Chapter 30– Spoonfuls of Chaos
It was supposed to be a quiet weekend.
Jake had planned to chill. Maybe push a small FaceWorld update, avoid family drama, and enjoy Charlie's beach house.
Naturally, that didn't happen.
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Saturday – Malibu, Midmorning
Jake came in from the patio and froze.
Alan stood in the center of the living room holding a velvet ring box like it was a crown jewel. Charlie sat on the couch, staring at him like he was watching a slow-motion car crash.
"I'm going to ask her to marry me," Alan said with a proud smile.
Charlie immediately sat up. "Wait—what?"
Jake blinked. "You've known her for, like, two days."
"It's not just about time," Alan said, glowing. "We connected. She listens. She's open. She made me scrambled eggs and then used the same frying pan—"
Charlie held up a hand. "Please. I already burned one memory today."
Jake muttered, "At this point, I think you're the one who needs therapy."
Charlie groaned. "He's proposing, Jake. To a woman he barely knows. This is happening."
Alan nodded with all the confidence of a man standing on a trapdoor. "I feel it. This is love."
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A Moment Later – The Front Door Opens
The door opened and Evelyn strolled in, dressed sharp as ever and sipping from a travel-sized wine bottle like it was tea.
"I was in the area," she said, scanning the room. "And something told me someone here was about to ruin their life."
Jake leaned on the wall. "You're getting really good at sensing Alan's screw-ups."
"She's like a bloodhound for dysfunction," Charlie added.
Evelyn spotted the ring. "Oh, Alan, no. Who's the lucky victim this time?"
"She's not a victim," Alan snapped. "She's incredible. She makes me feel alive."
"She's married," Evelyn guessed, already bored.
Alan laughed nervously. "No! Of course not. She's just… private."
"She in the witness protection program?" Jake asked.
Charlie raised a brow. "What's her last name?"
Alan froze.
Evelyn gave a smug smile. "Called it."
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Then the Phone Rang
Alan's cell buzzed. He glanced at it. "It's her!"
He put it on speaker, beaming. "Hi, sweetheart!"
A female voice answered, hurried and hushed: "Alan, I'm so sorry. My husband came home early. We can't talk anymore. Please don't call me again."
Click.
The room fell into stunned silence.
Alan blinked. "...Huh."
Jake tilted his head. "So she was married."
Evelyn looked smug. "Nailed it."
Charlie took a sip. "I don't know what's more embarrassing—that you didn't know… or that she called you to end it."
Alan slowly sank into the couch. "I think I'm gonna be sick."
Jake sat down at Charlie's computer. "Well, now that the love story's over, I've got code to deploy."
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Later That Night
The new FaceWorld event feature went live. User count ticked past 7.6 million.
In the background, Alan sulked on the couch, Charlie watched a black-and-white monster movie, and Evelyn critiqued the lighting in the house she didn't live in.
Jake just shook his head.
His family was nuts.
But somehow, it was all kind of perfect.