Days passed, even weeks, and my daily routine at my OJT continued, with my days and nights reversed due to my work schedule.
I often spent time with Georje since Mitch's house had become his regular hangout. But as often as we were together, we argued just as frequently. The more time we spent with each other, the more we discovered about each other's personalities, which only led to more disagreements.
Since I couldn't stand being at odds with him, I was always the one who made up first—whether it was my fault or his.
"I'm tired, Georje. I did the laundry earlier, you saw it, right?" I told him one Saturday night as we lay next to each other in bed.
"It will be quick!"
"No, because on Monday, I have a full-day duty, remember? We've already been transferred to the daily paper."
"Okay, we're not going, but on one condition," he said, referring to an island-hopping trip he invited me to join with his dance crew.
"Oh wow, a condition, really?"
"Yeah, of course!" he said smugly.
"And what's your condition?"
"Hold on. Don't move," he said, and before I could react, he was already on top of me.
"What are you doing? Why are you on top of me again? You're just trying to seduce me, aren't you?" He burst into laughter at what he was doing. I smacked his arm.
"You! You think you can get away with this?" He was still laughing while hugging me tightly so I couldn't hit him again.
"Hey! Stop it! Enough! Ouch! Lui, that hurts!" he yelped as I pulled his hair since I couldn't hit him anymore. But I wasn't sure if he was actually hurt or just pretending, because he kept laughing. Eventually, I started laughing too.
"I give up. I'm exhausted," I complained.
"Can you get me some water, please?" I asked him.
"Okay, wait," he said right away, getting up to fetch me some water.
Not long after, we both fell asleep. At this point, it felt like we were practically living together with how often he was at Mitch's place.
Weeks passed, and one morning, I was caught off guard by something completely unexpected.
"Lui!" I heard a familiar voice call out just as Mitch and I were about to enter the gate.
"You go ahead, I'll just talk for a bit," I whispered to Mitch.
"Come down first," I said as I approached the car.
"I have someone with me," she said. For some reason, a wave of nervousness hit me hard. The car door opened, and the first to step out was Amal, followed by my mother—her eyes burning with fury. None of us spoke as I led them inside and offered them something to drink.
Luckily, Georje wasn't around since he was busy with a new gig and was caught up in rehearsals.
As I placed the glasses of juice on the center table, my mother suddenly stood up. The next thing I knew, a sharp sound echoed, and my mind seemed to rattle.
"What lies have you been telling your siblings? Why are they so angry at me?" she yelled.
I kept my gaze on the floor, but I could see her trembling in rage. Pain and stinging heat spread across my cheek where her palm had landed.
"Well?! Why aren't you answering?!"
"I-I don't know what you're talking about. They're furious at me too, which is why I moved away—so they wouldn't keep calling me and accusing me of things," I sobbed.
"Excuses!" she screamed, grabbing a handful of my hair. Amal was visibly struggling to hold her back. Mitch, on the other hand, was frozen in shock beside me.
"I really don't know. I was just as shocked when they found out," I cried, unable to stop the sobs wracking my body. She didn't stop until she had vented all her anger on me through her violence.
I was used to this. Since childhood, I had endured this kind of treatment from her. But this time, it hurt more.
First, it wasn't my fault that my siblings were angry. They had every right to be upset about the situation.
Second, if only she had asked me first instead of blindly lashing out, she would have known that my siblings were furious with me too. They assumed I was happily enjoying what Amal provided for me. None of them even asked me why things had come to this.
They just threw accusations at me. No one bothered to ask how I truly felt about everything. No one asked how I was doing.
It was as if everything that happened was entirely my fault.
Third, the way she hit and screamed at me, she acted as if we were in the privacy of our own home. She didn't even consider how inappropriate it was—how humiliating it was. Worse, she did it in front of people. She embarrassed me in front of Mitch and Amal, who witnessed and heard everything.
