It can be very hard to keep track of how long I.M.P have gone up topside to Earth to get some killing business done in no time.
It's become such a norm, one can find that there can't be more than one second without a new Sinner client in Hell hoping that the company of assassins can use their expertise in killing a target that was still human as a means to settle some unfinished business. Each time had the usual end result, this merry band of assassins hunt their mark down, get into a series of hilarious hijinks, cause quite a scene, but manage to succeed in their objective. This was how most jobs would go and what was truly amazing was how they managed to do so without so much being discovered.
One of Hell's most important rules was that those capable of traveling topside must do so while keeping up appearances in their human disguises at all times. Failure to comply will result in heavy repercussions.
Even though they venture to the living world through less legal means, even I.M.P have to make sure they at least don't break that rule at the same time.
So, it did indeed boggle the mind that for all the ruckus they make, the only known human who knew about their whole operation is their current unpaid intern.
No other human is aware of the whole truth, except, that's not entirely true.
The average human hadn't noticed the odd sight of three imps heavily armed with extreme weaponry. But all those people were just civilians, ordinary people that are easy to evade and avoid. With all the chaos I.M.P caused during their jobs, it was a given that a secret clandestine branch of the government would notice the fact that actual demons from Hell are running amok in their world.
In a dark room, a collection of television screens were showing I.M.P in action that the owners managed to get together, recording anything worth of value such as one showing Blitzo at a horse ranch.
"Right there!" Agent One, an adult brown haired male with dark shades, tie, and fancy suit points to Blitzo on one of multiple screens, holding the spell book. The other screens showcased other I.M.P jobs. "This was the first sighting!"
His associate, Agent Two, a blonde female with similar clothing nodded in response. "They're definitely from Hell. They must use this dark magic to cross over into our world." That much they managed to work out, but there were still many burning questions they needed answers to before presenting their case. "And they seem to be killing specifically targeted people. But why?" While many others got caught in the crossfire, it was apparent that with each incident, these demons were after one specific person.
"Not only that, but there's the matter of the kid."
Agent One brought up their biggest head-scratcher; where the human-looking white haired boy that's always seen with the demons fit into all of this. "We sure he ain't one of them?" Two inquired. "Can't say I've ever seen white hair on a kid that ain't dye."
One tapped his chin in deep thought. "He definitely looks like a Lincoln Albert Loud." He held a folder holding personal files and took out a missing persons' poster with a photo of the kid and the resemblance was uncanny.
"Wait, didn't one of the previous first ladies help deliver a white haired baby?"
"You know I don't keep up with the usual government gossip." One retorts. "Besides, that's not important right now. Months ago, this kid was reported missing by his family after not coming home from school one day and the investigation is still ongoing. It just so happens that he lived in Royal Woods, Michigan, one of the many locations that these demons popped up in and not long afterwards, wherever they go, he goes. According to some reports, the last person to see him was a certain Mr. Stillman. One of their targets and a person of interest to us." On Stillman's file, were all the photos from various time periods where Stillman was present, but not having aged a day in each. They've been tracking him for some time now, but could never find something concrete.
"What could they find on the body?"
"That's just it. Hours after the search began, local authorities searched the man's house, but only found a broken grandfather clock with nothing but dust underneath it. Stillman was reported missing afterward, but I think we both know they already found him. They just didn't realize it." One said knowingly to Two. "A few personal belongings of his were confiscated, all occult in nature and from the looks of it, seemed to be doing one of those ritual type deals in his basement."
"Kid must have escaped, somehow. But why go along with demons?" Two couldn't wrap her head around that.
"Who knows? They always attack at random. All over the country." Since they started tracking them, the two agents' biggest challenge was determining the next location I.M.P would appear. "There's no way to predict where they'll strike next."
Commotion from outside got their attention and as if a higher power heeded their questions, they peek out and see Blitzo himself dumpster diving, apparently.
"Oh, well. That's convenient." Two pleasantly smirked to an equally pleased One.
Outside, I.M.P had just pulled off another successful kill and were preparing to head back to Hell. Until then, Blitzo ordered them all to conceal themselves in case any other humans were around. If they only knew. "Shh, remember. We can't be seen by any look." Blitzo whispers, slipping into a garbage bag, much to the amusement of Millie.
"Pardon my words, sir. But, you're currently being the loudest." Moxxie points out.
Climbing out of the trash, Blitzo harshly whispers to his employee covered in rotting fruits, discarded papers, and other junk discarded by humans. "I said shut your dick sucking lips, Moxxie!" the shorter imp glared at the usual endless insults. Once again, Moxxie finds himself greatly infuriated by his superior's blatant harsh attitude at about every little thing he does, no matter how small.
"Guys!" Lincoln called, having opened up the portal already for Millie to hop into. "Come on." he hands the grimoire over to Loona on the other side.
Well, at least Moxxie will now be able to go home and relax.
"Get down!"
Moxxie yelped after getting tackled by Blitzo who did so to prevent Moxxie from being caught in a net.
I.M.P turned in shock to see Agent One reload his net-launching device for another go at capturing them. Agent Two then swung down from a rope to stand in-between Lincoln and the portal, armed with a tranquilizing sniper rifle. "What the?! Who're they?!"
