"I lost control when I was only a child, they world taught me angst when I deserved joy"
Author of this story
"Knock knock", I heard mimicking a Knocking sound before a head peered inside my room.
"I made you some lunch," she said, setting the tray on the table. From the aroma, I could tell it wasRogan Josh - Aromatic lamb curry with Kashmiri spice
I let out a long hiss, even as the smell of the food seduced me. I don't know where I gathered the courage from because papa would have landed me in the hospital if I hissed at him.
I wished I was in a position to refuse the meal, but I was too hungry to.
"Is something wrong?" she asked.
"You've dropped the food, you can leave now," I retorted. "I'm sure all of you heard the minister's insult me not only yesterday morning, but in the night as well. I'm sure I'm the talk of the kitchen, so don't come up here pretending."
Madam Maria shook her head. "Zeynep, you became the talk of the kitchen when you allowed Ibrahim to useless you like that."
"Useless me? Is that what you think? You who saw what he did to me that first time?" I exclaimed, with tears threatening to fall but I was still confused by what I was hearing.
"I asked you to lock the door!" she retorted, walking closer to me in a fit of rage.
"ibrahim is an animal…a wild animal. Do you know how many little girls he has attacked? How many young girls have we hired that he has driven away? I warned you because I knew something like this would happen. But when I saw that he had become a permanent fixture in your bedroom, I decided not to get involved."
"So, if he has a reputation for this, why doesn't the minister believe me? Why doesn't anyone believe me?"
"the minister knows it's true. He is very aware that Ibrahim attacked you against your will. That's the reason he didn't send you back to India the following day," she answered, before her face clouded. "But that doesn't mean he can't send you away tomorrow. By falling out of favour with him, your position here can not be justified for much longer."
I was suddenly overcome with rage. Why was I the one being punished when I wasn't even the perpetrator of the crime? Why am I the one always being punished?
"or you just disappeared into thin air. I wouldn't put anything past him, like the ones before you"
"His first wife?" Uzochi nodded.
"Very beautiful girl, as I'm sure you've seen from the pictures. She was young, just like you, and everyone thought she was such a perfect match for the minister. Everybody except the minister himself."
"He didn't love her?"
"He didn't even like her. He merely tolerated her. It didn't matter that she was so beautiful, she wasn't the kind of woman he would go for, but do you remember the woman that came here some months back and she was thrown money on the floor to pick? She was who the minister liked"
All of a sudden, ibrahim's words rang so audibly in my ears, he could have been back in my room,
repeating them.
How soon will it take you to realize you are not his cup of tea?
Madam Maria saw the question in my eyes and nodded. "Yes, Zeynep,Including you."
It felt like all the blood had drained from my body, the realization that the minister had probably never been attracted to me, hitting me like a splash of cold water.
"So, why did he come for me? Why did he pay
such a price to marry me?" I asked, bewildered.
"Don't quote me, but I think he did that hoping to get the same kind of favour he had when he was to his first wife who looked just like you," was madam Marias answer. "It was when he was married to her that he was appointed Minister and his other business started booming and his wealth multiplied. Yes, his father had been successful and already built him an empire, but being with a woman as beautiful and graceful as his first wife opened so many doors for him. She was the perfect companion to have at his side at all times, the one who courted for his favour from everyone they met. And now that the business isn't doing as well as before, and he might not be a minister for long, my guess is that he was hoping you would do the same for him, be is favour"
I just stared ahead, mouth agape, as all the pieces fell into place.
"Ibrahim said ministers late nights are not from working till late, but that he has several concubines in the city," I finally said. "Is that true?"
But she looked away.
"I've already said too much. Just use what I've told you to figure out the rest." She rose to her feet but thought against it and sat down again.
"Can I talk freely, zeynep? Can I give you the same advice I would give my younger sister?"
I nodded, desperately wanting to make some sense of this convoluted situation I'd been thrown into.
"If the minister throws you out today, your reputation is already destroyed. Word of your affair will precede you, and you will forever be known as the woman who slept with her husband's son. No decent man will come for you again, and he has the money to make that happen."
I bowed my head, subdued by the weight of her words. She wasn't lying.