"And another thing! Your boyfriend—didn't I tell you I don't want you seeing him?! Break up with him! I don't like his family background. No decent man goes around fathering children with different women without marrying a single one. He's irresponsible! Haven't you learned anything from everything I've done to you?! You're still nothing but a burden to me! You should've been the one to die instead of your brother!"
"Stop it! Lui is already hurt enough!" Mitch suddenly shouted. "I mean no disrespect, but you're in my house. Before losing your temper, you should have considered where you are," she said firmly. My mother froze, her grip on my hair loosening. Her screaming ceased.
"I'm sorry, I know I have no right to interfere because this is your family matter. But please, what you did to Lui isn't right. Can't you at least give her some privacy and respect? Just a little bit of respect, considering you're standing in my home right now," Mitch said, her voice unwavering. It was as if my mother suddenly snapped back to reality. Without another word, she walked out of the house. I didn't even look up to see Amal or Mitch's reactions. I just stayed where I was, eyes fixed on the floor, tears streaming down my face.
At that moment, I felt like a candle slowly melting away. Shame. Pain. Hatred.
I felt Amal step out a minute or two later, following after my mother without a word. I had no idea what was going through his mind. I remained staring at the floor, still crying. I had no idea what expressions Mitch and Amal had.
When we were finally alone, Mitch silently came over and hugged me. That was when the floodgates broke completely. I sobbed even harder, overwhelmed by humiliation, anger, and heartbreak. I had no idea how long we stood there, wrapped in each other's arms.
Finally, Mitch let go and sat me down before leaving for a moment. She returned with a glass of water.
"Drink this. You've been crying for a while. You need to rehydrate and calm down," she said gently.
"Thank you," I whispered between sobs.
Silence fell between us. It was as if we were both struggling to absorb everything that had just happened. We sat side by side, staring blankly into space. We were so lost in thought that we didn't even notice someone had entered.
"Hey! What happened to you two?" Kim asked, frowning.
"Love, how long have you been here?" Mitch asked.
"A few minutes ago. You two were so deep in thought that you didn't even notice me," Kim pouted.
"Sorry, we're just really out of it," Mitch replied.
"What the hell happened to you guys?" Kim asked, pressing for answers.
"A lot. So much that we're struggling to process everything," Mitch said instead of me.
"Clarify it!"
"Can I tell you later, Love? I need to cook first—Lui might be hungry," Mitch changed the topic.
I remained silent, just listening to their conversation while still staring into the distance. I understood that she didn't want to talk about what happened in front of me.
Mitch got up from beside me and walked to the kitchen, while I slowly stood up and walked toward my room.
"Why couldn't it have been me who died instead? Then I wouldn't have had to go through all of this," I whispered to myself, trying to hold back my sobs as I buried my face into the pillow.
"Tatay, why don't you just take me with you? I'm so tired. You were the only one who treated me right, the only one who truly cared and loved me," I spoke to my older that I thought he was my father, not knowing if he could hear me. But that didn't matter. What mattered was that I could let out my pain.
Good thing tomorrow is Saturday. Otherwise, I'd look like a fool walking into my OJT with swollen eyes. I hadn't even checked the mirror yet to see if I had any bruises on my cheeks or arms. I didn't have the energy to get up and look. My heart felt so heavy, and my body ached—along with my scalp.
I didn't even realize I had cried myself to sleep again. I woke up when I felt something cold touch my cheek.
"Sorry to wake you up. I didn't mean to, but I need to apply a cold compress—your cheek is bruised, Lui," George softly said as he pressed an ice pack against my face.
I didn't say anything, but my tears immediately started falling again. I thought I had already cried everything out earlier, but apparently not. I sat up and hugged him tightly. He silently hugged me back, rubbing my back as he whispered comforting words. We stayed like that for a while.
Then he let go, stood up, and walked out of the room. I didn't know why or where he was going. A few moments later, he returned with a glass of water.
"Drink this—you've been crying for too long," he said.
I nodded, took the glass, and drank everything in one go.
