Chapter 34: FANG YUAN IS THE KINDEST MAN IN THE WORLD
Underground Rock Forest
SQUEAKKKKK!
Tens of jade eye stone monkeys YEETED through the air like they were playing Fortnite no-build mode, their silhouettes blurred like a TikTok transition fail.
Before? Fang Yuan would've DIFFED outta there faster than a Gen Z avoiding responsibilities.
Now?
Sigma stance activated.
Monkeys SLAMMED, SCRATCHED, BIT—but all they got was a crisp "DING DING" like they were attacking a vibranium-coated jade statue.
A glowing white jade aura wrapped around Fang Yuan—thinner than the Jade Skin Gu's weak-sauce green glow, but TWICE as TANKY.
"LMAO, Jade Skin Gu could handle 16 monkeys. White Jade Gu? THIRTY. GET REKT." Fang Yuan smirked internally.
Meanwhile, in his aperture:
White Jade Gu sat at the bottom of his red steel primeval sea, glowing like a RGB gaming PC.
Every monkey attack made it flash like a Twitch emote, draining his primeval essence.
"So it's a mana shield. Basic, but effective." Fang Yuan noted. "Still better than Fang Zheng's paper-thin defense."
COMBO WOMBO
Fang Yuan COUNTERATTACKS:
Punches like a sigma male rejecting simp behavior.
Kicks that sent monkeys YEETING into stone pillars, shattering like failed NFT projects.
Moonblades slicing through the air like OP aimbot in a FPS.
SQUEAK SQUE—
The remaining five monkeys RAN like their Wi-Fi got cut mid-game.
Fang Yuan: "Skill issue."
Deep Stone Forest
The central stone pillar loomed ahead—THICCER than 10 sigma males hugging it.
But the deeper Fang Yuan went, the bigger the monkey squads:
100+ monkeys aggro'd like a Twitter mob detecting a bad take.
Fang Yuan: "NOPE." Books it like a speedrunner avoiding trash mobs.
Monkeys chase, but lose interest like viewers on a boring stream.
Only 30 remain—Fang Yuan TURNS, claps them like a Twitch mod banning trolls.
After several rounds, over 100 monkeys were reduced to rubble.
Fang Yuan: "PATH CLEARED. LET'S GO."
PRIMEVAL ESSENCE CRISIS
Fang Yuan checked his primeval sea:
"Damn. I'm drier than a Twitch chat during ad breaks."
Normally, he'd chug primeval stones like Gamer Fuel, but after fusion, his wallet was DEAD.
"Two and a half stones left. I'm one mission away from being a homeless sigma."
SECRET ROOM FOUND!!!
Bag 1: Hundreds of jade eyeballs (clinking like ASMR for psychopaths).
Bag 2: Wild boar tusks (now USELESS since White Boar Gu got fused).
Bullpup water sack: Golden honey wine (Fang Yuan's only serotonin source).
White Jade Gu's diet:
8 liang of jade rocks every 20 days (still cheaper than Fang Zheng's copium supply).
Fang Yuan: "At least I don't need boar meat anymore. Monkeys = infinite jade farm. Sigma grindset. OK time to go back to the village."
RETURN TO VILLAGE (NPCs MALDING)
Fang Yuan emerges from the rock crack, greeted by a sunset so aesthetic it looked like a lo-fi background.
Winter wind hit his face—freedom smell.
Back in the academy, he had to sneak out at night. Now? Rank two = no curfew.
"Also, Sickly Snake's death = less babysitters. W."
Clan mission problem?
Mandatory monthly mission.
Fang Yuan: "I'll just fail it. Evaluations? lol who cares."
FANG YUAN AKA THE KINDEST PERSON IN THE GU WORLD (GREAT LOVE IMMORTAL VENERABLE) 🫡🫡🫡🫡
A spinning top rolls to Fang Yuan's feet. A little girl crashes into him, falls, and starts crying.
Father NPC: "OH NO! LORD GU MASTER, PLEASE FORGIVE US!" (Kowtows like a glitched animation.)
Fang Yuan: "Nah allg." (Pats girl's head.)
Girl: "Wow, this big brother is nice!"
Villagers scatter like roaches. Other Gu Masters side-eye but keep walking.