Blitzo couldn't afford to answer that question as he too was clueless, but did have time to urgently tell an order to his daughter. "Loona! Close it!"
Both Loona and Millie were aghast at what Blitzo just said. "W-What?" Loona asked with uncertainty, gazing at Lincoln as closing the portal would mean leaving him.
"Just do it!"
Millie shoved Loona out of her path, trying in vain to go back out and grab her boys, but it was too late.
"Wait, no!"
The portal was instantly closed.
Moxxie didn't know who these two were, but they just made a big mistake.
No one gets between him and his Millie.
"Lincoln, come on!"
Eyes flashing red, Lincoln mimicked Moxxie's evasion maneuvers to dodge all the nets. Amazing what some acrobatic training from Millie will do for you and right now, Lincoln was thankful for it. Moxxie lands gracefully and turns to fire his pistol at the agents, but is hit by a tranquilizer dart. His entire body went numb and limp, head filled with incoherent thoughts that made him a sputtering mess. Seeing that enraged Lincoln and used his revolver to carefully shoot the scope of the rifle, but in his rage, got himself hit by a dart himself. "Moxxie! Lincoln!" Blitzo shouts in distress. Getting into action, Blitzo throws a trash lid at One before he could fire more nets, he picks up both of his employees and uses Moxxie's body to hit Two into the trash. Both agents recovered and chased after them.
"I smell...colors?" Moxxie slurred.
"They taste so pretty..." Lincoln smiled.
Blitzo stops once he sees that they were at a dead end and the agents caught up with them, but this imp wasn't going down without a fight. "Back off, you tuxedo wearing fucks!" he warns, flashing his flintlock.
But, the agents were hardly deterred as One prepared his weapon's other setting and was quicker than Blitzo on the trigger. He, Moxxie, and Lincoln were blasted by a shock blast that immobilized them to the ground. The last thing Blitzo could see before succumbing to the darkness were the two triumphant agents being mighty proud of their accomplishment.
"Heh-Heh!" One chuckled while adjusting his tie. "I'd like to see the suits in corporate call us losers now! That was pretty badass."
Agent Two wholeheartedly agreed. "Super badass!"
Now, the only hope left were two very concerned demon ladies.
It all happened so fast.
One moment, they were wrapping up another job, but then came those two suits with advanced weaponry that forced them to be separated.
She was safe in Hell, but she couldn't say the same for the guys.
Her boss.
The love of her life.
And of course, her baby.
The anger she felt knew no bounds. It was the same kind of fury that coursed through her veins when Striker attacked them and she pours out all her anger out by punching the wall where the portal closed on her repeatedly while giving off feral screams of anguish. She barely gave a damn that it hurt like a son of a bitch, it didn't compare to the pain of the prospect of losing her boys, and gradually, the punches stop and tears stream down her face as she collapses to her knees in despair. "Shit!" she cries. "Shit, shit, shit!" she gave out anguished whimpers.
Loona was also greatly sorrowful and regretful, not believing that she actually closed the portal, not just on the imps, but on Lincoln.
He was her friend, her brother, and she closed it.
All that she could do was to put aside her sad whimpering and at least make some attempt to console Millie. "You, uh...?" It was so hard to give comfort to a coworker she hadn't gotten along with in the past. "...you okay there?" She slowly reaches out, pulls back when Millie faces her with desperation.
"What're you doing sitting there?!" Millie incredulously asks, motioning to the grimoire on the floor. "The boys are in trouble! Our boys! Open it again!" she demands.
One way or another, she was getting her family back, and the stupid assholes that thought they could get away with breaking up that family were gonna be taught one hell of a lesson, paying the price in blood and severed heads.
Loona understood how Millie felt, she wanted to help out Lincoln, Blitzo, and Moxxie, too, if it'll calm Millie down. But, there was a system in place of this kind of problem and Blitzo had set a clear set of instructions on what to do and not do. "Look, I feel you, but you heard Blitz. He used a total of zero euphemisms, innuendos, or swears." All things that are commonplace in her boss/adoptive father's mannerisms, except for what happened in the alleyway. "That means I don't open it, until-"
But, Millie could care less about it.
"Open the fucking portal now!" she roared in the hellhound's face, pulling her to eye level by the collar.
"Look, Blitz can take care of himself, even your boy toy. And I'm sure Linc's come up with one of his convoluted, but well thought-out plans that needs a smaller operation name to get them out of this by now." Loona couldn't even believe her own words.
"Loona, please!" Millie's scowl twisted into an imploring frown, more tears coming down. "Our boss. Your daddy. My Moxxie and Lincoln, my baby..." her lips quivered and just wanted them back home with her.
This wasn't a family.
Just a company.
That's what Moxxie said.
One of the few things Loona agreed on with him, then why the shit are there moments where it really does feel like a damn family?!
First things first.
