Do you know what is big, vibrates and makes a woman scream when put inside her?
A chainsaw.
…
Coming back, the ground was vibrating.
Or that's what everyone thought.
But that wasn't the case.
Everyone stared at me with worried eyes because in reality…
I was the one vibrating.
"What are you doing? What is this!?" Malthus roared.
Sexis narrowed his eyes. "Do you have a vibrator inside you?" His voice carried a hint of... hope?
Does he want a vibrator to be inside me?
"No, I do not," I assured them. "Not this time, at least." (Kidding.)
Erect leaned in. "Then, my lord?"
I flashed a grin. "Five hours are up."
I looked at Malthus.
"It's been five hours since these guys came here."
Mathus frowned.
"So?" Do you vibrate every five hours?"
"No. It's special this time."
"What is it? What is going to happen? What is coming?"
I smirked and clutched Malthus' leg from both hands.
"FBI, bitch."
[ FBI! OPEN UP! ]
[ Five hours are over! Wake up! ]
That's right. I have set up an alarm for five hours.
And those five hours were over.
[ STOP LYING AND GET UP! ]
The Alarm won't let me stay in the lying position.
And…
[ If you don't get up in two seconds… ]
Here it comes.
[ You'll Blow Up! ]
BANGGGG!!
A deafening explosion.
Blackness swallowed my vision.
My insides probably bursted out all over the place.
I can't feel my body, and in my ears a beep sound rang constantly and that was the only thing I heard for a good amount of time.
…
After a short while, I finally found some light entering my eyes.
I felt my body again and slowly opened my eyes.
A horrified face hovered over me.
Sexis.
Never mind—that was just his regular face.
"Where… where am I?" I muttered.
Sexis glanced around. "Everywhere."
Damn. Good one.
"So only my head is in your lap?" I asked.
"Confirmed. Your remaining components have been dispersed across multiple locations."
I then saw the Heroes running towards me.
"My lord!"
"You are alive!"
"That was diabolical."
"What's FBI?"
"The Red man went flying like a doll!"
"You really are the strongest of us, my lord."
"Why aren't we hurt, though?"
They were coming from the front. Weren't they behind me? Guess I flew way back.
"Calm down, everyone," I reassured them. "You're unharmed because my skill only affects enemies."
"Oh. That makes sense," Erect nodded. "But what about your body?"
And before I could answer, a hero named Ted blurted :
"If you can't put yourself back together… Can I keep your head? I swear I won't do anything unjust."
Nah. He'd definitely do something questionable. No sane man would ask for a severed talking head.
"No, thanks," I said flatly.
"But my lord, you are just a head now," Ted pressed. "Let me take care of you."
I narrowed my eyes. He wants my head so he can get a head. Just give up, dude. Go find that old lady from before.
"I am fine. I am not dead. And that was just a wake up call for me. Nothing is wrong with my body. See for yourself."
I closed my eyes and focused. My body was still intact—just scattered.
I could still feel my hands, legs and other parts and all I had to do was to call them back to me.
The skill was just supposed to wake me up forcefully. There was no snooze button for that alarm.
Anyway, my body parts twitched and as I called them to me, they all came flying.
First the chest came, then my torso, then my legs and then my hands.
That was some Tony Stark level shit and I am all for it. If the red man was Thanos then the least I could do is act like Iron Man.
Anyhow, like that, I was whole again.
"That was incredible, my friend," Sexis marveled. "I anticipated my demise through asphyxiation."
"Blowing yourself up to save us… you are the true King," Erect added.
…Didn't know self-detonation was a heroic act, but okay.
Whatever, that wasn't important right now.
What's important was :
"Where is Malthus?"
I looked around but I couldn't see him.
"I don't know. He also blew up along with you. So he must be everywhere too." Erect answered.
Don't overuse this joke. Sexis had already said it.
"He couldn't have died. He was stronger than that. Let me see."
I used the skill that allowed me to see the whole planet.
But the next second, I realised there was no need for that.
THUMP!
Malthus landed in front of us himself.
But everyone surely liked the look he had.
"That roughed you up, huh, big guy?" I said.
"Yes," he admitted, voice flat.
He was missing his right leg that was on top of me and his left hand that had held Sexis.
My blast made him lose his limbs.
At least, he bleeds. That was a good start.
[ Yes. You did it. See? You can fight. You can defeat him! You are the strongest! You can kill him with ease! ]
The Supreme Man found his vigor back.
I remained silent and all the Heroes stood behind me.
Sexis stayed by my side and we both stared down at the red man.
Malthus exhaled. "I was only going to kill you two." His gaze darkened. "But now, after what you've done to me, I'll make sure you suffer."
"How so?" Sexis asked.
Don't ask him that, idiot.
Malthus ignored him, eyes locking onto me.
"You're not the only one who can regenerate, Alien King."
I'm not the Alien King. Also, I didn't regenerate—just reassembled. But sure.
Malthus spread his arms and in front of our eyes, his hand and leg grew itself.
He was as good as new again.
I wasn't surprised as I expected this much. Healing is basic villain stuff.
What scared me was what he said after healing..
"That's not all, Alien king."
Malthus grinned and I had to blink thrice to believe what was happening in front of me.
That bastard…
"Pain makes me stronger."
Got bigger.
He was already bigger than me in every way but now I felt like a petite girl in a gang bang shoot.
[ Uh. So. Remember when I said you could kill him with ease? ]
'Yeah?'
[ Forget that. ]
'Heh. There's a way he can't kill me.'
[ What? ]
'I'll die first.'