going to the place where the target lives was the first step in their intricate process of assassinating a human target, who was completely oblivious to their time nearing its end. Because Lyle was a wealthy inventor, making his earnings from selling all his inventions, he lived in an expensive neighborhood that only rich people can afford. The house itself was a large mansion that was closed off from the rest of the world by gates. The team boarded a tour bus that made a stop at the mansion and Moxxie inspected it through binoculars. "Gee, I wonder who lives here." he asked with sarcasm. It's the kind of home someone wealthy as Lyle would be able to purchase and live in.
The Imps had disguises that resembled the ones they wore on the Manning job, with Blitzo being a clown again with a sock puppet covering the end of his tail. Moxxie looked like an English gentleman with a fake mustache, and Millie wore a long blonde wig with a bang covering her right eye and a straw hat. Lincoln discarded his work uniform with a simple black hoodie with orange accents and blue pants, the hood was up to hide his face..
"Look to your right, and you'll see the home of famed inventor, Lyle Lipton!" The tour bus guide directed the other passengers' eyes to the mansion.
Everyone made sounds of awe and wonder as they snapped photos with their phones.
Throwing away his shades, Blitzo smirks with eagerness. "Let's gear up, people! We found him!"
He had his trusty pistol, Moxxie armed himself with an assault rifle, Millie held two large swords, and Lincoln opened the grimoire. The three imps hopped over the fence, while Lincoln levitated himself over it.
"Time to kill this rich guy!" Millie jovially announces for all to hear and the four race over to the windows.
But the tour guide was hardly bothered by this obvious endeavor to murder a sickly old man. "What a sight! We're looking at strangers plotting to break in and kill the owner of this home! Famous people deal with this all the time!" Even the tourists weren't up to their asses in fright, seeing this as another sight to memorialize in their devices.
I.M.P hid themselves to prevent being seen by anyone on the window's other side. Moxxie peers through and sees the aged Lyle Lipton laying on a hospital bed, hooked up to various machines for life support. "Dear crumbs." his companions look to see. "Loopty really undersold the number their machine did on him." Moxxie observed, feeling a sense of pity for the man who earlier today had gone from a healthy young man to an old buzzard with barely enough energy to enjoy his own vices.
On his bed, Lyle mournfully kisses a framed photograph of money. "This is farewell, my one truest love. All the riches of the world can'ever t fill the emptiness I'm feeling now that my shitty old body is too useless to perform more accomplishments." he bemoaned, tying the IV tube into a noose.
"Aw, how nice of him! He's saving us all the work by offing himself. That's a nice twist!" Blitzo tells his employees, elated by Lyle's choice to commit suicide.
Saves them a lot of time and get the money owed to them much sooner.
Moxxie noticed that Lyle's old age was making the whole killing himself plan go at a slow pace. "Anyone else thinking we should tie it for him? His shriveled old man form is very weak."
"It's a little...sad." Lincoln frowns in some sympathy, he could never imagine someone at such a low point of their lives, that they'd forsake everything and end their own lives to make the pain end.
"Look away if you want, sweetie." Millie got them drinks and popcorn. "Mommy, daddy, and our boss-man will enjoy the show for you."
The makeshift noose was about to be put over his head, but just then, it glows in angelic white and a powerful supernatural heavenly force knocks the imps and Lincoln back, blowing Blitzo's cat sock puppet away, making him sad. Inside the mansion, the three Cherubs from the commercial float down gracefully in three rays of light and Lyle frightfully pulls his sheets up. "Oh, lord! I'm being haunted by ugly orphan children now My nightmares are real!"
"Who the fuck are they and they better be prepared for revenge for my puppet?!" Blitzo glowered.
Moxxie was the first to recognize them. "I don't believe this! Sir, those are-"
"Just call us Cherubs, Mr. Lyle!" Cletus tells the old man.
Lyle was greatly discouraged by their presence, raising a hateful fist. "I hate filthy stinking orphan children, the floaty ones exceptionally."
"We're here to convince you not to go the path of suicide, sir." Colin bowed, explaining their noble mission that had been placed on their shoulders by their superiors. "On behalf of those in Heaven benefited by your amazing inventions."
"Oh, hell to the fuck no! Don't forget-" An irate Blitzo marches through the window, shattering the glass and face-planting.
The other three enter through the door. "Lyle Lipton? It is our-" Moxxie glances at the lying Blitzo on the floor in exasperation before addressing Lyle again. "-humble opinion that you should continue the process to commit die by self-infliction."
Millie nodded and brought up many reasons why it'd be pointless for him to keep on living in the state he was in now. "Be real, what do you expect to do with your big moo-la now that you're so old and gross?"
