After the flash of light, I was watching me.
To be more specific, I was watching a younger version of me, playing in the front yard of the Chisaki estate. The sun was blazing hot outside, like it always was there. The yard was well kept, the grass cut perfectly, the bushes and trees trimmed to perfection and not a single decoration out of place.
The yard was massive, encircled by a large black iron gate.
This younger version of me wasn't alone of course. I watched closely as the two figures passed by right in front of me.
Both were laughing and giggling, with massive smiles on their faces. Me and Kami. Both seemed to have not another care in the world.
I didn't speak as I watched Kami run after me, jumping over benches, dodging from trees to underbrush, and climbing atop the many statues in the front lawn.
We were playing tag. A simple game, that we made more fun by-
The younger version of me was approaching a dead end, when suddenly he ran long the wall of the house, using mana to run up the wall without falling. Kami paused for a few moments, staring up in awe.
"That's cheating!" She yelled out, to which I replied:
"Nuh uh, we never made any rules!" As the little me made it to the top of the house, he looked down to see Kami hot on his heels.
-The incorporation of magic.
Despite her complaining, she was able to perfectly recreate the technique that she had seen me use. The game continued, only this time on top of the house.
At this point, Mark and a few other servants of the household had come outside to watch over us.
"Both of you!" He shouted, quickly climbing up the building himself. "Come down right now!"
As he made it to the top, the game of tag was just ending. Kami had managed to catch me and was standing in front of me triumphantly with her hand on my shoulder.
As soon as we saw Mark approaching with a dissatisfied expression on his face, a new game began.
How long could we avoid capture?
I could see the two of us jumping down off the side of the building, disappearing.
For a long moment, I stared at the spot where we had just been. I didn't move, and I didn't say anything. Finally, a question flitted through my mind.
Why was I seeing this now?
■■■■■: "This is your mind. Whatever we're seeing, it's because you wanted it to be this way."
I turned my head around to see where the voice was coming from. Sitting next to me was a young girl with long white hair. About the same age as I was in this memory. Her eyes were red. She was wearing a long black dress as well, with a white flower in her hair.
I analyzed her in the silence, and she did the same. It was HER. I didn't really know much about her. The only thing that I could say for sure is that she was the product of whatever Greed had done to me. A separate soul injected into my body.
She was also the one who saved me. From that hell of a cycle that I could never break through on my own.
"What is this place?' I asked, turning back to take in the grandeur of the Chisaki property. No matter how long I spent away from this place, I was able to remember it perfectly. I would never forget it.
■■■■■: "This is your mind." She replied simply.
"Why am I seeing this?" I reiterated the question that I had asked myself to her.
I could see her turn to look at me in her peripherals. "We're seeing this because your mind deemed it necessary. In order for you to see the truth."
"The truth." I repeated those words to myself. I mulled over them. What exactly was she talking about when she referred to 'the truth?'
"The things that my mind hides away or completely rewrote." I arrived at my answer fairly easily. "But why would I want to see something that was hidden away to protect me in the first place?" I asked.
■■■■■: "Who am I?"
I looked at her in confusion for a brief moment, thinking she was asking me a question.
■■■■■: "That was your question. You want to find out who Raiden Chisaki truly is. What his purpose is, and what he means. How can you answer any of those questions if you don't even know the truth about yourself. About your past and the life, you lived up to this point."
Her answer was one that I couldn't refute. I couldn't argue back against it even if I wanted to. And in truth, I did want to figure out the answer to those questions.
Even if it meant looking into a part of my past my mind had locked away for a reason.
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The next scene that we saw was of me and Kami standing by the massive iron gate. I was speaking to her, however the position that me and ■■■■■ were sitting at was too far to make out any of the words.
However, I didn't need to remember any of the words to this conversation, because I had the whole interaction memorized. It never left my mind.
It was one of my many mistakes. Arguably, the greatest of them all.
■■■■■: "You hate this moment. More than anything. You wish you can go back in time and change it."
■■■■■ spoke my feelings out loud, and I turned to her in shock.
"How'd you know that?"
I had been keeping my thoughts to myself, and I had even kept the expression on my face neutral as we watched the situation unfold from afar.
■■■■■: "Me and you are one in the same. We share a heart, and so I can feel what you feel."