They needed to get their shit together. Going in half-cocked against an enemy they don't know anything about is about the worst plan they could think of, so they stock-piled a whole lot of weapons that somehow could fit inside Blitzo's emergency bag. Some would call it overkill, but humans not only managed to spot them, but also took some of their own captive, so they were going all out. Millie prepped herself up with a giant ax and Loona transformed into her human disguise to make it easier to search without being uncovered by more humans.
With the grimoire, Loona opens a new portal to Earth to the same alleyway where Agents One and Two captured their friends. Millie jumps through with heated fury. She was ready for a fight, but the alley was empty, they were long gone by now.
"They aren't here!" Dropping the ax, Millie was about ready to cry again, until Loona picked her up and took a sniff of the ground for the guys' scents.
Luckily, Loona found a trace and if she put in a lot of leg work, it won't take long to find them. "It smells like they went this way." The disguised hellhound puts Millie inside the bag and picks up the ax to hand it to the female imp. "Come one, let's find the dumbass twins and our boy."
Without wasting any more time, she ran quickly. "Loona..." Millie addressed. "Do you think they're okay?"
Loona frowns, contemplating. "Yeah, of course...they gotta be..."
Lincoln felt everything in his system do a complete shutdown, same with Moxxie and as such, the effect of those darts caused them to be unconscious for a considerable amount of time. Eyes blinking open slowly, Lincoln had to shake his head to clear his head a little and finally coming to, he gasps once he sees that he was restrained to a chair and the imps also tied to separate chairs, and both of their tails were chained to a metal ball. Blitzo was the only one among the three that remained conscious as Agents One and Two shone a light on them to begin the interrogation.
"Finally awake, huh, little fella?" Two said to Moxxie. "Your partner has been for a while now."
The bad cop routine had zero effect on Blitzo.
"Look, shit-bag. It takes a lot to keep me down, alright? That, and back in my college days before dropping out, I took a fuck ton of tranq darts." Blitzo calmly informs her, crossing his legs. "Hell, I've even been strapped nipple-first to a car battery, so I-little bright there!" Blitzo hissed at the light being shone on him by One.
"Tell us, demon scum! Who sent you here? Satan?" One questioned heatedly.
Agent Two continued the questioning from there.
"How did you get here from the afterlife?"
"Why are you killing so many humans?!"
"When did you show up here?!"
"What's the kid got to do with all this? You kidnap him?"
"Maybe you are replacing human children with your own demon spawn to trick us?!"
"Is he really the same Lincoln Albert Loud who disappeared?!"
"Have you been taking more missing humans?!"
"Thus some part of secret plan or-"
Lincoln halted any more interrogation, all the constant questioning was getting to him and his coworkers. "Hold it!" Both agents were swiftly silenced by Lincoln's shout. "Can you give us a second to speak for ourselves? My god, you two just keep going on and on about way off-base theories and conspiracies and...this is starting to feel like a huge eye opener for me." He makes a mental note to maybe get a better handle on his own paranoia and overthinking, recalling past conclusions he's made out of his overworked imagination. "Look, I know how this looks, but these two aren't bad guys." Blitzo raises an eyebrow. "...not at heart..." Lincoln got more looks. "...when you get to know them, they're pretty alright. Just don't think they did anything bad to me. I hate when that happens."
"Egad!" One gaped dramatically. "They must have gotten to him somehow!"
"That, or he isn't the real Lincoln Albert Loud at all!"
Blitzo snorted. "Albert? That's your middle name?" he teased.
"It's my grandfather's name, alright?" Lincoln defended, not ashamed. "Lay off. It was either that or Marie, like all my sisters."
"All of your sisters' middle names are Marie?" Blitzo surmised, baffled. "Fucking Christ, kid, are your parents the most unoriginal humans alive or what? Bland enough that they name all their kids that start with "L", are their own names basic, too? Like Leroy and Lena?"
"For your information, Blitz. My mom's name is Rita and my dad...well, his name is Lynn." If Lincoln could scratch his nape, he could. "Lynn Sr. actually. My sister, Lynn was named after him-"
"Ha! So, I win, then!"
"Blitz, this isn't a contest!"
"But if it were, I'd be winning!"
"Hey! We ain't playing games here, alright?!" One peered closer at Blitzo with a finger. "We got questions that only you and your little friend here can answer, so start playing nice or we may have to get ugly!"
"And believe us, we will!" Two supported her partner.
They talked a big game, but they underestimate how unfettered Blitzo was, and the best way to counteract their interrogation was some good fun fucking around to endlessly frustrate them. "Okay, let me cut in, bitch. First of all, we're up and about after a very nasty shock, and I'm still fucking woozy. So, mind getting us some coffee before we get into this. I mean, is coffee not always a thing in shitty movie scenes like this, am I right?"
Lincoln stifles a laugh. "You're not wrong there."
"Thanks, Lincoln. I want something iced, bitch. What about you, kid?"
Knowing where his boss was going, Lincoln plays along. "A nice soda will be just fine. But I am trying to like coffee some more, so maybe decaf if you have it."
"Mox?"
Whether Moxxie knew about Blitzo's plan or not, the music-loving imp played his part.
To vastly annoying levels.