Leaving the minister's house in disgrace would be catastrophic, not just for my reputation but for my family's and my father will have my head.
"minster didn't love Yasmin (his first wife), but she had a strong footing in the house. She had the man's full support, and by the time that one died, she'd already had children for the man. When she finally had Nicholas, a boy, nothing and nobody could uproot her from this house, until death finally did. But you, on the other hand, you have nothing. Not yet."
I looked at her, catching the undertone in her statement, and she looked away momentarily.
"You married the minister I'm guessing against your will because you are too young to want to get married. But the worst is already done, and you can't turn back the hands of time. But you can be wise and use some things to your advantage."
"What exactly are you saying?" I demanded, my panic interweaving with impatience in a very bad combination.
"ibrahim, ibrahim is the only way your standing in this house can be secured," she answered, looking me straight in the eye. "If he is still coming for you, don't turn him away. Use your feminine wiles to hold him down. Once you secure him, nobody can throw you out, not even his father!"
I stared back at her, speechless, not trusting that I had heard her correctly.
Surely, she couldn't be suggesting I submit to Ibrahim? The same ibrahim who had raped me mercilessly? That Ibrahim?
"Let me spell it out for you, my child. That man is the real decision maker in this house," she continued.
"there was a time he locked the minister in his bedroom and flogged him mercilessly all night. His own father. As the old man shouted for help in his bedroom, the rest of us were crying downstairs, helpless. There was nothing anyone of us could do. And will you believe that the next day, it was the minister himself who swore everyone to silence. That story has not left the four corners of this big compound. It is too heavy for any of our lips. Ibrahim is dangerous. Apart from the fondness the minister had for him, he also fears him more than death. Ibrahim's word is law. Even with him knowing nothing about the business and destroying anything he is placed in charge of, his father doesn't do anything without his consent. I won't be surprised if he was the one who even suggested your marriage.
I can guarantee you that the minister will happily look the other way and carry on with his concubines, just as long as you can keep up appearances. It might even be better for you in the long run. Ibrahim only just turned 43. He is still a young man, and might even decide to marry you properly after his father dies."
"You're asking me to…to continue letting Ibrahim dehumanize me?"
"You can call it what you like, zeynep. I call it survival," madam Maria retorted. "I have said all I can"
By this time, I had heard enough.
"Please, leave," I said, my voice quiet and shaking.
She hesitated for a moment, before rising to her feet. "Don't discard my advice because you don't like the sound of my voice. Think about what I have said, zeynep. Think about your mother, your brother. Think about how the disgrace will destroy your family if you're to leave here in shame. Think about all that."
"Leave me alone!" I shouted, my body trembling.
She sighed deeply before finally shrugging, rising to her feet, and leaving the room.
I sat on the bed long after she had gone, reeling in shock, not believing what kind of sordid direction our discussion had taken. I had gone from being married off to a man forty years my senior, to being raped and battered by his son, to now being advised to allow the same son warm my bed while still being married to his father.
It was simply too much for my young brain to grasp.
That night, I had several nightmares, one after the other, almost all of which ended with ibrahim violently raping me, while his father watched and laughed.
By the time I awoke, I decided there was no way I would be a party to something so perverse.
Madam Maria was wrong, the minister was attracted to me.
I knew what it was like to be admired by a man, and I definitely had seen in the minister that same admiration.
What I needed to do was harness my relationship with him, instead of destroying it by continuing to bed his son.
I spent the next day planning all the things I would say to the minister that night. I planned to start by apologising yet again, and then giving him the foot and shoulder massages he loved. I would pamper him the way I had heard men liked to be pampered, and soon the unfortunate incident with Ibrahim would be long forgotten and a thing of the past.
That was how I was going to regain my standing in his household, and not by taking madam Maria absurd advice.
That evening, Chief's car pulled up much earlier than was normal for him; 8pm. I quickly rearranged my clothing and sprayed the vanilla body mist the minister had sent from London. I half sprinted, half walked down the hallway, trying to reach him before he disappeared into his bedroom, but also trying not to over-exert myself. There was no point getting to him and spending the next few minutes trying to catch my breath.
But I was in for a nasty surprise.
I saw my father standing there with a smile on his face.