Jay-jay's POV
"Love my son."
Damn it! That line from Yuri's mom keeps replaying in my head like a broken record. Seriously?! She's actually begging me to love her son? This is only making things more confusing.
And to make things worse, Keifer still isn't answering my calls. He hasn't come home yet. I'm starting to worry. My mind is all over the place right now.
It's like a giant mess—like Halo-halo.
I heard a knock at the door. I was about to open it when it suddenly swung open, and Tita Gema walked in. She looked anxious and completely rattled.
She closed the door and turned to face me.
"Tita?"
"Jay... uhmm... A-anu... K-kasi." She stuttered.
I had no idea what was wrong. It was obvious that she had something to say. She looked like she was holding in a poop.
Ppffftttt... Don't laugh!
"What is it? Is something wrong?" I asked. She took a deep breath.
"Well... Jay. Y-your grandma is in the living room."
I immediately smiled at her words. I missed Grandma. I wasn't able to visit her during the retreat because the organizers didn't allow me to go.
Whatever the reason for her visit, I was just really happy to see her again. But my smile slowly faded when I noticed that Tita Gema still looked worried.
"T-tita Gema?"
"S-she's with your M-mom... and... her fiancé."
It felt like the sky just collapsed on me. Of all times... Now?! She really had to show up when I was already feeling so damn overwhelmed?
Nice!
"Tita... I-I'm not feeling well. I... I don't think I should go out." I said quickly before jumping onto my bed and pulling the blanket over me.
Tita Gema sat beside me and gently shook my shoulder. "You can't avoid this... You need to face your mom."
I threw the blanket off and looked at her with pleading eyes. I didn't want to see her. Not now, when I already had too much on my mind.
"I don't want to."
"Jay-jay... They're staying here too. You'll have to see her whether you like it or not."
Shutanginames!
What kind of cursed day is this?! Is it national "Let's ruin Jay-jay's life" day?! If this isn't the worst timing ever... Haizt! This is so frustrating!
I stood up lifelessly. Tita smiled at me and put an arm around my shoulders as we walked out of the room and headed to the living room. The first person I saw was Grandma, which made me smile—at least a little.
"Apo..." she called softly, opening her arms for a hug.
I immediately hugged her, squeezing her tight to make up for all the days we hadn't seen each other.
"Miss you, Lola," I whispered.
"I miss you too, Apo," she replied, hugging me just as tightly.
"Aww, how sweet... I hope you'll hug your mom like that too."
Just like that, all the warmth in my heart disappeared. The moment I heard that voice, I wanted to disappear. I wasn't ready to see her.
Slowly, I turned to face her. She was smiling at me. A smile I couldn't return. A smile that I just wanted to wipe off her face.
"Jay-jay, my daughter..." she called, waiting for me to hug her. "...Mama's waiting."
Then keep waiting.
I looked at Grandma and Tita Gema. Even Kuya was motioning for me to go to Mama. I had no choice but to hug her.
The first thing that hit me—wait, no—the first thing I noticed was her perfume. She smelled different from what I last remembered. Or maybe it had just been so long since we were last together that I couldn't recall it anymore.
If I looked at her, it was as if nothing had changed. She even looked younger and more beautiful. And now, our resemblance was even more obvious.
I forced myself to pull away from her. I didn't know why, but I couldn't stay close to her for long. It was like my body was rejecting it. I quickly moved back to Tita Gema's side.
Mama looked a little confused, but she tried to brush it off with a smile. "How have you been? I don't hear much from you."
"I-I'm fine..." I answered awkwardly.
"And school? How is it?" she asked again.
Stop asking questions!
"I-it's fine too."
I knew she was waiting for me to share more. But I didn't want to. I didn't want to tell her anything.
Silence filled the room. Suddenly, a man walked in through the door. All our attention shifted to him. He was holding a paper bag.
"Hon!" Mama called, leading him toward us. "...This is my daughter."
W-what?! Why does this feel so wrong?!
My heart was racing. I felt afraid, even though there was no real reason to be. I gripped Tita's arm. I knew she could feel me shaking.
The man smiled and handed me the bag. "This is for you."
No, thanks!