"If it's all the same to you, I'll just have a Neapolitan cappuccino, more cappu than cino ". Make sure it's got no more than at least four ounces of milk, the beans won't have the right texture otherwise, and be sure they spell my name correctly on the cup. For some reason, it's always Foxy or Roxy, and I hate that." No more than how much the agents were hating the unnecessarily tall order Moxxie was placing. Even his co-workers found it way too taxing. Blitzo had sympathies to whatever barista has had to deal with Moxxie as a customer and the people waiting in line until he was done. "If that's too much, I'll settle for a Venti traditional Misto. Please try to use soy milk with two blonde shots Affogato and Ristretto!" he pointed his foot at Agent Two who felt like pulling her ears off. "Of course, I can't forget three vanilla pumps at the very bottom. Then, add the coffee after, then-"
"Enough!" One exclaimed, any more and his head would explode. "No one's getting coffee!"
For once, Blitzo had to give props to Moxxie for his superb annoying skills there. "Wow, that actually gave me massive douche chills just there, Mox. Not bad." he praised with an impressed smirk.
"If we have to, we are willing to resort to torture methods to get answers out of you nasty hell beasts!" Two warns the imps.
Real tough, but Moxxie still had some retorting skill in him. "Can you be more specific? By "torture", are we talking physical or psychological?" Plus, there were a lot of holes to point out in that idea. "Physical torture can often be counterproductive. We'd like to tell you anything if it meant an end to the pain, but then you would have no way of knowing what was true."
"We might even end up liking it too much." Blitzo cracked. "And you'll have a whole new thing to deal with."
"What do you mean by that?" One inquired.
"Oh, not too bright, huh?" Blitzo playfully teases. "Hey, I'm not picky. Daddy likey Dummy." he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.
Lincoln and Moxxie moved around on their chairs, neither could contain their laughter.
"Okay, okay! Stop, Bltz! It's too much!"
"Good one, sir! Daddy likey-"
One and Two found no humor in the jokes. Their endless laughing reminded them of how all the other super cool government agencies constantly ridiculed and poked fun at them for the main mission of their entire organization.
"You better quit laughing at us!" Two yells.
One grabs Blitzo and screams at him. "Yeah! You ought to be begging for mercy!"
Moxxie explained why they can't help but mock the two sub-par agents through his smug grin. "I get it, we're the prisoners, but it's hard not to. I'm really sorry." He knows they're trying their best, but come on, these clowns are just so easy to rile up. "I mean, taking into account your approach thus far, you've had us tied here for I'm thinking hours and you haven't even had us confirm what exactly we are!"
Two leans downward with curiosity. "What are you?"
"A Virgo."
Blitzo never thought he'd get so many laughs from Moxxie killing it with his own set of jokes.
One and Two weren't in the mood for jokes once One tossed Blitzo back to his chair. "Oh, a smart guy, eh?"
"One more quip and we'll shut you up!" Agent Two warned them.
Blitzo insulted some more. "Ooh, getting kinky now, are we?"
The agents recoiled in disgust. "What?! We're not playing any of your vile demon kinks!"
"I mean, that's what it sounded like, you sickos!" Blitzo taunted.
Moxxie giggles. "Come now, don't give them ideas, sir." he jokingly pleads.
"Why not? I know the shit you're into." This was so much fun that Blitzo couldn't resist some cracks at Moxxie.
"Sir! Not in front of Lincoln!"
One plugs his ears to stop hearing more of this, the demons were supposed to be ones suffering, not them. "Stop! We would never get kinky with you!"
"Calm down, One!" Two attempted to calm her partner down. "Don't let these monsters rile you up!"
Unfortunately for Agent One, that was way too easy for Blitzo to do. "Hey, can you get us a phone call, bitch?"
One saw this as an opportunity to pry further into proving that the two irritating little rascals were genuine demons from Hell, and pay them back for their wisecracks at them, it was the only way their agency would finally get the recognition it deserved. "Well, that really depends." he smugly says. "Who're you gonna call? Hmm?"
"No one special. Just your fat mom." Blitzo cruelly retorts. "I wanna give my thanks to her for a fat time!"
Now that remark was cruel.
Not just because of how personal that jab was, but also of one little fact Two pointed out to Blitzo. "Afraid you're out of luck on that front, demon scum! As it happens, his fat mom is dead!" Two counters, being reminded of that, drove Agent One to tears.
"I wouldn't count that as a point for you guys." Lincoln said, sending sympathies to the grieving agent. "Super sorry about that, by the way."
"Don't apologize to them, bud. They're piss-buckets who have no clue who they're messing with." Blitzo chortles. "And one of them has a fucking dead mom! I'm sorry, I just can't help myself!"
What all the jabs will help is them by buying themselves more time until their rescue comes in.
The rescue team consisting of Millie and Loona eventually found their way to where Loona followed the scent of the boys and it was at a heavily fortified and guarded government building owned by the agents of the group that's all about the investigation of the supernatural. A clandestine secretive group known by the sole moniker that is D.H.O.R.K.S.
"Who names their group that?" Loona asked. The acronym for this group of secret demon-hunting agents is literally D.H.O.R.K.S.