Scorned by the arrival of a group of demons from Hell, the Cherubs stood their ground and made a counterpoint. "Is that a serious question?" Keenie said as Cletus gathered some money. "His wealth can be spread around with the people of the world! And do so much good with it! And be so fulfilled!'' She takes the money and makes it rain with it.
Lyle had other plans. "Ew! No!"
"Think of the new hospitals and schools!" Collin encouraged.
The life they were trying to save was still stubborn. "Ugh, why won't you let me die and stop hearing such atrocities?"
Blitzo appears beside him. "Sounds like you need help offin' yourself there, buddy." Lucky for him, that's what I.M.P is here for. "Moxxie, intern, what do we have for this fella?"
Lincoln hands Moxxie a vast collection of weapons for the purpose of ending lives and the imps toss them to his boss and the target. "Just the bare essentials. Assault weapons, crossbow, hunting bow, sniper rifles. old-fashioned shotgun, revolvers in three colors, chainsaws, katanas..."
"He's classier than any of that!" Colin was proven wrong when Lyle points a rifle in his mouth before the sheep cherub took it from him. "There are more than plenty of reasons to live, Mr. Lyle."
"As if. Smelling like he ain't been out of bed in months is not reason number one." Millie sniffs, winces, covers her mouth, and vomits on the floor with Moxxie and Lincoln consoling her.
"Okay, look." Lincoln took a chance to talk in a more civil manner to the cherubs. "I get you want to save a life and kudos for that. Really. But, he's not exactly what anyone can call redeeming in anyway. Much less deserving to be saved." He doesn't know who in Heaven thinks his life was worth being saved, but they must not have known about what he and his old partner did while experimenting.
"The little orphan is right!" Lyle sighs wistfully. "Oh, the screams of the poor as they were force-fed experimental chemicals just don't bring as much joy as they used to."
Clearing his throat with a disturbed expression, Cletus wasn't going to back down, not to the likes of them. "It's never too late to make up for mistakes of the past, little demon-ling! If he were to just see the beauty of the world and how it can be better improved with his brilliant mind, his tune will change in no-time flat! Love can be beautiful at any age!"
"And we'll show him the way!"
The cherubs cheer. "Yeah! We can do it!"
As for the imps. "No! Let him die!"
"...So, we're just going to keep giving him reasons to die and reasons to live until one side wins. That's what's going on here." Lincoln's hand swipe down his face. "It's official. My life has completely jumped the shark."
C.H.E.R.U.B took Lyle outside to a hill that overlooked a pristine forest and majestic lake. The sun shone its radiant waves to breathe new life into the pretty flowers as birds chirped songs on their nests, and little critters happily went about their usual routines. It was a sight that can really warm the hearts of people, and C.H.E.R.U.B were confident that it'd have that effect on Lyle. "Look around, Lyle." Cletus said, hoping to get through to what's left of his heart and see the light.. "God's gift of nature is a wonder to behold, regardless of age...or wealth!"
"If you were to end your life, you'd be missing all of this!" Collin spreads an arm throughout the sight.
Lincoln smiles a little. "It is very pretty."
"Not for long!" Blitzo intervened, now dressing up in a tiger costume. "You're really gonna buy that load of shit from a baby and the sheep it fucks, are you?" he insulted at his Heavenly counterparts.
Keenie gasped at his rude attitude. "That is so inappropriate!"
Moxxie and Millie also had feline costumes on, and Lincoln still had his previous disguise.
"Oh, kiss our ass, prude!" the sole female imp growled, showing Keenie two middle fingers.
If the cherubs think nature's such a great factor of life, then Blitzo was set to remind them everything has a darker side and being a Hellborn, he was well-versed in that area of expertise.
"Anyway..." he pushes Lyle to the side of the bed to make some room for himself. "Take it from me, a fellow genius. Nature is no picnic up close."
The imp gives Lyle binoculars to give him a better and closer view. Lyle sees a group of bunnies and squirrels who were happily napping, nuzzling, foraging, and all that jazz, until in an instant, the poor critters were savagely attacked by a pack of hungry wolves. "Oh, no!" This greatly terrified Lyle, and the only way to stop himself from being forced to watch was to just to get it over with.
"Oh, my...!" Lincoln didn't even know there were wolves near their area.
He was so glad Lana wasn't here, the more intense aspects of the animal kingdom and ways of the wild would break the little tomboy's heart, due to her love for all things relating to animals.
Collin tried to pluck the binoculars away, but Blitzo wrestled for control. "Stop looking!"
"I can't stop!" All Lyle wanted was for his life to end, and like Blitzo hoped, the imp's demonstration was doing the trick. "I've never wanted to die more than I do now!" he cried in anguish.
