EZRA
don't know why I bothered trying to explain.
Lucius never listens. He never has. He never will. But I still opened my mouth and tried, my voice shaking, my body weak, knowing damn well that my words meant nothing to him.
I was trying to save myself. I knew that. But part of me…some stupid, lingering part of me was trying to save Malachai too.
Malachai, the one I swore I would stop caring about.
The one who never cared about me in the first place.
That's what I had to keep telling myself. Over and over. That whatever I thought we had was just a trick of my own mind. That Malachai was just another one of Lucius' pawns, just like me. That he had made his choice, and I had made mine.
And yet, I still tried to explain.
I told Lucius everything I thought he wanted to hear. I apologized, I begged, I promised to be better, to obey, to stop fighting. I lied through my teeth, hoping that for once, just once, he would listen.
He didn't.
Of course, he didn't.
Instead, he called Malachai into the office.
And the moment I saw him walk through that door, I knew exactly what was coming.
Lucius was going to make me relive the same nightmare.
Again.
I didn't scream this time. I didn't cry. I didn't fight back. I just stood there, staring at Malachai, waiting for him to do something. To say something.
But he never did.
He just stood there, the same way he always did, silent, unmoving, like a shadow that had no choice but to exist in the same space as me.
And for the first time, I didn't feel embarrassed.
I didn't feel humiliated or ashamed.
I just felt… numb.
I was done.
Done with Lucius. Done with Malachai. Done with whatever pathetic feelings I had been holding onto.
I just wanted to be alone.
So that's exactly what I did. From that day on, I avoided Malachai like my life depended on it. I never looked at him. Never spoke to him. I acted as if he didn't exist.
Every time I left Lucius' office, I walked slowly, carrying the weight of another endless night, the walk of shame dragging my feet across the cold floors. I didn't care if Malachai was standing there in the hallway. I didn't care if he was watching me.
I never looked at him again.
Because I couldn't.
Because I wouldn't.
Because I was done pretending that we were anything more than what Lucius had made us.
Nothing.