The apartment looked like it had hosted a romantic tornado.
Rose petals scattered across the floor (courtesy of an overenthusiastic enchantment), champagne flutes clinking softly in the background (self-refilling, dangerously bubbly), and heart-shaped confetti raining down from the ceiling in spurts, as if the universe was applauding Felix and Marissa's recent decision to stay... married.
Juliana had disappeared in a poof of glitter and dramatic flair, but not before handing them a scroll tied in red silk.
"Honeymoon Clause: Clause 69" (yes, Felix giggled)
"Destination: All expenses paid, location chosen at random by Magical Matrimonial Services (MMS). No cancellations, no refunds. Departure: Immediate."
"I'm still stuck on the 'location chosen at random' part," Felix muttered, staring at the glowing scroll now hovering in front of them like a smug balloon.
Marissa was busy kicking their suitcase, which had grown limbs and was attempting to eat one of her heels.
"You'd think for all the magical resources this world has, someone would've come up with a spell that doesn't give luggage a taste for Italian leather."
The suitcase made a gurgling sound, then burped out a scarf.
"Right," she said. "We're setting boundaries."
Felix leaned against the couch, eyes twinkling. "So... married. Officially. Magically. Forever. Feeling different?"
She glanced at him. "Strangely... no. Just more paperwork."
"Ah, the true mark of love."
Then the scroll dinged. Like a microwave.
Felix read aloud. "Congratulations! You have been selected for a six-day, five-night romantic retreat to... Mount Blisspoint."
Marissa blinked. "That sounds fake."
"Population: 412. Main exports: enchanted honey, misty fog, and the occasional phoenix feather," Felix read on. "Fun fact: No couple has ever returned unmarried."
"We're already married," Marissa pointed out.
"Still... comforting to know they're batting a thousand."
The scroll popped like a champagne cork. A shimmering portal opened in the middle of the living room floor.
"Oh no," Felix said. "We're doing the portal thing again?"
"Apparently."
The suitcase let out an excited honk and leapt in.
"Well," Marissa said, offering her hand. "Ready to jump into the unknown?"
He grinned. "As long as you're coming too."
They stepped into the portal together.
---
Mount Blisspoint was exactly what the brochure (that no one had asked for) promised: foggy, romantic, suspiciously serene.
The air smelled like wild roses and cinnamon. Birds chirped in harmony. Somewhere nearby, a harp played itself.
Felix's first words were, "This feels like a trap."
Marissa raised an eyebrow. "You're just bitter because the birds ignored your whistling."
"I was offering friendship. They gave me judgment."
They were met at the gate by a centaur in a velvet waistcoat named Carlton, who welcomed them with a bow and a scroll.
"Dearest Mr. and Mrs. Wakefield," he intoned. "On behalf of the Department of Magical Marriages, allow me to welcome you to your honeymoon suite."
The suite turned out to be a floating crystal cottage tethered to a mountain peak by nothing but a silk rope and blind optimism.
Felix gawked. "That doesn't look structurally sound."
Marissa climbed the steps like it was nothing. "We live with a cursed toaster. This is an upgrade."
The interior was cozy and glittering, with candles that adjusted brightness based on mood (currently "awkward excitement") and a bed that hummed soft lullabies.
But the centerpiece of the room was a large, enchanted sign that hovered over the fireplace:
"WELCOME TO YOUR MAGICAL HONEYMOON! EACH DAY UNLOCKS A NEW COUPLES' CHALLENGE TO STRENGTHEN YOUR BOND!"
Felix groaned. "It's like summer camp. But with more implied smooching."
---
Day One: The Trust Trek
At sunrise, they were escorted to the edge of a cliff where two pegasi awaited.
Marissa frowned. "Let me guess. We have to ride these over a canyon."
"Correct," said Carlton cheerfully. "While blindfolded."
Felix stared at him. "Is this safe?"
"Magically insured!"
Marissa took the reins of one pegasus. "How does this prove trust?"
"You'll be guiding each other with your voices," Carlton explained. "And if either of you falls, you land in the Fog of Regret and have to climb back up by confessing embarrassing secrets."
Felix's eyes widened. "This place really doesn't do subtle."