A bear decided to get involved , swiping a wolf to the ground and towering over the canine animal. But, the bear was soon crushed by a falling tree, cut down by a beefy logger with a chainsaw, satisfied with his work. A beehive then landed on the man's head, the bees inside attacking him for disturbing their home, making him run around in circles, even throwing his chainsaw into the air wildly. None of this was making things any easier for Lyle Lipton. The wolves, the bear, the lumberjack and finally, a rampaging stag having joined in to put an end to it all.
The mood went from peaceful to horrible so fast and quite a random way, it made the previous serenity seem like a distant memory.
Lincoln hardly believed everything turned out that way in record time.
Lyle and the cherubs froze in traumatic silence at what had transpired right in front of him, and Blitzo flashed a prideful grin, knowing his team just got their first win.
"...That escalated so fast." Lincoln muttered, covering his mouth while green.
Laughing nervously, Cletus suggested that a change of scenery was in order.
"L-Let's check out someplace else!"
Moxxie and Millie do a smug fist bump.
The joys of nature were definitely off the table. "A shopping mall?" Lincoln questioned, seeing C.H.E.R.U.B crash through the entrance, having trouble figuring just how this could get Lyle to see things their way. "What exactly do they hope to find there that will convince him not to kill himself? He can't really use any of the stuff that's sold here, anyway?" he looks at his coworkers' new outfits. "And what's with the elf and reindeer costumes?"
"You'll see soon, Lincoln." Moxxie replied, not enjoying having to dress like the creature known for pulling Santa's sleigh by being whipped. Although, it did seem oddly fitting, because of his status as the company's whipping boy. "I don't mean to sound presumptuous given that it's too early to tell, but I believe the cherubs are beginning to get a little desperate."
"For once, Moxxie, you're finally spitting out shit that makes sense!" Blitzo leads the way. "If we're lucky, the old man will off himself here. We'd be two for two in targets taken out at a mall."
"And we can pick up some churros while we're at it!" Millie claps as they go in.
Inside, Lyle looks around in apt aggravation. "Oh, lord! Where are we now?! Just let me perish!"
Cletus and his team were too tenacious to give up now. "We're here to show you another thing life is worth living for. Childhood wonderment!" Keenie motions to a corral of human children cheering for a small Santa Claus. Every kid in attendance looked so peaceful, content with their natural young lives and the positives that come with it, they displayed innocence that started to actually lift up Lyle's spirit.
"Wait, Christmas has already passed." Lincoln noted, flummoxed by the mall Santa and the Christmas sale this mall put into place.
"Cheap mall, sport." Blitzo whispered. "They like to pull gimmicky stunts to reel in buyers."
For the first time in today, Lyle felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. "Why, look at those sweet diseased-ridden vermin." he marveled, still making his dislike of kids apparent. "Their joy comes from innocence, unspoiled by the burdens of adulthood, and their mid-class existence." Without those, they were free to play around and eat their own boogers. "Such simple joy they have. It is inspiring. Thank you for showing me this."
He tells this to the pleased C.H.E.R.U.B, seeing that they had achieved their objective.
But being the incorrigible little imp that he was, Blitzo ruined it.
"Hey, dipshit!" Blitzo announces to the kid positioned on Santa's lap. "Wanna see just whose lap you're sitting on?!"
Ripping off the red robe, Blitzo reveals the Mall Santa to be a grossly overweight adult male in his underwear with a gnome hat and a shirt that didn't fit him, he made a rather disturbing sound when his true appearance was shown. All the little children's happiness washed away and ran away in fright from the man that just crushed whatever innocence they had left.
"Santa's evil!"
Lyle bawled like a baby, forcing the cherubs to lead him away.
"And score number 2 for I.M.P! I'm telling ya, this'll be a cinch!"
Lincoln didn't join in on the self-congratulations, he looked at the kids running away, he agreed with Lyle's assessment of their previous joyfulness, about how as kids, they could all go about their lives without fear of losing what they currently have and be comfortable with those that they love. They lived blissfully ignorant of certain cold hard truths, kind of like him not too long ago. Like him, all it took was one unfortunate experience to mark the beginning of the rose colored glasses they've looked through to break bit by bit. A fake Mall Santa was nothing compared to what he's seen and been through, and though he's shown impressive resilience in the face of those adversities and still holds a surprising amount of unbroken will, it's not like they didn't leave some lasting impressions on his mind and soul.
Quite the opposite, in fact.
"Lincoln?" Moxxie asked. "Is everything alright?"
"...Fine. Let's just hurry up and follow them."
