"Hey! Sorry, I had to take another shower—I felt sticky. We went out earlier," I explained to Ali as I stepped out of my room and found him casually sitting in the living room.
"Pfft! It's fine. It's still early anyway," he replied with a smile, standing up so we could hug.
"By the way, let me introduce you to my housemates. Ali, this is VM and Nika—they're the ones I live with," I said, pointing to each of them.
"VM, Niks, this is Ali, my childhood friend. We're heading out for a bit. I have my keys with me since I'm not sure what time I'll be back, okay?" They exchanged greetings and nodded at me.
"We're leaving now. Take care, guys," I said.
"Idiot! You're the ones who need to be careful," VM shot back.
"Ali, take care of our friend, okay?" Nika reminded him.
"No worries, I got her. I'll just borrow her for a bit. We're off," he assured them. We waved goodbye to VM and Nika.
"So, how was your birthday? You got drunk, didn't you?" he asked with a chuckle.
"Haha! You'd be more surprised if I didn't get drunk after four bottles of tequila—and we even washed it down with beer!"
"Damn, your alcohol tolerance has leveled up! You're all about the hard stuff now!"
We kept chatting as we got into his car.
"What about you? Don't you drink much hard liquor? I don't think we've ever gone beyond beer when we drink together," I asked.
"Well, we usually have class the next day, so we never get the chance to drink for long when we're together. And honestly, I didn't expect you to handle hard liquor so well now," he admitted.
"Well, my groupmates drink hard, so I got used to it. We usually drink together—especially when we achieve something as a team or when we're stressed. The first thing they suggest is always a drinking session."
"You've really changed a lot, Lui," he observed.
"You used to have no vices at all. Back then, we were all about food trips, deep talks, music sessions, and dance practice. Now, you're on a whole different level!"
"Well, that's life—full of changes. Duh!"
We both laughed.
When we got out of the car, I let Ali walk ahead while I quickly looked for a place to buy cigarettes.
"Hey, Lui! You're finally here!" Jed greeted me excitedly before pulling me into a hug.
I thought it would just be the four of us, but there was another person sitting on the couch next to Georje—someone whose face seemed vaguely familiar.
"Hey, thanks!" I replied to Jed after he wished me a belated happy birthday.
"You guys have been here long?"
"Almost an hour now."
"Where's Ali? He suddenly disappeared," I asked in confusion.
"Oh, he went to order hard liquor. He said he wants to see you drunk since he's never witnessed it before. That guy's insane!" Jed said, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as we stood a few meters away from their table. Even though I hadn't looked at him yet, I could feel someone staring at me.
"What the hell? He's on a different wavelength," I muttered. "Come on, let's go check what that idiot is ordering," I said, pulling Jed along with me.
"Hey! What are you getting?" I asked, surprising Ali, who was deep in conversation with the bartender.
"Ugh! Why did you guys follow me here? You should've just stayed at the table—I wanted this to be a surprise!" he grumbled, scratching his eyebrow in frustration.
"Hold up! What exactly were you planning to get me drunk on?"
"What?! Who said I was trying to get you drunk?" he replied, glaring at Jed.
"You're such an idiot!" I smacked him on the head.
"Ow! Come on, I just want us to have fun—is that so bad?" he pouted, trying to guilt-trip me.
"Oh, please, Ali! Your tricks won't work on me. Fine, I'll order instead—but we're all drinking, not just me! You guys really want to go all out, huh?" I smirked, issuing the challenge.
"What an idiot. I thought you were mad, but you actually want to get wasted," Jed commented after hearing our exchange.
"Let it go! This is a one-time thing—we're all going to be busy with our internships once school starts. And besides, it's my post-birthday celebration, so we might as well go all out!"
Both of them shook their heads and let out soft chuckles at what I said.
"Two bottles of vodka and one barrel of beer," I told the bartender.
"What the hell? Are you aiming for alcohol poisoning?" Ali blurted out, making Jed laugh.
