If there was one single thing Lincoln didn't really miss about the human world, it was the horrendous school homework.
Not saying being in a land of hellish creatures and individuals is a favorable alternative, but the not-so-great pleasantries of sixth grade middle school can be a huge hassle and requires at least some escapism. Horrific as it may be, Hell is more exciting than school can ever be, even the work that requires a lot of reading is ten times better since he's studying real magic.
He couldn't even find that in the regular school libraries up top.
Nothing in any human libraries could have anything Lincoln would want and need to further his studies in learning more mastery over demon magic, his better understanding of it will help tremendously in his personal mission. But, it wasn't a simple task. He was in his room, studying the pages of the grimoire until stopping at a page that detailed the creation of energy constructs. Lincoln focused hard with his eyes shut as his right hand glowed blue, he imagined a giant fist and trying to make it appear, it worked, but the construct itself faded, he couldn't quite focus enough to keep the form stable.
"Come one...Come on..." Lincoln grunted through gritted teeth. This was a simple spell all on its own, completely easy for a child. So, it wouldn't make sense for him to have so much trouble keeping it together. For all his strength, the energy construct broke apart, leaving a defeated white haired boy. "Dang it! What is wrong with me?!"
After the Harvest Moon Festival in the Wrath Ring, Lincoln's hit bit of a slump. It's been difficult for him to keep an unbreakable focus like he usually does, and he knows exactly the reason why.
It related to the cowboy imp assassin that almost had Lincoln and his friends at his mercy, not that he was even capable of it.
That slimy Striker left a very hate-filled impression on Lincoln. Hurting the imps and plotting to assassinate Stolas was enough to earn Lincoln's ire, but Lincoln felt very sour about how he was momentarily useless in the fight against him.
Like he really was nothing without the grimoire.
Sure, he's been told he can be useful through other means, but while he still believes being smart about surviving in Hell is just as effective, he can't really do much without the spell book once it's back in his teacher's hands.
Not only does that mean Striker was right about something, but it also makes him put his worth in I.M.P call into question. He may have been just the unpaid intern, but he's cemented a very crucial role and doesn't want the role to diminish in any way.
Additionally, it left him worried if he can even survive long enough to make it home.
Looking at his desk, the knife that Millie gifted to him following the encounter with Striker was placed there and hasn't been lifted since. No matter how many times he tries to give it back, she insists on him keeping it.
Attacking Striker with it earned him a right to it.
That's right.
Lincoln, the sole son of the Louds who's never taken a shine to violence stabbed that cowboy with a real knife.
It would be a lie to say that hasn't also weighed heavy in his head.
Not to mention the fleeting rush of excitement.
Banging on his door broke him out of his thoughts. "Interns!" the exuberant yelling of Blitzo was heard. "Company meeting, little man! Be late and it'll be a paid deduction all around!"
"Again, you don't pay me, Blitzo."
"I know! I just love being reminded about it!" Sighing, Lincoln made it to the regular meeting table where the others were and Blitzo got the important company meeting underway. "Alright, fam. It goes without saying that business did hit a bit of a snag since Stolas had to take his fancy book back for that little harvest fiasco, the events of which I'd rather not get into for obvious reasons." At least he was considerate enough to do that. "Fortunately, when that whole thing was over with, that beaked faced imp-thirsty owl graciously gave the book back. Took a while, but after getting back in the killing saddle, I.M.P has been making great as shit strides taking out humans on Earth!" he proudly says and drops a book of I.M.P's kill record. "Lincoln! Do the honors and list off our greatest hits!"
Lincoln hoped Blitzo didn't actually expect to go through the whole book.
"Okay, there was the realtor who ripped off his clients with lousy homes infested with rats."
Blitzo wiped a tear off his eye. "Death by swirly. A personal favorite of mine."
"Then, the divorce lawyer who seduced the wife which led to a double suicide."
"Romance. The genre of tragedy and I love seeing someone's romance go bad!"
"How can I forget the ex-mailman who poisoned his boss when he fired him for reading other people's mail. Said boss was also an avid tax evader."
"He and I got along so well."
"And the whole business in Las Vegas, with the llama and the loan shark."
"That llama knew too damn much!" Blitzo growls and recomposes. "All successful jobs with a ton of payoffs to boot! Took a while, but we're finally getting I.M.P's credibility back out there!"
Moxxie points out. "That would imply we had credibility in the first place, sir."
"To which, we had none." Loona added, already having enough of this meeting. She just purchased a new ensemble from Stylish Occult and showing it off online was more fun than Blitzo getting all hot and bothered over his so-called success.
"Now with that attitude!" Blitzo shrugs. "Although, I will admit. I couldn't help but notice some sluggish moves in those jobs. Moxxie, you better not have taken Loona's advice on signing up for the gym. Mills, you gotta keep the bloodlust in check, the last client paid us less than what was promised on account that you chucked the target's head into an alligator's when they specifically asked for proof of death in the form of the aforementioned head. Lincoln, intern or not, you especially couldn't really pull your own weight on the last job. The plan worked like a dream, but got a little too winded for my liking."
Lincoln frowns at the memory. "Sorry, Blitz."
"Don't be sorry. Just try a little harder next time, 'kay?" Blitzo would've given a far harsher admonishment, but knew their human charge was dealing with a lot right now, he didn't want Lincoln to think he'd be lighter again. In fact, the whole team seems to be under some amount of pressure, including himself, not that he'd ever willingly admit to that. "You know what we need? A nice little getaway to unwind a bit from all the bodies dropping, one where no shit-bags of shit don't ruin our fun by trying to kill us or our meal ticket!"
Moxxie raised an uncertain hand. "Sir, I can't call that a wise decision. If there's anything that can be said, it's that wherever we go, the probability of an altercation with whoever or whatever we happen to come across. Even if it's for something as simple as a simple outing. We thought the festival wouldn't amount to anything dire, and we all know how that escalated." he concernedly glances at his wife.
"Oh, honey, don't worry." Millie flexed her arm and held the bicep with confidence. "Ma and Pa always said nothing helps heal the body more than decapitation, sniping, and so on! What are we gonna do, Blitz?!"
"So glad you asked, Millie!" Blitzo spilled photos of a forest in Hell and a brochure that shows it as a seemingly famous spot for demon families to take a gander at. "You know those regular old campsites for families to love some grilled meat and picnic lunches...well they can eat dog shit! Because this fam does things way more badass! We'll use this forest as our own personal training ground, fine tune our killing skills, maybe go feral and ride with the animals!"
"Sir!"
"I kid, Mox. I kid. Everyone get ready!"
Training.
Now that made Lincoln recall his training day that happened after his first day as I.M.P's intern, he got useful tips that were perfect for a member that strictly served as merely support and nothing more. But now, he's feeling like he could contribute more than just being the magic book-user and carrying around all the weapons meant to end lives, and he feels silly that he hadn't thought of it before.
His nature as someone opposed to violence played a part, that and some fear on what might happen but Hell doesn't give two shits about second thoughts, either get into it or be fucked over.
This was the kind of choice he never imagined he'd make, but in recent days, he's found himself having to do many unbelievable things.
"Moxxie. Millie." Lincoln addressed the married lovers.
"Hey, there's our little man!" Millie shows packed lunches of sandwiches and other snacks. "I know Blitz said this ain't no picnic, but I couldn't resist making us some body fuel for the trip! I remember when your pappy and grammy took me and the sibs out to the wilderness, it was a blast! Granted, your aunt and I got into a few scuffles over who'd get the last biscuit, but that's in the past!" she whispers silently. "I won!"
"Actually. I want to ask you guys something." Here goes. "Since Blitz says this trip is purely for some training, I was wondering about doing something other than the spells in the grimoire. Is it possible that...you two could teach me firsthand the things that you know?"