Moxxie and his wife shared a concerned glance, easily telling that something was troubling the boy.
"What's with all the dreariness here, folks?" Blitzo leaned on Moxxie's head.
"Sir, do you suppose that our aim to make Lipton see the futility of living may also be having an unintended effect on Lincoln?"
"Of course not. Why should it? Kid's still young, still has a long way to go before brooding over life's disappointments. Plus, we're from Hell. Not like death is anything new to us. It's basically a ticket to an even crappier existence."
"But it wasn't to Lincoln, because of his humanity." Millie specified. "Sometimes, it feels like Hell is forcing the sweet potato to grow up too soon, and I don't want that! He's still just a boy!"
Blitzo knew that kid had been making his employees a bit too soft for his liking, but as long as it didn't interfere with their job, he didn't do anything about it. Fact is, there was something about the kid that sort of made Blitzo himself act less of an asshole to him unlike most humans, but at the end of the day, Blitzo and his group were assassins, that type of business has no room for a little heart unless it was one that was ripped out of a target's chest.
"Look, you're overreacting, alright? We're just trying to help an old man kill himself and make some of Heaven's own dead weight look like screw-ups. Most Hellborn wish they could put uppity elitist angels that put themselves on such a high pedestal in their place because they're oh-so more noble. He's smart, he'll figure it out. Now come on! We gotta keep making the world look as shitty as it really is!"
Nature was a misfire.
The smiles of children also ended in failure.
Yet, C.H.E.R.U.B were still trying another idea.
Love.
They wondered why they didn't think of this sooner. What better way to show how fulfilling life can be by showing him how more meaningful it can be when you're sharing it with another person close to his heart. There was much love going on around the world, so they found a place that thrived on that single feeling, a private place where the young can express their love and adoration of each other. "Eh!" Lyle groaned, repulsed by the aroma of this setting. "This place reeks of teenagers!" If there was one thing he hated more than children, it was unruly teens that are always so frivolous with their youth.
"Welcome to Lovers' Lookout, sir!" Cletus holds his hands together with sparkling eyes. "We're here to remind you about possibly life's greatest joy of all-"
Lyle's greedy hands reached up. "Money!"
"No! Love." Colin corrected, hands on his chest warmly.
"I've never been in love before." Lyle admitted. At least, he's never loved a living person before. His time, investing in his love for inventing, experimenting, and wealth always made interpersonal relationships take a backseat in his life. "I imagine it's quite nice."
C.H.E.R.U.B were relieved to hear him say that. "It's not too late, sir!" Colin guaranteed. "You can still find-"
"Ha!" I.M.P showed up and the imps wore wigs and dresses. "Nice try, ugly." Blitzo mocks.
Lincoln stared at them. "...Where do you guys keep finding all these outfits?"
Blitzo ignores him and blabs to all the cars filled with hormonal teens hoping to make it to second base with a megaphone. "Hey, horny lovers! Which one of you would fuck this old man?!" he gestures to Lyle, who was again ashamed of his old age.
All vehicles present wasted no time in speeding, leaving a dejected Lyle behind.
Colin floated close to a smug Blitzo's face crossly. "You know, you are so utterly c-c-cruel. We're just trying to give hope to someone in need!"
Moxxie's eyes rolled. "Oh, and you three are so superior to us just because we want some selfish, greedy, authoritarian capitalist to keel over dead!" he argues, getting angry over their self-righteous bullshit.
"You're making things too real right now, Moxxie." Blitzo sprays him with a bottle full of piss, causing Moxxie to hiss like a cat.
For Lincoln, he just wanted all this end already. "How come you guys don't just kill him and get it over with?" he asked the imps with apt irritation. "I mean, it's what you were hired to do, right? Why go through all this?" They may always act crazy and were hired killers, but the imps always showed a commitment to their jobs, and this now seemed to be a pointless little game.
"I like the easy way as much as the next bitch." Blitzo nodded at the cherubs. "But screwing around with these schmucks and fucking up their jobs feels just a tiny bit better." he rubs his fingers into Cletus' cheek.
Slapping it away, Keenie shot back at him. "Only a spawn of Hell itself like you wouldn't understand the need to save a soul! The Lord loves all his children, and wouldn't allow such an important specimen to suffer being confined in your lands! That's why we're charged with the most holiest of responsibilities, to salvage those souls, so that his good word can be spread all around. No soul on Earth is without protection from up above"
Hearing that made Lincoln's fist clench.
If they only knew.
Calmly breathing, Lincoln tried talking to the cherubs again.
