When had it begun?
When had I become disillusioned with the world? When did I become the sort of person that I was today? Was I just born as a monster with no redeeming qualities from the start? Or did I take a wrong turn somewhere?
Were my actions ever wrong? Should I ever regret them?
I was never punished. Not a single time in my life had I committed an action I could never rebound from. Even in those last moments... They just apologized. Knelt down and bowed to me. They treated themselves like subservient animals that could be easily replaced, thus I treated them exactly the same.
The only difference... The only unstable variable was that thing. An outlier, it was soon enough and I'd have my answer. As soon as I have that I can rest easy. I was close enough last night... Was that even real? These days I can never tell the difference...
How frustrating.
As soon as I wake up, I have no doubt it'll be a return to the exact same cycle again...
I don't care what it is, I just want that monotony to be broken and cast asunder. Because if I wake up again in that world...
I'll end that continuous loop myself.
---
"Milord."
I blinked a few times, to wipe the weariness from my eyes. They felt narrowed, far more obscured than they had been before. I must be well and truly tired. What a strange yet vivid dream I had last night...
Looking around after the sleep had dislodged from my eyes, these surroundings don't look familiar in the least. Especially not the guy beside me... How long has he been there?
I was startled. But he doesn't seem to be harmful... so far.
Where on Earth am I?
This strange bedding, my breathing is slightly ragged despite just waking. The bedroom and the interior of this room are much too large to be my own.
This large fleshy, pulsating hand...
The same dream, huh?
"I apologise for disturbing your rest, Milord. However, the time for a feast is soon upon us. I thought you'd like to take a walk to build up a bit of appetite."
Seriously, where am I? Milord? I must be some sort of nobility... This butler(?) guy had distinctively European features. Had I somehow been transported here in my sleep? Was this some strange prank she was playing on me...? Commitment to the bit, I could give her applause for that much at least. The only thing that didn't add up, was me.
Taking another look at my wrist... It had a greater thickness than the average person's leg.
No matter how you look at it... Whatever I am, isn't human.
These hands that look more like flayed pigs than any sort of human approximation of what a hand really is. The sheer size of my body, I was of such a volume that I shouldn't even be able to walk unassisted or balance myself upright. Yet, I knew instinctively. I was probably stronger than in my previous body.
To think I did all that exercise and work only to be reborn as this monstrosity...
Revolting.
...A walk would do me some good. I needed to see where we were. Maybe there's a way I can get back home from... wherever this is. Or it could all just be a bad dream... Yeah, let's go with that.
I just need to wake up. Even if I wake up next to that thing again in the morning... It's at least better than this. I'm sure she'll forgive me, just like the others... But I suppose I could at least give her an explanation. Maybe... I'll just wait until I wake up to decide.
The butler rang a small bell he held by his side, at the sudden chimes a few young men entered the room. They all deferred to me immediately, not a single one was accustomed to looking me in the eye. They came in the room with that state in mind. They were similar to my subordinates back there... Well, as a dream I suppose it would take inspiration from life. What exactly did he need them for right now?
Without a word the men gathered by my flanks, holding large cloths and implements similar to a shoehorn, without any shoes in sight.
They were preparing to dress me.
How humiliating. If you were going to go to this extent the least you could do...
"Really, you can't find some more appealing servants to do this?" If I was going to be attended then I would prefer a certain company. The fairer sex, that is. After all, it wasn't like they were good for much else.
"...Milord, I can find some others if you'd like. But these are the same retainers you've had for two years now."
"..." I just levelled a look at the man. For some reason he was serving me, shouldn't you comply with your master's wishes? If this was a dream I was going to live it to the fullest!
He quickly backpedaled. "Apologies. It isn't the place of a humble servant to make such queries. Could you provide a preference that I can match?"
"Women. I don't really care what they're like. It's a better sight than this lot."
"...I see. I shall make arrangements. May I request you make do with this for today and I will manage the necessary preparations for after the feast?"
"I suppose, ensure you get it done." It was degrading either way, but i suppose it was just the once. Still for such a vivid dream, why didn't I have any control? It felt strange. I had never lucid dreamed before this but I had heard enough about it to assume something wasn't right.
Perhaps it was a nightmare instead.
Waking up as this disgusting creature, I can hardly imagine anything else is worse.
---
...What is this madness?!
Exiting from the main entrance of a particularly extravagant manor revealed a set of walkway bridges all of which crossed a huge chasm with molten liquid at the very bottom. The sky was a dark red.
But more than anything there were dreadful screams. Ear-shattering, it was all I could do but to hang onto my sanity. The man beside me, this butler fellow continued as if it were any other daily occurrence.
What is making that dreadful noise?
Those voices, those noises were hoarse thanks to the bubbling heat of the chasm below. But all the same, I was hoping that it was my imagination playing tricks on me. Because those screams, sounded hauntingly human...
They were erupting from the small holes dug around the crater, the sound bounced and echoed transforming into ghastly wails. It was as if the wails of the departed in the underworld were rising up and reprimanding me.
"Do you desire to take things a bit slower today, Milord?"
"..."
"Usually you hurry along, right to the veranda for your favourite view."
Whatever, wherever! It doesn't matter just get me away from here! Making me nauseas.
Continuing along the bridge, the smoldering, bubbling liquid beneath continued to rumble. Along with the cacophony of voices it created a symphony of suffering that resounded throughout the valley.
We finally arrived at the proposed veranda. Supposedly this body's favourite view.
It was catastrophic.
Death and decay on a wide scale. In a vast perimeter around the very top of this crater. The land was dark and dreary. There was no grass, the trees that had still remained standing were like obelisks of a land long gone, each and every one of them cracked and decaying. There were no animals on the horizon. The rolling hills outside of this crater were barren, completely devoid of life at all. The greys of their destitution were grim to say the least. It truly was a desolate wasteland.
Are we the only ones out here? It felt as if I was alone in the universe, right now... My only company being the monstrous people, like this butler, that thought of this place as normal!
All the while...
"Milord, it seems as if we made it just in time."
A bloody rain fell to the land, washing the little remains of debris away. The land that was once grey was now dyed red with a bloody storm.
If this is a dream.
Then it must be a nightmare...
For I have found myself in Hell.