It can only be assumed that all the other cool-sounding acronyms were taken, or they were trying way too hard to come up with a clever long-sounding name for their organization. Whatever the case, these guys are who took the guys captive and at the very least, they were equipped with katana blades, chain sickles, spears, shurikens, sais, and so on, but no guns. Their only arsenal seems to only be weapons originating from Japan's feudal period and no signs of firearms on their persons, which didn't help their image.
At least it can be inferred that they're competent enough to be skilled and trained with those weapons.
"Is this really where they ended up?" Millie asked, looking over Loona's head inside the bag.
The Hellhound made sure they weren't seen. "The only place I could find." Loona's nose never failed her before. Taking note of the guards, searchlights and cameras at the entrance, getting inside won't be easy in the slightest. "Fuck, this looks intense than I expected, just how're we gonna get in?"
Millie looks upwards and brightens up with an idea. "Lift me up there, to that vent." She instructs Loona.
Loona raises her arm to allow Millie to climb high enough to tear the vent entrance off and crawl inside.
With remarkable time, she manages to get inside and unlock the door right beside Loona and the two race through the hallways of the building, looking for any sign of their wayward compatriots. When they passed by agents who were standing on guard, Loona tip-toed her way to not arouse their suspicions, and so far, it seemed to have worked out great for them.
Unfortunately, they were caught on one camera and the agent that was watching its video security feed spat out his coffee in shock and wasted no time in pushing the button meant to sound the alarm for intruders, disregarding the outraged look of his fellow agent who was splashed by the coffee liquids.
Loona comes to an abrupt halt once she and Millie see a squad of agents standing in their way with swords, sais, spears, and nunchucks.
One agent swung his spear only for Loona to duck and launched the ax at his leg. Millie offered cover fire with her dual pistols. Loona threw the ax at an agent, Millie got out of the bag and climbed up to grab the ax to attack more and avoided a sword strike meant for her. Despite their issues, the two girls surprisingly worked well together. Loona attempted a flying jumping kick at the agent with nunchucks, but he moved to the side. The agent tried hitting her, but she jumped forward and bent backwards to avoid getting hit by a thrown chain sickle, which instead killed nunchucks, which served Loona and Millie quite well. Millie cracked one's neck while standing on the ax's handle.
Loona grabs her by the arm and runs.
More agents were blocking them, one pressing a button to cut them off with a steel door and the other two ready to launch shurikens at them to delay the lady demons.
Their aim was evidently poor as the two female I.M.P employees prevented themselves from being hit, but they saw that steel door coming down.
"Throw me! Now!" Millie exclaims to the receptionist.
Usually, Loona would only listen to Blitzo, and Lincoln as she's come to trust his judgment, but circumstances requested that she comply.
Millie rolls on the ground before getting to the other side of the room just before the blast door completes its descent.
Loona blinked with eyes wide as she heard fighting noises that involved the unbridled fury of a pissed off lady imp. With her work done, Millie pressed the button to raise the blast door up, revealing there were no more hindrances to their mission. She hung her ax on her shoulder as Loona saw her handiwork.
"Damn. For an old lady, you're pretty agile." Loona teasingly complimented.
"For your information, I'm five years older than you." Millie snapped back.
Out of all the agents that were murdered by Millie, only one was still alive, he was severely injured, but he was alive, albeit barely. "Need...help..." he groans, trying to call for backup, but screams when his radio was shot off by Millie's gun and she pointed the ax against him.
"Listen well and listen good, you no-good shades wearin' son of a bitch!" Millie bares her teeth and murderous scowl. "I left you alive, that wasn't an accident! Tell us where you're keeping the best boss in the world, and my sweet gentle Mox-Mox, and the kindest, sweetest miracle that ever fell on mine and my hubby's laps!"
It was impressive that he was resilient. "P-Policy states that I don't-"
Millie slashed wildly across him. "Wrong answer!"
"Hey Save it for the rescue." Loona told her, though understood Millie. "We still have a lot of ground to cover. Come on!"
They left before more agents arrived.
What was intended to be a harsh interrogation to get Blitzo and Moxxie to sing and air out all their dirty laundry to get all the required proof they can present to finally be taken seriously by all the other government groups is now anything but. Thanks mostly in part to Blitzo and Moxxie's continuous jabbing at them and they just loved how much they set the two agents off.
"Stop bringing my mother into this!" Agent One cried to the grinning Blitzo who stuck his tongue out at him. "She's dead!"
Agent Two settles him down with some soothing pats on the shoulder. "Hey, hey. Cool it, alright? Don't you see you're playing right into their hands? We won't get anywhere with them if we let ourselves fall for their demon tricks."
"Take my word for it, sister. I'm not even pulling out the really sweet material." Blitzo said, enjoying himself. "Besides, it's not like you clowns were getting anywhere to begin with. This is way more fun for us than it should've been and it's your own fault for sucking so much."
"Laugh while you still can, demon." Two spat, as she and One moved Lincoln's chair away from them. "We'll get our answers out of you and break whatever hold you got over the kid here."
"Don't oversell it, he's an unpaid intern." Blitzo rolled his eyes. "Nothing like some binding deal that causes him nothing but trouble."