After those uncomfortable beats of silence, Millie squeals loudly, overjoyed, grabbing her surrogate child in a super tight hug. "Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, fuck yes!" Her elation knew no end. "Lincoln, I have been waiting for you to ask that! A chance to teach you the fine art of snapping a neck, twist an arm until the bone pops out, and pressing thumbs into eyeballs!" Her lips quiver and tears of maternal pride shed. "It's finally happening', Moxxie! This is the moment every proud parents wish for, when their baby boy asks for lessons on brutal combat!"
In his head, Lincoln had expected this, but took the chance anyway.
Being the more cautious of the M&M duo, Moxxie was less sure. "Now, slow down there, honey. Lincoln, what exactly brought this on?" he felt Lincoln was more than helpful as he is now.
"I just think if it's possible for me to be more useful to the company besides the grimoire and coming up with plans, then I should take that risk."
Before Moxxie could respond any further, Blitzo dashes in, having heard just about everything they said. "Hey, now! What's this I hear about our favorite unpaid intern wanting to get more killy? Look at you, kiddo. First taste of blood and wanting for me, huh? Been there, buddy boy. A great feeling, ain't it?"
"No, that's-"
Millie gasps in her hand. "That reminds me! Sugar, don't forget your knife! I have so much to show you about the best ways to use a knife, like a stab between the eyes, a stab through the chin, a stab through any part of the body!"
"Love where you're head's at Mills." Blitzo twirls a knife he owns himself. "It just so happens I got some mastery on both guns and knives, myself. I can lend my own tips here and there. Now this! This is what it's all about! Teaching a child how to stab and shoot people!"
Hell never comes in short with a horrible new afterlife for fresh Sinners.
They come in by the hundreds by each passing day, practically serving as offerings for when the next Extermination passes by and their places are taken by the next Sinners who arrive. What's telling was how creatively deplorable these departed souls can be, their new demon bodies and abilities that come with them differ from each other very greatly, and one can't easily foretell which kind of Sinners would come next.
Case in point.
"Damn it! Will you move , already?! This is taking way longer than it should!"
"Hey, take it up with this little bitch. Fatass is just way too heavy! Is it too much to ask for a dead imp that doesn't gorge himself on junk food before an animal kills him and we then carefully place the body to be collected by his family?"
"Just dump it, already!"
A very overweight body bag is unceremoniously dumped into a deep ditch onto a pile of other body bags of other Hellborn demons and the two left them out in the open after calling their families. "Fuck! I didn't think we could still feel like we just ran a mile in Hell!" shouts a bipedal gray-skinned Sinner with mismatched colored eyes, two small horns and big jaw.
"Dying and coming to Hell doesn't exactly come with an instruction manual, man." The other Sinner said.
The other's top half was normal with sapphire skin and a single eye with a red iris and blue pupil, the lower half resembles a wheelbarrow part, and it was his only means of transportation.
Tossing the shovels into the dirt, they proceed to head back. "Come on. We're late enough as it is."
Just another day where beasts of the forests prey upon unsuspecting tourists in the forest, killing them, and the demons that run the joint have to get rid of the bodies to avoid lawsuits, rinse and repeat. This wasn't even the most horrible thing to occur in Hell, just a standard horrendous act of depravity. "Hey! That you two shit-tards!" A very irritated voice yells through a shoddy shack that was their home by extension, though it primarily belongs to the other demon there. "Tell me you dickheads got rid of the last batch! I only have so many shovels!" The displeased Sinner was made out of ooze with a very round body and stubbly limbs and a fedora for some reason.
"Yeah, don't worry, Latinous. Barrow and I took care of it."
"I took care of it." Barrow corrected. "Dump here was whining as usual."
"I do not whine."
"Please. You can't go one day without whining and I-"
Latinous silences them both. "Enough!" he then notices that they were missing someone from their quaint little group. "Hang on. Where the shit is Spec? She better not be wasting time with another one of her little video experiments again."
"Oops! Knew I forgot something!" A door in the shack is kicked open, revealing a female Sinner in a lab coat with lavender skin, fiery red hair and spectacles that looked like they were glued to her face. "Sorry, Latinous! But, there was some very special excrement that I just had to document and study! Hell is just so fascinating with its inhumane and unnatural odditie-oh, Barrow, Dump. When did you guys get back?"
Latinous sighs pinching what would be the bridge of his nose. "Damn it, Spec. What do I keep telling you about pulling your own weight around here? You're lucky I haven't kicked your ass out of here."
"Why hasn't he?" Dump asked.
"Because she's the only broad in Hell who'd put up with us." Barrow replied and he got a glare for it. "What? It's true. It'd be a miracle if one of those sexy lust demons would want to hang with us."
"Know what else would be lucky?" Latinous rhetorically asked. "Getting actual competent sons of bitches that can take care of this fucking pest problem we've been having! I am just fucking sick and tired of this body disposing bullshit! This isn't how I imagined my afterlife! For God's sake, I didn't even know there was an afterlife until after the fact!"
"We've all made that speech after getting in Hell, man."
"The point still stands!" The ooze demon's anger causes parts of his being to spill onto the floor and it fizzles a little, gaining Spec's attention who instantly crouches to get a closer look while writing down on her notepad. "That's not even what I'm pissed off about! It's all those crazy animals out there, we all took jobs in this park only to fail at stopping the guests from getting eaten!"
"Hey, we put those warning signs up for a reason!" Dump pins the blame entirely on the guests' fault. "Not our problem that they apparently can't read."
"And besides, Latinous, what do you expect us to do? We're not like uber badasses, and what are the chances of demons just passing through who could take care of out problem for us?"
Indeed, the chances of that were very slim.
Until the I.M.P van passed.
"Kind of weird that there wasn't anybody at the entrance." Lincoln notes nervously. He's seen scary movies before and besides the light nightmares he got from them, he does recognize the signs of them in real life. A forest in Hell proves to be ten times more frightening than scary movie forests and knowing the kind of sort that runs around in the Pride Ring, it wouldn't surprise Lincoln is a hockey mask-wearing chainsaw wielding psychopath was hiding somewhere in the woods, stalking them.
"I know that look." Blitzo chuckles. "Don't piss yourself, Linc. We're not in for any cliche crappy slasher film scene where a masked prude comes slashing right in the middle of anyone sleeping."
Okay, that somewhat calmed Lincoln down. "Phew. That's a re-"
"The forest where all the serial killers in life use their little playground is just a few miles from here."
"..."
Back to being afraid.
Moxxie had similar reservations. "Can't say it's anything like the brochure."
"Brochures always lie, Moxxie." Millie throws the paper out the window. "And I'm glad it did! A real training ground is the kind that doesn't bring any comfort or feeling of safety, it helps make you stay on your toes and really feel the killing intent. Like a breath of fresh air!"
Hearing Millie speak so casually about killing made Lincoln wonder if he'd be the same. Like she requested, Lincoln brought along the knife which was kept in a holster, the knife that's been decided firmly belongs to him and him alone. Such a weapon he feels is being wasted in soft hands like Lincoln's, at least that's how he feels, the instinct he felt when he stabbed Striker hadn't re-emerged and frankly, he was glad that it didn't. But realistically speaking, he's facing the facts and knows such an instinct is imperative for his own survival.
He just hopes that he won't lose himself in the process.
The can stopped in a very secluded part of the woods, with no other demon in sight. "Whoo! Now let's get down to it, folks! No one at the entrance means we don't have pay shit to be here which is making my good feeling about this place all the more good!"
"I'm getting no bars!" Loona growled in indignation, raising her phone up high but getting zero bars as a result. "Couldn't pick a place with better reception, Blitz?! I could be back at the office, posting!"
