Chapter 8: Heart, Humor, and Long-Term Schemes
It began, like all great things in Adam's life, with a remote-controlled slap.
Hydra's facility was hosting an arms dealer—one of those rich, greasy types who looked like he moisturized with bribes and nightmares. He strutted through the labs like he owned the place, accompanied by a six-man entourage, dark sunglasses indoors, and a mustache so overcompensating it probably had its own parking space.
Adam, naturally, took offense.
"Look at that thing," he whispered to Wanda through the tiny vent connecting their cells. "It's like a caterpillar ate an oil baron and died of arrogance."
Wanda smirked. "Don't be jealous. Yours is... almost growing."
He gasped. "Scarlet Witch. That was below the belt. I'm wounded."
"You're not my type," she said, tone neutral but eyes amused.
"Because I'm alive?"
"Because you talk too much."
"I'll take that as flirting."
Later that day, Adam's prank team went to work.
Using a hacked sensor rig, a fake security drone, and a very illegal remote-controlled glove they'd cobbled together from medical robotics, they timed the strike perfectly.
The moment Mustache McMoneybags leaned over to inspect a weapons crate, SMACK!—right across the cheek.
He looked around wildly. No one had touched him.
Then again—SMACK!
He screamed and dropped his briefcase. Inside: a silver briefcase, two bags of protein powder, and one extremely out-of-place rubber duck.
Wanda, watching from behind a tinted window, laughed. Loudly.
<+1,200 Pranker Bucks>
<+1 Intelligence>
<+1 Stamina>
Back in his cell, Adam was absolutely glowing.
"I have lived. I have laughed. I have slapped a war profiteer remotely and made Wanda giggle. This is the high life."
He skimmed through the strategist's memory fragment. Hydra's entire network was a web of fragile egos and even more fragile tech. Someone was logging secret side-payments. Someone else had bookmarked "How to Start Your Own Dictatorship" on a shared terminal.
"Oh, this is good," Adam whispered. "I could prank these guys into extinction."
Later that night, Wanda passed by his cell again. This time, she leaned against the doorframe, a faint smirk on her lips.
"You know they had to explain to that man's investors why he fled mid-tour?"
"I hope they told the truth," Adam said solemnly. "That he was haunted by the ghost of slap-happy justice."
Wanda chuckled, then leaned in. "You always joke. Ever stop?"
He met her gaze, the sarcasm softening just a bit. "Only when it stops working."
Her smile faltered—not gone, just deeper now. "One day it won't."
"Then I'll learn something new," he said. "But for now? I'm just a guy with a wand, a remote control, and a very questionable moral compass."
She didn't walk away this time. Not immediately.
"I think... you're less broken than you pretend," she said.
"I think you're more dangerous than you let on," he countered.
They stood in silence, just for a breath. Then she left. But this time, she looked back.
STAT & SYSTEM SUMMARY
Base Stats:
Strength: 6
Speed: 8
Stamina: 8 (+1)
Intelligence: 11 (+1)
MP: 1100
Pranker Bucks: $6,950
Skill Cards:
Wit's Starter Spark
Velocity Vortex
Arcane Antics
Prank Team:
Kiril (Tech)
Yana (Medical Mayhem)
Multiverse Items:
Doctor Who ID
Lost Room Key
Remote-Controlled Glove Rig (1 use remaining)
System Messages This Chapter:
•
• <+1,200 Pranker Bucks>
•
•
• <+1 Intelligence>
• <+1 Stamina>