"Well, what if that person doesn't want to be 'saved' in any way? I get what you're trying to do here, but is it really okay to force them to keep living? Again, why even bother with this guy? Sure, he makes cool machines, but from what we've heard, he never really used them to help people."
"Ah, but you see, by showing him the worth of living, he'll be given a chance to use his creations for the betterment of mankind, ensuring his entrance into Heaven in return for all his good work."
"...Will it, though?"
"...E-Excuse me?"
Lincoln kept pushing. "Getting into Heaven sounds like a good thing, just about anyone would do whatever it takes to be good enough for it, which is exactly the point, right? Lyle's work could be used to make people's lives better, so better, that they'd be good enough for Heaven. As for Lyle, whatever good he'll do won't erase what he's done in the past and I doubt Heaven would tolerate it. But what he can offer is enough for people in Heaven to want him to stay alive. Or am I wrong?" he questioned, giving a challenging glare at them.
Cletus, Keenie, and Collin fretfully sweated bullets at the boy's bold claims. "Th-That's ridiculous! W-We're just doing God's work! Heh, heh, let's go!" they couldn't fly out of there fast enough.
"Damn, kid!" Blitzo slapped Lincoln's back. "Way to give them the business! Here I thought you didn't have the balls to bark. I can tell they're getting desperate now! Whatever they try next, it'll end with an old man dead and buried!"
The cherubs prayed that this last ditch effort would be enough to instill some hope and drive to live in Lyle Lipton. they've already wasted enough time as it is and their superiors above have a low tolerance for tardiness. Those demons getting involved certainly didn't help matters, but they optimistically believed that they were starting to get through to Lyle. He just needed one last push and that push was watching an eloquent opera show in the theater alongside fellow appreciators of the classic arts, the three sat in their seats well-dressed alongside Lyle and the audience to see the show up close.
A woman dressed as a Valkyrie on a fake unicorn sang, accompanied by a talented pianist.
"Behold! The wonder of art and music!" Cletus said to a bow-tie wearing Lyle. "Something always here to comfort, entertain, and live for!"
Up above the stage in the scaffolding, I.M.P watches, with Blitzo wagging his tail and ass left to right. "So, what's the plan on making this this bad?" Millie asked.
"Afraid we can't." Moxxie pointedly states, a fan of the genre himself. "There's literally nothing horrible with the opera. That's a fact."
"Unless, we ruin it somehow." Blitzo contradicted, intent on making even opera horrible enough for Lyle to kill himself over.
Lincoln brought up a story he once heard. "My sister, Luna, once messed up Lisa's first opera by stage diving into the band. "
"I'm thinking of something bigger." Blitzo mischievously moves the spotlight around the stage.
The singer tries following the light to continue singing, but it keeps moving away from her. "She's not very good." Lyle said with a shaking head. The cherubs narrow their eyes in suspicion at the cause of this, said cause was still messing with the stage light with a chuckle. All that tampering caused the stage light to become too loose and to the surprise of I.M.P, it fell off. The singer let out one final note, but never got the chance to end it once the stage light landed on top of her, putting a stop to the piano music and causing Lyle, the cherubs, and the audience to gasp in abject terror.
Equally dreadful, the pianist nonetheless resumed playing.
Lincoln and the imps blinked collectively. "That I did not intend, but at least we made it bad." Blitzo shrugged.
"That's it!" Cletus and his friends fly angrily up to them, this was the last straw to make them finally confront the demons and give them a piece of their minds. "No more! You monsters have interfered too much!" Cletus snapped.
Even the meek Collin had it up to hear with them. "D'oh! All w-we want is to just do our jobs without interruption!"
"That's funny, so are we!" Moxxie counters.
"Enough!" Violence seemed to be the only thing that these imps understood and they refused to be compared to common demons, so the cherubs summoned golden crossbows with heart-tipped arrows and were ready to use them on their hated rivals. "We came here for one thing, and that's to save that shitty old man's life, whether he wants it or not!"
The imps weren't going to show fear to these little do-gooders. "Well, it's not our fault someone wants that fucker dead, okay? The guy paid in advance, and I spent it all on this!" Blitzo shows a green horse figure clad in jewels, sunglasses, t-shirt, and cap. "So, he's gotta go! Even you little crap-stains should know a lost cause when you see it!"
Keenie flies close to Blitzo to spell out the difference between them and the cherubs. "You demons are all alike! Nothing but filthy disgusting, loathsome beasts! Your kind is only good being nothing but dirt that shitty dead people tread on! And now, you think you have the right to meddle with the lives of humans?!"
"Look who's talking!" Millies defended Blitzo and her family from the onslaught of words by bringing up the cherubs' own hypocrisy. "Go find another human and just let us be about and while you're at it, tape your trap shut, you judgmental, cotton candy, tit-havin' bitch?!"
