TW: talk about ed,body image,talk abt sexual thoughts very mild only mentioned not actually thought abt.!!!!
it's been a couple and all I could think about was how cute he was but I knew he would never like me I was a 5'2 75kg black muslim girl literally one of most ugly and hated type of person to be and the fact I wasn't even smart I can't even spell the word favourite so I thought if I tired to lose weight to make myself look more attractive and better looking because I had a double chin a really big stomach and try to not wear the hijab by getting my hair done so I would look better and learning how to do make up but I didn't know how to lose weight or do make so I decided that I would try to starve because I have done it many times but I would always eat a lot at night in secret when I did but I would do this but it was hard but then ramadan came and I had lost 2kg in a month and weighed 73kg but I would look at me friends in school and my best friend weight 44kg and was 5'3 and was so much prettier
then me I was jealous and all I want is for him to like me but his friend said we liked each other he would say no but would slightly smile I don't know if it was because he was uncomfortable or actually liked me but then we had a year 7 assignments where we had to write in the whiteboard and Alan friend wrote Alan x Ruby since the teacher wasn't their I went and rubbed my name of the board but then Alan rubbed his name off to.
OMG OMG I was so embarrassed in health class we were having pieces of parker which had sexual health stuff that happens and we have to read them out loud and I got wet dreams/thinking sexual about someone and then alan friend was behind me and read it and he put his hand up and said the parper out loud and he got to pick the next person to go in class and he chose me and I had say that but someone screamed that's how ruby and Alan think of each other when I was about to talk and when saying it I was so embarrassed that I was talking really quite and Alan screamed out your so quite we can't even hear you and it was so embarrassing and i finished handed the note to my teacher to read out loud because I couldn't.
Bye:Ruby😢😖