Chapter 35: Get Out Bro
INTERNAL AFFAIRS HALL (IT'S GIVING CORRUPT NPC ENERGY)
Fang Yuan struts into the hall like a main character entering a cutscene, slamming the golden honey wine onto the counter.
Corrupt Clerk NPC: "You... completed the impossible mission?!" (Sweating like a beta tester caught cheating.)
Fang Yuan (deadpan): "Skill issue."
Clerk (malding): "DID YOU CHEAT?! WE'LL INVESTIGATE—"
Fang Yuan (smirking): "Oh, I just found a bear stealing honey. Took the leftovers. Clan rules say nothing about scavenging."
Clerk's soul: "FUCK. HE'S USING THE SYSTEM AGAINST ME."
Twitch Chat:
🍯 FangGoat: BEAR DIFF LMAOOO
💀 Rip_Luffy: CLERK JUST GOT OUTPLAYED
📜 I_MewEveryday:FANG YUAN READING RULES LIKE A TWITCH TOS LAWYER
ASSETS ACQUIRED (IT'S GIVING FLEX ARC)
Three days later, Fang Yuan walks out with:
10 mu farmland (Sigma grindset: landlord mode activated)
8 servants (NPC energy: "Yes, young lord!")
3 bamboo houses (Rental income: STONKS)
1 wine tavern (Main source of primeval stone laundering)
But the REAL prize?
Nine Leaf Vitality Grass Gu 🌿✨—a healing-type Gu that's basically a money printer.
"Uncle was seething over this." Fang Yuan chuckled. "No wonder he had 'hidden elder' rizz—bro was just selling health pots."
WINE TAVERN TAKEOVER (SIGMA BUSINESSMAN ERA)
Fang Yuan enters his new tavern like a CEO walking into a failing branch.
Shopkeeper (kneeling): "Young lord, the previous owner took this month's profits—"
Fang Yuan: "Let him cope. From now on, wages up 20%. Mess with me? I replace you with monkeys."
Servants (sobbing): "WE LOVE YOU, YOUNG MASTER!"
Fang Yuan (internally): "Pathetic. On Earth, they'd unionize. Here? Fear keeps them loyal."
BAMBOO HOUSE TOUR (FEMALE GU MASTERS SIMPING)
Female tenants eye him like a free meal ticket.
Random Female Gu Master #3: "Young lord~ Need a roommate?" (💋)
Fang Yuan (ignoring): "These gold-diggers think I'd retire at 16? L."
He gazes at the distant mountains, his ambition BURNING:
"Qing Mao Mountain? Too small. Southern Border? Still small. This world? I'll conquer it all."
FANG ZHENG JUMPSCARE (PAWN OF THE VILLAIN ARC)
Fang Zheng (yelling from below): "BIG BROTHER! WE NEED TO TALK!"
Fang Yuan (looking down): "Oh. The A-grade disappointment."
Brothers lock eyes:
Fang Zheng: Shrouded in shadows, face full of entitlement.
Fang Yuan: Bathed in sunlight, eyes blacker than his future.
TWITCH CHAT REACTS:
💰 OHIOGYATT: BRO WENT FROM BROKE TO BALLIN' IN 3 DAYS"
🌿 I_AmAVirgin: NINE LEAF GRASS = OP HEALING META"
🏠 Anna_FromNextDoor: FEMALE GU MASTERS DOWN BAD FOR LANDLORD RIZZ
FANG ZHENG'S TANTRUM (IT'S GIVING TODDLER MELTDOWN)
Fang Zheng stomped his foot so hard the nearby chickens startled. His face scrunched up like a dried plum, snot threatening to drip from his nose. "BIG BROTHER! YOU—YOU MEANIE!" His voice cracked spectacularly on the last word.
Fang Yuan didn't even glance up from his tea. The steam curled around his face like a smug halo. He took a slow, deliberate sip before responding. "Cope."
Fang Zheng's face turned the same shade as a boiled crab. "I'LL GU BATTLE YOU! WITH MY NEW MOONVEIL GU! IT'S SUPER SHINY AND—"
"Ask Mommy and Daddy first," Fang Yuan interrupted, nodding toward where Gu Yue Qing Shu was gliding over like a budget Disney prince, his green hair flowing in a nonexistent breeze.
Twitch Chat:
🍼 xX_CrybabyZheng_Xx: bro really went '😭🤬' like a Roblox kid who got scammed
☕ SigmaSip_99: Fang Yuan's tea-sipping animation is god-tier
🎭 DramaQueen_404: Fang Zheng's acting skills belong in a telenovela
QING SHU'S ENTRANCE (IT'S GIVING DISCOUNT DISNEY PRINCE)
Gu Yue Qing Shu arrived with the grace of a man who practiced smiling in mirrors. His perfect teeth gleamed as he placed a gentle hand on Fang Zheng's shoulder. "Now now," he cooed, voice smoother than stolen honey wine.
Fang Yuan resisted the urge to gag.
Qing Shu turned his politician smile toward Fang Yuan. "My dear friend, that precious Liquor Worm of yours is just collecting dust in your aperture. Why not—"
"Let me stop you right there," Fang Yuan yawned. "If I wanted a lecture, I'd talk to a brick wall. At least it'd be more original."
Qing Shu's eye twitched. Critical hit.
Twitch Chat:
🤡 ScamLikely_69: Qing Shu's rizz just got parried
💀 NoTouching_420: Fang Yuan's disrespect levels: MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE
🍵 TeaSpiller_101: Qing Shu's soul just left his body
SCAMMER VS SIGMA
Qing Shu launched into his rehearsed speech about clan benefits and fusion paths, his hands moving like a street vendor hawking counterfeit goods.
Fang Yuan let him finish before dropping the bomb.
"Oh, I'll lose to Fang Zheng," he said casually, inspecting his nails. "In fact, I'll lose spectacularly. I'll scream, I'll cry, I'll give up everything and live in a ditch. The whole village will know how the future clan leader bullied his poor, defenseless brother out of his inheritance."
Qing Shu's face went pale. His perfect smile cracked like cheap pottery.
AFTERMATH
Qing Shu exhaled sharply through his nose, his politician facade crumbling. "Fine. No Gu battle."
Fang Yuan smirked. "Smart choice."
Outside, Fang Zheng waited like an excited puppy. "Senior Qing Shu! Did he—"
"Drop it," Qing Shu muttered, dragging a hand down his face.
Fang Zheng's face fell. "B-but—"
"Some battles aren't worth fighting," Qing Shu sighed, walking away like a man who just lost his last braincell.