TWITCH CHAT EXPLODES:
chatboxx89: FANG YUAN IS SO BABYGIRL 😭😭😭cult_of_lovevenerable: GREAT LOVE IMMORTAL VENERABLE LET'S GOOOOOOO 🫡🫡🫡GuGodslayer420: bro said "nah allg" and healed a generational trauma 💀purple_soul78: FANG YUAN REAL ONE. HE PAT HER HEAD. I'M CRYING IRLsamsaranightmare: THIS IS THE GU WORLD?? THIS IS THE GU WORLD??misthound_moments: bro didn't even extract a gu from her soul 😭😭😭 KINDNESS ARC??fangyuanbf: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND... THIS IS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT 🥺🥺cannibalgourmet69: VILLAIN WHO????? I ONLY SEE A SAINT 🙏immortaltea: GIVE HIM THE LOVE PATH VENERABLE TITLE RN!!!viewer696969: "nah allg" IS THE NEW "I LOVE YOU"demonic_simp: THE VILLAGERS RUN BUT MY HEART STAYS 🫀🫀🫀timestreamwitness: this is the nicest thing he's done since not obliterating a small child 3 volumes agotruthseeker77: FANG YUAN... AKA THE KINDEST PERSON IN THE GU WORLD... 🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡
[EMOTE SPAM: 🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡❤️❤️❤️❤️🔥🔥🔥🔥][MOD MESSAGE: "Please do not spam emotes. Unless it's for Fang Yuan. Then carry on."]
Uncle Dong Tu Jumpscare
Fang Yuan's bamboo house comes into view.
Standing there?
Gu Yue Dong Tu—looking like a Karen who just found out her coupon expired.
Fang Yuan: "Oh. This guy."
There he stood—Gu Yue Dong Tu, dressed in his dusty Gu Master uniform like a boomer pulling out his high school varsity jacket.
Leg wrappings? Crisp.
Red belt? Snatched.
Vibes? Desperate.
His eyes locked onto Fang Yuan's Rank two belt, and his soul CRUMBLED like a cookie in milk.
"HOW?! C-grade talent, Rank two at SIXTEEN?! This kid's built like a hacked RPG protagonist!"
Then he saw Fang Yuan's smirk.
Dong Tu's blood pressure: 📈 "WHY DOES THIS BRAT KEEP THINKING HE'S HIM?!"
DONG TU'S TED TALK
Dong Tu (flexing nonexistent achievements):
"Back in MY day:
B-grade talent, Rank two at SIXTEEN (no diff).
Rank two upper stage at SEVENTEEN (ez).
Peak stage at EIGHTEEN (skill issue).
Almost Rank three at NINETEEN (would've been HIM).
But then— 💀 Got clapped by a Xiong Village Gu Master. Aptitude dropped to C-grade. Took me EIGHT YEARS to cope. At THIRTY, I realized… connections > strength."
Fang Yuan's internal monologue: "Oh wow, a trauma dump. Can't wait to not care."
Dong Tu (still yapping):
"Now? I'm the 'Hidden Elder', the one who lurks in the shadows, no Rank three, but everyone loves me. You? Lone wolf = L. Give up the inheritance, take 1k primeval stones, and stop being cringe."
Fang Yuan (side-eyeing Dong Tu's outfit):
"Uncle… your uniform's too clean. Real Gu Masters smell like blood, sweat, and poor life choices."
Dong Tu (malding): "WHAT DID YOU—"
Fang Yuan (cutting him off):
"You're old. Not in age—in spirit. You gave up. Started simping for societal validation like a Discord mod begging for attention. The inheritance? You don't even want it for power—just to keep your comfy life. Pathetic."
TWITCH CHAT EXPLODES AGAIN:
GuMaster69: BRO GOT COOKED 🔥🔥🔥fangyuan_mains: "Too clean" 😭😭😭hidden_elder_L: NOT THE DISCORD MOD LINE 💀💀💀aptitudedropped: CRITICAL HIT. EMOTIONAL DAMAGE. 🪦LonelyWolf77: Fang Yuan just ratio'd his whole lifemod_msg: Dong Tu got violated on stream 😭 carry on
HONEY WINE REVEAL (DONG TU'S VILLAIN ARC CRASHES)
Fang Yuan (pulling out the bullskin water bag): "Guess what's inside?"
Opens it. Honey wine aroma wafts out.
Dong Tu (visibly short-circuiting):
"WHAT THE GYATT?! WHERE'D YOU GET THAT?! WHO HELPED YOU?! NO DIFF NO DIFF—"
Fang Yuan (walking away): "Cope."
Dong Tu (chasing like a Karen after a manager):
"WAIT! 2.5k primeval stones! FINE, 3K! DON'T WALK AWAY—
…Okay, I'LL BREAK YOUR LEGS!"
Fang Yuan (laughing): "You won't."
INTERNAL AFFAIRS HALL (DONG TU'S FINAL MALD)
Fang Yuan steps inside.
Dong Tu (outside, shaking fists):
"YOU'LL REGRET THIS! SOCIETY WILL CRUSH YOU! YOU'RE NOT HIM!"
Fang Yuan (not even looking back):
"Society? I AM the danger."