Back to that morning,
"I told Gyuri about it~ She said she'll be home in the afternoon, so swing by after school and pick up the eye mask."
Haemi told her son, Jinwoo, as he was preparing to leave for his school.
"Yeah! Got it! I just need to pick up the eye mask, right? I'll be back."
"Okay~ Take care~"
With her son's departure, Haemi had sent all her children off to their schools.
Finally, the bustling morning routine that seemed like an everyday event had come to an end.
Alone in the now-empty house, she faced an unfamiliar quiet.
To fill the emptiness with busyness, Haemi began moving around swiftly.
She headed to the laundry room to deal with the piled-up laundry and started the washing machine.
She moved to the kitchen to tidy up the dining table and do the dishes.
After finishing the dishes, she began cleaning the house.
She cleaned the living room, kitchen, laundry room, master bedroom, then the stairs and corridors of the second floor.
She didn't touch the kids' rooms.
Just emptying the trash was all she did there.
It was Haemi's policy to respect her children's privacy.
After cleaning, she took the freshly spun laundry out of the washing machine and hung it on the drying rack.
Only then did Haemi take a breath.
As a full-time housewife, Haemi had been diligently repeating these tasks nearly every day for almost 20 years.
And soon, she headed to the bathroom to wash off the sweat from cleaning.
In front of the bathroom was a space that served both as a laundry and changing room.
She undressed in the changing room.
She glanced at her own lavender panties hanging among other laundry on the drying rack.
Haemi knew that Jinwoo had started masturbating recently.
The smell of chestnut blossoms emanating from the trash bin in Jinwoo's room, A sloppy cleanup,
It seemed that Sohee, his older sister, had noticed her brother's masturbation as well.
The racy morning attire,
Sohee's playful sexual jokes,
Even though it was meant for sibling teasing rather than actual seduction, the effect was the same.
Jinwoo's erect penis,
Haemi knew her son reacted even when he saw her.
Therefore, she always made sure to dress modestly at home.
And she knew that the panties she had taken off last night had disappeared.
Jinwoo had used her panties for his masturbation...
The smell of male semen still on the panties,
Haemi didn't know, but she was diligently changing the trash in Jinwoo's room every day.
The amount of tissues today was much more than usual.
The smell seemed stronger too.
Haemi thought it was natural to feel aroused even among family members when exposed to accidental stimuli.
However, seeing family members as sexual objects to achieve intentional arousal was another matter.
That made Haemi anxious and irritable.
Haemi opened the frosted glass door of the bathroom and stood in front of the shower, turning on the water and drenching her body.
She applied body cleanser to a shower towel, worked up a lather, and scrubbed it all over her body.
She rubbed her chest, belly, and sides multiple times before moving her right hand down to her groin.
She positioned her middle finger along the slit and rubbed it up and down for a while.
Once sufficiently wet, she quickly slipped a finger inside.
While there, she rotated her thumb over her clit to stimulate it.
It was a hand movement quite familiar to her.
The sweet pleasure enjoyed after diligent labor,
These moments of liberation were precious to Haemi.
Haemi had always had a strong sexual desire.
Even when her husband was alive, apart from the sex with him, she often enjoyed these secret moments of liberation.
Even when her husband had an affair, even when she found out it was with her oldest daughter, and even when her husband died without resolving anything, Haemi maintained the image of a perfect mother through compulsive masturbation.
For Haemi, these times were almost the only compensatory acts that helped maintain balance in her life.
The tension and pressure were relieved, allowing her to continue her life as a complete mother through this secretive pleasure.
This went beyond addiction for Haemi; it was akin to a religious meditation.
After reaching a climax detached from reality, Haemi lay sprawled on the floor, enjoying the lingering afterglow.
She left no trace.
* * *
Time passed, and in the afternoon, after a simple lunch, Haemi's sister, Haeju, came over.
Haeju, not much younger than Haemi, was a single mother with a daughter, Sua, the same age as Sohee.
Haeju knew that her deceased brother-in-law had been unfaithful, and that the other party was Yejin.