"Now, Looney. Don't take that tone of voice with me, young lady." Blitzo wagged his finger. "It's high time you actually focus on something other than that mind-numbing phone. You spend every single day glued to that thing, you might as well prefer doing that than doing your own job."
"That's because I do! It's not like that's ever bothered you before!"
"Maybe next time when your dear old father is calling for some help, you actually listen the first time! Unless you prefer it to happen only when Lincoln's the one getting his ass kicked."
Growling, Loona didn't counter with one of her usual dry comebacks, because her adoptive father was right. She tried hiding it, but the hellhound felt really horrible that she didn't go to the others' aid against Striker when Blitzo whistled for her. Then she heard Lincoln's cries of pain and nothing else mattered, not even her phone, and when she saw his bruised up face, all Hell broke loose inside her.
Whistling, Millie rummages through the bag to pick out the perfect weapons to use. "Hmm...nah." She declined the nunchucks. "Let's see...not quite there just yet." The wrecking mace was great, but a little too advanced. She needed to be real careful, this was her baby's first weapons and fighting hands on training, after all and she wanted it to be perfect.
"Millie, sweetheart." Moxxie pulls her away for a quick side-chat. "If we are serious about instructing Lincoln on hand-to-hand combat and firearms usage, then we must tread this more carefully. He's still a child, after all."
"So was I when I first cut open my first sparring partner with a cleaver!" Millie sighs fondly. "We had a big ole celebration feast and I have held that over Sallie May ever since! I always had a more flashy way of killing compared to her."
"And I find that to be a very enticing aspect that you possess." The rising sensation in Moxxie can attest to that. "But despite his growing prowess, I can still see a lot of reluctance in Lincoln, which isn't hard to understand. These kinds of things are unknown to him, the ways of Hell and all that pertains to it, it can leave quite the impression on someone his age. I think it's best to ease him into it, take our time and so on."
Millie gave it to her hubby, he did raise some mighty fine points. "Well, if you insist, sweetie. I suppose we can work our way up to a battle ax. Ooh! Maybe start with a hatchet, that's like a baby ax!"
"Don't forget about long range weaponry." Moxxie adopted the persona of an intellectual college professor who was beginning to teach a class on the fine art of the inner workings of his preferred means of combat. The imp was now more willing to own his area of expertise and be proud of it, and if Lincoln was truly willing, Moxxie would be happy to teach him all that he knew. He had the right sort of gun that would be for first beginners, a simple revolver pistol that wasn't all that big, but he never really cared for the size of the gun, just how useful it'd be when on the clock.
Blitzo always had different opinions compared to Moxxie. "Ha! What's the matter, Moxxie? You left your bigger gun back in the city?"
"Sir, a big gun doesn't make for the bigger man."
"You know what? You're right. You can have the biggest gun in Hell and it still wouldn't be enough to compensate!"
"If you would please refrain from the hurtful commentary, sir, I am trying to teach important lessons to our bright young intern." He holds the revolver out for Lincoln to take for his own, with Millie clapping in encouragement. "A revolver of this magnitude has safety and the recoil wouldn't be a forceful one, I see it as the perfect starter pistol." He nods to his wife who quickly assembled a row of empty soda cans on a large tree log that was chopped down by her with a chainsaw. With ease, Moxxie shot multiple times, hitting each can with precise shots, and Millie gave two thumbs up. "Now, you try."
Moxxie handled that so expertly and with such precision.
The only time Lincoln's fired at something was through video games.
This was a real gun and this wasn't some game where he could just re-spawn to begin again.
With one deep breath, Lincoln tensely takes guns into his hands. "Is-Is it okay to ask for some help?"
"That's quite alright." Moxxie helped him line up his shot perfectly. "The key is focus, Lincoln. Keep your mind and body centered on the target with a firm grip on the pistol, it's like baseball."
"I don't play baseball. Or sports in general."
Blitzo offered his own wise advice through a megaphone. "Better yet, do what I do! Just imagine the biggest fucking asshole that's screwed you ever in the past and just pull the damn trigger and BANG! They're dead and you'll be happy forever!"
"Has that ever happened, sir?"
"...Shut up."
Ignoring Blitzo's endless prattle, Lincoln followed Moxxie's advice. His hands were trembling, but that was to be expected, a boy holding a gun was something no decent person would ever want to see. The boy in question, also would feel very scared just by holding such a weapon, like Lincoln is. But, if he has anything to thank for his still being alive in Hell, it's his fight or flight response. Right now, he needs to visualize the target looking like someone he detests. But even if he were facing someone like that, Lincoln personally feels he'd never resort to-Stillman. That was the first person who came to mind, the person whose visage took the place of the can, the man to blame for landing Lincoln in this mess. For a brief second, Lincoln's eyes flashed red and he pulled the trigger, the bullet went straight through the can and I.M.P gaped in stunned silence, especially Lincoln until Millie broke out in cheers.
"That's my baby boy!"
"Damn, Linc." Loona clearly didn't see that coming. "Where did that come from?"
"Ain't it obvious, Loona? Sage advice from his great boss clearly helped." Blitzo puffs his chest out.
The scary thing is that it did.
Lincoln himself couldn't believe he actually fired with a real gun, he knew what he was doing, but at the same time, it didn't feel like he made the choice himself. It's like a sudden urge took over.
A light, but familiar urge.
"That actually was better than I imagined." Moxxie inspected the fired can. "Complete accurate shot, not what I'd expect from a beginner. Have you, by any chance, ever been to a firing range?"
"No. Of course not. It just...happened." That was the truth. Lincoln felt like pulling the trigger and so he did, without even hesitating, so sudden and so quick, he could barely register it.
"That's the inner killer in you waiting to get out!" Millie nuzzles his cheek. "You get that from my side of the family! Do it again, sugar! Make Momma and daddy even prouder and get celebration shots! And a juicebox for you, of course!"
"Um, I don't think-" Looking at the cans, Lincoln then imagined not only Stillman, but other people he'd like to forget. Martha, the psycho woman who was their target, Robo Fizz, a miniaturized Fish monster from the human beach, and of course, that slimeball, Striker. All standing there, and all moving to attack, making him subconsciously fired with the revolver and hitting the targets. It was done as if he had done it before, but Lincoln knew that he didn't, and yet, it still felt so good and that made him think that this wasn't right. He'd never feel such excitement from firing a gun.
Or would he?
The hesitation in his mind made his eyes return to their normal color, and the gun slipped from his hands the bullet strayed, missing the last can. "Oooh! Just missed that one, hon! But great work on the others!" Millie praised, raising up a cookie. "That earns you a victory cookie!"
"Uh, thanks?" Lincoln took the cookie, but was still confused.
"Yes, yes. Good show, sporto." Blitzo felt now it was time for the real heavy stuff that could make or break Lincoln as a potential assassin. "But let's see you shoot and swing a knife at a target that can actually move. No telling how many bloodthirsty little beasts are here, so let's call 'em down!"
Loona nudged Millie with her leg. "That's your cue, Millie."
Taking several deep breaths, Millie lets out a bloodcurdling animal-like roar that rocks the entire forest, making 4-eyed birds with sharp talons fly away, sensing the presence of a clear alpha predator. Her roar was responded with another one, just as ravenous and was running closer and closer to I.M.P. "Aw, listen to that? The little fella thinks it can scare us, but it's probably a small ass-" From the bushes, the beast jumps out. It was a quadrupedal animal with orange scales and sharp fangs and blood-red eyes, and it stared hungrily at the crew of frozen assassins. Growling slowly, he summons smaller creatures similar to it that were hiding in the bushes, waiting for their superior to call on them to gorge on their newest prey."-or not. Fucking scatter!" Blitzo shouts.