"We save lives, you Hell spawned trash! The lives saved improve the souls that ascend to Heaven, that should be enough for Lipton!"
Lincoln was now seeing the cherubs' true colors. "So I was right, then. Lyle's choice doesn't matter in the end, Heaven just needs him alive for his inventions and nothing more."
"Don't presume to understand how things work, you know nothing at all!" An arrow was shot, and Blitzo shoves Lincoln out of the way, but that had caused the hood covering his face to be removed, and the cherubs gasped when they saw what was hidden. "You-You're a human?!" Cletus gaped.
"Oh, shit!" Blitzo panicked.
"You don't look like a Sinner! How is this possible?!" Cletus scowled at the imps with an accusatory glare and a similar sounding tone. "Did you kidnap him?! That's just like you demons! Taking lives isn't enough, but now you have to kidnap them! The tortures you must have afflicted on him!"
"Shut up..."
Lincoln's nails dug deep into his palms.
"...I bet they killed his family..."
"Shut up..."
"...To subject him to the horrors of Hell against his will, why I never-"
"I SAID SHUT UP!"
Lincoln didn't know how it happened.
Something just set off inside him, like a bomb exploding in his soul. His eyes glowed red and an invisible force just pushed the cherubs slightly away, all the pent up anger just let loose and the grimoire opened, vines with sharp thorns sprouted and swept the cherubs aside. "Wha-What is?"
"You three talk of saving people and that God would never resist a soul in need." Lincoln points at them. "Then where were you for me, huh?! I was kidnapped and nearly became a sacrifice for a psycho teacher! No cherub was there to save me, but they did!" he nods at the imps. "No one from Heaven thought to stop a woman named Ms. Mayberry from killing her cheating husband, or herself, or stop a family of killers, or save people from a giant fish monster! As long as they bring something to table, they're not good enough for Heaven, is that it?! Well you know what?! I think I'll take my chances with Hell!"
"W-Wait...!" Cletus implored. "I-It's not that simple! B-But give us a chance, come with us, and we'll-"
"You had your chance!"
"And ain't no one takin' my boy away!" Millie bared her teeth.
"Filthy demon trash!"
Intense opera music would be suitable background music for this fight. Keenie wrestles Millie and they roll over for a cat fight, Blitzo and Moxxie run away once golden arrows are shot at them, and Lincoln shielded them with a dome made out of red energy. Moxxies sees the girls roll off the scaffolding, he jumps off the catwalk to rope swing down with a brandished pistol to aid his beloved wife. Not wanting to hit Millie while she was still fighting Keenie, he shoots a rope that releases a bag and it pushes Keenie down, allowing Moxxie to catch Millie in mid-air Both smiled at each other in relief and were taken back by a red shield protecting them from the arrows. "Look at our boy, protecting us! It's high time to show these sorry Heaven folk what for!" Millie kissed Moxxie for luck and unveiled two submachine guns and while Moxxie held her as they kept on swinging on the rope, she fired rapidly until they started spinning.
As the fight went on, many members of the audience were hit by stray bullets and arrows, though some were saved by shields created by Lincoln.
Despite all this, Lyle remained unscathed and seeing all the trouble that was going on over little old him sparked a new vibrant sense.
"It's all starting to make sense now." he slowly started to smile in realization, the battle between Heaven and Hell had helped with that. "Life is worth living because we only get one. We must cherish creatures far beyond this living world that are going through these lengths over my life, then it's certainly worth living. Killing myself is not the answer. Plus, I'm still rich! I can just buy all the things!" He announces his self-obsessed epiphany to what few of the audience were left alive. "I no longer crave death!"
They clapped for him, even as the audience dwindled.
Blitzo and Lincoln ran on the metal scaffolding, the former with his flintlock. "Stop! Don't you see we wish to save you?!"
"I've learned to save myself! Your precious system helped with that by doing nothing!"
The grimoire was aimed at Cletus and a beam of magical energy blasted him. Panting, Lincoln's footing falters, and his eyes' red glow dimmed. Blitzo jumped on another scaffolding attached to the rope that Moxxie and Miller were swinging on, Cletus recovered and got into a standoff with the imp.
Both stared each other down and Blitzo saw that he had no ammo in his gun, forcing him to throw it in Cletus' face, briefly blinding the cherub.
"You lousy fucker!"
