Time, once again, attempted to flow normally.
But it tripped over a divine footrest and stumbled into a nap break.
A soft ding echoed across reality as the [Cosmic Do Not Disturb] passive activated.
---
[Passive Effect Triggered: Cosmic Do Not Disturb]
[Effect: Prevents all world-ending threats, divine prophecies, and unsolicited plot devices while user is snoozing.]
[Bonus: Grants immunity to annoying side quests.]
---
Ren, now titled King of Comfiness, lay curled up in his nap pod, which had upgraded itself mid-slumber into the Celestial Comfort Capsule XL™, complete with snack portals, mood-adjusting lullabies, and a napping crown that floated above his head, rotating slowly like a sleepy halo.
Outside, chaos tried to happen.
And failed.
---
In the Holy Tribunal of Urgency, gods bickered.
"We must stop him!" thundered Kallax the Flame Judge. "He's destabilizing existence by... not existing properly!"
"The Archangels are all in pajamas," muttered Seraphim Vex, sipping chamomile tea. "I haven't seen Michael since the Pillow Olympics…"
"And have you read the Cozy Constitution?" growled an exhausted war god. "It's legally binding across all planes!"
Silence.
Then the God of Law groaned, "It's written in crayon. On a napkin. That somehow autographs itself."
---
Meanwhile, back in the mortal realm, Ren's latest passive had quietly activated.
---
[New Passive: Productivity Per Paradox]
[Effect: The less effort you exert, the more powerful your results.]
[Current Paradox Level: Maximum]
[Bonus: Auto-generates solutions to problems you're not even aware of.]
---
As a result, while Ren slept:
A rogue planet headed toward Earth was politely redirected by a sentient space pillow.
The Demon King of the Ninth Abyss declared a truce because "naps are sacred."
A villain's monologue was accidentally canceled due to excessive yawning.
---
Aria was barely holding it together.
She stood in the hallway, surrounded by piles of divine fanmail, planetary treaties, and very confused diplomats trying to trade magic beans for Pajama Tokens on the Interdimensional Exchange.
"Why are we trending on the Celestial Net under #BlessedByBlankets?!"
Garth, wearing a snuggle-beast onesie, sipped hot cocoa and shrugged. "I think the Universal Market just crashed. In a good way."
Suddenly, the walls shimmered.
The Emergency Plot Intervention Alarm rang.
A portal exploded open.
And out stepped… The Editors.
Celestial beings with red pens, smug expressions, and scrolls of "plot corrections."
The lead editor narrowed her eyes. "We've detected excessive absurdity. You're violating the Balance of Narrative Tension."
Ren, still half-asleep, rolled over and muttered, "Too much plot. Not enough plush."
Reality shuddered.
The Editor's pen snapped in half.
---
[Absurd Event Detected: You've broken the narrative fourth wall without getting up.]
[Reward: 1x Meta Blanket (Reality-Warping), 1x "Skip to Ending" Button (Locked), Passive: Author's Amnesia (Prevents retcons.)]
---
Suddenly, a new voice crackled through the sky.
Not the system.
Not a god.
But...
The True Protagonist's Union Hotline.
"Uh, hi?" a confused voice said. "We've got reports that someone in your realm has hijacked the plot by... napping?"
Aria grabbed the communicator. "Yes. Please take it back."
"No can do," said the voice. "Our lead protagonist just rage-quit. He said, and I quote, 'How do you top a man who solved war by sleeping?' Then he vanished into a melancholic training montage."
Suddenly, another portal opened.
A colossal, shadowy figure stepped through.
THE PLOT DEVICE BEAST.
It had dozens of eyes, narrative hooks for limbs, and a constantly shifting genre.
"I AM HERE TO BRING CONFLICT!" it roared. "TENSION! STAKES! CHARACTER ARC"
Ren yawned.
The beast froze.
Then started to sniffle.
"So... cozy…"
It turned into a plush doll mid-rant and fell over, snoring.
---
[World Threat Neutralized: Plot Device Beast]
[Reward: 1x Genre Token (Wildcard)][Passive Upgrade: Sleep Solves Everything]
[Effect: Sleeping now automatically resolves escalating threats.]
[Side Effect: Causes deep existential crises in serious characters nearby.]
---
Aria, now trembling, dropped into a beanbag chair.
"I give up," she whispered. "Reality bends around his spine alignment."
Ren stirred.
Blinking sleepily, he mumbled, "Did we win?"
"YES!" Aria snapped. "YOU WON AGAIN! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING?"
"...Nope," Ren said proudly. "But I dreamed I was a pancake. It felt significant."
Garth tossed him a scroll.
It burst into sparkles and revealed:
---
[NEW GLOBAL TITLE ACQUIRED: Archdreamer of the Infinite Realm]
[Effect: Dreams you have become alternate timelines with loyal followers and passive income.]
[Bonus: Taxes are filed automatically across all dimensions.]
---
Ren scratched his head. "So... do I need to be awake for anything anymore?"
A new ping.
---
[New System Notice: You have unlocked the final phase of Dormancy Dominion.]
[Objective: Ascend to the Throne of Eternal Laziness without lifting a limb.]
[Time Limit: Whenever. Honestly, no rush.
[Warning: Ascension may cause universal cozyfication. Side effects include spontaneous naps, plot nullification, and permanent pajama day.]
---
Ren leaned back.
"Wake me when the sequel starts."
The skies shimmered.
A lullaby swept across creation.
And every sentient being felt the warmth of divine peace settle over them.
At last...
The universe finally understood.
Inaction wasn't weakness.
It was Ren.
---