The smaller animals grabbed the picnic supplies and tore it all apart. Hellhound instincts taking over, Loona got on all fours and with a yell, tackled one of them and thrashed her claws at its back. The second one is shot by Moxxie with his handgun with a music symbol on it, but it had thick scales and did not enjoy being used as target practice. Millie assisted her husband by jumping onto its back and her knife was sharp enough to cut its scales and then grabbed the leg to flip it over, and Blitzo had the bigger one all to himself.
A very unfair turn of events.
"Uh, Blitz?" Lincoln was at a loss on what he was supposed to do.
"Yeah, I'll admit, this was not in the itinerary." Blitzo conceded as he actually did hope this wouldn't have to be a confrontational type of day out for his company employees. "Not that there fucking was an itinerary. But you gotta make do with what you have, intern. Take notes! This is how to get shit done!" Armed with two machine guns, Blitzo fired wildly at the beast. With enough force and tougher bullets, he can make short work of the beast, if only that beast wasn't a stubborn piece of work. Like Blitzo, it also attacked, grabbing the imp by his suit and flinging him into a tree. "Fuck, that was actually pretty good..."
"Blitz!" Lincoln's concerned shout gained the beast's attention and it went to attack him now. "Oh, dang it!" the white haired human ran as fast as he could, but this beast was hungry for some meat and it never had human meat before. Hell creatures just seem to really love chasing him and he dodges each time the beast tries pouncing on him, but couldn't do it the fifth time. He fell and backed up against a rock as the beast cornered and everyone was too preoccupied with their own troubles, the beast advanced slowly, wishing to savor this kill. Lincoln shook with terror, fear increasing. "Get away...get away!" he shouts with eyes flashing red and he swung the knife across the face, making it roar out an echo..
The smaller beasts noticed its leader in peril when they saw its status. With focus, Lincoln, who still had the revolver, aimed and shot it straight at the already injured beast, making the beast call on its cohorts and the three retreated back into the woods. He panted with shaky hands, Lincoln dropped the knife and gun, slowly getting up, not believing what just happened.
"Lincoln, you did it!" Millie hugs him. "You showed that big fucker who was boss and they went on running! Oh, I'm so proud!"
"I-I-I think I want to go back now."
"Seconded." Moxxie agreed. "It seems this little excursion is a failure, sir. Shocking no one."
"Never tell me I failed at something, Moxxie!" Blitzo almost poked him in the eye. "Also, a little too late for that." he leads his crew to show them the gates to the forest closing and being locked.
"That ain't nothing to sweat about!" Millie said, pointing a thumb back. "Let's just take our van and ram it through...oh. Shit." During all the commotion, the van's tires got scratched and now, it was immobilized.
"So we're in the woods? Alone? With all manner of ferocious Hell beasts?" Moxxie fretted. "Oh, crumbs! Should we simply wait it out until the gates reopen?"
"You can forget it, Mox!" Bltzo barked. "That'd make us easy pickings! Okay, there has to be some more evolved demons around here that's running things, alright? We find them, we find a way out of this shitshow. I think it's better for us to split up. Cover more ground."
Loona stared deadpanned, not believing Blitzo just said those words. "Split up? Are you for fucking real, Blitz? You're spitting nothing but cliches right now and those can get us killed, so why not think of a better plan?!"
"Again with that tone of voice! Keep that up and it's grounded time, missy!"
"But she does make a great point." Lincoln chimed.
"It is rather obvious to not split up, sir."
"We can kill 'em all, together!"
Blitzo groaned irritably. "Fine! God! You guys really need to learn to respect your boss when he gives a beautiful idea. It gives me the impression that none of you respect me and it really hurts." Taking out a big tarp, he uses it to cover the company van. "Whoever's in charge better have that insurance thing, because that van did not come cheap and I am pissed as fuck right now!"
Loona snorts. "As opposed to most of the time?"
For the rest of I.M.P's time in this forest, they traversed while keeping close eyes out for any more wild Hell animals lurking within the trees and had the weapons needed to defend themselves. For this sort of situation, keeping it together was needed, but it was hard to deal with all the disturbing noises and mild chatter that other beasts were making just to mess with them and it was working on Lincoln.
"Are you guys sure we'll find anyone?" Lincoln sweats. "For all we know, they could be..."
"Somebody's gotta still be in one piece to manage things here." Moxxie kept and eye out and his gun with no safety on. "Loona. Has your keen nose detected anyone besides us? We should've come across others by now."
"Other than your bossy fat hide, no."
Blitzo rubs his chin. "M&M, scout ahead. If there's an ugly beast, you can scream like a bitch, Mox." The two married assassins did as they were told, and they remained where they were, with their backs turned. "Alright, you two. This is it. They cover the front, and we cover the back. No way am I gonna let some animals go around and get me from behind, everyone knows the back is a real hard spot to strike. You gotta face everything head-on. Learned that lesson-"
"Blitz, it's obvious you're not treating this seriously, so drop it right now and get serious!"
Loona's agitated growl spoke for both her and Lincoln. "Hello? We're I.M.P. A dangerous forest's got anything on a team of badasses like us. Although, I can't say I'm thoroughly enjoying this. My gut told me that the serial killer forest was the better option, but no, I just had to go and settle on this one. Can only imagine how disappointed you kids are for not being able to experience a night in a killer-infested forest."
"...We'd hate it either way!"
"Learn to get what you get, intern!"
Loona inwardly cussed out Blitzo for trying to reassure Lincoln very poorly. Poor kid was freaking out and she could hardly blame him, a while ago, she wouldn't think too much of it, but he somehow managed to get through her icy exterior and now, she thinks like an older sister around him. She thought about what a good older sister would usually do to ease some of the tension in the air. Jokes. Changing the subject. "So, uh...still cool how you shot those cans. Didn't really think you had it in you."
"Yeah...I know..." Lincoln's chest tightened a little. "Neither did I..."
"That's just the natural way of things." Blitzo bluntly says. "Sure, an average Joe may seem like he couldn't shoot anybody to save his life, but it takes the right kind of man to release that killer instinct. If you ask me, though, you should've asked when you're a hundred percent serious about that sort of stuff."
Lincoln turns, shocked. "You knew?!"
"Of course I knew." Blitzo affirmed, offended that he finds that so surprising. "What? Is it such a shock that I actually paid attention to the signs?" Both Lincoln and Loona looked at him in silence, unsure on how to answer. "Gonna ignore that. Look, kid. I could tell that despite what you said with your mouth hole, everything else screamed that you'd want to do anything else other than that. When someone wants to do something, they tend to be obvious about it, you can see it in their eyes and with your eyes, there's nothing like that. At least most of the time. Couldn't help but notice a little change during target practice, even with that animal. But in both, you pulled back, you hesitated, didn't you?"
Ashamed, Lincoln nodded his head. I.M.P was a company meant for those with no qualms about taking lives, he only got hired out of his own unfortunate circumstances, so he didn't really belong there. Blitzo prefers all his employees to be remorseless assassins, and even he could plainly see that Lincoln didn't meet those requirements, it often confused Lincoln why he still continues to shelter him. "I-I'm sorry, Blitz."
Maybe if he had kept his mouth shut, this wouldn't be happening.
"Then don't force it."
"...Huh?"
That was less insulting than either Lincoln or Loona expected. "What? You thought you could get used to knife wielding and gun toting overnight? That takes time, kiddo. If you don't have the stomach for it right now, then don't try to force it out too fast. You're liable to fuck yourself over and you, my young friend, have never once allowed anyone to do that. You got your own strengths. Stick with those for now until you feel to step it up a notch. Not too hard. Just let it flow when it's necessary."
Lincoln blinked as he took the words in, that might be the most supportive thing Blitzo has ever said to him. "That...weirdly helps." Not by much, but it did make feel less horrible about himself.