Lincoln deadpans. "Is there really a difference?"
"Ha! Okay, I'll give you that one, kid."
Two whispers to Lincoln. "Out with it then. Can you confirm that you were forcefully taken by this horrendous pack of Hell spawn and are forced to suffer unspeakable amounts of hard labor?" she asked.
One brought up the other outlandish theory. "Or, are you in fact, a demon Hell spawn yourself. Taking the guise of the real Lincoln Albert Loud, who as we speak is currently slaving away with other kidnapped children in the dirty pits these two crawled out of?"
Lincoln looked between the agents in disbelief. "I mean. You two hear yourselves, right?"
"Come on, give us something here." Two pleaded. "If you help us out, we can help you out. You got a family worried back home, right? Say the word and you'll be there in no time."
"Assuming you are who you appear to be." One clarified.
"If you guys aren't even sure of who I am, what guarantee do I have that you'll actually honor your part of the deal?"
Lincoln would love nothing else more than to see his family again, but he's come to realize that he can't really do so at the moment, due to the whole curse thing with his soul being linked to literal Hell and all the demons, stuff that would no doubt blow their minds and he's not willing to risk that. Additionally, he didn't trust these agents in the slightest.
"You don't, but that's a risk we're willing to take!" One looked at Two facepalming herself. "What?"
"Who are you guys anyway?" Lincoln felt that he needed some answers. "Are you really with the government? Because, I can't remember ever hearing about guys like you before."
"That's because officially speaking, we don't exist." Two adjusted her shades in a serious fashion. "But if we did, we'd be the government's answer to all those that go bump in the night. We hunt down and learn the origin of these supernatural threats, so we can put a stop to it at its source. A lot of manpower is put into investigating and researching any possible demon-related phenomena the best we way we can."
"Woah..." Lincoln breathed a little in awe, that all sounds like a recurring fantasy he's had growing up. "So, the government knows about all that stuff."
One deflated. "...Well, no, actually. We're not exactly...well-funded, mostly getting washouts and not that much equipment from funding. We only make enough to be the only two agents with the gadgets used to capture youse and the only ones allowed to have firearms."
If Blitzo didn't find them pathetic before, he certainly does now, and he's loving it. "Haha! So, wait. You're saying you ding-dongs are the company guys that get laughed at and pushed around, aren't you?! You're hapless demon hunters who probably didn't get enough action until now! No wonder you suck at this whole interrogation thing, I mean, you can't even scare Moxxie! The company crybabies! The losers that no one believes at all!"
One bares his gritted teeth. "Yeah? Well, that's all gonna change once we get all your dirty laundry, you damn heathen! After tonight, ain't no one will ever call us conspiracy nuts ever again! Hell, we might even get some snazzy new tech from science heads like that wiz-kid prodigy from Michigan! Mark our words, we're gonna find out what you have and why you have the kid! Can only be something bad if you carry around that gun we confiscated!"
Okay, so these guys obviously just want to prove themselves to their peers by any means necessary.
That made Lincoln less sympathetic.
But Agent One mentioning the revolver reminded Lincoln that it wasn't the only weapon he had. Before all this insanity went down, he remembered Moxxie and Millie teaching him that should he ever be captured, it will always pay to have a concealed weapon to either attack, or break free from his restraints. Shimmying his right arm, he felt his knife fall down his sleeve and he catches the handle, then begins using it to cut the ropes. Moxxie sees what he was doing and opts to assist him by making sure the agents don't catch him in the act. He nudges Blitzo who arches an outraged eyebrow before seeing what Moxxie was gesturing to and understands the ploy. "Aiming pretty high there, champ. But with your very poor way of doing things, I wouldn't push my luck if I were you."
"What was that?! Make another joke about our incompetence again! I dare you!"
"You know what? Nah. You probably get enough crap from the other infinitely cooler agencies, nothing you haven't heard already."
Lincoln successfully cuts the ropes off him and he looks to his coworkers, contemplating whether he should attack the agents. Moxxie shakes his head sternly and nods to the exit doors, but Lincoln was hesitant. An assured smile and silent promise from Moxxie was enough to make Lincoln quietly walk to the door and walk out before the doors shit very loudly.
One and Two heard this and saw the cut ropes on the floor. "He's gone? He's gone!" One exclaims, panicked just like Two.
"Uh-oh. Some a-holes are in trouble~!" Blitzo sang.
"Why you dirty-!"
"That's enough, One!" Two prevented him from doing anything that would only make things more messed up for them. "Let's just leave them here until they feel like talking." she leads him out of the room with a suspicious eye on the imps.
With them gone, Blitzo struggles to break free himself, but to no avail. Sighing in resignation, Blitzo still tries to keep both his and Moxxie's spirits up with some encouraging words. "Don't worry about anything, Mox. So long as we keep being obnoxious, they'll slip up, giving us a chance to get out like Lincoln. Let's just keep making fun of their shit flaws until they get so frustrated, they stop thinking clearly. It usually works."
Unknown to both of them, they were being monitored by One and Two through a one-way mirror.
