Claire rubbed her watery eyes and checked the email at her computer again, her heart sank for the second time. The work day was supposed to be ending in about half an hour, but apparently her manager didn't get the memo.
More busy-work was being reassigned to her on top of the extra assignments that had already been so graciously "donated" to Claire's already staggering amount of tasks. She sighed as she put her hand on her forehead.
Seems like it's spiking again.
What "it" was, was a fever. Her temperature had been a hundred and two this morning, but Claire had suppressed it with ibuprofen. The medicine had worn off but she could take some more soon.
Any normal person would have stayed home, but Claire was the bottom of the pecking order, and her boss had made it clear that if she didn't take her role as "company boot licker" seriously she would be out on the street before she knew it.
Thanks to this she was in a perpetual state of being behind the curve. Always having to catch up, never being in front of anything. To Claire this was the norm, she'd felt this way her entire life. Her presence it seems had always been the source of ire for anyone and everyone around her.
Her personality was described as "icy."
Whatever that meant.
She supposed it probably wasn't the best metric to go by, but it was really the only time Claire actually got a straight answer out of someone. Most simply avoided her. Those who didn't simply interacted to take advantage, dumping their unwanted tasks on her with glee.
It wasn't the case that Claire never had a backbone, it was just simply beaten out of her. Without anyone in her corner, it was easy to bully her until the perpetrators finally got what they wanted.
Eventually it just became akin to a pavlovian response. Someone wants something done…just do it. In the end it will have to be done regardless, you just save on all the so called "pranks" that are in store for you if you don't behave.
The only person Claire could ever rely on was her mother, and even then that was only to a certain extent. Not that she was a bad mother, far from it, it's just how these things shake out. One parent leaves or dies (death in this case), and the other is left with all the responsibilities that should be divvied up for two.
Claire relished the time with her mother, and in turn her mother relished the time spent with Claire. But there was oh so little of it. It's bad to focus too much on the past so they say, but in Claire's case the past manifested itself in her daily life constantly.
After years of being perpetually beaten down by life, with the stress, all nighters to get work done, and just all around lack of anything good in her life. Claire's physical health had deteriorated to a very weakened state. She was constantly sick and she never got enough rest and recuperation to make up for it. It was a vicious cycle.
At this point it was about an hour and a half after the work day ended, and Claire was feeling worse than ever. The ibuprofen that was her crutch didn't really seem to be having that much effect anymore.
The bright computer screen was blurry through her watery eyes. She doubted that she was even typing out anything that was coherent at this point. Looking around it seemed everyone had already left.
It's Friday after all. No one with anything actually going on in their life would be caught dead here.
Claire had stopped typing at this point and was just sitting there. Unable to will herself to get back to work, but too out of it to want to get up and walk back to her apartment.
At that moment a recollection shot forward in her brain. It was that game…the otome game the one she played so much back in high school.
Love and Malice…right. Lord knows why I was ever so obsessed with it.
But there was a reason. There was a thought back then that she could be the center of attention. The beautiful woman that everyone fawned over and fell in love with. That she too could be a perfect princess, and meet her perfect prince. She wasn't just playing the protagonist, she was the protagonist. It was going to happen, it just hadn't happened yet.
In accordance with that goal, she used it as some kind of future training.
I guess that's what the thought was at the time anyway.
She had gone over that game from top to bottom. No stone unturned, every route, every thing It had to offer. She devoured it all and loved every minute of it.
It also served as a small comfort to know that after every debilitating day, she could come home and have an ample amount of attention paid to her. Even if it was just simulated.
In time as people do with all things her interest began to wane. You can only play a game like that so many times. Love and Malice didn't have any RPG elements, or some other kind of content that you would really want to sink your teeth into. It was your basic Otome game, make choices based on the route you want, read dialogue, reach the end. Start anew until you exhaust all the routes.
It wasn't even a particularly good example of the genre, but for whatever reason it had caught Calire's attention. She tried to play other Otome games, but they really never scratched the same itch and interest was soon lost entirely all together.
Why on Earth am I even dwelling on a stupid game of all things right now. I need to get to bed. I don't even need to walk, I can just call a cab or something.
Even with the compromise of taking a ride home Claire still couldn't will herself to get up out of the chair. So the dwelling continued.
Claire had tried to dive back into the world of Love and Malice a few years ago when she was at college. It was starting to become clear that the rest of her life was going to become a living hell, and in a misguided attempt to try and conjure up some good memories she played the game again.
It had ended up being a very big mistake, and only served to make her feel worse. She now knew she could never be the female lead. She couldn't be a perfect little girl that made friends with everyone, and was courted by a myriad of men.
She had watched all those perfect people pass her by. Replaying the game again just reminded her of all of her own shortcomings. It was an exercise in frustration, and every pithy piece of dialogue only made her more and more angry.
There was an exception though. One aspect consistently garnered her attention. Catherine Blackwood, an antagonist whose sole purpose is to block the player from finding love. Bullying and belittling the player at every turn she was the quintessential "Villainess."
The player is meant to hate her, and Claire did in the past. But it was different on this go around. She found she had much more in common with Catherine than any one else in the game.
She too was hated by everyone around her, but unlike Claire who could only impotently sit and take it. Catherine lashed out at anyone that would dare get in her way.
Claire couldn't help but admire her given that she was in a similar situation. The difference with Catherine was that she was born into power and prestige. She could get away with being a villainess, Claire could not.
If only I could have been born into a position like that.
Claire finally gathered the will to get up from her chair, but it was slow going. Her stomach was in so much pain it was unbearable, her head hurt, she had chills all over, and she could barely see at this point her eyes were so watery.
She really felt like she was going to die. Through the pain, a searing emotion of anger hit her like a ton of bricks. Every painful situation in her life, and every face that inflicted it upon her flashed before her eyes.
I wish they would all just…drop dead.
Was the last thought Claire had before collapsing onto the ground.