"No. Why so many questions? Didn't you say you wanted a drinking session? Fine, you two go ahead and order the appetizers," I said, slamming some cash on the counter. They could just add if it wasn't enough.
"You're serious about this?" Ali asked, making sure.
"No. I'm just joking! Idiot, can't you see I already paid?" I said before turning to Jed so he could step closer to the bar counter.
"Bro, we'll leave the appetizer orders to you, is that okay?"
"Yes, sir! I'll make sure to tell the waiter." The bartender responded cheerfully.
Jed and I carried a bottle of vodka each as we made our way back to the table where Georje and the others were seated. The waiter would bring the beer barrel separately.
"Whoa! What's all that? Why so much?" asked one of their friends. His face looked familiar, but I didn't know his name.
The two idiots just laughed in response while I suddenly felt self-conscious and fell silent.
"Sit here, Lui," Ali patted the spot beside him, placing me next to their friend.
"Ah, Lui, do you already know Jerome?" Jed asked. I subtly shook my head since I had never met him in person before. But suddenly, something clicked in my mind—if I wasn't mistaken, he was the guy Georje once mentioned as his best friend, the one who shared the same birthday as him.
"Lui, this is Jerome. He's part of our group and has been Georje's classmate from elementary to high school—kind of like how you and Ali grew up together. Je, you know Lui already, right?"
I only managed a small, shy smile. For some reason, I suddenly felt awkward. But I still shook his hand.
"Bro, don't be surprised—Lui's a total cowboy," Ali added.
Just then, the waiter arrived with the beer barrel.
"Your appetizers will be served next," he said before setting the barrel down on our table.
"Damn, you guys are insane!" Jerome reacted in shock.
"No idea what's up with Lui," Ali pretended to complain.
"Excuse me! You were the one planning to get me drunk, and now you're making it seem like this is all my idea?" I snapped, smacking his shoulder. Jed, on the other hand, just kept laughing at Ali's misfortune.
"Peace! Come on, I was just joking," Ali said, flashing a peace sign before casually throwing an arm around me. Honestly, he was acting more like my boyfriend than my actual boyfriend, who had been completely silent beside Jerome this whole time.
Not even a simple "hi" from him, so I just ignored him altogether.
"You're always up to something, huh?" Jed scolded Ali.
"Serves you right! Maybe that hit on the head will shake some sense into you," Jerome chimed in, while his best friend remained quiet beside him.
"Alright, alright! Let's just get started. Lui, you're the expert here—show us how it's done," Ali changed the subject.
I opened a bottle of vodka and poured shots in front of me. Then I asked Jed to get large beer glasses so we could each have one.
"Okay, here's how it goes," I demonstrated, drinking the vodka shot first, then following it up with beer.
"Damn, beer as a chaser? We're screwed!" Ali groaned.
"We're dead! Looks like we're not making it home tonight," Jed teased.
"Oh, quit whining. You guys talk too much. Aren't you supposed to be men? This is what you wanted—especially you!" I pointed at Ali.
"Why do you sound so mad at me, Lui? I'm just looking out for you, remember? Didn't I tell you—you're special to Jed and me?"
"Shut up! No drama allowed! You said this was my post-birthday celebration, and now you're over there getting sentimental. It doesn't suit you," I teased.
"Happy Birthday, Lui!" Jed suddenly shouted, raising his shot glass in the air. Luckily, the music wasn't too loud, so it was totally fine to be yelling.
The three followed suit, copying what I did, and together they all said, "Happy Birthday!" before taking their shots. I didn't join in since I had just taken a drink.
"Let's switch seats," I whispered to Ali.
"Why?" he asked, furrowing his brows.
"Because I'm not comfortable smoking here—I'm right in the middle, see?" I complained.
He stared at me for a moment, shook his head, then whispered something to Jed. The two of them stood up at the same time.
"Aww, he loves me so much he just can't say no!" I teased Ali, who only frowned at me. He had been nagging me about smoking, saying my lungs were already suffering, and my liver had taken enough damage from drinking. He even lectured me about it earlier in the car on the way here.
