The Mercenaries of Mayhem had no idea how to investigate a curse, but that had never stopped them from pretending to be competent before.
Bob clapped his hands. "Alright, team! We need to find out who's cursing the orcs. Ideas?"
Jim raised a hand. "Drink until the answer comes to us."
Derek sighed. "Absolutely not."
Marcus adjusted his crossbow. "Interrogate the orcs, see if anyone remembers anything weird before they got cursed."
Bam nodded. "Or just set random things on fire until the curse reveals itself."
Kain, arms crossed, exhaled very slowly. "I hate that I'm stuck with you people."
After several hours of investigating (which was mostly Bob asking dumb questions and Jim getting distracted by food), Marcus finally found something unusual—a small, blackened stone, tucked near the edge of the forest.
The moment Kain laid eyes on it, his brows furrowed. "That's a curse catalyst."
Bob poked it. "So, what, like a magic landmine?"
Kain groaned. "No. A curse anchor. It spreads dark magic over time to anyone nearby."
Jim whistled. "Huh. So it's a cheating device."
Derek frowned. "Which means whoever placed it is still around… watching."
Bob grinned. "Well, I have an idea."
The group decided to set a trap.
They placed the curse stone back in its hiding spot.
They pretended to leave camp.
They hid behind some very badly placed bushes.
Kain pinched the bridge of his nose. "This plan is so stupid."
Jim shrugged. "Yeah, but if you were a sneaky curse user, would you expect idiots like us to pull this off?"
Kain considered. "…Fair point."
After an hour of waiting, a hooded man finally approached the curse stone. He knelt down, muttering an incantation.
Bob leaped out immediately. "GOTCHA!"
Jim tackled the man before he could react, pinning him down. "We're getting good at this!"
The hooded figure struggled, growling, "Who the hell—?!"
Derek pressed his sword to the man's throat. "We're the idiots who just caught you."
The man froze.
Bam, arms crossed, nodded.
The shaman, now very irritated, stood before the bound and gagged curse user, who was glaring at the mercenaries.
Kain knelt beside him, studying his tattered cloak and weapon belt. "You're not a mage," he muttered. "You're a bounty hunter."
The man scowled. "So what?"
Bob crossed his arms. "Sooo… why curse a bunch of orcs?"
The bounty hunter sneered. "I came for the Arcane Eye, just like you. But I couldn't take on an entire orc warband alone. So, I used curse magic to weaken them over time."
Jim blinked. "Wow. That's so much lazier than what we did."
Marcus raised an eyebrow. "It actually kinda makes sense."
Derek nodded. "Yeah, but he got caught, and we didn't. That's the difference."
Bam simply nodded.
The shaman let out the deepest sigh yet. "I suppose this means the curse is broken."
Kain gave him a pointed look. "Which means you don't need the Arcane Eye anymore."
The shaman glared at him. "I still don't want to give it to you."
Bob grasped the hammer. "Yeah, but you said you would."
The shaman muttered something in Orcish that was probably an insult, then tossed the Arcane Eye at Bob.
Bob caught it and held it up, grinning. "Mission complete!"
Jim pumped a fist. "We actually pulled it off."
Marcus sighed. "That shouldn't have worked, but here we are."
Bam smiled. "There are always exceptions."
As they traveled back to town, Bob kept tossing the glowing artifact in the air like a ball.
Kain eyed him. "You do realize that thing is an powerful artifact, right?"
Bob shrugged. "Yep. But we gotta turn it in to the Guild."
Kain frowned. "...Or, you could give it to me."
Derek raised an eyebrow. "And why would we do that?"
Kain crossed his arms. "Because I actually understand how it works and I need it. If you give it to the Guild, they'll probably lock it away in some vault."
Bob scratched his chin. "Hmm. Yeah, but see… we have a problem."
Jim smirked. "The Guild kinda expects us to bring it back."
Marcus nodded. "And if we don't, they'll assume we stole it."
Kain thought for a moment. Then sighed. "...Fine. I'll explain it to the Guild myself."
Bob grinned. "Good man."
Jim clapped him on the back.
Kain groaned. "I hate this."
Bam nodded. "Majestic."
And with that, the Mercenaries of Mayhem returned to town, somehow victorious, ready to bullshit their way through another Guild report.