"Duh. I said it. Now go to M&M. Can't risk Moxxie fucking this up." Blitzo sees Lincoln run up, then notices Loona still staring at him. "What?"
"Sorry. It's just, since when did you suddenly give a lot of deep wisdom like that?" While Loona had gradually enjoyed Lincoln's presence, Blitzo mostly treated it as just another business. For all his wackiness, Blitzo is capable of treating people right. It's mostly just Loona due to him adopting her and being very vocal about it, and has thrown Lincoln a few bones here and there, but it was rare to see the boss act like how he did just now.
"Kid needed a newsflash." Blitzo crossed his arms. "It's like he can't help but try to prove that he's already useful enough. Like Christ on a stick, a lot of trouble to go through to validate yourself, it's no wonder he and Moxxie get along."
"Well, can you blame him?" Loona defends. "He's not like other humans that usually end up here. He's willing to put up with our job even though he's not crazy about it, that alone is ballsy enough and you know it and he just wants to-"
Blitzo sighed. "Go back to his family in one piece. I know. If I had a nickel for every time he hits us with that same old speech, I'd never have to work again."
"...You don't believe that?"
She just had to ask that question, but since Lincoln was out of earshot, it was the opportune time to speak about him behind his back. "I'm not saying it's impossible. If a living human can be in Hell, then I guess anything's possible. But fuck it, real life doesn't always go the way you expect it to, if he wants to believe that he can make it out of here, then fine, but he should at least be ready for a lot of disappointment. All I'm saying."
That's how it went for Blitzo multiple times in his past, and who knows?
Maybe that would mean Lincoln wouldn't have to leave...
All of a sudden, Loona's nose sniffed wildly. "I got something!"
"Blitz! Loona!" Hearing Lincoln's yell, they ran ahead and see Moxxie and Millie standing protectively with their weapons, making sure Lincoln was behind them as they saw a rustling bush. I.M.P stood ready for the eventual attack...but weren't ready for a Sinner demon to roll out of the bush, covered in leaves and dirt, followed by another that was clean.
"Damn it, Barrow! I told you to stop pushing me!"
"My lower half involves a wheel! It's hard to stop, you know that!" Both stop and look at the confused I.M.P team. "...Ha! I told you there was a chance some folks were still alive! Now, you owe me!" Dump shrieks when Blitzo shoots near him, jumping into Barrow's arms. "WTF, man?!"
Blitzo wasn't in the mood for jokes. "You two shit-buckets in charge here?! Or did you sick those beasts on us!"
"Hey, calm down there, imp." Barrow drops Dump. "We were just looking for any survivors or dead bodies to buy-I mean report and hope to get a very dignified service from their families...and not sue us."
Dump dusted himself off. "You five are about the only bodies we've found that aren't mangled and unrecognizable. Bit of a first, now that I think about it. But yes, we do work around here, but come on, we didn't tell those damn animals to go around eating whoever. This isn't the Serial Killer forest."
"Then who's in charge?!"
Dump and Barrow's boss' voice was heard as if by chance, barking at them to answer. "Dump! Barrow! Where'd you two assholes go?! You missed your check-in time and-holy shit. You found guests who're still alive."
"That being so surprising doesn't bode well for us." Moxxie comments.
"You!" Blitzo marches with his flintlock. "You the ass clown running the show? My employees and I almost became fucking dinner and I'd like to file a complaint with my gun, you walking pile of shit!"
"Whoa, whoa! Cool down on the hate boner, pal This ain't my fault!" Latinous backed up.
"Now that is poor bossing. Not taking responsibility for your own poor business models! Shameful!"
Barrow and Dump slowly tried slipping away. "For an imp, little dude's pretty scary I think Latinous can handle this. We'll just go ahead and back away-." a hatchet was thrown that almost hit them, it instead hit a tree. "Or we can just stay here. I see no problem with that. In fact, I love standing!"
"Excuse me!" Millie waved. "Be so kind as to stick around, you hear? Because y'all ruined my baby boy's lesson in fighting and worming yourselves out just ain't smart at all." behind her sweet smile was a very pissed off momma imp.
"Guys, hang on!" Lincoln turned down the aggression level. "Why don't we just hear these guys out and not kill them? Something tells me they have their own problems with the animals."
"Yeah! Listen to the bunny kid demon!"
"Seriously?"
The forest then became abuzz, the hungry beasts dwelling in it made it known that this wasn't the best place for an explanation. Latinous was the first to know that. "Look, just follow us, okay?" he left a trail of slime as he moved. "Week just keeps getting worse."
Every time Latinous, Dump, and Barrow went out to manage things in the forest, it gave Spec the chance to continue her special little projects without any kind of disturbance or disruptions.
"Boy, those guys have been gone a long time. Must have been a huge haul." She observed, checking the time. "More fun for me. It gives me a chance to continue my work."
Every time they lost their guests, she observed it all in her room, which had various small screens that were connected to multiple cameras she's placed all around the forest for her to see what occurred and wrote it down. Additionally, she kept all her notes in a drawer and hid it from her work colleagues, she couldn't afford to miss getting such unique specimens to be used for examinations.
"I love it in Hell!" Being in Hell has given her so many opportunities to study all the abnormalities it had, at least, they'd be considered abnormalities on Earth. Here, it's not so rare, but for a lover of all things unexplained, it was a paradise. "I'd love to see all those bitches point and laugh at the class weirdo now! They sure weren't laughing after I killed them in retaliation!" A floating can hummed at her. "What? I'm here for a reason, Unit 1. The important thing is that I'm happy, and as long as I'm happy, I won't sell you off to techies in the city." Right now, she wanted to take advantage of her afterlife the best way that she could. The sensors around the forest picked up on some activity earlier that she missed while working on something else that she hoped her boss won't find out about.
"Spec! Get over here!"
"Coming!" With a happy skip, Spec went to meet with her associates and the guests that didn't get eaten for once.
I.M.P looked around the broken down shack. "Cold. This is a cold house." Blitzo surmises, even the tents in the circus had better class and style than crapholes like this. Fuck, their building even more so.
Latinous glared. "Hey, cut us some slack, alright? Business hasn't exactly been good to us. Ever since those animals showed up, the less demons that live through a day here, the less we get paid."
"Yet, it still seems like the fault lies in management." Moxxie further criticizes.
"You let your people run their mouths?" Latinous asked Blitzo
"Only when they're right."
Spec arrives and greets them with a wild wave of her hand. "Greetings!" She gasped excitedly at the new speci-er guests that had arrived. She appears behind Loona, to touch her tail. "I've never encountered a female hellhound before! Hmm...hard to say if you're purebred or a mutt, though."
"Hey, there's a thing called boundaries, pervy nerd!" Flushing, Loona pulled her tail away.
Spec then observes the three imps. "Let's see." She took measurements of M&M. "Definitely looking at Wrath Ring imps here, even though the male one lacks the usual physical attributes of one."
"Can we not go through this again?!"
Blitzo was another story. "But you! I didn't think imps could get so tall! Which Ring do you hail from?! Lust? Envy? Gluttony? Also, could you tell me all the characteristics of those Rings in case you've been to them all?! Downside of being a Sinner is that Pride is the only Ring I'm allowed to take residence in."
"Yeah, okay. Do me a solid and back the fuck away from me!" Blitzo pushed her off his being. "When it comes to me, I use hooker rules!"
Loona tilts her head. "No kissing on the mouth?"
"Oops, got those mixed up there. I meant stripper rules. Look, but don't touch."
Spec gaped at Lincoln. "And you! I've never seen a child Sinner before! So fascinating!" she stops her excitement as when she got a closer look at him, she started to have doubts about her own assessment. "Wait, or are you some kind of Hellborn? The white hair sort of throws me off a little."
