Previously on MILF Mountain…
Kazuya, once a mere mortal, has ascended to Step-Mom Enlightenment.
Mona, the Ultimate Mom, has declared war.
Eleanor, the Step-Mommy Prime, watches in smug satisfaction.
The battlefield is set.
The ultimate battle of passive-aggressive comments, guilt-tripping techniques, and overbearing affection is about to begin.
THE MOM-AGEDDON BEGINS
The skies above MILF Mountain split apart.
Lightning cracked.
The heavens wept.
Mona stood on one side, a divine aura of maternal energy glowing around her.
She wielded the Ladle of Destiny, a holy cooking utensil passed down through generations of mothers.
Kazuya, now infused with Step-Mom Energy, stood on the other side.
A wine glass materialized in his hand. He sipped it with the confidence of a woman who just found out her ex-husband's new girlfriend is unemployed.
Eleanor hovered in the air, observing. "The test is simple."
She snapped her fingers.
A CHAIR appeared in the center.
Eleanor smirked. "Whoever can get Kazuya to sit down and listen to them… wins."
Kazuya blinked. "Wait, what?"
Mona smiled warmly. "Oh, sweetheart. Come here, let me fix your hair before we start."
Kazuya froze.
His instincts screamed at him to obey.
Sylvara gasped. "Oh gods. She's already using THE MOM VOICE."
Lady Ravynne clenched her fist. "He has to resist."
Bradimus whispered. "He's doomed."
But then…
Kazuya closed his eyes.
He exhaled.
And then…
He put down his wine glass and hit Mona with the most devastating counter-attack possible.
"Oh… wow. Is that… a new apron? That's… so interesting. You've had it for years? Oh, I see. Never noticed. Huh. Weird."
The air itself cracked.
Mona staggered back, clutching her chest.
Lady Ravynne gasped. "By the gods… he used the Step-Mom Gaslight Technique."
Eleanor smirked. "Not bad, darling."
Mona gritted her teeth. "Impressive… but can you handle this?"
She clapped her hands together.
"You look tired, sweetheart. Are you eating enough? Are you drinking water? You know, you don't visit me enough."
GUILT WAVE.
Kazuya dropped to one knee, sweating.
Bradimus panicked. "Oh no! She hit him with the 'Why Don't You Call Me More' special!"
Eleanor adjusted her glasses. "This is getting interesting."
THE FINAL PHASE: THE UNSKIPPABLE LECTURE
The battlefield shifted.
A gigantic dining table manifested out of nowhere.
Suddenly, Kazuya was sitting at it.
Sylvara, Bradimus, and the rest of the party gasped. "She trapped him in the Dinnertime Lecture Dimension!"
Mona sat across from him, her Mom Energy overflowing.
She sighed deeply, shaking her head. "You know, sweetheart… when I was your age…"
Kazuya's muscles locked.
He tried to stand, but his body wouldn't move.
Mona continued. "You kids today don't understand hard work. Back in my day, we didn't have all these fancy… what do you call them? 'Smartphones'? No, we had to actually talk to people! And let me tell you…"
The walls closed in.
A never-ending monologue about 'how things used to be' began looping.
Kazuya's eyes darted around.No exits. No escape.
Mona leaned in. "Oh, and another thing…"
Kazuya gritted his teeth.
And then…
He smirked.
"Oh, wow. That's so interesting, Mona. I mean, it's really amazing that you had to work so hard… but you know, Eleanor actually told me this really fascinating story about how step-moms had it even harder."
Mona's eyes widened.
She turned. "Eleanor?"
Eleanor sipped her wine. "Mmm? Oh, yes, being a step-mom is so difficult. No one appreciates you. You have to constantly prove yourself."
Mona crossed her arms. "Oh, is that so? You think step-moms have it worse?"
Eleanor smirked. "Absolutely. You wouldn't understand."
Mona stood up. "Excuse me?"
Kazuya vanished from the chair.
The trap was broken.
THE WAR ENDS
Mona and Eleanor stared at each other.
For a moment, silence.
Then…
Mona scoffed. "Oh, Eleanor, you always did love stirring the pot."
Eleanor chuckled. "And you always did fall for it."
Mona sighed. "Fine. I suppose I can allow some Step-Mom Energy in my son's life."
Eleanor smirked. "And I suppose I can acknowledge that Moms do have some wisdom."
Mona and Eleanor shook hands.
A massive energy explosion burst from MILF Mountain.
The balance was restored.
Kazuya, exhausted, collapsed into a chair. "Oh, thank gods… it's over."
Sylvara patted his back. "You did good, babe."
Bradimus sighed. "What even was this adventure?"
The Goose: "HONK."
EPILOGUE: THE NEW NORMAL
A week later…
Kazuya woke up in camp.
Mona was in the kitchen, cooking a massive breakfast.
Eleanor was reading a book, sipping coffee.
Kazuya sat up. "Wait… what's happening?"
Sylvara grinned. "Oh. They've teamed up."
Kazuya paled. "Wait, what?"
Lady Ravynne sighed. "Yes. Mona and Eleanor have decided they both like you too much to fight over you. So now…"
Bradimus shuddered. "You have double the mother figures."
Kazuya's soul left his body.
"No… no… this isn't balance… this is… a nightmare."
Eleanor smirked. "Oh, honey, don't be so dramatic."
Mona clapped her hands. "Now, come eat, sweetie. I made all your favorites."
Kazuya screamed internally.
THE END…?
NEXT TIME ON 'HELP! I'M THE CHOSEN ONE (AND I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS)!'
🔥 DOUBLE MOM ENERGY?!
🔥 NEW QUEST: ESCAPE MILF MOUNTAIN?
🔥 IS KAZUYA… DOOMED FOREVER?!
DON'T MISS IT!