Firing the arrow, it broke the rope holding the scaffolding. The I.M.P team fell with it, descending quickly to the floor, M&M ended up tying themselves up with the rope as they spun. The fall narrowly missed the pianist, seeing that the scaffolding crashed through the wooden floor, bending the floorboard his stool and piano was placed on. He stoically halts his performance, putting the stool down and using it to step down from the bent floorboard. This releases the piano, it flew through the air with all staring as it went across their heads. Lyle screams when he sees that it is falling towards his position and scrambles off his bed to hide behind a row of dead bodies, but somehow, the piano suddenly changes directions to the spot he had moved to, landing on him.
Both groups certainly never foresaw this outcome.
For once, it wasn't I.M.P for the abrupt end of a human life.
"Well, now, isn't that just the cruelest of ironies?" Moxxie observed. Him, his wife, and their boss smirked smugly at the cherubs, amused by the sheer irony of the results. "You three ended up graciously did our job for us!" Blitzo leered at them and Millie flipped them off with both middle fingers again.
The cherubs gazed in silent horror, ignoring Lincoln hovering down to his coworkers.
Not only did they fail, but this was a death caused by them, even if it was an accident.
Collin gasped, hyperventilating. "Oh, my gosh, he's dead! Oh, my gosh, and it was our fault! Oh, my God!"
Keenie grabbed him and slapped his face. "Get a hold of yourself, Collin! And you know better than to use the Lord's name in vain! This isn't on us! Okay?!"
Cletus wanted to punish the imps, holding them accountable for this debacle, but knew retreating was the best option, less they risk more mistakes.
"This isn't over, you heathens!" he hotly swears to I.M.P, still plastered with teasing expressions and tongues sticking out to mock them. Keenie summons a portal leading to Heaven and they fly through, only to be swiftly repelled back mysteriously. "What the?!" The cherubs were stumped as to what just happened.
From the portal, more cherub angels arrive.
Two bees and two sheep, all led by a deer cherub named Deerie. "Hi. Want to come home? Ooh, yeah, no, sorry, Cletus." She read the infractions of the three through summoned reading glasses and a clipboard. "But if I'm reading this right, your actions resulted in the death of a human when you were meant to save him. A really important one that the higher ups really needed to stay alive. So, it's been decided that you can't re-enter Heaven. Yeah, no..." her apology was meant to sound regretful through her forced smile, but her patronizing tone made it clear that she was enjoying this.
"We can't do what?!" C.H.E.R.U.B exclaimed together in shock.
"Yeah, mmm, sorry, yeah, no..." Deerie confirmed condescendingly.
"Is there anything we can do?!" Collin miserably asked.
Derrie files her hooves. "Yeah, no! Oh no, no, no." she pointed her hooves at all three.
Just one mistake.
One slip-up.
And they were now barred from Heaven. Their home.
Whatever good they did before suddenly didn't matter anymore.
"Bu-But we didn't mean to! It was an accident" Keenie attempted to appease, tearful like her friends. "We tried to save him! It was all-'' She pointed to the spot I.M.P were in, only to find that they were gone, Lincoln had used the last of his magic power to conjure up a portal.
"Anyway, sorry about this, fellas. But these are Heaven rules, yeah, bye!" Deerie does a happy wave before she and her group vanish through the portal.
Cletus pointlessly tries to call them back. "Wait! Come back! There's something we have to tell you! The demons! They have-"
The portal closes in front of him.
Not taking it anymore, Cletus breaks down in tears over their now fallen status.
A fate no angel would ever wish upon themselves.
But it wasn't just them they were crying over, but they were also disappointed that they couldn't inform their fellow cherubs about a piece of info that they felt would've gotten them back into Heaven's good graces.
The boy.
During the fight, they noticed something within his mortal soul.
A demonic essence that shouldn't have been there.
His display of anger made that aspect grow stronger.
What's more, not even the boy or the imps knew about it.
When the battle was over, the presence subsided, but it was still there deep inside.
There was more going on inside Lincoln that even Lincoln himself has yet to discover.
Usually, a target kicking the bucket would be cause for celebration in the office.
But while Lyle Lipton did end up becoming deceased as per the client's request, he did find it in himself to find a new lease in life, short as it may have been, which was what the cherubs had intended. That, and it wasn't them who did him in. "Even though the old man kicked it, in the end, he chose living over dying. So, we pretty much failed." he somberly says to the assembled staff of his company. "Thanks to those fucking cherubs, he's up in Heaven, enjoying eternal blessings. Real shame." he gazes out at the still destroyed wall of the office. He turns around, taking a more positive turn. "However! A round of applause for our unpaid intern here! He showed those flying insects who's boss and made it obvious that you don't need Heaven to enjoy life!"
"Uh...thanks, I guess." Lincoln takes the praise with uncertainty.