Haeju was one of the few special people who shared Haemi's secret with Gyuri.
Haeju often visited Haemi's house.
They were originally close, and their houses were nearby.
Knowing about her brother-in-law and Yejin's situation, Haeju had been especially caring towards her sister after his death.
They were drinking tea and chatting when the conversation turned to Sohee's clothing.
"You can show a bit of skin even among family at home, Sohee is good at that, huh!"
Their aunt began speaking up for Sohee.
"Good at it? She's just like a fox, teasing Jinwoo~"
Seeing Jinwoo suffer that morning had made Haemi respond more excitedly to Haeju's words.
"Dressing like that at home, the boys just become immune to stimulation! Started masturbating with your panties, did he? If you're going to ignore it, might as well make it easy for him to finish, help him out like Sohee does!"
Seeing her sister excited, Haeju teased her in response.
"Excuse me, Jinwoo is my son, you know? What if something happens, who's going to take responsibility?"
Haemi responded as if it was ridiculous to hear Haeju's words.
Haeju couldn't tease or joke anymore, knowing that Haemi's 'what if something happens' had Yejin's situation in mind.
Haemi, having said it, realized the fact, and they both fell silent for a moment.
Breaking the silence, Haeju was the first to speak,
"Does Yejin still not come home much? Not even taking your calls?"
"Yeah, she seems to have started a part-time job after taking a break from college, I hear from Jinwoo..."
Haemi trailed off.
"Go and talk to her, can't keep going on like this."
Haeju felt sorry for both of them.
"It still feels a bit awkward, let's drop it for now,"
Haemi brushed off Haeju's words abruptly.
No matter how much they shared secrets, they couldn't fully know each other's inner feelings.
Haemi had already forgiven Yejin.
In her heart, over and over again...
No matter what Yejin had done, she was still Haemi's daughter.
But what Yejin wanted wasn't forgiveness.
It was the recognition of a relationship where Yejin, as a woman, had been accepted by her mother's husband.
And perhaps, had the husband been alive, an awareness that would have transcended the mother-daughter relationship into something else.
For Haemi, strong in her maternal identity, this was too cruel.
"Then see you at the weekend with Gyuri, okay? I'll be off!"
After chatting for about 30 minutes more, Haeju left with a promise to meet again.
* * *
Today, Haemi had made a reservation for Minji's psychiatric consultation at the hospital.
Recently, Minji had trouble falling asleep alone at night.
While Haemi was worried about her daughter, she also felt significant pressure about her secret moments of liberation being disturbed.
Minji had begun demanding incessantly, asking Haemi to let her suckle and touch her breasts.
Haemi had reluctantly obliged a few times, but the unpleasant physical arousal from it had caused her much distress.
Despite trying to soothe, console, and scold her, Minji's whining only intensified.
Haemi had sent a message to Sohee,about the outing with Minji and instructed her to have a meal prepared for Jinwoo as well.
She hadn't specified in the message that the outing was for a psychological counseling session.
Taking a taxi, Haemi picked up Minji from her school at dismissal time.
Minji was waiting for her mother at the school gate, having been informed the day before about their plans.
During the ride to the hospital, Minji seemed very tense and hardly spoke.
Upon arrival, they checked in and immediately went into the consultation room.
It wasn't a short session of tests and discussions, with Haemi participating alongside her daughter.
The diagnosis was an anxiety disorder,
The therapist mentioned that Minji was showing signs of regressive behavior typical for toddlers.
He added that instead of scolding her, it would be better to set aside specific times to indulge her whining.
This essentially meant allowing the childish acts of sucking on her mother's breast.
Minji seemed inwardly pleased, although she didn't express it.
Haemi wasn't averse to nursing Minji; it was the subsequent arousal she couldn't handle that troubled her.
When they left the hospital, it was already dark outside.
They took a taxi to a place where Minji liked to eat chicken breast over rice.
Throughout the meal, Minji clung to her mother, burying her face in Haemi's large, soft chest, behaving like a child delighted at being indulged.
Haemi loved the innocence of Minji's behavior and decided to let her do as she wished, embracing the family warmth they created together.