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I could hear my heart beats syncing with my footsteps.
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I took in the house that I have lived in for my whole life, 10 years younger.
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We still have our old sofa...
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That horrid wallpaper is still on...
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Oh wow this thing looks so much cleaner and newer...
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What caught my eye was the cheap painting that my dad bought. My mom swears to throw it away, but she never did.
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"Ha-na!!! What's taking you so long!"
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I turned my head.
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The house looks different, but my mom looks even more different.
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My mom looks so young...and cheerful compared to how she is in 201X.
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"You still need to eat dinner, okay? I know you're tired from the shoots, but you'd better eat first."
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It feels uncanny, this whole thing. It's such a familiar situation.
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It's something I went through hundreds of times.
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I'm not sure how to react since the lines between dream, afterlife, and reality is increasingly blurring.
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"Yeah, I know."
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Is this really real? Am I not in a dream? Am I alive?
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Everything has been suggesting to me that this is real, but I just can't seem to accept that yet.
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I took a seat and picked up my chopsticks.
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The sounds of chopsticks, plates and chewing filled the air. My mom likes to converse a little while eating, but I guess she sensed something was off with me.
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I chewed the rice.
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It was soft, nearly at the point where it would have been mushy. Just how it always is if it was today's rice.
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My chopsticks reached for the kimchi*.
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It was spicy and sour.
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"Your dad is going to be a little late tonight, he has overtime."
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I remember my dad being away a lot during this time. In the end he got lots of promotions.
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"By the way, are you alright Ha-na? Did the director scold you?"
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"No, it's nothing like that, I just feel a bit tired."
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I don't really know what to say to my mom.
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Am I supposed to tell her that her daughter is now a different person because somehow something happened?
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Sounds like the words of a lunatic.
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"You sure you're okay?"
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"Yeah, I'm fine eomma*. I'm just...worried about not being able to catch up with school."
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"If that's what you worry about, I'll talk to your teacher about it tomorrow."
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I lowered my eyes and continued eating.
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"How about that drama? You want to take it for sure?"
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"Huh? What drama..?"
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"Goodness, how come you forgot about it already? Weren't you excited about it? It's that weekend drama from Channel K. I think it's called...something...something about spring..."
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"Spring Breeze."
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'Spring Breeze'
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Spring...Breeze...
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I haven't heard of it in a long time, a really long time.
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It's a public broadcasting daily drama that spans for 150 episodes, airing 5 episodes per week like most daily dramas.
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It's a romance and family drama that starts off lighthearted.
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However, it didn't end that way since writers started adding frustrating plots that are both boring and stressful to watch. In the end it just became some sort family-romance-makjang** fusion.
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It was a bad but forgettable drama.
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Although some actors managed to have a big break later on, it's a drama that their fans don't really rewatch.
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Can't blame them, what type of crazy person would want to watch a 150 episode trash.
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"Actually I'm not sure..."
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"Huh? Really? Yesterday you are so excited since you were chosen for it."
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Goodness, what should I say now?
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In my previous life, I participated in this drama. My role was the younger sister of the female lead. She is annoying, immature, all sorts of hateable. There is barely any character development on her side and she hardly gets any screentime too.
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I remember reading some comments cursing at my character.
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There was nothing too severe due to my lack of screentime, but it gave a huge impression on me since it was the first time I earned such strong reactions from the public.
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To sum it up, it is a bad role in a bad drama.
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You don't get fame, you don't even get notoriety, you just lose energy shooting such a long drama.
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It's such a dead end pit.
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I like acting, but even I am exhausted with doing such roles that gave me no returns.
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I tried to hold on, but I realized that I didn't have that much of a willpower and I didn't love acting that much to keep enduring such things.
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You know, since I knew acting would bring me nowhere, maybe I should just find something else to do...
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The 15 year old version of me probably could not even dream of saying such a thing.
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But I'm not her.
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"I just... I suddenly don't want to act in there anymore, there is nothing more about it."
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"Did something happen? Did some nasty person say something to you?"
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My mom looked like she's going to get in deep into a fight if I confirmed it.
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"I just don't want to do it. I think daily dramas are a bit tiring and I think it's good to take a short break to focus on my studies, my grades are slipping after all."
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My mom wrinkled her forehead in confusion.
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For some reason it's really hard for me to lie or act in front of my mom.
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"Is that what you want Ha-na?"
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"Yes eomma."
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"If that's what you want then you should do it. You haven't signed the official contract yet so it'll be fine. However, if you have a problem, tell me alright? We'll figure it out together."
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That is such classic thing for her to say. Do what you want, chase your dreams, all that stuff....
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Seeing me turn quiet, my mom picked up her chopsticks and placed a piece of beef in my bowl.
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"The food is getting cold, let's eat first, I hope you'll think about your decision again."