Lincoln darts his eyes. "Um..."
Blitzo stands in-between. "He's our intern, and that's all you need to know, bitch! Now, can we get to the point already?! My crew and I want out of this shithole, and if you guys really work here, unlock the fucking gates and get us the fuck out!"
"Believe me, If I could, I'd do it already. If only to get you little shits out of my gooey hair." Latinous made sure the door and windows were locked. "But the only one who knew how to work the technical stuff bit it two Exterminations ago. If that weren't enough, these animals rolled in when their home got burned to the ground for one of the Overlords' new places. Damn things started eating guests, so now, we can't get paid and can't find a way to get rid of them all."
"What about her?" Millie points at Spec. "She looks brainy enough to figure it out."
"Sorry, but the way there is blocked by the beasts. Can't get in without risking confronting them. If you want, I could lend you collected security videos, they might be of some help. But, I don't recommend the ones that Dump personally recorded, though. I'm pretty sure he actually had them off while getting drunk-"
Dump silenced her. "They don't need to know that!"
"Fantastic!" Blitzo sarcastically exclaimed. "The serial killer forest wouldn't have a bunch of useless idiots."
"Don't even mention those chainsaw-loving freaks!" Latinous bitterly gritted. "They're not so great and what do you want from us? We're not built for all that killing and shooting thing."
"Maybe. But this team does!" Lincoln's talent for coming up with the right plan is once again showcased. With all the information laid out to him, the gears in his head turned and he told the demons, Hellborn and Sinner alike, what he came up with. "We fought back and lived. If we take care of your problem, you can get to the controls and let us out here. You won't have to worry about this sort of problem ever again."
"Huh." Barrow said. "Might be the crack I did an hour ago talking, but the kid's making a point."
"Just wait a single damn minute there!" Blitzo pulls Lincoln aside for a side-conversation. "Kid. We're not a charity service, we don't just lend our services out to just anybody without getting some sweet dough. Think of our rep, here! We can't have anyone thinking we're going soft on charging clients! It ruins the whole point of the business for Christ's sake!"
"I know, but like it or not, it's our only shot. You had Loona leave the book back at the office and didn't pack the really big guns. So, we don't have that many options."
Moxxie adds into that. "At this point, sir, earning a profit is trivial and we're not exactly on the clock so to speak."
"...Fine!" Blitzo talks to the four Sinners. "But don't spread the word around that my company works for free, 'cause I will hunt you down! Now, we got a game plan or what?"
"Splendid!" Spec celebrated. "You seem a lot more useful compared to Dump."
Dump flushed in shame. "Spec!"
Latinous gave I.M.P the basic rundown of the forest.
If they were going to get out, they needed to know the lay of the land and luckily, the four Sinners knew the forest like the back of their hands. With Lincoln and Moxxie's coordinating strategically, Blitzo and the girls were prepping up with weapons.
Dump and Barrow...were just there.
Complaining for the most part.
"Gotta say, you guys have a lot of fun toys." Barrow comments. "What? Nothing for us? All we have are faulty guns."
"Company issued, pal. You bust it, you pay for it." Blitzo pours in the gunpowder. "Got these babies at high price, and I doubt you even can. Also, don't slow us down, I know you Sinners can put yourselves back together, but that's not an excuse for being sloppy."
"Was that a crack at me?"
"See any other sucker made of ooze?"
The main plan is for Blitzo to head out with Loona, Latinous, Dump, and Barrow while M&M and Lincoln stay at the shack with Spec and will act as the cavalry in case they run into beats that would require bigger numbers. "The road to the controls should be easy enough. Head north and not get attacked on your way and in the 50% chance that you won't require assistance, you'll have succeeded!"
"50%?" Dump questioned. "You usually give us only 20."
"No, that was for them." Spec gestures to Blitzo and Loona. "You three have the regular odds."
Lincoln sent Blitzo and Loona concerned advice. "Be careful, you guys."
"Forget who you're talking to here, Linc?" Blitzo thought Loona should still reconsider. "If anything, a certain someone ought to stay with you here and switch out with M&M like I wanted."
"You said you want me to be more active, Blitz." Loona hoisted up a backpack. "This is me being active."
Blitzo, Loona, Latinous, Dump, and Barrow left into the woods to begin. Lincoln sincerely hoped that it would be a semi-easy endeavor for them, but since when has his luck ever been that good? Blitzo and Loona were far from defenseless, but this whole trip has given the family of I.M.P a run for their money, and being the type who worries for others, Lincoln couldn't suppress it. If only he could naturally hone those intense instincts, rather than have them just randomly appear when the going get tough. Except, it's not so random, it just happens when he's pushed to his breaking point, but his reluctance to embrace those instincts may get in the way. If those beasts hadn't appeared, he might have learned how.
"Alright, Lincoln, honey! Let's continue the lesson!" Millie took him by surprise by dragging him along.
"What?"
"You heard me, young man. You really thought a few nasty little beasties were enough to end the lesson? No siree! Fuck that noise! On my word as a mother, I am not allowing your training to be ruined!"
"Millie, this is hardly the right time for-"
"Don't give me lip, Mox-Mox! We're doin' this!"
"But what would you even use at this point?"
Spec's head poked out the door entrance. "I can help with that!"
The quirky Sinner directed them to the back and she had a control device. With it, she automatically opened the cellar doors, releasing hot steam and mechanical sounds of something being raised up and they were presented with a series of drone-like machines with four leg limbs and target symbols. "...I hate that this feels familiar to me." It's as if Spec is some more deranged demon version of Lisa.
"I've had to work with limited supplies, but these beauties should suffice as practice dummies. Their body shapes even resemble animals, and I programmed them to act that way. It'll be like they're real live ones!"
Lincoln shivers. "That's what I'm afraid of."
"Fear! The expected reaction I was going for! Thanks for that!"
Moxxie felt he needed to object. "I don't-"
"Begin!"
Screaming, Lincoln ducked when a drone jumped at him. No matter where he ran, he was cut off by each of them, they didn't want him to have any ways to escape, just like how real life predators corner their prey. His glowing red eyes came back, but they faded out when his reluctance clashed with the instincts to attack back, which inadvertently helped the drones. "Come on, Linky, baby! Don't be afraid!" Millie's words were easier said than done. For her, it was normal to give in to such primal urges, but the boy had many things holding him back. His hands moved on their own and aimed the revolver, but it seemed as if he was trying to resist the choice to shoot, but once a drone attacked, the instincts took over. A single shot was fired, and it struck the target symbol, shutting the drone down. Lincoln runs forward and jumps onto another's back and drives the knife into its legs to slice it off, leading it to lose its balance.
Getting off, Lincoln shot the target to end its continued threat.
He uses it as a cover to shoot at the other walking robotic targets. Cables were shot out and wrapped around Lincoln's waist, dragging him across the ground as a drone tried attacking with its sharp limbs. Growling in anger, the red glow in his eyes seemed to have intensified, and he grabbed hold of a limb to slice it off, then repeatedly stabbed into the target and used the separated limb to smack the target symbol of another's clean off.
All that was left was one more, but at this point, Lincoln didn't want to feel like a fighter anymore and he drops his weapons.
"Something's wrong." Moxxie says to Spec. "Call it off, now!"
But it was too late, the last drone charges, until it stops mid-air and disassembles into broken pieces. "Damn it!" Spec snapped her fingers. "That's what I get for working with junky parts. Live and learn, as they say! I'll go see the progress of our comrades!"
"Did you see him, Moxxie?!" Millie shook his arm with a bright beam. "Ma and Pa'll both be thrilled to know their grandbaby's coming along nicely in the pain delivery department! I should've brought a camera with me!"