I glanced at Tita, silently asking, Should I take it? She held my hand and nodded. Slowly, I reached out to accept it.
Mama smiled widely when she saw me take it. I didn't even bother checking what was inside. I just went back to Tita's side.
"Jay-jay... He's going to be your new Papa. We're getting married." Mama announced joyfully, holding onto the man's arm. "...Say hello to Papa Andy."
Andy reached out his hand to me. "Nice to meet you, Jay-jay."
That's something I refused to do. I had no intention of talking to them—let alone shaking hands?! I clung to Tita Gema again.
"Jay-jay." Kuya called me. "...He's introducing himself properly."
There was authority in Kuya Angelo's voice. Before I knew it, Mama had already moved closer to me. She grabbed both my arms and forced me towards Andy.
"M-Mama..." I called out, hoping she'd stop, but she wouldn't let up.
She stopped me right in front of Andy. He looked at me, confused by my behavior. This is just how I am. I can't change that.
"Introduce yourself properly to Tito Andy." Mama ordered.
Why me?! Can't she just do it herself? Like—This is Jay-jay, this is Andy, now you two can go kill each other.
I looked at Mama, and I could tell she was getting annoyed. Well, I was being difficult. But what could I do? I was scared.
I wasn't getting out of this by being stubborn. No choice.
"I-I'm Jay-jay... T-thank you for this." I mumbled.
"You're welcome... Let me know if you need anything else."
"O-okay."
He smiled at me and reached out his hand, patting my arm. The moment his palm touched me, it felt like an electric shock ran through me. My body moved on its own—my hand shot up and shoved his away.
Shit! Don't touch me!
My heart was racing. The fear came rushing back, and I felt like something bad was about to happen.
"Jay-jay!" Mama shouted. "...What's wrong with you?! Why did you do that?!"
Tita immediately came to my side and supported me. "Are you okay?"
I couldn't answer. I let go of the paper bag I was holding and hugged myself instead. My eyes darted around the room restlessly.
I didn't understand it, but the fear I felt was overwhelming.
"Jay... What's happening to you?" Grandma asked.
"Ma! Please take Jay-jay to his room." Kuya Angelo ordered.
Tita Gema held onto me as she led me to my room. Even though we were already far from Mama and the others, the uneasiness didn't leave me. As soon as we entered, Tita shut the door behind us. I sat on the bed and stared blankly at nothing.
"Are you okay? What happened? Are you in pain? Did you remember something?" She asked in rapid succession.
I could only shake my head, still staring into space. Even though her questions confused me, the fear inside me was stronger. I knew I had felt this before, but I didn't know when or why. It was different. So different. I felt like a little child terrified of being punished by a parent.
"...Jay-jay. Please talk to me." Tita pleaded. "...Tell me what you're feeling."
I'm scared.
This was exactly how I felt when that man, Tony dela Cruz, introduced himself to me. It was almost the same. Even though I didn't know him, my body refused to go near him.
A loud knock snapped me out of my deep thoughts. The door swung open, and Mama stormed in, glaring at me.
"Why did you do that to Tito Andy?!" she asked, pointing at me. "...That was embarrassing! I told him you were a good kid! And then you humiliated him!"
"Jeana... Please try to understand Jay-jay." Tita Gema said.
Mama turned her angry glare to her instead. "Understand?! He humiliated Andy right in front of us! And you want me to understand?!"
"She's going through something!" Tita insisted. "...She can't just adjust right away!"
"Don't lecture me about my own daughter!"
"I'm not lecturing you!"
Tita and Mama kept arguing. I couldn't stop my tears from falling as I watched them. The one who wasn't even my real mother was the one defending me. Why is that?
"Can you leave the room for a moment? I need to talk to my daughter!" Mama said.
"Sorry, but I'm not leaving Jay-jay alone." Tita replied firmly.
Mama let out a deep sigh and rolled her eyes sharply. Instead of arguing further, she gave Tita a small shove to move past her and sat down in front of me.
"Jay... Daughter." She spoke softly. "...You need to accept Tito Andy. Once we're married, you'll be living with us for a while. At least before you get married to Yuri."
Wow...Wow, what a magic song!
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was so easy for her to say, but so hard to do. And of course, she had to mention Yuri. She just had to bring up the wedding she approved without my permission.
