"Lui, is there anything else you need?" she asked while I stared out the left side of the SUV's window, watching the scenery pass by.
"Nothing, ma'am."
"Don't be shy. You can call me Amal or Ate Amal—whichever you're comfortable with," she said, and I could feel her eyes on me as she spoke. Meanwhile, I couldn't bring myself to look at her.
"Okay," I replied.
"If you're not in a hurry, would you mind accompanying me somewhere before I drop you off at your place?"
I finally looked at her. "Where?"
"Just to the mall. I need to buy something," she said casually, flashing me a smile.
"Alright."
"Don't be shy around me. Just think of me as a friend, okay?" she said sweetly. I only responded with a small nod.
"Come on!" she suddenly looped her arm around my left one, pulling me inside a high-end store.
"I noticed you dress simply. You like wearing jeans and shirts. You're lucky you can wear whatever you want. If I hadn't left home, I wouldn't even be able to wear what I'm wearing now," she shared, as if we were the same age.
If I didn't know she was involved with my dad, I might have easily gotten along with her. She was easy to be around, and I could tell she was trying to win me over with her stories and friendly demeanor ever since I got into her car.
But I wasn't saying much. I still hadn't fully processed everything I had just learned, and now she was trying to befriend me.
"Ah, yeah… I just feel comfortable dressing like this," I answered when she brought up my clothing style.
"I noticed you don't wear a uniform, but most of the other students do. Yet, you still get in and out of school freely."
"Yes, ever since our field exposure started, we haven't been required to wear uniforms. We have special IDs that allow us to dress casually. It's difficult to wear skirts when we're in the field."
"Ah, so that means you need more jeans and shirts… or maybe some blouses, if you like?"
"Oh no, that's really not necessary. Thank you, though."
"Didn't I tell you not to be shy around me? And if you're worried about your dad getting mad, don't be. He's used to me buying him all sorts of things," she said with a playful smirk.
"I'm really fine, I still have plenty of clothes."
"Nope! We're shopping for you! I just love shopping." She turned to a saleslady.
"Miss, help us pick out some clothes for her. And make sure she tries them on!"
She then leaned closer and said, "You know, to make you feel less awkward—I haven't even been back in the Philippines for a year. I finished college in the Europe and even worked as a teacher there for a while, so I stayed for years. But when I was studying here, I went to an all-girls school, so I was never really exposed to boys. That's why I don't have many female friends. But now that I've met you, I'll consider you, my friend! That way, I have someone to shop with," she said with a bright smile.
Honestly, she treated me better than my own mother. My mom never spoiled me like this—not even once. When I was younger, all I ever got from her were scoldings and physical punishments.
If she continued treating me this way, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from eventually warming up to her. But for now, I let her and the saleslady pick everything for me while I just tried things on.
After shopping for clothes, she insisted on buying me shoes too, even though I repeatedly declined, saying I already had enough pairs.
Afterward, we had dinner, and as if that wasn't enough, she even bought groceries for me. She said she knew I was always busy and might not be eating properly, which was why I looked so thin.
"Wow. She knew so much about me—more than my own mother did."
"Oh, by the way… can you not tell my dad that I don't actually go home to the apartment I rent with my friends?" I asked her while we were stuck in traffic, now late in the evening after leaving the mall.
"Sure. But is there a problem? Is that why you stopped going home?"
"No, it's nothing like that. It's just easier for me to stay with my friend because we have the same schedule, so I always have someone to go home with, even if it's late at night. Plus, she lives alone—her parents are in the province."
"Alright, as long as you're happy and comfortable, I have no problem with it," she said.
"Promise me you won't tell my dad?" I pressed.
"I promise. But I'll visit you from time to time. Your mom doesn't check on you, does she?"
"Do whatever you want," I muttered.
I was surprised that even before I could tell the driver where to turn, he had already pulled up in front of Mitch's house.
"Thank you. Please come down for a moment," I said before opening the door. I noticed that the driver had already stepped out and was unloading the shopping bags from the trunk.
"Maybe next time. It's already late, and we still have a long drive ahead. Take care. Before I forget, can you give my driver the phone number of your house?" she instructed.
"Okay," I replied simply. She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before I finally stepped out.
"Thank you so much for everything you bought me. You really didn't have to," I told her before closing the door and opening the gate to let the driver bring the shopping bags inside.
Mitch opened the door even before I could knock. She looked surprised by how much I was carrying but silently helped me bring everything in.
"Take care," Amal said before rolling up the car window and driving away. I stepped inside the house.
"Care to explain?" Mitch asked, pointing at the numerous plastic and paper bags scattered on the floor.
"Ah, my aunt just got back from abroad. She visited our house earlier, and we left together, but before bringing me here, she insisted on taking me to the mall since she hadn't bought me a homecoming gift. So, she took me shopping even though I didn't ask for any of this—she was just really persistent," I reasoned, unable to tell the truth.
