EZRA
I never meant to slap him.
I acted on impulse, on fear, on the desperate need to protect him from himself. But the moment my palm connected with his cheek, the moment I saw the flicker of hurt in his eyes, my heart clenched so painfully I could barely breathe.
I had hurt him.
Not just with the slap….but with my words, my rejection, my refusal to acknowledge what we both felt.
But I had to.
Because Lucius would never allow this.
And if he found out? I knew what would happen. I knew I would never see Malachai again.
So I did the only thing I could…i pushed him away.
As soon as Malachai walked out that door, the weight of my actions crushed me. My legs felt weak, my stomach twisted into knots, and I could barely stand. I staggered toward the window, my breath uneven, my hands trembling as I wrapped my arms around myself.
I sank to the floor, pressing my back against the cold wall, my knees drawn to my chest. The night air seeped through the cracks, chilling my skin, but I barely felt it. All I could feel was the ache inside me, the gnawing emptiness left in Malachai's absence.
I squeezed my eyes shut, but the tears wouldn't stop. Silent sobs wracked my body, my shoulders shaking as I buried my face in my arms. I didn't even know what I was crying for anymore, myself, Malachai, or the cruel fate that had bound us together in this nightmare.
I wanted to hate him. I wanted to scream at him for making things harder, for making me feel things I had no right to feel. But how could I, when I knew he was suffering just as much as I was? When I knew that every mission, every kill, every brutal order from Lucius was carving into him, hollowing him out bit by bit?
He wasn't the enemy. He never was.
And that made everything worse.
I lifted my head, my blurry gaze landing on the sea beyond the window. The waves crashed against the shore, endless and untamed, stretching far beyond the reach of this wretched place. I envied them. I envied their freedom, their power, their ability to exist without fear of someone ripping them apart.
I prayed…if there was anything out there listening—that Lucius would leave soon. That he would go on one of his missions and stay away for a long, long time. Maybe then, I could breathe. Maybe then, I could find a way to survive this without breaking any more than I already had.
But deep down, I knew better.
Lucius never left for long.
And when he returned, he always made sure I remembered exactly who I belonged to.