Somewhere deep within the Sacred Academy's underground panic chamber—formerly the Hall of Supreme Wisdom, now renamed Xiao's Trophy Basement—a group of elders gathered in fear, shame, and orthopedic suffering.
Grand Elder Bong-Tzu sat in a wheelchair made of humility, sipping regret-flavored tea. His once-legendary beard now drooped like a sad wet noodle.
"We must… do something," he whispered hoarsely, glancing at the shattered remains of his cultivation pride. "He's making the entire galaxy treat us like decorative rocks."
Elder Zun-Zun nodded. "He used me as a mop. A mop, Bong-Tzu. My spine still smells like floor polish."
"I was reclassified as a training dummy!" Elder Huo burst out, slamming the table and instantly dislocating his ancient elbow. "Even the frogs in the Outer Swamp mock me now!"
"We must unite," whispered Elder Gaa-Zhao, eyes trembling. "We must… form a support group."
They all stared.
"...A what?"
"A safe space. For victims of Xiao-related trauma. We shall call it—"
He held up a tiny scroll.
'Ancient Masters Against Xiao's Oppression, Sadness, and Humiliation.'
"AMAXO-SH?" Bong-Tzu squinted.
"Exactly."
They all nodded solemnly.
---
Meanwhile, upstairs…
Xiao was feeding ducks in the royal garden.
Except the ducks were divine beasts.
And they were crying.
Lady Flame Veil tilted her head. "They've achieved enlightenment from the breadcrumbs."
"Good," Xiao said, tossing another one. "Next batch of students arrives soon. Hopefully they last longer than five seconds."
Suddenly—
A voice echoed across the courtyard.
"XIAO!!"
It was AMAXO-SH.
Dozens of ancient elders marched forward in ragged robes, holding banners like:
"STOP THE SLAPS, RESPECT THE SAGES"
"NO MORE CHANCLA"
"I WAS A LEGEND ONCE"
They glared at Xiao like revolutionaries… with osteoporosis.
"We come in peace!" shouted Bong-Tzu. "But we DEMAND our dignity back!"
Xiao looked up from his divine ducks.
"Oh? You brought friends. Cute."
He raised a hand.
Lady Flame Veil sipped her tea. "Should I ready the orbital slipper?"
"No, no," Xiao smirked. "Let's play fair."
He clapped.
A portal opened.
From it emerged… kindergarteners.
Cosmic kindergartners, yes—but still toddlers.
Each one held a glowing rattle.
"These are the newest recruits of Xiao's Cultivation Kindergarten," Xiao announced. "They'll duel you one-on-one. Winner gets cookies."
The elders paled.
"You're… sending BABIES after us?"
Xiao nodded. "Yes. But don't worry. They're only Tier 5."
The elders screamed.
---
Ten minutes later:
Elder Zun-Zun was in a tree.
Elder Gaa-Zhao was in a bush.
Elder Bong-Tzu was buried in a sandbox, whispering, "The rattles… they hummed with death…"
Lady Flame Veil was laughing so hard she accidentally set a pavilion on fire.
Xiao stepped over Elder Huo's unconscious body and turned to the crowd.
"Lesson of the day: Just because you're old doesn't mean you're useful."
He clapped again.
The divine ducks quacked in applause.
---
Far away, in a distant galaxy, a secret council of forbidden beings watched the broadcast in horror.
One of them trembled.
"Should we… intervene?"
Another one, covered in ancient runes, shook his head.
"No. Not yet. Let him continue."
A pause.
Then he whispered with a cracked voice:
"Let him cook."
Xiao sneezed and smiled.
"Someone's watching me. Good. They're next."