"Young master, are you alright?" Her voice sharp like a knife yet deep like the depths of deep dark oceans cut through his daze like a knife through butter.
His eyes blinked, turning mechanically towards the sound. The movement somehow felt wrong, like piloting someone else's body. "Huh? Oh... yeah, I'm fine, Maya." The words tumbled out awkwardly, each syllable feeling foreign on his tongue.
The voice, her name was Maya, turned her phoenix-sharp eyes on him, and stood in the doorway. The crisp lines of her navy blazer and the no-nonsense cut of her hair screamed efficiency, but there was something or an unsettling edge to her dark abyss like eyes, as if she'd seen things that normal people haven't.
"But you've been staring at that wall for an hour," Her lips moved rhythmically, just like her fingers drummed against her crossed arms. "It's not like you to admire abstract art."
His stomach dropped. An hour? He didn't even realise. What kind of mess had he landed in? "The wall's just... fascinating today," he offered lamely, watching her reaction carefully. "Really brings out the... uh, aesthetics style."
Her eyebrows knit together. "It's been the same wall for years."
He scratched his head, a little frustated. "Well, it just really hit me today, okay!"
She didn't look convinced, but he didn't want to deal with her right now. "Maya, could you, uh, give me a moment? I need some... personal time."
Maya's lips curved into a knowing smile. "Very well. Also if young master needs anything—call me immediately." She slipped out with the silent grace of a supermodel, the door clicking shut behind her.
He waited until her footsteps faded before slumping forward. "Finally."
Alright, time to process this.
One... two... three...
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!!!
Why is everything so wrong today?
He just couldn't wrap his head around it. Everything was and felt off. Where was his soft bed that made him procrastinate endlessly? Or his dear phone? He could really use some mind-numbing tiktok videos right now to shut his brain down. Because the sheer absurdity happening to him made his head spin.
'Is someone playing a joke on me?' he wondered, dragging himself to the nearest mirror. 'Did I get isekai'd into some otherworld or a supernatural battle manga like some fanfic? Please don't let this be one of those "chosen one" situations where—'
The reflection stopped his mental spiral cold. The face staring back wasn't his—it belonged to someone who definitely looked like they'd walked straight out of a shounen manga or cartoon, complete with white tousled hair and big eyes that gleamed endlessly.
"Yeah, this confirms it. I've transmigrated." He poked his new face, half expecting it to be some elaborate prank. "Though technically, the more appropriate term should be 'possessed'? Since I'm hijacking someone's body—."
His existential crisis was cut short when a glowing text box appeared in front of him.
[Hello, Young Traveller…]
"HOLY—" He slapped both hands over his mouth, muffling his shriek. The last thing he wanted was for Maya to burst back in.
A glowing text box hung in the air like a cosmic pop-up ad, its letters shimmering with an otherworldly light that definitely wasn't part of normal physics.
"A system..." he whispered, excitement warring with dread. He wasn't the type to easily lose his cool, but this was straight out of every weeb's fantasy. And while he wasn't an official weeb, he was definitely a cultured person.
Another message popped up.
[Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm no system. That job's way too much work, and I'm far too lazy.]
His excitement hit the brakes. "A lazy, sentient system? Great." He really didn't want to deal with a sentient being that could mess with his head. He actually hated that shit, whenever any author used it, specifically when they turned it into a waifu.
[I can hear your thoughts. And also your internal narration is getting a bit meta.]
"..." His brain short-circuited for a moment before defaulting to its emergency defense mechanism.
'Yo mama's so skinny, her nipples touch,' his brain instantly fired back, without hesitation.
[...]
[Really? That's your response to a cosmic entity?]
"Uh..." He scratched his head, trying to look anywhere but at the floating text. "Would you believe me if I said it was a nervous tic?"
[Moving on.]
The text seemed to radiate exasperation.
[I'm what you'd call a Prime Code.]
"That sounds suspiciously like a system with extra steps."
[Think of me as the source code all systems run on. The one behind the curtain, pulling strings.]
He whistled. "So you're like a big shot then, the admin account of reality? That's..." Another thought hit him. "Wait, why are you talking to me? Usually when cosmic beings show up, it means either really good luck or really bad—"
[You died.]
"...Come again?"
[One of my systems had a bug. It malfunctioned, tore a hole in space-time, and you got caught in it. Your world was a Prohibited Class A Neutral Zone, so to cover its tracks, it panicked and reincarnated you here.]
He stared at the text box, waiting for the punchline. When none came, he laughed—a slightly hysterical sound. "So what you're telling me is... I died because of a cosmic computer virus?"
[Essentially.]
"And then got illegally reincarnated as part of a cover-up?"
[Correct.]