"And it doesn't work both ways?" I joked weakly.
■■■■■ smiled. "It does. Our feelings our just so in sync you can't feel the difference."
I was going to ask her what she meant by that, but in that moment the very worst part of this whole memory had commenced.
Raiden/me turned away from the gate to look at Kami. As he began to speak, I could hear his words, even though I couldn't hear anything they were saying before.
As if my own mind was reminding of my own error.
"One day, I want to be able to go out there, to experience the world. I want to do lots of things. Drink coffee at a coffee shop, play sports, meet other kids."
As he spoke, I began to speak as well. Quietly at first.
"Shut up. Just stop. You're ruining everything."
"And most importantly, I want to help you experience the world, Kami."
"Just stop talking dammit!"
A hand settled down on my shoulder just as my anger reached its peak.
■■■■■: "Do you truly believe that what you said back there was a mistake? That it caused everything that happened to happen?"
Once again, she was back to asking questions with obvious answers.
"Of course I do! Those words were what caused her to get hurt. She almost died because I just kept going on and on about exploring the world! Even though my father had warned us! He told us the truth and I didn't listen to him and look what happened!"
Despite the fact that I was yelling, ■■■■■ reply was completely calm. Her smile never left her face. Her eyes were filled with empathy.
■■■■■: "Your entire world consisted of the Chisaki estate. And just outside of that gate, there was a massive place to explore. A large world that was filled with the unknown. You were drawn to it. Anybody who was raised like you would be."
I turned away from her, not wanting to hear her speak. Whatever she was going to say.
■■■■■: "You were filled with joy, ambition, curiosity. You were a kid."
She put emphasis on those last words.
"What does that excuse?"
■■■■■: "It's meant to remind you that you were no wiser back than you are now."
Every word that she spoke made sense. I was only left with one rebuttal.
"But. If I hadn't said that. If I hadn't just thrown out my desire like that-"
■■■■■: "Then maybe Kami wouldn't have gotten hurt? Maybe she wouldn't have been traumatized so badly that she forgot about the whole thing?" She finished for me.
I didn't respond.
■■■■■: Raiden, sweetie. You still have much more to see."
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The scene changed once more. This time it was the dead of night. Kami and I were sneaking out of the house.
Something we did often. With all of our training, we were able to avoid the detection of everyone else, despite the large majority of security the house had.
At least, that's what I had thought. However now that I was watching the memory from a third person point of view, it was plain to see that our father had allowed this to happen.
For one reason or another. He had specifically instructed no one to interfere. I could see it in the way that they all watched without moving.
They'd known. But they'd been ordered no to do or say anything.
We went farther with every day we snuck out. First it was just past the gates. Then it was a bit farther, making it into some forestry areas. We continued to go farther and farther, completely enraptured by every little thing we saw.
Until we made it to the ocean.
When we saw the massive sea of water, that stretched out for a million miles in every single direction. The shimmering water reflected the pale blue light of the moon all across. In the distance, the lights of a foreign place could be seen.
We stood there in awe, unable to move a singular muscle for God knows how long. In that single moment, I had told Kami,
"How far does it go? How grand is everything?" I paused for a moment "How do you win?" I asked that last part softly.
Kami didn't respond for a few seconds, taking in the environment. "As much as you can imagine." That was all she said.
The scene changed once again, and this time, it flashed forward to a moment where I was sitting inside. I had just finished my training with Yuki. We had come inside for a quick break, when Yuki heard something that caught her attention.
A maid was calling her over. Telling me to wait there, she went to go talk to them, while I walked over to my father's room, where I could hear his voice. The hallway was long, foreboding. A place I had walked through one-to-many times.
As I made it to his door, I could hear his voice as he finished a conversation.
"Yes. I'm willing to pay what's necessary. You know me. Money's not the problem. So why are you so apprehensive about this?" He seemed to be trying to convince the person on the other end of the line about something.
"You want to know why I need so much? You want to know who you're looking for?" Takeru laughed. Chuckled. "Don't worry about it. Just do what I asked, and you get paid. Simple."
"Jeez, I tell you not to move and the first thing you do is leave." Yuki was calling out for me. I walked away, tossing my father's conversation aside as something trivial.
However, now that I was looking at it from this perspective, it started to have meaning.