"Wow, lucky you! And I even got a share of the groceries! Looks like we won't be starving anytime soon—we're gonna save a lot of money!" she said cheerfully, picking up the bags and carrying them to the kitchen.
Meanwhile, I couldn't bring myself to feel happy at that moment. With everything on my mind, I didn't even know what to deal with first.
"Why didn't you invite your aunt inside?"
"I did, but she said maybe next time since it's late and they still have a long drive ahead," I replied lazily.
"You look like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Something wrong? You don't even seem happy about all this stuff you got."
"I'm just exhausted from my aunt's persistence. She dragged me everywhere," I said—a half-truth, half-lie. It was true that shopping with her was tiring, but the bigger weight on my shoulders was everything else I was dealing with.
"Then go rest," she said while organizing the groceries.
"I'm fine. I don't feel like lying down yet. Wanna have a drink?" I asked. I needed alcohol. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep otherwise.
"Do we even have any here? I don't think so."
"Of course not! My aunt picked all of this out and paid for it. Come on, let's go buy some!"
"Wow, excited much? Give me a sec—I'll just put the frozen stuff in the freezer. This won't take long. You should put those paper bags and your bag in your room while you wait."
I didn't respond. I just stood up, grabbed the scattered paper bags, and brought them into my room, dropping them all on the floor beside my bed. Then I went back to get my backpack and the paper bag containing the beddings I had brought from home.
Ugh, home. I remembered everything that happened there. I had only stayed for less than a day, but with everything that transpired, it felt like forever.
I grabbed my sling bag, stuffed my wallet inside, and headed back to the kitchen to find Mitch.
"Are you sure you're really, okay?" she asked again.
"Yeah, I just feel mentally drained from dealing with my aunt."
"Right, Lui. Keep lying. Just make sure you don't slip up," I scolded myself internally.
"Hold on, let me change into shorts first. Kim's gonna kill me if she sees me like this. She's coming home later—she thought, I mean, we thought, you wouldn't be back tonight."
"Go ahead, I'll just wait here," I said lazily, standing by the door and smoking as I stared at the street.
"Let's go!" she said after a few minutes, now dressed more comfortably.
She quickly locked the door behind us, then locked the gate as well before we stepped out.
"You think the store on the next block is still open?" I asked, pointing to our right.
"Yeah, they're the last to close around here, plus they're the biggest grocery store in the subdivision." We bought some hard liquor, beer, a few snacks, and cigarettes.
"Good thing you didn't ask your aunt to buy this stuff for you."
"Are you crazy?" I laughed, and Mitch joined in as we walked home, carrying our booze and junk food.
"No wonder the gate was locked," we heard Kim say. She was leaning against her car.
"Well, this one here suddenly decided we needed a drinking tournament, so we had to go to the store. Not like we had anyone to send on an errand for us," Mitch explained as we approached Kim.
"Hi, love!" Kim greeted Mitch before they kissed.
"Ouch! So many ants here!" I teased them.
"Pfft! You just miss your 'love,' don't you? Why don't you invite him over?" Kim teased back.
"Nah, not now. Let's just enjoy this with the three of us," I said coolly while waiting for Mitch to unlock the door.
I was reminded of what happened in the past. With everything that had gone down, what happened between me and Georje had been pushed to the back of my mind.
The impact of what happened after that was much heavier. Even now, I still don't understand why, despite all the weight I'm carrying, I haven't been able to cry.
They started drinking first while I took a quick shower—I was feeling sticky.
"So, why the sudden drinking tournament?" Kim asked.
"Nothing. I just thought it would be boring if the three of us just sat around staring at each other. Don't you think?" I replied sarcastically, making them shake their heads at me.
"Too bad Zette isn't here," I muttered. I mostly just listened to their conversation, only chiming in occasionally.
"By the way, is your aunt coming back, Mitch?"
"Not sure. It seems like she changed her plans. She said she'll just stay at our place and teach there instead. I don't know, she's kind of all over the place sometimes. Why?"
"If she's really not coming back, then I'll take you up on your offer to stay here. But I need to settle things first. I'll also talk to VM first so they won't be caught off guard," I explained.
"Sounds good! I'll talk to my mom when my aunt calls again. It would be great to have you here. My parents would also feel at ease knowing you're staying with me," Mitch said happily.
I just nodded, but I started thinking about how VM and the others would react. Things had been feeling awkward there since the incident. I knew it was only me who had a problem with it—everyone else had moved on.
But I just felt more comfortable here at Mitch's place. I could do whatever I wanted. Back at the other apartment, I always felt hesitant since not everyone agreed with the way I did things.
To be honest, I wasn't completely sure about my decision yet. It would all depend on how my conversation with VM went.
