Ethan, still slightly dizzy from the tofu-induced revelation (and the lingering taste of victory-slash-gym-socks), decided a little reconnaissance was in order.
Reconnaissance, in Ethan's world, usually involved lurking.
And the best place to lurk, in his limited experience, was the Medicine Hall.
It smelled interesting, at least.
He snuck in, the scent of a thousand herbs hitting him like a wall – some pleasant, some… less so.
It was like a botanical battlefield in there.
Mia, the mute Medicine Hall girl, was at her usual station, pounding something with a mortar and pestle that looked older than the sect itself.
She was small, with eyes that seemed to absorb all the light in the room, making her look perpetually surprised.
Or maybe just perpetually judging Ethan's lurking skills.
He pretended to examine a jar of dried… something.
Bugs?
Probably bugs.
As he "studied" the jar (he really just wanted an angle to watch Mia), a familiar *ping* echoed in his mind.
It was the "Ludicrous Immortal's Handbook" system, doing its thing.
\[*Auto-translating: "Compendium of Medicinal Herbs and Their Hidden Properties"*]
The system projected the text onto the inside of his eyelids, which was both incredibly cool and mildly nauseating.
He squinted, trying to focus.
The text, a ridiculously ancient-looking scroll in his mind's eye, seemed to be focused on… Mia.
\[*…the Thousand-Year Spiritbloom… only takes humanoid form after absorbing a core of pure celestial energy… extremely rare… possesses potent healing properties… do NOT attempt to make soup…*]
Ethan blinked.
Mia?
A walking, talking, herb-pounding super-medicine?
He almost choked on his own spit.
"No way," he muttered, forgetting, for a moment, that he was supposed to be inconspicuous.
Mia glanced up, her expression unchanging.
She tilted her head slightly, then went back to her pounding.
The sound was rhythmic, almost hypnotic.
*Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
* It was the soundtrack to Ethan's existential crisis.
He decided that, for now, the walking miracle-herb secret was safe with him.
He had bigger, more immediate problems.
Like, you know, passing the sect assessment and not getting kicked out.
The day of the assessment dawned bright and… well, it was just bright.
Ethan wasn't feeling particularly bright.
He'd spent most of the night trying to figure out how to weaponize tofu, with limited success.
The arena was packed.
Trainees buzzed with nervous energy, and the elders sat on a raised platform, looking down their noses at the proceedings.
Elder Chen, a man whose face seemed permanently stuck in a frown of disapproval, was overseeing the whole thing.
Ethan had a sneaking suspicion the guy used prune juice as mouthwash.
The first few rounds were a blur of flying fists, questionable footwork, and the occasional yelp of pain.
Ethan, true to his plan of strategic mediocrity, was… well, he was losing.
Spectacularly.
But on purpose!
This was all part of the grand, slightly insane scheme.
His final match was against a burly kid named Borin, who looked like he ate rocks for breakfast.
Borin charged, and Ethan activated his newly acquired skill, courtesy of the system: "Rubber Body Technique."
\[*Rubber Body Technique: Allows the user to absorb and redirect kinetic energy, like a… well, like a rubber ball.
Warning: May cause excessive bouncing.
*]
The system's warnings were, as always, disturbingly accurate.
Borin's punch connected, and instead of crumpling, Ethan… wobbled.
Then he *boinged*.
Borin's fist retracted as if it had hit a trampoline.
The force of the impact, however, didn't just dissipate.
It amplified.
Ethan, with a yelp that sounded suspiciously like a deflating balloon, went flying backward, a human projectile of flailing limbs and surprised yelps.
He sailed through the air, a magnificent, if unintentional, display of acrobatic incompetence.
He landed, with a rather undignified *thud*, directly at Lucas's feet.
Lucas, who had been watching the proceedings with a smug smile, looked down at Ethan with a mixture of amusement and disdain.
"Well, Ethan," he said, his voice dripping with honeyed condescension, "that was… certainly a performance."
Ethan groaned, every bone in his body protesting the sudden impact with the ground.
He felt like a dropped pudding.
The scoring was done on jade slips, each elder recording their assessment with a flick of their wrist.
Lucas, as Chief Disciple, had the final say.
He strolled over to the scoring table, a picture of graceful authority.
"Let's see the results," he said, his voice smooth as silk.
Elder Chen shuffled the jade slips, his frown deepening.
"Chief Disciple," he said, his voice gravelly, "there seems to be a… discrepancy. Several trainees have scored higher than expected." He glanced pointedly at Ethan.
Lucas took the slips, his expression unreadable.
He glanced at them, then back at Ethan, a flicker of something cold and calculating in his eyes.
And then, with a subtle, almost imperceptible movement, he did it.
Ethan, thanks to the system's "Rewind" function (because apparently, his life was now a poorly-edited movie), saw it all in slow motion.
Lucas's finger, tipped with a faint, almost invisible glow of Qi, brushed against the jade slip displaying Ethan's (already abysmal) score.
The numbers shimmered, then changed.
From "Barely Passable" to "Epic Fail."
\[*Rewind Complete.