"Mmm, so these demons like to play games?" One shares a conniving smirk with his partner. "Well, if he insists."
Snickering, Two slammed a button on the panel. "Yeah. But what about the kid? He made it to the vents." She points to the open entrance through the ventilation shaft.
One rubs his chin in deep thought. "Did the techie guys install the truth gas into them?"
"Yeah, but are you really sure? We have no clue on how it affects humans."
"Assuming that kid's human to begin with." One countered coldly. "It should make him woozy enough to make it easy for the guys to bring him back. This is the job, Two. We gotta live with it. For now, let's just enjoy the show."
Back with the imps, Moxxie made it known that his concern was more on his wife at the moment. "I want to believe you, but I just hope Millie's fine. She's probably here by now, I'm sure." He has no idea what she was in for, and that scared him. "And what about Lincoln? He got out, but how long until they recapture him?"
Blitzo groans at this, though, feeling his fears were unwarranted. "Ugh, our Millie'll be okay, Moxxie. These guys would need an aquarium of roided up hippos if they want any chance of taking her down when she's pissed." Even then, that still wouldn't be enough. "And Linc's a crafty little rascal, you of all people should know that. We taught him enough to make it out of here, meet up with Mills and get us out."
"I get that, but sir, this is the first time involving the human government." Moxxie reasonably pointed out. This was an entirely new ball game and for all the dumb luck that got them out of scraps before, this time around, it may not serve them well. "They're both in danger!" he shouts, both unaware of the green gas that started to fill the room.
His worrying over his wife and kid they both basically adopted, ticking off the taller imp.
Blitzo gets it, he loves them and the feeling is very mutual, but damn it, did it just burn Blitzo up. It's not exactly a guarded secret on how much Moxxie and Millie love each other, so maybe they should stop flaunting it about.
"Do I honestly have to beg for you to shut up about Millie and Lincoln?!" Blitzo asked in exasperation. "It's always, 'oh, where's Millie? I can't do anything fun tonight, I'm so worried about Millie.' That's you when she's only five fucking feet away from you! Don't even get me started on how much of a helicopter daddy you've been, thinking that Linc needs to be protected. You think I don't understand, but I do! What pisses me off is how you still haven't accepted the fact that you're practically his dad now and it's pathetic!"
"...That was oddly deep." Moxxie noted. It hurt, but he never expected such a tirade from Blitzo when it comes to personal feelings.
Blitzo realizes that it was indeed out of character for him. "Yeah...yeah, it was. Why fuck did I just let my guts spill like that?"
Moxxie observed the room around them and froze up when he saw the green gas. "Sir, we may have a situation!" he directly said, raising his legs.
Blitzo hissed at the stench. "Fuck! The hell are they trying now?!"
"Can't be sure, but it looks like some kind of airborne truth telling serum?" Moxxie correctly guessed, judging from his previous rant. Stuff like that is what most people would only keep deep inside to themselves.
Still, Blitzo couldn't hide how annoyed he was by the know-it-all fashion Moxxie used. "Really? That was just a guess?""
Proof will be required. "That's just how I see it. I thought it was obvious. Why not just ask me something that I'd never be open about to make sure?"
"Okay, this has been nagging me since spring break..." Blitzo asked a question that's been on his mind for a long while now. "Moxxie, does Millie ever peg you?"
"Sometimes." Moxxie admitted with a bashful smile and blush before gagging at the very invasive question. "Wait! Gross! Fuck! There were other questions! Why did it have to be that one?" He was so glad Lincoln wasn't present.
Blitzo smugly laughed. "Ha! Called it! By the way, you see Lincoln as your son?"
"As a matter of fact, at first, I felt it was rude of me to take on a paternal role since as stated before, he's not an orphan. But as time passed and we began to get closer, I can't say I don't envy Mr. Loud for having such a bright lad like Lincoln for a son. With recent days, I'm actually beginning to come around to...will you stop it, sir?!" Moxxie flushes.
"Hey, at least you're right about the truth gas, Mox. Take some pride in that."
"At least I'm not the one wearing a tacky suit!" Moxxie instantly regrets it. "Fuck, I'm so sorry!"
Blitzo gasps dramatically, aghast by what he just said. "How fucking dare you, Mox?! You've always had a shitty taste in music-ah! Sorry you had to hear that!" Even for Blitzo, that was way out of line for him, knowing full well how sensitive Moxxie is about what he enjoys.
"Shit taste? Me?" Moxxie repeats, tears swelling up. "But, didn't you say you liked that musical I recommended?"
Blitzo couldn't resist the effects of the truth gas. "That was a lie! I ended up leaving halfway through! I couldn't take it anymore!"
"You-You told me to my face that you loved it!"
Hearing the awful truth and saying it drove them both to tears.
"It was just so awful, Moxxie! Who'd like one about ugly horny cats!" Blitzo and Moxxie sobbed uncontrollably under the sad reality of things. "Oh, god, Moxxie The lies I've told you are endless!"
For One and Two, this was too good of a show. "We're due for a good night." Two said, and what show would be complete without popcorn and soda?
If they think this was a sight, they should see how the gas was affecting Lincoln.