I should have known back then. "Takeru never did anything trivial."
I muttered that to myself, completely horrified.
■■■■■: "Think Raiden."
■■■■■ said from where she lay upside down beside me on the floor of the living room.
As the me inside of the memory had a conversation with Yuki, my mind was working in overdrive.
I thought back to the moment when me and Kami had returned to the Chisaki estate.
Takeru had talked about planning an assassination. He had said he had regretted showing mercy back then. He was talking about me.
The pieces began to fall into place. The entire thing, the attack on Kami, us sneaking out and getting punished for it.
Me getting punished for not listening to the father, and Kami getting hurt because of my idea.
It was all a plan. Crafted.
■■■■■: "In order to destroy Raiden."
She finished for me. She was smiling.
■■■■■: Keep going Raiden. Your almost there.
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I didn't know if I could handle seeing anymore. The thoughts that were flowing through my mind were already enough.
If I say anything more, everything that I ever thought I knew would have been pulled out from under me completely.
I'd have no foundation, no stabilization, and I'd fall. I'd fall far, and there'd be no one to catch me. Still, as if I was watching a train wreck, I couldn't take my eyes off of anything that was going on.
The scene changed again, this time to that fateful night. I had woken up late to a massive commotion in the house. All around, everyone was looking for Kami. The house was in uproar. She had disappeared.
Immediately, I had an idea of what had happened. I knew. So, when my mother turned to me, a pained expression in her eyes, I couldn't hold her gaze for long. Instead, I said,
"I'm going to look."
After telling her that, I ran outside, ignoring the shouts and calls of everyone else. I ran and ran and ran and ran until I reached the beach.
And that's where I saw her.
She was laying in the sand. From the distance I was standing, she almost looked peaceful. As if she was just lounging in the sand for a moment.
I desperately wanted to believe that was all it was.
However, within just a few steps, I could see the blood. As soon as I saw it, I began to run. Faster, until I reached her.
Thats when I saw it.
There was blood all around her body. Multiple horrible gashes covered her body, and the amount of blood was even more than I had originally anticipated. I kneeled down, propping her head up and slightly shaking her.
"Kami! Kami! Please! Wake up!"
My voice was breaking, my words frantic. Even now, from where I stood, watching this scene one step removed, I couldn't get rid of the horrible feeling in my stomach. The pit in my chest, the beating of my heart.
The feel of her blood dripping down my hands. Tears began to roll down my eyes. She was dying.
In the distance I heard a sound. Then everything turned to black.
I stood their, frozen for a moment. Slowly, I turned my gaze to ■■■■■.
My eyes were wide, and I could see the horror in my own facial expression from the reflection in her eyes.
"What happened." I muttered. "What happened." I repeated.
■■■■■: Your memory cuts here. There is nothing after this moment.
"You said it was my mind hiding it from me, right?" I asked as I tried to sift through my memory, only to realize that I couldn't remember.
Had it always been like this? NO way, right?
Inside of my head, I could feel the memories there, but there was nothing surfacing. I reached out for it, and only grabbed the tendrils of what I knew was there.
Just like the Raiden that was holding Kami's dying body in the sand, I began to panic. Looking around in the darkness.
It felt claustrophobic. I was trapped. There was a hole in my memory.
Part of my life was missing. All that was there was just enough for me to make the conclusion Takeru wanted.
■■■■■: "You're finally starting to see it Raiden."
How had I never noticed it before? What was missing? What part of my life had been taken away from me?
My breathing was quickening. My chest hurt. My head felt empty.
I truly wasn't even whole. I was brok-
■■■■■: "Calm."
At the sound of her voice, light entered the world.
She was right in front of me, her hands wrapped around me and her face inches away from mine.
I looked at her, equal parts vulnerable, scared, and confused.
"W-what happened to me?"
It was all I could ask. Something was missing. Something was taken from me. Just like with Eve.
And I felt just as helpless, just as empty, just as guilty as before.
■■■■■ placed her hand on my forehead.
■■■■■: "A spell that locked your memories away. It's easily dispelled, if you actually know it's there."
She calmly explained.
■■■■■: "Are you ready?"
She asked, her voice and tone sweet.
1001 thoughts were running through my head.
I was far from ready. I wanted to run away, to get away from it all.
"Yes."
I lied.