Perhaps it was because Yaxi appeared so docile and vulnerable that, ever since that day, Xu Xiaoyi had begun treating her like a personal attendant—though only in secret.
Of course, this arrangement remained discreet. Yaxi lived a life devoid of dignity at school; being spotted chatting with her as if they were close friends would have been enough to tarnish Xu Xiaoyi's reputation.
Xu Xiaoyi would often summon Yaxi to the low bench by Cuiyuan Lake, lounging with her legs crossed like some self-important figure while venting endlessly about her parents, her struggles with romance, her academic frustrations, and the burdens of living as the daughter of privilege.
Occasionally, when the conversation turned to Chen Ling, she even shed tears.
"All you people who secretly pine for him but can never date him have no idea how difficult he is."
Yaxi: … What a tactless person.
Xu Xiaoyi confided everything to Yaxi: "Deep down, he's actually very cold. I can never quite figure out what goes on in his mind. There were times during arguments when I said just a few words to him, and he didn't speak to me for an entire week."
Yaxi zeroed in on the key point: "What exactly did you say to him?"
With tearful eyes and palpable indignation, Xu Xiaoyi replied, "I told him that everything he has now comes from his parents, and without them, he'd be nothing. I also called him cold and hypocritical, incapable of loving anyone. And I said that if he ever leaves me, no one else will love him!"
Yaxi: …
Taking a bite of her bread, she carefully phrased her response: "Well, your words certainly hit the mark—every one of them cutting deep."
Xu Xiaoyi's world wasn't particularly vast, and it revolved almost entirely around Chen Ling. From elders to her younger siblings at home, everyone regarded Chen Ling as perfect. Few people refrained from challenging her whenever she criticized him.
Feeling as though she had found a kindred spirit in Yaxi, Xu Xiaoyi spoke even more freely: "Right? But I can understand why. Chen Ling is an adopted child, and his parents clearly favor his younger brother. He once told me that before he ranked first in his grade for the first time, his parents barely acknowledged him. That's why I think he's insecure, distrusts everyone, including me."
Xu Xiaoyi's father was the school principal: "Sometimes, I feel like my dad allowing me to date Chen Ling is nothing more than an investment. He's betting that Chen Ling will inherit over 20% of the family fortune someday and hopes he'll help improve my studies along the way. That's why he tolerates our relationship. But deep down, even he looks down on Chen Ling."
Yaxi finished the last bite of her bread and licked her fingers clean.
"So, do you think you two will stay together forever?" she asked.
"Probably," Xu Xiaoyi said. "I still like him the most, and he likes me the most too. Even though he's not as dependable as he seems."
Yaxi despised this honesty and naivety of hers—because her naivety could wound others, yet her candor earned forgiveness.
More importantly, she could understand. Chen Ling, who always wore a smile and seemed thoughtful, might indeed cherish her precisely for this honesty and innocence.
When Xu Xiaoyi pulled her aside to talk, it was merely because she saw Yaxi as someone trustworthy enough to serve as her emotional confidante.
Yaxi kept quiet and never gossiped. After all, Xu Xiaoyi held something over her—
Yaxi didn't want Chen Ling to discover that she was the one who wrote that letter.
"It's too extreme, too pathetic. Don't emulate her—it's unhealthy."
He disliked the writer of that letter. If he found out it was her, he wouldn't let her pass things to Lu Ziyang anymore when he came visiting. Instead, he would look at her with disdain.
How devastating that would be.
Even though she knew Chen Ling rarely revealed his emotions.
He always stood there, composed and gentle, his posture upright like a pine or bamboo swaying gracefully in the breeze.
Except when he smoked.
Yaxi had caught him smoking more than once in Cuiyuan.
At night, dressed impeccably in his school uniform, he would sit by the lakeshore. The moonlight paled in comparison to the flickering glow at his fingertips, ashes drifting softly to the ground, his expression unreadable. He would crush the cigarette butt underfoot after only a few drags.
The wind by the lake billowed his uniform, emphasizing his tall, slender frame and lending him an air of profound loneliness.
Once, he threw a cigarette outside the trash can, then bent down to retrieve it, even tidying up the garbage scattered around the bin.
After he left, Yaxi approached the trash can.
She took one last deep drag, exhaled a swirl of smoke, and discarded her own cigarette. Then she picked up the one Chen Ling had thrown away, taking it home to preserve it as a keepsake. She knew she was sick.
Xu Xiaoyi truly was, as Chen Ling described, a cunning little devil.
She complained about the hassles of dating, such as having to spend an hour doing her makeup for a date with Chen Ling. Chen Ling was a reserved virgin—it took him half a year into their relationship to kiss her, and even now, he was still learning how to please her with his kisses. Chen Ling paid meticulous attention to detail, taking care of her in every possible way, which made her feel guilty, unsure of how to repay him.
Grabbing Yaxi's hand, she said, "You want to give him milk without him knowing it's from you, right? How about we send it under my name? I'll deliver it to him every day, and we'll both benefit. What do you think?"
Again, it was "under my name" and "mutual benefit."
Yaxi, who shouldn't have lowered herself, felt tempted.
She had been acting as Xu Xiaoyi's emotional dumping ground, waiting for an opportunity. How many more interactions could she have with Chen Ling before graduating from high school?
She might as well use Xu Xiaoyi to fulfill her fantasy of being closer to him.
From her, she could also extract more information about Chen Ling.
After agreeing, Yaxi mocked her own despair. For Chen Ling, it seemed she no longer viewed herself as human.
It didn't matter. Her parents didn't see her as human either, and the whole world had long stopped caring whether she existed.
Except for Chen Ling.