Let me be clear: I didn't mean to eat the slime.
It was an accident.
In my defense, it looked like jello. Blue jello. The good kind. The kind your mom brings home from a church picnic and hides in the back of the fridge like it's a rare artifact from a forgotten kingdom.
So when I found it wobbling in a patch of moss like a cursed fruit snack, my first instinct wasn't "danger!"It was:"Get in my mouth."
[ENCOUNTER: Lesser Slime]
Threat Level: LowIQ: NegativeBattle Strategy: Bounce and hope for the bestCurrent Action: Jiggling threateningly
"Yeah, okay," I said to myself. "I'm a little hungry. What's the worst that could happen?"
Which is always the last thing someone says before the System goes, "Bet."
[WARNING: Unknown Biomass Detected]
Analyzing foreign material...Attempting compatibility check...Rewriting digestive process...Updating genetic template...
Let me tell you something important.
You've never truly felt your stomach until it's dissolving a creature made of magic snot. It's cold. It's hot. It fizzes. There's a moment where I see colors I didn't know existed. I sneeze blue.
And then—
It happens.
[NEW SKILL ACQUIRED: Mucous Memory]
You can temporarily imitate minor physical traits of devoured organisms.Warning: This may cause you to become squishy.Side Effect: Occasional jiggle.Passive Gained: "Absorption Efficiency +1"
I blink. My body wobbles slightly.
"...Did I just become gelatinous?" I whisper in horror.
[You are 6% gelatinous.][Try not to think about what part.]
Okay. Okay.
This is fine.
I'm a little... springy. But that's fine. Slimes are basically dungeon cockroaches, right? Hard to kill. No bones. No bills. No trauma—well, no visible trauma. Maybe this is good.
In fact, maybe this is progress.
I jog in a circle.
boing boing boing
I make a note not to run in front of Mama like this or she'll punt me like a beach ball.
[Daily Summary]
Calories Consumed: 1.2 snakes, 0.3 slime
System Glitches: 2
Moisture Status: Balanced
Evolution Progress: 17%
[Next Milestone: Survive 3 more near-death experiences]
Oh good. Only three.
I'm not even two days old and I've already been poisoned and jello'd. This system is the worst RPG mod I've ever installed. Where's my beginner sword? My free loot box?
[You have unlocked: Inventory (Organic).][Current contents: Snake bones, half a rock, one unprocessed slime nucleus.][Inventory space remaining: 1 item, or one squirrel.]
"...Squirrel?" I mutter.
Right on cue, something rustles behind me.
I whip around.
Eyes meet.
Fluffy tail. Big teeth. Judgy little goblin face.
Squirrel.
[ENCOUNTER: Dire Tree Rat (Level 3)]
Threat Level: ModerateEstimated Survival: 30%Battle Advice: Squirrels don't play fair.
The squirrel chitters like it just placed a bet on my death.
I growl. Which is to say I squeak with mild menace.
It lunges.
We brawl.
And when I say "brawl," I mean "we both roll around screaming like toddlers with sticks."
Claws scratch. Teeth snap. I bite its ear. It kicks me in the face. I headbutt it and bounce backward like a football.
Then I remember: Slime Skill.
I focus. My skin softens. Its next bite sinks into me without breaking skin.
Its teeth get stuck.
I grin.
chomp
[DIRE TREE RAT DEFEATED]
XP gained!Skill Improved: Mucous Memory (Lv. 2)New Trait: "Cheek Pouch Theft" — Temporarily store stolen items in organic folds.Evolution Progress: 25%Organic Inventory Updated:
+1 squirrel fang+2 acorns+1 soul of bitter woodland fury
I limp back to the den, bleeding and jiggling and victorious.
Mama eyes me with the tired exasperation of a parent who just knows I've been eating things I shouldn't again.
She grunts and licks my head.
Somehow, that's the warmest thing I've ever felt.
Even my siblings don't fight me for food tonight.
They just… scoot a little farther away. Like they can sense I'm not quite solid anymore.
I don't blame them.
Sometimes, I wonder if I'm solid too.
That night, I dream.
Not the human kind of dream, with taxes and ex-girlfriends and IKEA instructions.
A wolf dream.
Trees melt into stars. My claws leave trails of light. A voice calls to me, distant and cold:
[Survive.][Evolve.][Instinct is truth.]
Then it shows me something.
A vision.
A shape.
My next form.
It's bigger. Sleeker. Its eyes glow like moonfire. Its breath steams in the dark. The other creatures in the forest kneel.
I reach for it.
But just before I touch it—
[EVOLUTION LOCKED]
Requirements not met.Status: IncompleteYou still smell like slime, idiot.
I wake up growling.
The world hasn't changed.
But I have.
And if this stupid glitchy System thinks I won't claw my way through a dozen squirrels, twenty snakes, and a goddamn dragon to evolve—
Then it doesn't know who it reincarnated.
I'm not a hero.
I'm not a chosen one.
I'm just a hungry little meatball with a death wish and an attitude problem.
And I will not stay moist forever.