Amazing.
As my tears fell, so did the surge of anger inside me.
"Can you please leave my room." I asked calmly.
"Jay-jay." Tita Gema called out to me.
I looked at Mama and saw the shock on her face from what I had just said. I didn't want to be rude to her, but my anger had already reached its limit.
"Just leave. I'm asking you nicely."
"W-why are you talking to me like that?!" she asked angrily. "...Is that what they're teaching you here?!"
"Stop asking questions! Just leave!" I shouted.
"Jay-jay!" Tita Gema scolded me, but I didn't back down.
"Don't raise your voice at me! Have you forgotten who I am?!"
I met her gaze without flinching. "I know! But if you don't leave now, I might really forget what you are to me!"
Even though she didn't want to, she left my room. The moment the door shut, my tears fell freely. Tita immediately sat beside me and hugged me tightly.
"Ssshhh... Jay-jay." She soothed me, gently rubbing my back and hair.
"W-why? Why a-am I not happy to see her?"
Tita hugged me even tighter. She didn't answer my question. I kept crying, and honestly, it was with Tita Gema that I felt what I couldn't feel with Mama—the warmth of a mother toward her child.
When I finally grew tired of crying, Tita Gema let me rest. I wanted to sleep, and if possible, wake up to find that they were already gone.
It was already late afternoon when I woke up. I didn't want to get up yet, but my head was starting to ache.
I listened closely to the people downstairs. I could hear them talking and laughing.
They're still here!
My shoulders slumped as I walked straight to the bathroom. I decided to take a shower. I stayed under the water longer than usual.
It felt so heavy—having her here in the house. I didn't understand why I felt this way. Before, I had been so eager to see her, especially when I was in the hospital.
That was when I realized how painful it was to hope for something that would never come. The longer I stayed with Grandma, the less I expected anything from her.
It hurt even more when people would visit and tell me that Mama was at the police station—locked up by someone she had a fight with.
I stopped going with them. I didn't want to see her in that state. When people asked me about her, I couldn't answer because I never saw her.
And that's when I started to realize—I didn't know her anymore. I no longer knew my own mother. All I had left was her name, and even calling her "Mama" felt forced.
As the water from the shower poured down, my tears fell along with it. Damn it! I hated crying. It was exhausting, annoying, and made me look weak.
I bowed my head, trying to hold back my sobs. But I couldn't. All the years' worth of tears I had held back for her—they all wanted to come out now.
Everything came rushing back. The days I sat by Grandma's doorstep, waiting for her... It was my birthday, and I had hoped she would greet me in person.
I didn't care about gifts. I didn't care if there was no celebration. I just wanted her to show up. Christmas and New Year, when I wrapped a gift for her. She never came, so I just gave it to Grandma. The days when I was sick, and she was the one I longed for.
And the most painful thing for me— The day she visited the house. I told myself not to expect that it would happen, but when Grandma texted me, I rushed home immediately. I even skipped my last subject just to see her. But when I arrived, she had already left.
It was as if she was really avoiding me. As if she truly didn't want to see me. From that day on, I stopped believing that she would ever show herself to me again. It hurt so much that my own mother was the one distancing herself and avoiding me.
I sank to the floor as my knees weakened. I didn't want to cry out loud because they might hear me outside and worry. Every breath felt heavy, like I was being strangled.
Why is this happening to me? What did I do wrong?
I don't even acknowledge a father—so why do I have to lose a mother too? Why do I have to feel the love of a family from other people? From those I never even expected to become part of my life?
Damn snakes!
I forced myself to stop crying. I had been soaking in the water for too long, and anytime now, Auntie would probably knock to wake me up.
I quickly wiped my face and fixed myself. When I opened the door, my irritation flared up the moment I saw Mama rummaging through my cabinet.
"What are you doing?" I asked seriously.
She turned to me with a smile, holding a dress. "Finally, you're done showering... I've been waiting for you."
I raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"
She didn't answer. She was still holding my dress, facing the mirror. She held it against her body like she was shopping for clothes.
"Does it suit me?" she asked.
