De Ming lay in his rigid bamboo bed, his only cushioning being a simple straw mat. He was staring blankly at the ceiling. Moonlight broke through the small ventilation window on the wall, illuminating his room. It was a small living space with limited furniture, messy piles of clothes, tools, and personal cookware for helping around the house, fitting for a mere servant like him.
it's been a whole week since Lian's outburst, and her words, expression, and pained voice are still vivid as if imprinted in his mind. The faint moonlight only drove him deeper in thought. Ming feels like he's in a constant battle with himself, suffocating himself in a tug of war between hope and despair, with hope never having the upper hand.
These days, even simple chores felt like torture to him, his body still ached from Zhu Feng's strike, he'd grown accustomed to Feng's relentless beatings and the aches they left.
So it wasn't why everything felt heavier
his mind was weighing him down, he felt fragmented, and each chore for the household was a betrayal of his will to change, to not be just a simple servant runt.
But fear
Fear of Feng's anger and relentless bullying
Fear of Elder Hu's reprimanding and disapproval
It chained down any thoughts of fighting back
And kept De Ming in line.
De Ming wasn't the only one affected; Zhu Lian had grown colder, or at least acted as such.
The next day, while he was running some errands around the household, they encountered each other.
Lian was wearing her training robes, her forehead covered in sweat, and her hair slightly disheveled and damp, it was clear that she had come back from training. She stopped in her tracks, they make eye contact, the silence too loud for comfort.
Never did the familiar wooden halls felt this narrow, dimly lit walls and spruce only accentuating the loneliness they were feeling
"Young lady-" De Ming tried to muster up friendly smile and greet her as usual, best that he could at least
His nervous and weak greeting was cut short as Lian acted as if he wasn't there, walking past him in an aloof manner, her stride quicker than usual, her steps uneven, creaking the wooden floor beneath her
She tried to act tough and distant but her watery eyes betrayed her facade
Ming noticed it but didn't matter, he knew that he was wrong to have denied her warmth in the first place, he had no excuse to call her out
Alas, he could only bite his lips and gaze at her back longingly as she slowly moved out of his grasp
Normally, they would have shared a smile and a warm greeting whenever they passed each other in the halls. The difference alone was too dreadful for them both to handle
He felt guilty, he didn't know how to make it up to her, nor did he want to, considering how much her words also hurt him. His mind was a mess
But before she went entirely out of view, she stopped, her hands were quivering as they balled into fists, for reasons unknown to De Ming but he had his guesses, he braced himself for a scolding but nothing could have prepared him for what that came out of her mouth
"Our family was given a slot for the annual martial arts expo, Feng's the heir so he won't be leaving here, he's too lazy to go anyways"
She paused and collected her breathe
"So… I'm going in his stead… in two weeks… to join a sect"
She spoke up, seemingly monotoned as if just to inform him
De Ming heard sniffles coming from her direction
She continued with labored breaths
"We… might not see each other again… Ming."
Lian uttered in between sniffles before she left
De Ming's face pales, needless to say, he was in great turmoil
No…not like this. It can't end like this…
He thought to himself before glancing down at his pocket, where he kept his participation token, a subtle reminder of what the mysterious elder told him about his potential, which he kept on him ever since Lian's outburst the other night,
He carried it everywhere he went but was never brave enough to face it, letting it rot in his pockets
But with Lian's leaving
The situation changed
this was the last straw,
De Ming has had enough of his pathetic self
Enough of enduring
Enough of being timid
Enough of cowering
ENOUGH
He grabbed the token, yanked it out, and gripped it tightly, staring into it hard enough to bore a hole through it. De Ming steeled himself, not a shred of doubt left as he called out to Lian
"Lian!" A shout so uncharacteristic of his normal demeanor, addressing her name directly with the respect a servant should have for his household's young lady. This call was personal, uncomfortably so
"I'll fight back!
I'll change!
So please…don't give up on me…"
His plea was brazen, reckless yet laced with desperation, hoping that he would reach her
Lian looked back in shock, her puffy ruby eyes, a testament of her tears, were widened in shock, her face pale but her face shone a hint of relief and hope. She froze for moments before turning away again
"Prove it…" she muttered just loud enough to be audible before continuing to walk, her stride more confident and relaxed.
De Ming breathed out in relief, he shone a smile, this time very genuine.
"Thanks, Lian…" he uttered quietly before continuing his errand, a heavy weight lifted from his shoulders as he walked on confidently
I will change, De Ming resolved in his heart.