"Millie." Moxxie lightly admonished. He nods to Lincoln who, unlike Millie, wasn't so exuberant, he hasn't even picked up the gun and knife, only having a deeply conflicted expression. The imps grew worried and carefully approached the boy. "Lincoln, are you okay?"
"...No. No, I'm not."
"Aw, hon. More time and practice-"
"That's not the problem, Millie!" The female imp was taken back by the tone which Lincoln regretted. He can't hold in his troubles anymore, he needed to say this to both of them. "I'm sorry, I-I just, everything about this feels so wrong to me. When I asked you for this training thing, the truth is that I wasn't really sure about it. I've never been someone who attacks, not like most of my sisters. But this is Hell, and things are way different and even then, I still don't want to. Even though I know it's the only way to survive, I just can't be like you guys because I'm scared that I may love it. And I don't want to. I'm sorry."
Moxxie had his suspicions so he wasn't that surprised, but Millie mentally kicked her own ass for not recognizing the trouble. A real mother would've seen it from a mile away, not get too carried away. "Lincoln." Moxxie began. "In Wrath, you told me there was nothing wrong with my approach. It may not be what's expected, but that doesn't matter, and I should be proud of it and not change a thing. Well, why can't the same be said for you?"
"But you're a great assassin because of your gun expertise, Moxxie. It doesn't matter if you're not a buff imp, what you know works. Me, I can't help but just freeze up, I can't be this cold remorseless killer that you expect. But if I can't, what good am I to the company besides being just an intern with magic? I can't always rely on that book, and I don't want to be a burden by always expecting you guys to come to my rescue. I don't want to be helpless."
"Lincoln Loud." Millie grasps his shoulders to make him look her in the eyes. "You are anything but helpless. You've helped us when you could've ran for the hills, faced whatever was thrown at you. You did all that without needing to be a hardcore edgelord. My folks always tried teaching' me and my sibs to fight and kill without losin' it. Never worked for me, but it can work for you. All it takes to remember who you are at your core."
"Neither of us would ever want to force you to give in to the violence." Moxxie'd be ashamed to ever even try that. "If you don't like having to fight when you have to, then that's fine. Not all demons would hold it against you. Though, that still would leave you with a vast majority. Bottom line, you're allowed to stick true with you are, a kindhearted boy just as I'm allowed to stick with who I am."
"And we wouldn't have it any other way." Millie pecks Lincoln's forehead to show that she means it.
These guys.
For happily married assassins, these two make good parents.
"Excuse me!" Spec came back out. "Much as I don't wish to disturb this tender moment between a surrogate family, I just got word from the guys and we may have to intervene a tiny bit."
During the same time, the trek to make it all the way through the forest was slow-going.
All due to the constant prattle of the arguing demons.
"The fuck are you trying to pull, jelly-man? Feet are starting to sore and you said it wouldn't be long." Blitzo's seen enough movies to know the telling signs of the hidden murderers luring unsuspecting victims out and he'd fucked twice over before going through any cliche shit.
"Spec said it shouldn't take long if the animals didn't attack. We already went through three attacks!"
Latinous' body had a few bite marks that were slowly reconstructing itself.
"Correction, we had to be attacked." Loona points to herself and Blitzo. "Your two clowns did jack shit and that one keeps eyeballing me."
Dump bristles. "Can I help it if I think you're hot?! Barrow's just as bad-"
"No one has time to mistreat, Dump! That's for off the clock hours! Just don't forget you two agreed to do all the killing yourselves and we graciously reward you with a way out of here and first chance I get, I'm getting another job!" Barrow knew that there had to be other professions in Hell that would make his lower half more useful than dumping corpses and with no infuriating co-workers.
"Fine print, Dump. You work here in the forests until it closes down or an Exterminator comes for it when the year's up."
"What?! That's cheap!"
Blitzo could just shoot out his eardrums right now. "If I wanted to hear nothing but bitching and moaning, I'd have spent the whole day with Moxxie." He can only think how much fun his employees were having without him. "If it weren't for the fact that you have the literal keys to our freedom, I'd gladly let those animals tear you limb from limb. You realize that, right?"
"Very much so. That's why before we left, I prepared to dial a number on my phone for a hitman to hunt you down and waste your imp-ass."
"...Okay, you get points for some forward thinking."
By the miracle of one of the high-ranked demon lords, or maybe all of them, they finally saw the shed that had the controls for opening the gate entrance of the forest. But just as expected, a horde of savage Hell beasts had taken the area for their own. Skeletal remains of other animals and Hellborn species littered on the ground, some were fighting over a few that still had some meat on them while others were resting themselves like the animals that had attacked I.M.P. This was easy enough for Blitzo, he had his sniper rifle prepped with a silencer for some silent kills. Sure, today has been terrible, but nothing like some sniping to vent some of that frustration off, even though he much preferred some more advanced beings.
One trigger pull and that's three of them down.
The commotion stirred the slumbering beasts awake and the demons made themselves scarce. A group of beasts sniff around to find their soon-to-be dinner, but Loona jumps down from a tree branch and thrashes them aside with a crowbar. One would be surprised that with her own skill in fighting, she's only the company's receptionist. "This is easier than I thought." she confidently smirked. "Would love to see Mr. and Mrs. Asshole complain about me being too lazy if they were here." she cracks her knuckles to go do her own maiming.
"Yeah!" Blitzo shoots more down. "Feel it, Looney?!" Another was trying to take a bite out of him, but Blitzo puts a stop to that. "The thrill of the hunt! Intoxicating, isn't it?!" He laughs at the Sinners. "If you think it is some good shit, you should see Millie! And Moxxie, too, when he really gets into it! Don't tell him I said that, though! My honest criticism is meant to make him nut up and do shit right! It worked wonders for me!"
"Did it really, Blitz?"
"...Just keep killing them all!" An avian Hell beast screeched loudly and it plucked Blitzo from the ground, intent on feasting on him once they made it to its nest. "Oh, hell no! I have had it with hellbound birds!"
"What does that mean?" Dump asked, shooting back-to-back with Barrow.
Loona rolled her eyes. "Don't ask."
She fired an arrow from a crossbow and it hit the bird's chest. "Great shot, sweetie!" Blitzo face-plants upon his fall and stays like that for a few seconds before rising up. "Jelly man, you've criminally undersold how hard this'd be."
Latinous had some in his jelly body and the lack of air made them struggle until they were no longer moving. "These are just the small fry! The real challenge are the-"
Low growling cuts off his sentence and the animals freeze and back away. From the forests' shadows, emerged larger Hell beasts that were respected as the alphas, a three-headed four-legged predator breathed fire, ice, and lightning from its three mouths. Another bird-like beast hovered and unleashed a loud screech that sent out loud shockwaves. A hulking monster with a single horn and brown fur stood on two legs and held a large stone pillar as a makeshift weapon and glared dangerously at the more sentient demons.
"...Oh, shit."
"Call for backup?" Loona asks Blitzo without looking at him.
"Yes, that'd be nice."
The three horrible beasts were hard to shoot at and the demons were faced with no other choice but to make a run for it. Dump and Barrow had to carry their boss since he was way too slow. Everything else in the path of the beasts were helpless against them, they even knocked away unfortunate smaller beasts and cornered the Sinners and the Hellborn to a water stream. "An out of nowhere save would be great right now!" Loona remarked. Good thing it was up to that point once a barrage of ammo, grenades, and missiles made an appearance.
Lincoln, M&M, and Spec arrived in a tricked out jeep. "Is that the old jeep?!" Latinous gaped. "Spec, why didn't you tell me you fixed it up! We could've used it ages ago!"
"You didn't ask."
"What?! I-you-What?!"
Blitzo gives lots of pity. "Look at it this way, jell-o. Now you know you're the worst boss ever."
