Perhaps all of his worries, while somewhat rooted in what was going on in this world, were a symptom of a much deeper problem.
Tang Ze was still the person he had been back on Earth. Talent or no talent, cultivation or no cultivation, he could not escape who he was.
The disdainful glances from the other sect members - though painful, were nothing compared to the looks his parents gave him back home.
They had never said anything outwardly, but Tang Ze had always thought that he could feel their resentment towards him whenever he locked eyes with them.
Tang Ze's parents…
He couldn't help but wonder how they were doing right now - though the moment his thoughts went in that direction, he realized what they must be going through, and immediately severed that train of thought.
He would prefer to never think about that ever again, and buried that line of questioning deep within his mind, where hopefully it would never bother him again.
He could only turn to the here and now for comfort - but there was little comfort to be found here.
Here Tang Ze was, repeating many of the same mistakes as back in his earlier life.
Complaining about getting up early - which had been such an issue in his past life that he would sometimes miss morning classes because of it.
Secondly, he was being extremely impatient with things just like he had been back home. If he couldn't understand something in a few week's time back home, he would usually give up on it and move on to other things.
Tang Ze really couldn't do that here.
This world was a cultivation world, and cultivation took time. Even if he was bad at it, he had to keep walking on that path. Elder He Xuan's words from the entrance test echoed - he could be strong, but just being strong was not the point of joining a sect, at least not physically.
Cultivation was a journey that was unfathomably long. As an example, one would remain an Initiate until one had either served for thirty years, or gotten to Qi Refinement stage. Most people did not meet that second criteria unless they had gotten significant help from their families or lucked out with immense talent, meaning most people took longer than thirty years to get to Qi Refinement stage.
In practice, it was actually expected for someone to take about forty or fifty years to reach Qi Refinement stage. Most would never reach the Golden Core stage before dying of old age.
To put things into perspective, back on Earth, his father had once tried to encourage him to enter the medical field. His father had aspired to become a doctor at one point, though hadn't been able to because of some personal issues at the time. But the time investment required - nearly a decade or more of study, had been more than enough to scare Tang Ze off from even considering going into it!
His father had been disappointed, though not to the point of trying to force Tang Ze onto that route.
Instead, his father's aspirations had been shifted to his younger brother - who might've been able to accomplish them.
When it came to the things that actually mattered, like doing well in school, or getting good grades, studying, or extracurriculars that didn't involve cosplaying - his younger brother far outshone him.
Tang Ze felt a sharp pain in his chest at the memory of his brother.
For a moment, he thought he could even see traces of his brother's blood on his hands and clothes. The sounds of an ambulance almost began to ring in his ears as well.
He immediately shook his head.
If his mind went down that route, it would lead to even more pain. He gave himself a gentle slap, trying to get back to the original point he was thinking of.
Point being, if around a decade was too long a time to wait on Earth, what was the centuries or even millennia that would need to be invested to become a cultivator about?
While he hadn't necessarily imagined himself soaring through the realms with no effort, he didn't think he'd be stuck at the Zeroth Realm for this long. He was essentially worse than even the lowest cultivator in the sect, worse than many children as a matter of fact, as he was right now.
True, it had only been a little over two months - and in cultivator terms that was nothing, but Tang Ze was still someone who came from Earth. And to have made essentially no progress up till now was extremely frustrating.
Video games, web novels, anime, movies - all of them had been an escape from life back home.
His hobby of making costumes and cosplaying was also that - an escape.
Eventually, he remembered that life had become so painful that even those windows of escape had lost their flavor for him.
And that had been all that he wanted to do - to escape.
This was the ultimate escape though, to be in a whole different world. Where he could be someone completely different.
For a time, he even believed that he was someone different. When he had helped Zhang Long, it had felt incredible - like he was on top of the world!
As if he really had reinvented himself!
As if his problems had vanished instantly.
Tang Ze felt back then that if his family could see him now, as he was in this world, they might actually be proud of him. That he had finally, in some way, lived up to their expectations.
