Aina was certain that she was never really fond of her family. Nor was she fond of the name that the Duke, her biological father, had given her. Ciana, a holy name that means 'light'. But she never really referred to herself by that name, no, never. It was a name bestowed upon the daughters of Edarian high-ranking nobles – the legitimate daughters, to be exact. She was a bastard, so she had always wondered why she was given such a name, especially when she had learned what it meant to be given it.
She grew up in the East Wing of the Evrian Manor, opposite of where the Duke and his children resided. It was almost a quiet life, as far as she could remember – almost. She had the East Wing all to herself and the manor was large enough that she could avoid her half-siblings. That was what she had spent her whole life doing, avoiding the Duke and his family.
It wasn't that difficult, Aina was very certain that they had avoided her as well, or at least the East Wing of the manor. But really, she knew it was her they didn't want to see.
Aina hadn't always been a noble, rather, she used to be just a commoner, her mother had been a commoner as well…before she died and Aina had finally met the Duke at the age of eight.
"This is her child?"
"Yours as well"
The strange man peers down on her, and Aina stares back, in awe of his bright violet eyes.
"Her name?"
"She wasn't given one" and to the woman's words, the strange man clicks his tongue, his eyes narrowing.
Aina was about to say that she had a name but the woman tightens her hold on her small shoulders, and she had to bite her tongue, looking down on the maroon carpet below her.
"Look up, girl" Aina did as he said, raising her head again to see the man whose features were shadowed from the dimness of the room.
"Ciana"
"Ciana?" the woman asked.
"It is a suitable name. She will be taken care of here"
Aina never liked that name, it came with something that she never wanted to be a part of. Nobility. Oh, but there were some parts of it that she liked, of course. Such as the large allowance that the Duke gives her. But it was just that. She supposed she was lucky not to have ended up in an orphanage or begging in the streets but Aina had always dreamed of her life before she came to the manor.
But that was all she could do.
Dream.
Still, the Duke tried to include her to the family at first. He made her attend meals with them and gave her tutors to teach her which had been a mistake. Aina knew it was unfair that she was blaming him for something he never had done but she would never forgive him for what had happened.
"Open your pretty little eyes, Ciana" Aina could feel the tutor's sweaty palms roaming down to her shoulders as the man continues to strip her of her clothing.
No!
"I said open them!"
"What are you doing? Guards! Guards!"
Aina couldn't remember much from that day, she had been too young – only ten years old. She vaguely even knew what the man had attempted to do to her, but the detail that she did remember were something she would never forget. All she knew was that Thomas had come to give her cookies for doing a great job before he saw the tutor ripping her clothes off of her. Thomas shouted and pulled the tutor away from her. What happened after was blurry but Aina remembers the butler staying by her side and covering her with a blanket to preserve her dignity.
And then when night came, when she awoke for just a moment, Aina remembers Thomas coming into her room and sitting beside her, silently watching her. Though she couldn't see his face because the room was darkly lit, Aina still knew it was him.
Aina had been very afraid to be alone that night but Thomas, as always, came to her rescue.
Thomas had retired 3 years ago now, and Aina finds herself alone once again in the manor. Perhaps it was not a good thing that she had gotten used to someone being kind and speaking to her, because now that Thomas is gone, Aina finds the silence of the east wing unbearable.
She clicks her tongue.
"My Lady, it is time for supper now" Aina turns her body away from where she was facing as she stood in the balcony of her room, a shawl wrapped around her shoulders. She was watching the gardeners sweep the fallen leaves from the trees in the back garden of the manor.
It is fall now, and soon winter will come.
Aina nods her head and walks back inside, and just as she took a step, lightness filled her head as if she was going to lose consciousness before she managed to grab the marbled barriers of the balcony, barely able to keep herself upright. She looks down on her trembling legs.
Again, it is happening again, she thought as she held herself upright, landing a palm on her head, hoping to fight the coming migraine.