"That's..." He ran a hand through his hair, trying to process the sheer absurdity. "That's some next-level corporate incompetence. Did the system also try to hide the evidence in a paper shredder?"
[The Great System Inquisition Council takes these violations very seriously.]
"The what now?"
[Think of them as the FBI of the multiverse, but with more paperwork and cosmic powers.]
"Right." He nodded slowly, like this was all perfectly reasonable. "And I'm guessing they're not fans of unauthorized reality-hopping?"
[The Omni Thought Interference device which monitors all mental activity across the Omniverse, but due to the virus, you were somehow missed out . So we're currently in a blind spot.]
"Oh, perfect." He threw his hands up. "So not only am I dead, but I'm also part of some cosmic witness protection program?" This was way beyond the usual isekai scenario. No truck-kun, no divine mission—just bureaucratic incompetence on a universal scale.
[To compensate for the inconvenience—]
"Inconvenience?" He choked. "Is that what we're calling death by space-time malfunction now?"
[—you will be given a chance to spin the Cosmic Roulette.]
A golden wheel materialized before him, its surface etched with symbols that hurt his eyes if he looked too long. It radiated an aura of ancient power and terrible life choices.
"Let me guess," he drawled, eyeing the wheel skeptically. "This isn't the kind of roulette where I can win a gender bender gacha?"
[....You might]
"Wha–"
[Just spin it.]
Sigh. ¹Better to roll with it than start a cosmic argument he'd definitely lose.
Taking a deep breath, he reached out and touched the wheel. It began to spin, faster and faster, until the symbols blurred into a cosmic light show. Powers and abilities flashed past:
[Hax: Joke is King]
'Oh sounds cool and could be fun, but knowing my humour, I'd end up as the universe's worst court jester.'
[Cultivation Manual: Void Devourer]
'Pass. I've seen enough void-related powers to know they're more trouble than they're worth. But I will take it, if I am in cultivation based world'
[Mental: Cognitohazard Immunity]
'Only if I am in an SCP world'
[Summon: Queen of Practical Jokes]
'A prankster queen? That could either be hilarious or end with me as a royal fool.'
The wheel spun on, each option more outlandish than the last:
[Trait: Murphy's Law Reversal]
'Everything that can go right, will go right? Too good to be true.'
[Summon: Goddess Nargath]
'A badass waifu? Yes, please. Though, hopefully, it came with a slave seal… I didn't need a murder-happy goddess turning on me.'
[Fate: Genre Savvy Protagonist]
'But what if the genre suddenly changes?'
[Memory: Lust King's Lustful Dreams]
'Gross, I am no cuck and I don't watch other people screw. So skip.'
[Equipment: The Most Comfortable Chair]
'...Actually, that doesn't sound half bad.'
[Item: Dice of Probability.]
'Is that Lotm reference?'
[Goods: Humanity's Queen soaked-underpants.]
'... I exercise my right to be silent.'
[Memory: The Greatest Dad Jokes]
'Dear god, no.'
[Title: Master of Awkward Situations]
'Pretty sure I already have that one.'
[Destiny: Happy Ending.]
'That didn't sound bad. Would it guarantee me a happy fate, no matter what he did? Hmm…It sounds totally awesome.'
[Paradox: Infinite Knowledge]
'That looked totally ape-shit OP. But the prefix "paradox" gave me an uneasy feeling.'
Finally, the wheel began to slow. His heart pounded as the final symbol came into view:
[Epic Title: Occult-kun]
He stared at the result, mouth agape. "Are you kidding me?" The words came out as a strangled whisper. "All those options, and I get... Occult-kun?"
[The wheel has spoken.]
"The wheel needs its eyes checked! This sounds like a gag character's nickname!"
[It is done.]
"Wait!" Desperation made him bold. "What about emotional damages? Mental trauma? The psychological impact of being killed by a computer glitch?"
A long pause followed.
[...Fine. You may have a sub-system.]
"A what now?" 'Wasn't that too easy?' His internal thoughts alarmed his sus mode.
[A limited system with no authority over Creation. Also a prototype made during my free time, so be appreciative towards it.]
Before he could argue further, both the wheel and the Prime Code vanished, leaving him alone with his thoughts and his new... questionable title.
Before he could argue further, both the wheel and the Prime Code vanished, leaving him alone with his thoughts and his new... questionable title.
He slumped against the wall. "I'm Occult-kun, proud owner of a cosmic participation trophy." He glanced around the room, half expecting something supernatural to jump out and test his new 'powers.'
"Sub-System," he commanded, more out of curiosity than hope.
A dark pink panel materialized, its edges shimmering with an iridescent glow that somehow managed to look both mystical and slightly sarcastic.
"Well," he muttered, "at least it's aesthetic."
- x - X - x -
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