That he had come one step closer to redeeming himself in his own eyes…
The high from that had faded off quickly, and been replaced by the dour reality of this world.
It was certainly not a bed of roses.
Living in a cultivation world had its own problems, he was well aware of them now.
The sheen of coming to a new world had worn off, and its mundane reality was now staring him back.
A reality that was not completely hopeless, but was disappointing nonetheless.
Most of the jobs they were given were hard, pointless, and also not the kind he'd normally want to do. He remembered having to clean out pegasi during the time he and his squad had been asked to clean up the stables.
That was just considered to be 'paying one's dues' as an Initiate, though as he understood it while things might get better in the sense that the amount of scut work would go down as one moved up the ranks, they would be saddled with different responsibilities then instead. So it seemed that cultivation never truly got easier, because people never truly thought that they were finished. There was always another minor or major realm for them to go up. There was always another rare plant or animal they could be hunting down that could be the ingredient for a valuable pill.
And so, they would run like that, just like a hamster on a wheel, until they died.
In that regard, this world wasn't too different from back on Earth. The only thing was that here, people aspired to be immortal instead of filling their days with work and family, though no one ever had achieved true immortality in this world. The Mahayana realm, after all, was largely considered to just be a myth.
This job wasn't too bad on paper, though Tang Ze didn't think that his days in this new world would be spent as a glorified toll booth operator.
That was why he had gone off on that girl earlier. Maybe - he thought, if he encountered something like an arrogant young master and put them in their place, or beat an old monster - he'd finally either make some progress or get some recognition from people. He didn't want to be seen as the black sheep of the sect.
He was just so tired of how slowly he was making progress.
Was Tang Ze being unrealistic?
He absolutely was! Without a doubt, even he knew this.
A few tiny setbacks like this shouldn't have derailed someone's ambition to succeed.
But, that didn't change that he felt how he felt. He hadn't yet grasped the mental fortitude needed, despite all of his lessons, to be able to change that.
And truth be told, he hadn't been in the best mental state before coming into this world either.
That part of him hadn't been magically fixed by coming here.
Cultivation was about being true to yourself, apparently - though when thinking of who he was, all that came to his mind was 'worthless trash.'
What was he going to do about it, though?
Even if a portal opened up somewhere that would take him back to Earth, he would not have done so. There was no way that he could face his parents again after what he had done.
The sun set after he collected the toll from a few more travelers. Some of them were just walking on foot, and grumble about having to pay just to walk, but Tang Ze gave them the same answer he'd given Zheng Mai. If it was up to him, he would just let them pass - but the sect demanded its dues.
Once it was nighttime, he closed the bridge through a mechanism that lifted up the half closer to him up in the air. With that, he went to the adjoining cottage, which was more of a glorified shed than anything else.
All it had in terms of furniture was a bed and supplies needed to change the linen. There was enough food for the maximum time he would be expected to be here, and things like lamp oil and the like were brought in periodically.
The most important thing to do was to lock up the coinage in a special box kept in the cottage. The box couldn't be opened easily, and was bolted to the ground making it very difficult to steal.
As for the produce, that had to be kept in storage, and would be taken away by the same people who would come to resupply the cottage.
The door to the cottage was made of iron and could be barred shut, making it very difficult to knock down. This would also meant that Tang Ze would be forewarned if anyone tried to knock it down. Not that he thought such a thing was likely - this was supposed to be a relatively safe area, after all, though the sect did leave a staff, sword, and other such basic weaponry in a corner for protecting himself need be.
Though, for Tang Ze, his costumes were far more effective weapons than such things.
That was why he still slept in modified pajamas, so he could be fighting ready if need be even in the middle of the night.
Tang Ze went to bed after preparing a meal, wondering what to do. A diligent person would've tried cultivating for even just an hour, but he just felt so drained despite not having done anything that should've caused him to feel such in the entire day. He tossed and turned in bed, but despite his fatigue, found it hard to sleep.
He sighed and wondered what the others were up to.
How were Zhang Long, Ying Tiang, and Chen Yu handling their missions?