Naruto stood, mop in hand, looking like he'd just fought a tailed beast.
The morning sun shone brightly on Konoha, but in his heart, it was raining. Dog poop.
"I've seen things…" Naruto whispered. "Smelled things…"
He dragged the mop toward the bucket like a wounded soldier returning from the front lines. His knees trembled, lips cracked, eyes hollow. Behind him, the cleaned kennels sparkled like the gates of poop-free heaven—mocking him.
Off to the side, Hinata sat on a small blanket, munching on onigiri. She giggled as she watched Naruto stumble around, full drama mode activated.
"I am… the Poop Martyr," Naruto wheezed, collapsing next to the bucket. "Why must greatness… stink?"
Suddenly—
"IRUKAAAA-SENSEIIII!"
THWOMP!
Kiba came flying in like an anime missile, clinging to Iruka's leg like it was the last life raft on a sinking ship.
"Please train me too!" Kiba wailed. "I heard everything from Naruto! You're sparring with the Hokage! You've got a sword! You're secretly strong! I WANNA SLASH THE SKY!"
Akamaru barked in agreement.
Iruka blinked. "You already have Kurenai as your sensei, don't you?"
"Yeah, but she keeps making us stare at leaves and reflect on our feelings! I wanna destroy stuff! Explosions! Sky slashes!"
"She's a good teacher," Iruka said, gently trying to pry the boy off. "And great at genjutsu."
"GENJUTSU IS FOR PEOPLE WITH PATIENCE!" Kiba cried. "I WANT TO CUT THINGS! I HAVE ADHD"
Naruto, halfway buried under a mop bucket, sat up. "HEY!"
Kiba turned.
Naruto pointed with burning passion. "HE'S MY TEACHER! Iruka-sensei is gonna make me cool first!"
Kiba gasped. "You're not even cool yet!"
"I'M IN PROGRESS!"
"Fine! If I can't be trained, I'll just go tell everyone you're fighting the Hokage!"
"DON'T—!"
"TOO LATE!"
Kiba ran like his life depended on it, shouting at the top of his lungs, "EVERYONE! IRUKA'S GONNA SLAP THE HOKAGE WITH A STICK!"
Iruka facepalmed.
Later, at Training Ground 7…
"Alright," Iruka said. "Time for the daily task—1,000 sword swings."
Naruto twitched. "After poop duty?!"
Iruka handed him a wooden sword. "Pain builds power. Now swing."
And swing they did.
At 100, Naruto was hyped.
At 300, Naruto's soul began leaving his body.
At 500, he collapsed to his knees, gasping. "My arms… I think they left the village…"
Iruka stopped his own swings, looking over. "That's good, Naruto. You've pushed your limit."
Naruto smiled, exhausted, before keeling over like a tree.
Hinata quietly stood and walked over. She held out the half-onigiri she had been eating. "H-here."
Naruto didn't even react at first.
Then he burst into tears. "Hinata… you're an angel…"
She turned beet red and ran back to her blanket, holding her face. Naruto clutched the rice ball like it was a holy artifact.
Iruka continued his own training. No flash, no drama. Just steady, focused swings.
700… 800… 900…
At 1,000, he stopped and exhaled. His shirt was drenched with sweat, but his breathing was even.
"That's enough," he said. "Discipline, not power."
Naruto raised a weak fist from the ground. "One day… I'll master… mop style swordsmanship…"
Akamaru barked like it was an honorable goal.
Later… at the Hokage's Office
Naruto stood proudly in front of Hiruzen with Iruka beside him.
"I completed the mission, Old Man Hokage! Every single poop!"
Hiruzen chuckled. "You've earned your pay and some respect. Welldone."
"It seems your spar with me is already village news," he added, amused.
Iruka sighed. "Kiba's mouth moves faster than my sword."
"You're the most exciting Chunin this village has had in years," Hiruzen said. "Just wait until the fan mail."
"I'm burning every letter," Iruka replied flatly.
Naruto was too busy counting his payment. "This is… this is enough for two bowls of ramen and a shiny stick!"
"Do not buy a 'shiny stick,'" Iruka warned.
"I mean a sword!" Naruto grinned. "Let's go, sensei! Let's go buy a sword! I need a weapon worthy of mop-style!"
Iruka gave him a small smile. "Let's see when we get to the shop."
At the Weapon Shop…
Tenten was behind the counter, organizing scrolls and sharpening tools when she looked up.
"Oh! Iruka-sensei! How are you doing?"
"I'm good," Iruka replied. He and Naruto walked in, each with wooden swords slung on their backs like they were in a samurai movie.
Her eyes flicked to the wooden swords. "Sensei… are you learning swordsmanship?"
Before Iruka could say a word—
"LEARNING?!" Naruto practically flew to the counter. "He can SPLIT THE GROUND with a single slash!"
Tenten raised an eyebrow. "Split the ground…?"
"And tomorrow," Naruto declared, puffing out his chest, "he's gonna spar with the old man!"
"Old man?" she asked, confused.
"The Hokage!" Naruto shouted proudly.
Tenten dropped the kunai she was cleaning.
Iruka sighed as he picked up a wooden practice blade from a nearby rack. "We're just training, not starting a war."
Tenten laughed. "Well, if you're splitting the ground already, you might want to upgrade from wood. But… swords aren't cheap."
Naruto gave Iruka the biggest puppy eyes in existence.
Iruka scratched his head. "Let's look around. Maybe something beginner friendly."
Naruto started walking like a ninja sneaking through a treasure vault.
Meanwhile, Tenten leaned toward Iruka and whispered, "You've been causing quite the buzz lately, Sensei. Keep this up and the kids'll start calling you 'Boss Iruka.'"
He gave her a dry look. "Please don't encourage them."
Naruto, from the back of the shop: "Sensei! This katana has a dragon on it! It has to be fate!"
Iruka groaned.
End of Chapter 13