"Now, Lincoln. Don't go thinking like that fucking old geezer." Millie tousles his hair. "He was old, gross, and well, old. You're none of those things, so you have way more reason to enjoy your life! You decide how you want to live, no one else."
Lincoln cracks a light smile. "Yeah. Maybe you're right. Truth be told, even though they were trying to kill you guys, I still can't help but feel bad for those three. One bad day and they just can't go home again?" he could empathize with that. It also made his opinion of Heaven a little more critical as those high up have a very strict standard that not even its native inhabitants aren't safe from.
"Take it as a lesson, kid. Paradise comes at a price. You don't get to enjoy a hit of Heaven without being a hundred percent good and honestly, who has the effort for that, am I right?" Blitzo chuckled.
"Heard you had bit of an episode." Loona recalled the info given to her from Moxxie. "What was that about?"
"...I don't know. I really don't know." Lincoln replies, clutching his chest, troubled.
"Tell it to your horny owl teacher next time you go to a lesson!" Blitzo got to another matter. "Right now, we gotta deal with Goofty giving us shit for failing. All he wanted was eternal revenge on his old business partner. And now, the two are forever separated." Just like how he can respect one's penchant for vengeance, Blitzo is capable of feeling some remorse for not seeing that revenge plot through. "And now, we have to face the fire of fucking up a simple job. Again, it's mostly because of the cherubs."
"Sir, when will you tell the client?" Moxxie asked, wanting to be better prepared for the next over dramatic entrance.
"I already sent him a text while I was talking. No biggy, not like texts ever made people angry." Blitzo cheekily answered. Moxxie fearfully looks at the window and scurries away when a metal plank crashes into the office.
Loopty Goopty comes on down via an escalator. "Blitz! I got something to say to you!"
Blitzo alarmingly greets him. "Loofa, figured you'd drop in! We can explain everything. See, there were these cherubs-"
Another plank crashed down, but Lincoln tackled Moxxie away before it could crush him.
I.M.P is thrown for a loop when they see the Sinner Demon that rolled down, he looked like a robot with a metal ball for a body, wore a bowler hat, had a wiggly mustache with black whiskers that when over his teeth gave them the appearance of piano keys. He had eyewear similar to Loopty, only cored blood red, he had a new look, but I.M.P recognized him.
"Lyle Lipton?! You're in Hell?!" Everyone shouted.
"I'm so lost." Millie voiced their shared confusion. "We thought you went up to the pearly gates and into Heaven."
Lyle scoffed at the very notion. "Heaven? Silly little demon, nobody ever made millions in technological advancements by not experimenting on the poor!" he laughs.
Lincoln throws his arms up. "See? This is what I've been talking about the whole day!"
"Oh, you no good son of a bitch!" Loopty Goopty laughs along with his partner, showing a cordial stance. "Thank you for the reunion between me and my best friend!"
"Hold the phone." Lincoln raised a finger. "Didn't you want him dead in the first place so you could get even with him the minute he comes to Hell?"
Loopty cackles. "It is no surprise your feeble peon mind can't fully understand! I wanted Lyle here so we could continue our work without the threat of death as we're already dead anyway!"
"...You two are the worst."
"The only question now is, what is there for two old genius inventors in Hell?"
Lyle's question was answered when Wally Wackford suddenly crashed through the ceiling. "Did I hear, I say, hear inventors?!" He was just chilling out, waiting for the opportune time to come in. "Name's Wally Wackford, and I'm looking for talent to exploit!" he retracts. "I mean to employ."
Blitzo's eyes twitched. "No one else fuck up my walls! Moxxie's gonna have to fix all this shit!"
"Why do I have to be the only one?! They're your walls, sir! You're the boss! You fix them!"
"Chill out, Moxxie. You're not buried by rocks, so you're capable." Blitzo briefly teased before going back to being annoyed. "Satan's balls! First we deal with Heaven's table scraps, now this?"
"I guess, you can say, you say, you have a holey operation here, Blitzo!" Wally quips, slapping his knee
"Get out of my office."
Wally doubles down on the floor, not ceasing his laughter.
"This is my serious glare, get the fuck out!" He screams, startling everyone.
Lincoln makes a mental note.
Never introduce Blitzo to Luan or his father.
His hand gets back on his chest. Back then, he had been so angry that it didn't register to him at the time, but now that he was able to take a breather and look back, he remembers feeling a sense of fury that could only be quenched by attacking the cherubs. It felt so exhilarating, but at the same time, very frightening. He's let out his temper before, but never once wanted to be completely driven by it, this was a rare case where he gets to air out his anger in a confrontational circumstance.
Did it have something to do with the curse?
Blitzo may be right, Stolas may have some answers to this.