They mounted the pegasi, blindfolds tied. The creatures took off into the air.
"Left!" Marissa shouted.
"I thought you said your left!"
"MY left is always YOUR left in the sky, Felix!"
They bobbed and wobbled and nearly crashed into a tree made entirely of whipped cream. But somehow, they made it to the other side without falling.
Barely.
Felix took off his blindfold, dizzy. "I've never trusted anyone this much. Not even Google Maps."
---
Day Two: The Enchanted Spa of Emotional Vulnerability
They were submerged in glowing hot springs while sentient lotus flowers whispered affirmations.
"You're emotionally available," the flowers said to Marissa. "And growing."
"You're not a total disaster," they told Felix. "Mostly."
As part of the "soothing ritual," they were asked to share one childhood secret they'd never told anyone.
Marissa hesitated. "When I was eight, I used to write love letters to fictional characters. I had a diary full of them."
Felix grinned. "Like who?"
"Sherlock Holmes. Legolas. Captain Underpants. Don't judge."
He laughed so hard he slipped underwater.
When he came up, he confessed, "I once tried to become a magician at age ten. I nearly summoned a tiny demon by accident. My parents thought it was a feral cat and named it Kevin."
Marissa was giggling uncontrollably. "You're so weird."
"Perfect match for you then."
The lotus flowers giggled too.
---
Day Three: The Kiss Maze
They were placed on opposite ends of a magical hedge maze and told they could only find each other by answering questions about the other person correctly.
"What's Felix's favorite snack?" the maze asked Marissa.
"Chocolate-covered pretzels."
Correct. Bushes parted.
"What's Marissa's biggest fear?"
"Clowns. And commitment. But she's warming up to one of those."
Correct. Vines retracted.
They met in the middle.
"Final challenge," the maze boomed. "One kiss to unlock the exit."
They paused.
The moment was charged. Silent. Full of possibilities.
But instead of diving in, Felix whispered, "Only if you want to."
Marissa looked at him for a long second, then shook her head with a small smile. "Not yet."
The maze buzzed.
Then opened anyway.
Consent respected. Bonus points awarded.
---
Day Four: The Storm of Conflict
No warning. Just a thundercloud inside the cabin, brewing drama.
Every little annoyance, amplified.
"You always leave your socks everywhere!"
"Well, you're emotionally constipated!"
"Oh, so now we're psychoanalyzing?"
They bickered, loudly, over everything from toothpaste brands to which way toilet paper should hang.
The storm roared louder with every shout.
Then it struck a lightning bolt between them.
And Felix yelled, "I HATE FIGHTING WITH YOU BECAUSE I CARE TOO DAMN MUCH!"
Silence.
The cloud paused.
Then faded.
Marissa blinked. "What did you just say?"
"I—uh—nothing. I mean—"
She stepped closer. "You care?"
"Terrifyingly so," he muttered.
She kissed him on the cheek.
The room went quiet.
---
Day Five: The Phoenix Feather Ceremony
The final challenge was simple: write a vow using the ink of truth, and read it aloud by candlelight.
The catch? If you lied—even a little—the candle would extinguish.
Marissa went first.
"I vow to never curse you into a toad, no matter how annoying you get. I vow to share the last dumpling. I vow to try—to really try—to let myself fall for someone, even if I'm scared."
The candle flickered. Stayed lit.
Felix's turn.
"I vow to keep being a disaster, but one who learns. I vow to be honest, even when it's hard. I vow to pick up my socks. Eventually. And I vow to love you—not because of the contract, but in spite of it."
The candle glowed brighter.
And somewhere, a harp strummed triumphantly.
---
Day Six: Departure
They woke to find a note on the pillow.
"Congratulations! You have completed all challenges. You may now return to your regular life. With extra smooching privileges."
The portal shimmered in the corner.
They packed slowly.
The suitcase tried to eat a bathrobe.
As they stood at the portal, Marissa turned to Felix.
"So... what now?"
He smiled. "Now we go home."
"And?"
"And figure out what married people do when they weren't planning to be married, but kind of really want to stay that way."
She linked her fingers with his.
"That sounds terrifying."
He squeezed her hand. "That sounds like us."
They stepped through the portal.
Hand in hand.