I'm getting old and impatient, I've lived for too long and I've endured too much because of him. I don't care what happens afterwards I just need to go back and fix it. Hitogami ruined my life, I have no idea what I did to that bastard, but because of him and his advice, everyone I loved died, or at least most of them, I wonder how Norn, Mother or Lilia are doing. Mother and Lilia might already be dead, they were both over 30 when I last saw then and It's been 40 years since I last saw any of them. Ugh, it makes me sick to think that Lucy is gonna grow without parents, I shouldn't have been such a bastard to Sylphie, it haunts me every time I think about her. I'm sorry Sylphie, because I've done the same mistakes again and I locked myself back inside and didn't take your hand I cheated on you and made you leave and die, because of me our child grew up without us. I promise to fix all of this and when I'm back I'll make sure to love you properly and not cheat on you ever again. Roxy, because of me and my stupid mistake you turned into stone and died. You were the first person to make me go past my fears and trauma from my past life, but what did I do in return? I killed you, no Hitogami killed you. Eris, I never once gave you a second chance, I was always afraid of you and treated you so very bad. I treated you like my second biggest enemy for a long time, but you kept following me forever everywhere, until the day I got you killed.
I'm sorry to all you three, I got each one of you killed when all you wanted was to love and be with me.
I'm getting furious and disgusted thinking about all of this, I'll just get on with it and finish my teleportation circle, go back and never think about any of this. I also want to write a diary or guide and leave it somewhere before I leave. I have no guarantee that what I do will work and I want to make sure Hitogami will fall, be it by my hand or not, I want him to die at all costs.
But if I want to write a diary where should I start, what should I write? I already have that miserable old one in which I've written in very little detail what I've been through, but I plan on taking that one with me. At the same time I also want to leave a copy of it or something like that, but with far more details, I want to ingrain it in every single neuron of whoever reads it that Hitogami is an evil god and that he is clearly an enemy. The more gruesome and detailed the story, the less likely they'd want to follow what I've been through. For now I'll keep working on the magic circle.
I finally got a notebook similar to my old one, the pages are way better quality and the price was cheaper. The world is advancing even without my hand, but what's the point of living in this world when there's nobody who cares about me? Stop, no need to remember everything again. I've done this already yesterday and if I keep doing it over and over again, cursing myself for what I can't change right now, I won't finish anything. But what even is the point of writing this diary? It's only going to make me suffer again through the same memories I think about every day. What is the point in writing this magic circle? What is the point in trying to change anything? Everything I tried doing in this world or my last one fell flat because I didn't try enough, so what's the point in trying now? Ugh, stop it me, you're not going to go anywhere with this. You're doing all of this because you want to revenge you're wives or stop everything from ever happening again.
After another 30 minutes of fighting with my thoughts, I finally calmed down and took a sit at a table, took a pen and started to write.
' I'm Rudues Greyrat, if you're reading this I'm either dead or I've succeeded with my plan. Thisis gonna be long, but if you don't want to read it (I doubt anyone would) then the short versionis that Hitogami is a bastard, he appears in your dreams calling himself a god. What a disgustingjoke. He will likely give you advice that at first seems helpful, but the more you trust him, themore it will hurt you in the end, I trusted him for a few years, he gave me advice that helped mea lot and I let my guard down and one time he asked me for a favor and that got my familykilled. I didn't know anything about it until he appeared in my dream again and laughed in my face after doing exactly what he wanted which led to the destruction of everything I worked hardto build. DO NOT TRUST HITOGAMI . He'll find a way to destroy anything you love or care about.
I've worked hard and searched for a way to get revenge for family and myself, so far I've foundout that this world we live in used to be die-shaped, the so called Six-Faced World, well leavingall the wars and history aside, at the center of this die-shaped world resides Hitogami, to reachhim you need the treasures of the Five Dragon Generals. Two of them are already dead, one of themis the Demon God Laplace and he is gonna reincarnate sometime in the future, and the last tworemaining alive are Perugius Dola and the Dragon God Orsted. I'm not how you're supposed to killany of them, but I have confidence that were I 10 years younger or maybe even now, I could killPerugius using my magic armor. Maybe even Orsted... no scratch that, I still remember very wellhow fast and scary he was, he was able to cancel my magic using Disturb Magic. Good luck findinga way of killing them, but even if you manage to do it, you'll be stuck waiting for Laplace toreincarnate.
Either way I'll leave the blueprints for my magic armor and one for a spell that I'm trying tocreate that will send you back in time, one that will give me the chance to go back and correct the many great mistakes I've done because of Hitogami. I pray that you'll be a mage like myself,but if you're not then I'll leave some information I've discovered for you, this might help tosome degree if you're not a mage with a big enough mana pool.
Despite what everyone tells you, your mana pool is not determined at birth, you can increase itby just chanting spells everyday during childhood. Speaking of chanting, you can learn chantlessspellcasting during childhood as well, it's very useful and it'll give you a big advantage inany battle. Especially if you somehow lose to ability to speak. I learned it myself and havetaught two other people to use it, but they are both dead. Just try and form the spell while trying to reproduce the feeling you get when performing with an incantation.
The best way would be to get some kids from an orphanage or buy some very young slaves (theyounger they are the more you can get their mana pool to grow), teach them magic and have themfight for you. Imagine an army of warriors who can all use gravity magic or electric. That wouldhelp you a lot. Speaking of those spells, I'll leave another book with all the spells I know,some are very powerful and can incapacitate even someone like Demon King Atoferatofe Rybak. '
Now that I've written the most important things down I'll get back to developing my magic circle
and rest a bit after I'm done. I'll write more tomorrow.