Moxxie and Millie went into action, supplying Blitzo and Loona with some more heavy artillery, making the larger beasts call upon the lessers for assistance. Lincoln stayed in the jeep for a moment before seeing one of the lesser beasts. "Millie! Is that the one?!"
She nodded while spinning in the air swinging two swords that diced up animals lunging at her. "That's it, Lincoln! Remember what I told ya on the way, it's those types of nasty beasties that have a weak spot! Now, ride 'em, my little cowboy!"
He's done crazier.
Lincoln jumps onto the back of a beast and it thrashes wildly. "Okay, Lincoln. Hesitation won't save your life." he closes his eyes and allows himself to not feel any emotion at all. "Just let it flow..." Opening his eyes, they were red once more. He pointed with his reloaded revolver and shot its four legs. The beast falls to the ground and Lincoln jumps off to allow Millie to handle it from there. That wasn't the end of the boy's troubles. He was grabbed by the throat by a pincer claw by a crawling creature. Taking some cues from Millie, he kicked one of the legs really hard and used his knife to stab the other to make it topple. Moxxie assisted by tossing him new rounds to reload to shoot some more times for the kid to go free.
Out of respect for his stances, Moxxie opted to shoot the last shot. With the added and combined efforts of I.M.P plus the Sinner demons, the rest of the small fry were easy pickings. The larger, more dangerous beast on the other hand, no matter what was thrown at them and no matter how much they were attacked, they were still hard to put down for good.
For this kind of job, they needed more than guns and knives.
What Lincoln needed was more.
He needed magic.
The grimoire.
With frustration, Lincoln's eyes glowed even brighter and all the way back in Imp City, the grimoire of Stolas opened and the pages responded to thoughts. But, it wasn't the thoughts of its owner and master, but of the part-time user of it who was currently fighting for his life. It flew straight through the window to heed the call of the user in peril and before Lincoln knew it, the book appeared. "The grimoire..." Lincoln whispers, his hand touching the pages and subconsciously, he casts a spell that opens up a portal leading to the top of one of the three headed beast's heads. Three Heads looked and saw the portal and one of the heads shot fire balls until Lincoln brought up a barrier that protected him.
As the fire breathing head started to attack again, Lincoln acted much faster and sent an ice spell into that mouth, the interaction caused the fire breathing head's fire to be put out and now it couldn't shoot flames. The other two heads fired but extra portals were opened and they ended up blasting each other that left the three-headed beast incapacitated and Loona saw this as her chance. Leaping high with a spear, she spun down to slice off the three heads in a fell swoop. "Nice work, buddy!" She compliments Lincoln.
He picks up a bag full of grenades and shouts over to his boss. "Blitz! Heads up" He throws the bag for Blitzo to catch and with the book, makes wild vines sprout from the ground and entrap the avian beast.
Blitzo grins. "Great! This is starting to be fun again!"
Launching himself with a grappling hook, Blitzo throws each unpinned grenade with ease and fired at them explosives in the air where the avian animal demons where nearby, getting caught in the blast. All that was left was the hulking beast that tried playing whack-a-demon, but they ran across to keep him confused and distracted when Lincoln released purple mist from the spell that made its vision impaired. He drops his stone weapon when Moxxie fired at the object until he was out of ammo, but he wasn't done just yet. "Lincoln!" Moxxie's scream signaled Lincoln to open a portal for him and he jumped through to land on the beast's head, and activated a flamethrower.
Moxxie hopped off once the creature tripped and fell trying to extinguish the flames. With that, all three beasts were no longer a problem for I.M.P and the four part Sinners.
The lesser beasts were now without alphas.
Without direction.
All they could do was run as the demons continued killing them and thus, were free to use the controls.
"I'll be damned...again." Latinous crosses his arms, hiding his impressed state. "They actually pulled through."
Now that all the beasts were without alphas, they no longer saw the need to stay in the forest any longer. I.M.P held up their part of the deal and in return, Latinous had Spec access the manual controls and the gates were opened. Any straggling animals were free to roam out to wherever the Hellish winds will take them, and this day was finally coming to an end.
"Well, can't say this was a ball." Blitzo shakes hands with Latinous and wipes the ooze off on Moxxie's shirt. "But, just make sure you don't go around saying we work for free and we'll call it even."
"Whatever, man. I'm just glad there's no more pest control problems."
Dump walks up to Loona. "So, look. I like to think the deepest of bonds can be born from surviving together and well, you're like, super hot and-" He jumped when Blitzo almost shot his foot and Loona brought out a switchblade. "Right, right. Message received. I'll, uh, just be on my way."
Barrow sighed, patting his shoulder. "Dude, she's way out of your league. You know that."
"Yeah."
Spec gives them a fond farewell. "Goodbye, all! Thanks again for being competent guinea pigs! I'll be sure to make the drones more of a challenge next time! They'll be humanoid and be heavily armed!"
"Van. In. Now!"
Blitzo stepped on the pedal and they were out of there.
"All in all, I think they were nice." Spec smiles. "Especially that bunny kid. It was nice of him to offer their assistance." A distinct odd case in Hell, but a refreshing change if she were to be truthful.
Barrow shakes his head. "What? You really think that was out of the goodness of his heart? You're starting to sound like that mushy princess."
Inside the van, Lincoln sighs tiredly as he melts into the seat. This day was more than he was expecting, but like before, he made it through despite all the odds stacked against him and his co-workers. He fought using his smarts and with some magic, and that worked wonders for him, and frankly, he was a little proud of himself, but not more so than M&M.
During the entire scuffle, Millie took the liberty of snapping various photos to commemorate this joyous occasion, not missing any instances of Lincoln going on the offensive with knife and gun in hand. "Look at us, guys! Kicking ass and taking names like a real family!" Her happy tears were overflowing, this was a day that would go down in history and she'd brag about to all the other mothers in Hell. "I can't wait to write to Ma and Pa about this! You see, Lincoln? There wasn't anything wrong with how you go about it! Fuck, you could use magic while fighting! It'd be your own personal style!"
"There, see?" Blitzo grins to himself. "Maybe next time, don't doubt your boss' wisdom. You even pulled off some good shit that even I didn't expect."
"Ah. It was nothing."
Moxxie thought differently. "Don't sell yourself short, you were superb. In fact, you're free to keep the revolver. If you'd have me, I'm still willing to teach you more on proper firearm usage."
"Don't forget about Momma! I can already picture you throwing a hatchet like a pro! Buckle up, sweetie, 'cause you're in for a lot of exercise! But in your own time, of course."
A nice change from past experiences of being signed up for pee wee football and being dragged into games.
These two really do make great parents. "Mom, dad. Quit it!" Lincoln chuckles, then sees Moxxie and Millie still as statues. "What?" he quizzically asked, then registers what he just said. "Oh. I-"
He was now in Millie's vice grip, over the moon with pride. "He said it! Y'all heard him! He finally said it! He called us 'mom' and 'dad'! It's fucking official!" she sheds her happy tears and brings in Moxxie for the hug.
Lincoln fretfully looks at Moxxie, thinking that was a huge boundary issue. "I didn't mean-that was-"
"It's okay." Moxxie tells him, holding his shoulder. "I actually don't mind."
Moxxie and Millie.
Parents.
The gun expert was starting to come around to that idea and even though it was a slip of the tongue, Lincoln admitted to himself that referring to Moxxie and Millie in such a manner didn't feel wrong at all.
Loona rolls her eyes, but finds it in her to smile. "She's not gonna shut up about this for weeks."
"Eh, let her have her fun." Blitzo shrugs. "Satan knows I'd do the same."
"Fine. But fair warning, I'll be buying ear plugs so don't take it personally if it looks like I'm ignoring everyone."
Better that two adoptive demon parents get a win like that than none at all.
Even so, for a bad day, it ended on a good enough note.