"Ugh! What the heck?!"
After making his escape from interrogation, Lincoln made his way into the air vents before Agents One and Two could know it. While crawling through the tight space, Lincoln weighed his options and figured he needs to at least escape wherever this place is, find Millie and get the guys out as well. But then, out of nowhere, some weird green gas was released in the vents and he coughs wildly after breathing it in. It wasn't knockout gas, since he was still conscious, and he didn't feel any other side effects, but he should still be on his toes.
Figuratively speaking, of course.
"Got word from One and Two."
Chatter got his attention from outside and listens in as a cadre of agents gather around.
"We are to hunt for a white haired middle schooler who could very well be a demon under the guise of a white-haired middle schooler." A bald agent told them, holding his sword in its sheath until the need arises. "We'll have to put this on top priority in addition to those two intruders that have already terminated many other agents in a gorey uninhibited fashion."
"Seems like a lot for just one kid." a second agent whispers to a third.
"Don't over-analyze this whole deal, new guy." the third whispered. "We hardly get paid enough as it is."
"You guys get paid?"
The lead agent barked at them to zip their lips and focus on the task at hand. "Cut the crap chatter there! You have your assignments, so go do them already! Radio in for any backup should it's need and not for a bathroom break or snack break! Toilets are still clogged like a motherfucker and they've yet to refill the snacks in the break-room. You'll have to make due with coffee breaks. But don't go overboard like in the last company picnic." he and all agents turned to the agent guilty of that and tried evading their gazes.
"When are you guys gonna let that go?!"
"Move out!"
The bald agent stuck behind as the others ran to other areas of the building. "I have prepared for this day." he silently says to himself, speaking with utmost seriousness with a hard grip on the katana's handle. "All my training, all those years of preparing my mind and soul have all led up to this very moment, and nothing shall stand in my way, I am prepared for any-OOF!"
A panel fell down and bonked him on the head.
He gurgles incoherently before fainting to the ground with a loud thud.
Lincoln jumps down from the vents and inspects his handiwork. "Sorry about that. But I really wanna get out of here." Lincoln searches the slumbering agent for any weapons and only finds throwing stars and kunais. "Seriously? No guns or anything? I get that this stuff looks cool, but come on. Where's the practicality? God, this place just keeps feeling terrible. I'd definitely feel better if Verosika were here and-OOP!" he slaps his hands to his mouth before he could finish that sentence, blushing furiously. "Why did I just say that?"
"Guh..." the agent groans.
"I'm gonna take that as you not hearing it. Maybe I'm just tired. Yeah, that's it. Not the good kind of tired after how good it felt when she and her gal pals kissed my face all over-what is going on with me tonight?!"
Questions for later.
Right now, he needs to get out.
From the sound of things, it looks like a rescue is on its way, but he needs to be absolutely sure it's who he sincerely hopes it is. He pokes around to find anything useful that would aid in his aim for a complete escape. A few agents were observing security cameras and that would no doubt help him, but he doesn't want to attract more attention by attacking, so this required some more careful planning.
"Hey, did you get a memo about the new protocols?" One of the observing agents asks.
"Memo? What memo?"
A radio turned on and Lincoln's voice was heard and it sounded like a trucker's tone. "Breaker, breaker. Uh...one of the new temps came back with the takeout food we ordered."
Both agents gasp.
"It's an alpha-tango-bravo-omega!"
"Really? Don't you mean sigma-beta-tau-delta?"
"I don't keep track of all these damn codes, man! Let's roll! You don't ever want to miss this!"
Surprisingly, that ploy worked and Lincoln knew that the radio he took from the agent he knocked out was a good move. "Gotta be a way to an exit on this." Lincoln climbs onto the chair and sees all the video screens, he stops and smiles widely once he sees two familiar people. A fiery female imp and a punk goth girl that was used as a disguise for his favorite company receptionist. "Millie! I knew she'd come for us! And she brought Loona and the grimoire, too! Okay, time for a new plan!" he gets off the chair. "Regroup with them, rescue Moxxie and Blitzo, use a book to open a portal back to the office. Short, simple, but first, I need a drink." he pours himself a cup of water from a nearby barrel, he suddenly feels a little parched. "Okay, now I-woah..." Just as he took his next step, Lincoln's footing wavers and he drops the cup. Everything just started to feel woozy, and his head felt light. "What's going-GAH!" That lightness erupted into a throbbing pain that made him grab his head and groan out painfully, dropping to his knees and feeling every part of his body on fire.
"You hear something?"
"Come this way!"
Hearing agents' voices, Lincoln quickly made himself scarce, but couldn't stop the pain in his head. It's like all a part of it just began to shut down...but not his entire mind, something else felt like taking the reins.
Something...he's felt before.
Before he knew it, his sight began to alter in an odd way. The setting around him dissipated as if it weren't there to begin with and he found that the hard surface his hands were on felt like...grass?
"What is this...?" He's outside.
"Need a hand, lame-o?"
His head shoots upright and gasps softly at the hand reached out to him, and the biggest surprise came when he saw who it belonged to.
"...Ronnie Anne?"