The three of us drank until we were drunk and eventually fell asleep. It wasn't a problem since we were still on break. Maybe if things hadn't blown up back home, I would have stayed there for a few more days. But everything that happened had been suffocating, so I chose to leave as soon as possible.
I was the last to wake up the next day. It was already past lunchtime, but I just lay in bed, wishing I didn't have to wake up at all. Everything was exhausting. My problems wouldn't leave me alone.
Sometimes, I wondered if I even deserved to be happy. "Why was life so easy for some people"
"Lui?" I heard Mitch call, but I didn't answer. Instead, I closed my eyes and turned away from the door.
"Lui! Hey! Wake up!" she asked, poking me. She had come in since I hadn't locked the door.
I still didn't respond. I let her think I was still in deep sleep, even though I was wide awake. My body just felt weak, drained of energy. I didn't even have the strength to talk. It felt like I couldn't. Thankfully, Mitch didn't push when she saw I was "asleep." But in truth, I was just pretending.
I heard the door open and close—a sign that she had left. I could hear her talking with Kim, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. Not that I cared. I was just exhausted. I hadn't even noticed when I fell asleep again. When I woke up, it was already dark. I sat on the edge of my bed, still in a daze.
I couldn't bring myself to tell them what was bothering me. I was scared they wouldn't understand. I was even more afraid they'd judge me if they found out what really happened when I went home. And what would they think if they knew that the woman Mitch saw dropping me off and shopping for me wasn't actually my aunt—but my dad's mistress?
I felt so ashamed. I didn't know what to do. I was confused, torn about how to tell my older brother. I just wanted to graduate so I could finally leave my parents' house for good. Like my siblings, who immediately started working far away after college, I saw that as my only way out of my family situation.
When I stepped out of my room, the living room was dark, with only the kitchen light left on. It was already 7 p.m. I figured the lovebirds had gone out since the house was too quiet. It didn't make sense for them to be asleep this early, so I checked the window to see if Kim's car was still there. It wasn't—her Honda City was gone.
I only had cereal with fresh milk. I was too lazy to cook, and I was sure the two had already eaten or would eat when they got back. After washing my bowl and brushing my teeth, I went straight back to my room. I played some music and started writing in my diary.
My notebook and pen were my only real best friends. It was the only place where I could pour out everything I was feeling—things I couldn't say to VM or even to Mitch.
"Lui! You were still asleep when we left, and now you're drinking?" Mitch blurted as she approached me on the terrace while Kim was still parking her car.
"Jeez, I'm not drunk! I was actually waiting for you guys before I really start drinking—so there'd be a challenge," I joked.
"You're crazy! You're going to welcome your birthday by drinking? Are you okay?" she scolded.
"Huh?" My mind was blank.
"What's wrong? Don't tell me you forgot your birthday is the day after tomorrow?"
"Oh, come on! I'm just drinking now, and suddenly you think I'm going to be drunk on my birthday? That's a stretch! What, is this supposed to be a nonstop drinking tournament until then?" I said sarcastically.
"Well, it's like you've turned alcohol into water! We just drank last night, and now you're at it again!"
"I had nothing else to do… I was bored. I finished all the novels I recently bought," I reasoned, but I knew she didn't believe me.
"Oh wow! You have a new hobby now? Why didn't I know about this? Before, it was just music, reading novels, or writing poems when you had nothing to do. But now, you've leveled up—drinking is your new escape from boredom!" she said sarcastically.
I chose to stay silent, afraid I might say something I'd regret. In the end, the two of them joined me, and we drank together again.
"Lui, even if you don't say anything, I can feel that you're going through something," Mitch said gently.
"Whatever it is, we're here whenever you're ready to talk," she added. But I didn't respond—I just kept smoking my cigarette and sipping my beer.
We didn't buy more drinks and just finished the few bottles I had. We didn't get drunk—just enough to help us sleep. But I wasn't sure if I'd actually be able to sleep.
When I lay down, I knew I wouldn't be able to drift off easily. My mind was restless, wandering aimlessly as I stared at the ceiling.
All I wanted was to let out everything I was feeling. But I didn't know how. It was painful, suffocating, but why couldn't I cry?
Hours passed as I lay there, tossing and turning, unable to sleep. When I checked the small alarm clock on my bedside table, it was already 2 a.m.
I gave up and played music again. No matter how much I tried, sleep just wouldn't come.
I started worrying—what if this continued once school started? How would I function during my internship if I kept feeling like this?
At some point, I must have dozed off, because I woke up to Mitch singing along to her music. Like yesterday, I didn't get up right away. I just let myself stare at the ceiling, zoning out.
When I finally got up, I noticed the shopping bags Amal had bought for me. I still hadn't touched them. Looking around my room, the only messy part was where the bags were scattered. So, I decided to take them out, sort through the contents, and fold the bags to put them away.