Chapter 36: Man Shi... You're Cooked
SPRING AUTUMN RIZZ - THE ULTIMATE CHEAT CODE
The light ball pulsed violently like a dying star, consuming primeval stones at an alarming rate. Fang Yuan watched with the intensity of a degenerate watching roulette, tossing in stone after stone like a man possessed.
BOOM.
The explosion sent Gu worms flying like shrapnel from a failed science experiment. One Little Light Gu hit the wall with a pathetic plink before dissolving into sparkly nothingness—gone faster than a noob's first Gu worm in the wild.
Fang Yuan's eye twitched. The cost?
1x Little Light Gu: Reduced to atoms
Moonrizz Gu & remaining Little Light Gu: Visibly depressed (durability -30%)
Primeval Stones Wasted: Enough to feed a Rank 1 Gu Master for a month
With a thought, Fang Yuan's palm erupted in emerald light as the Nine Leaf Vitality Grass sprouted like a cursed Chia Pet. Each pluck sent jolts of pain up his arm—like getting paper cuts between every finger simultaneously.
The Grind:
20% primeval essence per leaf (Sigma male grindset: pain is temporary, profits are forever)
9 leaves = 450 primeval stones profit (STONKS 📈)
Recovery time: Just long enough to question life choices
Fang Yuan smirked as he bagged the leaves. "Uncle Dong Tu seething somewhere realizing I turned his cash cow into MY cash printer."
Three days and several mental breakdowns later:
The fusion light ball shimmered like a TikTok filter before exploding in a spectacular success. Floating before Fang Yuan was the Moonglow Gu—a chonky, oversized Moonrizz Gu that radiated "I pay for DLC" energy.
Stats:
Damage: 3x Moonrizz Gu (One-shotting noobs since 2023)
Range: Still basic bitch 10m (No amount of glow-up fixes skill issue range)
Aesthetic: Crystal blue flex (Guaranteed to make Fang Zheng mald)
Fang Yuan: "Worth every failed attempt."
While other Gu Masters risked their Gu worms dying like NPCs in a Dark Souls game, Fang Yuan mentally patted his Spring Autumn Rizz like a proud parent:
"Other Gu Masters: 'Please don't die please don't die—'
*Me: Even if I fail 99 times, you'll just take a nap."
Why It's Broken:
Vital Gu privilege: Immortal (Gets "lightly injured" at worst)
Rank 6 potential: Most Gu Masters don't even have Rank 6 recipes
Rebirth hax: The ultimate "undo button"
Twitch Chat Seethes:
🦋 "Hackerman_420: BRO'S VITAL GU IS LITERALLY SAVE SCUMMING"
😤 "JealousNoises: Meanwhile my vital Gu is a fucking Pebble Gu"
💀 "DevsPlsNerf: This is why Fang Yuan is the protagonist"
THE COLD HARD REALITY OF GU FUSION
Fang Yuan reflected on the brutal truth:
Failure rates: Even with 500 years of experience, RNGesus still claps cheeks
Cost of Rank 6 attempts: Entire kingdoms worth of resources
Public outrage: Nothing unites the masses like hating a gacha whale
"No wonder my past life ended with everyone wanting me dead," he mused, "Grinding for a 1% success rate turns you into the villain real quick."
SPRING IN QING MAO MOUNTAIN (IT'S GIVING VIBRANT BACKDROP)
Winter's icy grip melted away as spring painted the village in pastel hues. The mountain creeks gurgled back to life, their melodies harmonizing with the drip-drip of melting icicles. Sunlight danced through the tavern windows, illuminating dust motes like scattered gold coins.
Fang Yuan sat by the window, sipping wine with the elegance of a CEO at a high-stakes meeting. Across from him, Jiang Ya—a man whose smile stretched tighter than a drumhead—pushed four bulging money bags across the table.
Jiang Ya (sweating bullets): "Nine vitality leaves as promised, my lord! Business is booming—we could triple profits if you'd just—"
Fang Yuan (deadpan): "No." (Sips wine like it's the tears of his enemies)
Twitch Chat Explodes:
💰 "xX_MoneySlave_Xx: Bro really said 'no' to STONKS"
🌿 "GrassGoblin: Jiang Ya's face when sigma said NO 💀"
🍷 "WineMom69: Fang Yuan sipping that 'I-own-you' juice"
MAN SHI'S TAVERN TANTRUM
CRASH!
A wine pot exploded against the floor as Gu Yue Man Shi—a walking brick wall with a beard like a thornbush—bellowed:
"THIS PISS-WATER TASTES LIKE A SKUNK'S BATHTUB! COMPENSATE ME 500 PRIMEVAL STONES OR I'LL—"
Fang Yuan (emerging like final boss music): "Or you'll what? Cry?"
Before Man Shi could retort—
PEW!
A Moonglow Blade the size of a dinner plate cleaved through a table like it was made of wet paper. The eerie blue crescent didn't stop until it buried itself in Man Shi's rock-covered chest, painting the tavern walls in first-class hemoglobin.
Man Shi (gurgling): "YOU—YOU CAN'T—"
Fang Yuan (cocking head): "Can't what? Kill you?" (Stomps on wound) "Correct. But I can turn you into a vegetable."
The tavern erupted in chaos:
Mortals: Froze like NPCs during a cutscene
Gu Masters: Dropped their wine cups in unison
Jiang Ya: Peeked through fingers like a horror movie victim
THOSE EYES... (IT'S GIVING BAI NING BING FLASHBACKS)
As Fang Yuan loomed over him, Man Shi locked eyes—and saw death.
Not rage. Not hatred. Just pure, glacial indifference—the same look Bai Ning Bing had given him years ago before sparing his life.
Man Shi's Soul: "NOT THIS AGAIN—"
Fang Yuan (leaning down): "Scram."
Man Shi scrambled backwards like a cockroach, leaving a bloody snail trail across the floor before yeeting himself out the door.
Twitch Chat EXPLODES AGAIN:
👀 "TraumaDump_101: BRO RECOGNIZED THE Sigma Stare"
🏃 "SprintKing: MAN SHI'S RETREAT SPEED: Mach 5"
🩸 "BloodArtiste: Free interior redesign: Abstract Crimson"
AFTERMATH (IT'S GIVING REPUTATION BUFF)
The tavern quivered in silence. Every Gu Master avoided eye contact like Fang Yuan was Medusa.
Jiang Ya (whispering): "He… he really moonbladed first, asked questions never…"
Fang Yuan dusted his sleeves, then tossed a bag of primeval stones to the trembling shopkeeper.
"For the damages."
Hidden Message: "Mess with my business again, and you're the damage."