I couldn't say 'no' because, honestly, it did suit her more. Mama was tall and had a well-proportioned figure. Who would have thought she had already given birth to two children? That's why I wasn't surprised that many men were still interested in her.
"Is that the only reason you came here?" I asked, making her stop.
She forced a smile, but it was so fake that it looked plastic. "I came to pick out an outfit for you. For our family dinner."
Family dinner?
"So, we're a family now?" I asked sarcastically.
Her gaze sharpened at me. Maybe, aside from our looks, I inherited her attitude too. She wasn't a fake person. If she was angry—she was angry. If she didn't like something—she didn't like it. And if she was going to fight—she was ready.
She placed the dress on the bed and slowly walked towards me. She stopped right in front of me, never breaking eye contact.
"Jay-jay... I'm trying to make up for my shortcomings with you. But if you push me to my limit, even if you're already 17, I will still discipline you in the way I know how. Do you understand?" she said calmly.
I didn't answer. I met her gaze head-on. I had no intention of arguing with her. I didn't want to lose the little respect I still had for her.
"I'm not going to your dinner. Thanks anyway," I said and walked past her to get to my closet.
I grabbed some casual clothes—a t-shirt and shorts. I knew she was still in my room, so I pretended to fix the scattered clothes.
"Okay..." she said with a deep sigh. "...We won't go out anymore. We'll have our family dinner here at home."
She didn't wait for my response. Just as I turned around, she was already opening my bedroom door and stepping out.
Nice! She's really forcing what she wants.
I threw the t-shirt I was holding onto the bed out of sheer frustration. If only they could just not stay here. I flopped onto the bed and stared at the ceiling.
I wanted to look at Mama's face, but a huge part of me felt nothing but anger every time I saw her. She still looked so young. Well, Mama was only 16 when she got pregnant with Kuya. Then she was 17 when she gave birth to me.
So she's only 34!
No wonder she looks like that. I let out a deep sigh. Damn it! This wasn't the kind of reunion I was expecting.
A knock on my bedroom door made me sit up immediately. The door slowly opened, revealing Andy—Mama's new husband.
My eyebrows instantly furrowed. His presence alone felt off. I didn't want him in this house.
"H-hi..." he greeted awkwardly. "...Can I come in?"
"What if I say 'no'? Will you still come in?" I asked sarcastically.
He let out a small, uneasy laugh. "I-I just wanted to ask what you'd like for dinner. We're ordering delivery."
I raised an eyebrow. "Why are you asking me? Am I the only one eating?"
He lowered his head slightly, looking embarrassed. I could also see that he was getting irritated. I wanted to see how far his patience would go and what he would do once he reached his limit.
"It's not like that... I just wanted to hear your opinion too," he said seriously.
"Anything... as long as it's eatable," I replied, bored.
He looked confused. He probably didn't know what 'eatable' meant. I first heard that word from C-in—it comes from 'eat' and simply means something that can be eaten.
"Alright... I'll let your mom know," he replied.
I thought he was going to leave, but he remained standing at my door. I stared at him, hoping he'd get the message to leave. But he didn't budge—he seemed like he had something else to say.
"Do you need anything else?" I asked.
He sighed and lowered his head. "Look... I know you feel awkward around me—"
"Good thing you know," I cut him off, pretending to be pleased.
The awkwardness in his expression disappeared, and I could tell he was irritated now. He looked at me directly. This was what I was waiting for—for him to get mad and finally say something.
Let's see, Andy!
"I'm trying to understand your situation here. I don't want to force you to like me as your father, but please learn the word 'respect'." He spoke seriously.
I smirked. That's it? That's him getting angry? I knew there was more, and I wanted to see it.
I stood up and looked at him, completely uninterested. "Respect? I never learned that word." I flashed him an obviously fake smile. "...And like you as my father? I don't think so. I already have a father, and his name is Jasfher."
He didn't say anything. He just nodded and forced a smile. I didn't want to humiliate him, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to say anything hurtful, but I already had. I didn't want to make it obvious that I didn't like him, but I really didn't.
"We'll call you when dinner's ready," he said before finally leaving.
I knew I was going to get scolded for what I did. I should probably brace myself, especially for Kuya Angelo's words. They wouldn't understand me, and that's fine.
I'd better get my ears ready!