He just rolled his eyes at me. I quickly pulled out a cigarette from my sling bag, ignoring the confused looks from the others, wondering why the three of us had swapped seats.
I signaled the waiter for an ashtray while I lit my cigarette. I still wasn't talking to Georje, but I could feel his eyes on me the whole time.
Out of nowhere, Ali suddenly pulled me up.
"Huh?"
"Come on, let's dance! The music's great!"
He didn't even wait for my response—he just dragged me straight to the dance floor. So, I figured I might as well go along with it. At least it was a distraction, something to take my mind off the weight pressing on my chest.
Just because I managed to act civil around Amal didn't mean I was okay. I simply had no other choice but to tolerate her because resisting would get me nowhere.
I ended up enjoying the dancing—until...
"Lui, I know you and Georje are having problems," Ali whispered while we danced. His words made me slow down, focusing on what he was saying.
I simply nodded in response.
"He's an idiot. I'm sorry," he whispered again.
"Why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything to me," I asked.
"I don't know... I just feel like 'sorry' is the only thing I can say."
"Just let it go. He didn't even remember my birthday."
"What?" Ali asked, surprised.
"Forget it. I just want to have fun tonight. I don't want to add to the burden I'm already carrying. I feel like I might break under all this weight. So, thank you for bringing me here—I really needed this."
"Alright, enough of that. You don't want to start getting all emotional on the dance floor," he teased.
I rolled my eyes at him before dragging him back to our table. I grabbed my sling bag from Jed, where I had left it earlier, and took out a handkerchief to wipe away the sweat from dancing. I hadn't realized we'd been on the dance floor for several songs.
The drinking continued, and I mostly talked with Jed and Ali. Meanwhile, Georje and Jerome were having their own conversation, though Jed and Ali occasionally jumped into their discussion, making me listen in as well.
We were all pretty tipsy by the time we opened our second bottle of vodka when Jerome suddenly spoke up.
"Lui, can we switch seats?" he asked after returning from the restroom. I almost blew smoke in his face but stopped myself just in time.
"Why?"
"So, you and Georje can talk. It seems like you two have something to discuss," he said hesitantly.
"Oh, really?" I asked sarcastically.
"Please? Is that okay with you?" he asked again, still unsure.
"Not yet. I just need to say something first. After that, then we can switch."
"Alright, thanks."
I finished my cigarette, downed my vodka shot, then chased it with beer.
"I just want to say something. I want to be transparent, especially with you, Jerome, since we just met tonight," I began. No one spoke; their faces showed pure surprise. But I didn't stop.
"Ali and Jed already know how blunt I am. They know me better since we basically grew up together, right? I've been hurt, I've been humiliated—not just once, but twice!" I said as I poured another shot of vodka and drank it in one go.
"I'm not a demanding person; I'm patient and very considerate. But it's a whole different story when you deny me—right to my fckng face—that I'm just a cousin and not your 'girlfriend! That is the worst joke I have ever heard in my entire life! I know I'm not perfect, but I'm not stupid enough to be treated like this! Listen carefully—I'll say this only once! If you're not proud of me as your fckng girlfriend, then let me go! I'm already broken, to be honest—please, have mercy on me! Stop crushing me into tiny pieces!"
I couldn't hold back my tears anymore.
No one said a word. Thankfully, even though I knew I said those words loudly, the people sitting on the nearby couches didn't care. Probably because they were drunk themselves, their voices were just as loud.
"Now, Jerome! Ask me again—the same question you asked me earlier!" I challenged, staring directly at him and the person beside him, who had his head lowered. Ali tapped me on the shoulder.
"That's enough. I think you're drunk," he whispered, putting an arm around me.
"No! I'm just tipsy, but my mind is still sober! You know I only speak the truth, right? You know me!" He nodded but didn't say anything.
