Time resumed approximately seven hours and forty-two minutes later not because it wanted to, but because Ren rolled over and muttered, "Ugh... too warm."
That minor complaint shattered the [Slumbercore Eternium]'s time-holding enchantment, created a ripple in the space-time continuum, and inadvertently cured jet lag across all dimensions.
Aria was still mid-rant as time snapped back into motion, her eyes bloodshot. "AND THAT'S WHY YOU CAN'T JUST wait... did you... time-nap again?!"
Ren rubbed his eyes. "The nap was long... but not long enough."
The system pinged as if sensing his disappointment.
---
[New Passive Triggered: Nap Duration Feedback Loop]
[Effect: The longer you nap, the more rested the universe becomes.]
[Bonus: Grants you retroactive rewards for sleep you technically haven't taken yet.]
[Reward: 1x Blanket Throne (Legendary), 500x Pajama Tokens, 1x Dream Realm Diplomacy Skill]
---
A loud poof! echoed, and a throne appeared behind Ren woven from divine memory foam, clouds from the Ninth Heaven, and infused with the collective sighs of 100 exhausted demigods.
It molded perfectly to Ren's spine as he flopped back.
Aria threw her hands up. "You're literally being rewarded for laying down!"
"Correct," he said, pulling out a sparkling pajama token. "Do these stack?"
A portal opened before anyone could answer. A horde of pandas, sloths, koalas, and a single capybara wearing royal robes emerged, all bowing in unison.
The capybara stepped forward.
"We are the Pajama Rebellion," it said, adjusting its silk tie. "We've overthrown our tyrant king to follow you, Lord Ren."
Ren blinked. "Cool."
Aria blinked harder. "COOL?!"
The system pinged again.
---
[Rewarded for Inaction: Passive Effect Triggered]
[Absurd Event Detected: You gained a kingdom without lifting a finger.]
[Reward: 1x Kingdom Deed (Fluffy Forest Federation), 1x Crown of Ultimate Comfort]
[Bonus: Citizens now sleep better just thinking about you. National insomnia rates have dropped to zero.]
---
Just then, Garth stumbled in with a scroll in one hand and a cinnamon bun in the other.
"Uh… small issue," he said. "The International Guild of Heroes is threatening to sanction us for 'unfair coziness.'"
Ren opened one eye. "Do they have a form for that?"
"Actually," Garth blinked. "Yeah. It's called the 'Form of Heroic Discomfort.'"
Ren waved a pajama token lazily.
The scroll combusted.
Garth nodded. "Ah. The bureaucratic napocalypse approach. Understood."
---
Suddenly, the palace windows burst open.
A squad of legendary knights burst in, all wearing regulation armor… except now the armor had been inexplicably transfigured into matching bunny slippers and embroidered bathrobes.
Their leader, Sir Grizzlehelm the Resolute, dropped his sword, which turned into a teddy bear mid-fall.
"We came to arrest you for... for..." He paused. "...For... nap crimes?"
Ren lifted his finger.
The air shimmered.
A field of divine calm spread over the knights.
Sir Grizzlehelm fell to his knees. "Your Grace... it's so cozy."
They all collapsed into a synchronized group nap on the floor. Aria shrieked.
The system chimed.
---
[World Event Initiated: Blanket Coup]
[Objective: Accidentally pacify the Heroic Orders of the West.]
[Progress: 100% complete (achievement unlocked before event began).]
[Reward: +1 Divine Quilt of Peace, +1 Sleeping Rights Charter (World Authority), +Passive: Heroic Snooze]
[Effect: Enemies now hesitate to attack, then join your fan club after a warm drink.]
---
Ren casually tossed the Divine Quilt of Peace over himself. A peaceful glow spread across the continent. Babies stopped crying. Volcanoes sighed and went dormant. A civil war in the neighboring realm was postponed because both sides wanted to "get some proper REM cycles first."
Aria was losing it.
"REN. THE GODS. THE HEROES. THE LAWS OF PHYSICS. NONE OF THEM WORK AROUND YOU ANYMORE."
Ren looked up from his nap pod. "Don't blame me. Blame the system."
The system chimed again.
---
[New Mission: The Dream Realm Summit]
[Objective: Attend an interdimensional diplomatic meeting... in your dreams.]
[Success Reward: Realm-Wide Alliance with the Sleepwalkers of Somnaria]
[Failure Penalty: You snore and cause a black hole.]
[Time Remaining: Until next REM cycle.]
---
Ren sighed. "Guess I'll go to sleep again, then."
He lay back.
A portal opened within his nap pod.
Dreamy sparkles filled the air.
Garth, now wearing a onesie, whispered, "My Liege... are you going to solve diplomacy in your sleep?"
"Obviously," Ren muttered as the portal consumed him.
---
Inside the Dream Realm...
Ren stood (barefoot) in a glowing conference room made of clouds. Representatives of various dream species sat around a table Snore Orcs, REM Djinn, Pillow Elementals, and even the elusive Napdragon.
Ren said nothing.
He sipped cocoa.
That was all.
The moment the cup touched his lips
Every faction gasped, then stood and saluted.
The Napdragon wept. "Such grace... such stillness."
The treaty wrote itself in the air.
---
[Dream Realm Summit: COMPLETE]
[Alliance Secured: Sleepwalkers of Somnaria]
[Reward: Realm-Wide Nap Zones established. All dream beings now follow you.]
[New Passive: Dream Kingpin You now influence politics while unconscious.]
---
Ren awoke with a stretch.
"Done," he mumbled.
Aria, now sitting on the edge of a nearby couch with twitching eyes, muttered, "You negotiated a cross-realm alliance in your sleep."
Ren nodded. "I'm very productive when I'm unconscious."
---
Later That Day...
A divine herald arrived, sweating.
"We, the gods, surrender," he said, panting. "Heaven is now under the influence of your passive abilities. Our archangels refuse to do anything unless it's approved by the Council of Cozy."
He handed Ren a scroll.
---
[Heavenly Pact Acquired: Title – King of Comfiness]
[Effect: You now have veto rights over divine wars, celestial meetings, and heavenly drama.]
[Bonus: Angels now host pillow fight tournaments in your honor.]
---
Ren leaned back.
A new pillow descended from the sky embroidered with stars, stitched from phoenix down, and humming lullabies.
He nestled into it.
The skies turned pink.
The world sighed.
And once again...
Time itself hit the snooze button.
---