"Ali is outside. We called earlier after rehearsal, and he came as soon as he heard what happened to you. Do you want to see him?"
I didn't answer. I just slowly stood up and walked barefoot out of my room, not caring how I looked.
"Lui?" Ali immediately stood up from the couch the moment he saw me. I didn't pay attention to Mitch and Kim, who had been talking to him before I arrived.
I didn't say anything—I just hugged Ali. Of all of them, Ali was the one I had known the longest. And at that moment, I needed him more than anyone. I sobbed against his shoulder, feeling the tightness of his embrace.
After a while, we all sat together on the couch.
"Do you have a rehearsal tomorrow?" I asked.
"Yeah, but it's in the afternoon until evening. Our manager has a meeting with the organizers in the morning," Ali answered as I leaned my head on his shoulder.
"Let's drink. Just to help me sleep," I whispered.
"Why don't you eat first? George and I haven't eaten either. We brought food—your favorite. You have to eat," he coaxed me.
I looked at George, and he nodded, agreeing with Ali. Meanwhile, Kim and Mitch quietly observed us.
"Let's go?" I asked, looking at the lovebirds and inviting them to eat.
That's when I realized it was already 8 PM. No one had eaten yet because just as Mitch finished cooking, Ali and George arrived. Instead of eating, they had all been talking—until George came into my room and woke me up with the ice pack.
I had no appetite, even though my favorite food was in front of me. I only ate a little. No one mentioned what had happened. I knew they were just waiting and watching my every move.
"You're smoking again," George complained, giving me a disapproving look.
We were on the terrace, just starting to drink. Ali and George had gone out to buy alcohol, but I made Mitch go with them to make sure they bought the right ones. I knew Ali and George would've gotten something else if they had gone alone.
"Just let me be, okay?" I said softly.
"Okay."
"Lui, that's not water. Slow down, no one's going to take that away from you," Ali warned as I downed my drink.
"Shhh… don't worry, bro. I got this," I reassured him.
"Lui, you can talk to us whenever you're ready. We're here for you—you know that," Mitch said.
Tears started falling again, no matter how hard I tried to stop them.
"Mom was right. She said earlier that it should've been me who died instead of my older brother. If that had happened, I wouldn't have to suffer this kind of life. My brother was the only one who truly cared about me, who truly loved me and valued me. Without him, I have no one else in my family," I said after a long silence.
"That's wrong, Lui! What your mom said isn't true!" Kim's voice rang out.
"Yeah, remember what I always tell you? Everything that happens in life has a reason. We might not understand it now, but sooner or later, we will. One day, you'll realize why things happened this way," Ali added.
I kept drinking vodka, following it with beer. I was the only one drinking vodka—they all stuck to beer. I just wanted to get drunk enough to numb the pain.
Earlier, I finally looked at myself in the mirror after eating. When I went to my room to get money for the drinks, I saw my reflection. I didn't expect anything from my brother—he was still furious the last time we talked on the phone when I was back at the apartment.
"I don't understand why she always gets so angry with me. I shouldn't even be hurt anymore—I should be used to it by now. She's been like that to me ever since we were kids. But why does it still hurt? Why haven't I grown numb to her harsh words and her beatings?" I confessed.
No one said anything. They just waited to see if I had more to say.
"It's exhausting. It's draining whenever this happens. I'm just glad I have you guys—my friends—who understand and accept me for who I am. I don't even know how to thank you enough," I said, tearing up again before downing another shot of vodka and chasing it with beer.
They all just watched me closely, observing my every move.
"I wish tatay would just come take me. I'm so tired of this life. I've done everything I could to make them proud of me, to at least get them to notice me—to realize they have another child besides my siblings, the ones they always prioritize. It's like I was a mistake, like I was never supposed to be part of this family," I continued, sobbing.
George, sitting beside me, didn't know what to do. He wasn't used to seeing me like this. Only Ali knew how to comfort me. We had been together since elementary school, through high school—we practically grew up together.