"I never asked for much in my prayers, only to find someone who would understand me, listen to me, and always be there for me. I'm not materialistic! I don't care about fancy things. All I ever wanted was to feel important in his life—to feel that he needs me because he loves me. Is that too much to ask? That doesn't cost a thing, so money isn't even an issue! Damn it! I was already broken, trying my best to piece myself back together just so I could move on with my life! And then you—you pushed me down even further, shattering me into even smaller pieces, making it even harder for me to rebuild myself!"
I stopped talking and lit a cigarette. Then I poured another shot of vodka, downed it, and finished the beer in my glass. I stood up, grabbing my pack of cigarettes and lighter. I didn't bother telling anyone where I was going—I just left.
I wasn't going home. I just needed to step outside for a bit. It suddenly felt too suffocating inside—I was struggling to breathe.
"Lui!"
I didn't realize Ali had followed me until he called my name. My mind was focused on weaving through the dance floor crowd. It was so packed that getting out was a struggle. I was already feeling dizzy, which made it even harder to walk through the dancing crowd.
"Lui," he said again, grabbing my arm and helping me get through.
"Why did you follow me? I'm not going home. I just need some air—it was getting too stuffy in there," I said as we walked toward the smoking area.
"I'll just stay with you. It wouldn't be right to let you go out alone, especially since you're a woman. No matter how tough you act, you're still a girl. There might be some drunk idiots out here."
"I'm fine. I can still think straight even though I've been drinking. I just want to smoke. And you don't even like cigarettes," I said as I lit another one.
"Just go easy on the smoking, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. Let me finish this, then come with me to buy a bottle of water from that store over there."
"Alright," he said, staring at me intently.
"I know I've told you this before, but I'll say it again. Honestly, it feels like you and I are more of a couple than he and I ever were. You show me things he should be showing me. You make me feel things he should be making me feel. But you've always been like this with me, so I've gotten used to it. Still, wouldn't it be better if he were the one doing what you do for me?" Ali just stared at me, as if trying to read something on my face, staying silent as he listened to my drunken rant.
"I wish you were my boyfriend instead. I'd be so lucky because you take such good care of me. And you're never ashamed to be seen with me, no matter where we go."
"Shhh… That's enough. You're really drunk now—you're just saying random things," he scolded gently.
"I'm not! Even the next time we meet, I could repeat everything I just said without blinking because my mind is clear. My body might be getting weak from the alcohol, but my thoughts are still sharp."
"Come on, let's go get that bottled water," I said, but I didn't wait for him—I walked ahead.
After buying water, I stopped by the restroom. As usual, my shadow—Ali—waited for me outside.
When we got back to our table, the others suddenly fell silent, as if they had been deep in conversation before, I arrived. I ignored it. We were only halfway through the second bottle of vodka, so I poured myself another shot. Then another. And another. I wanted to drink more so we could finish it quickly and leave. After all, it would be a waste of money if we didn't finish it.
I could feel their eyes on me, but I pretended not to notice. It felt like I was the only one drinking now. Even Ali—who would usually stop me—wasn't saying anything.
Eventually, I finished the vodka and moved on to the beer. The others stayed quiet. I just enjoyed myself, listening to the loud music and watching the people on the dance floor dancing without a care.
I hope I can be happy one day, truly happy—not just pretending to be.
I kept drinking, and I noticed they were drinking their beers too, but I didn't say anything. I pretended not to see, even though I clearly did.
I admitted to myself—I was completely drunk. I had consumed way too much. Maybe because I wasn't used to drinking alone—my groupmates were usually heavy drinkers, which rubbed off on me.
"Lui, that's enough. You're really drunk now. Let's go home—I'll take you," Ali whispered gently.
I didn't answer, but I slowly stood up and grabbed my sling bag. Damn, I was out of cigarettes.
Ali discreetly put his arm around me to steady me, making sure no one noticed he was helping me walk. If it weren't for him, I would've probably tripped already.
Thank God for my personal superhero—the one who, in the end, felt more like my boyfriend than my actual boyfriend ever did.