Evidence Acquired.
*]
The system's notification pinged, a smug little sound in the midst of Ethan's rising outrage.
He'd been cheated!
Royally, epically cheated!
Lucas handed the slips back to Elder Chen, his smile now a masterpiece of innocent benevolence.
"It seems," he announced, his voice ringing through the arena, "that some trainees have… not met the required standards."
He looked directly at Ethan.
"Ethan," Lucas said, his tone somehow managing to be both pitying and triumphant, "I'm afraid you're out."
Ethan was fuming.
His jaw tightened.
Elder Chen steps forward, ready to follow Lucas's order.
"Now, wait a minute," Ethan started, his voice a low growl.
"There has been wrong-doing."
Ethan chewed thoughtfully, the gym sock aftertaste surprisingly…motivating?
He glanced around the bustling Qingyun Sect courtyard.
Disciples were congratulating each other, comparing their (apparently) stellar performances in the Qi Refining Assessment.
Ethan, however, felt a knot of suspicion tightening in his stomach.
His own 'stellar performance' consisted of nearly setting his robes on fire while trying to levitate a feather.
He was pretty sure he saw a squirrel laughing at him.
The results, plastered on a massive wooden board near the Elder's pavilion, were...
let's just say, unexpected.
According to the official scroll, Ethan scored a measly 12 points.
Pathetic.
An insult to squirrels everywhere.
Lucas, naturally, topped the charts with a dazzling 98.
Ugh, even his score screamed 'smug.
'
"Twelve points, huh?" Ethan muttered, the system interface flickering in his vision.
"That's… statistically improbable, considering I spent most of the assessment trying not to sneeze fire."
A nudge in his ribs nearly sent him sprawling.
He turned to see Mia, the perpetually silent girl from the medicine hall, her wide eyes fixed on the results board.
She held up a small, dirt-stained hand, pointing first to Lucas' score, then to Ethan's, and then drawing a shaky line in the air – a clear sign of inequality if I've ever seen one.
"You think something's fishy too, huh?" Ethan whispered.
Mia nodded vigorously, pulling a wrinkled leaf from her pocket and scribbling on it with a piece of charcoal.
'Elder Chen,' the leaf read.
'Favors Lucas.
'
Ethan's system buzzed to life: \[*Ding!
New Quest Available: Expose the Crooked Elder!
Reward: +5 Luck, a Slightly Used Broomstick*]
"A slightly used broomstick? Oh, system, you spoil me," Ethan deadpanned, ignoring the stares he was getting from nearby disciples.
He had a hunch that exposing Elder Chen was going to require more than just a sweep-up.
He needed proof.
Solid, undeniable proof.
And lucky for him, the 'Absurd Immortal Path' system wasn't just about wacky cultivation methods; it also came with a built-in ancient text translator.
Time to raid the Sect's dusty, forbidden library.
Later that evening, armed with a stolen lantern and a questionable sense of direction, Ethan found himself surrounded by towering shelves overflowing with ancient tomes.
The air hung thick with the scent of mildew and forgotten wisdom.
He rummaged through the scrolls, his system helpfully (and loudly) translating titles: *'The Art of Competitive Napping'*, *'One Hundred Ways to Annoy Your Sect Leader'*, *'Beginner's Guide to Demonic Duck Calligraphy'*.
Finally, tucked behind a particularly dusty copy of *'The Joy of Pickling Radishes'*, he found it: a crumbling ledger detailing the Qi Refining Assessment scores from the past decade.
He fired up the system's translator.
The results were… illuminating.
It turned out that Lucas' consistently 'dazzling' scores were a tad… fabricated.
And Elder Chen's name appeared next to each alteration, marked with a symbol that the system identified as "Greasy Palm of Dubious Morality."
Bingo.
Ethan smirked, copying the incriminating pages onto a blank scroll.
Time to expose this corruption and show Lucas that tofu-eating underdogs can bite back.
He emerged from the library, ready to unleash righteous fury… only to be met by the imposing figure of Elder Chen himself.
"Ethan," Chen's voice was deceptively mild, like honey laced with poison.
"I hear you've been poking around where you shouldn't be."
Chen snatched the scroll from Ethan's grasp, his eyes scanning the contents with terrifying speed.
A vein throbbed in his temple.
"This… this is slander!" he roared, his voice echoing through the courtyard.
"These texts are misinterpreted! You dare question the integrity of the Qingyun Sect?"
He stepped closer, his gaze like a viper's.
"I suggest you forget what you've seen, Ethan. For your own safety. Some things," he hissed, "are best left undisturbed."
Ethan stood his ground, adrenaline coursing through him.
This was it.
The moment where the underdog either whimpered and ran, or dug his heels in and fought dirty.
"With all due respect, Elder," Ethan said, his voice surprisingly steady.
"I think the only thing that needs disturbing is your little scheme."
\[*Ding!
Quest Update: Survive Elder Chen's Wrath!
Reward: Unknown (Possible Death)*]
Ethan swallowed hard.
Maybe that broomstick wasn't so bad after all.