But then, as if the world had suddenly paused, Lucian pulled back abruptly. His lips left Rowan's with a suddenness that felt almost like a shock, and Rowan blinked in surprise, his breath catching. The heat between them still simmered, but Lucian's eyes were wide now, his expression one of astonishment rather than lust.
Rowan stood frozen, confusion curling in his chest. What had just happened? The kiss had been unexpected—both of them had been caught in the intensity of the moment, but now the distance between them felt almost too sharp, too jarring.
Lucian's gaze darted from Rowan's face to the floor, his jaw tense. Rowan's mind raced as he tried to make sense of the sudden shift. He knew Lucian had been struggling with the corruption inside him, but this—this wasn't the same kind of battle. This was something else entirely.
"Lucian?" Rowan ventured, his voice softer than he intended. "What's going on?"
Lucian's eyes snapped up to meet Rowan's, but there was no hint of the raw intensity that had been there moments before. Instead, his face had hardened, his gaze distant.
"I... I don't know," Lucian muttered, running a hand through his hair. "That wasn't supposed to happen."
Rowan furrowed his brow, his mind still spinning. What wasn't supposed to happen? He wasn't sure if Lucian was referring to the kiss itself or the fact that it had disrupted the guiding session. They hadn't even discussed boundaries or intentions, and now the lines seemed to blur, a discomfort hanging between them.
"I'm sorry," Lucian said quickly, his voice low, almost apologetic. "It's just... I haven't felt that clear in so long. When you guided me, when I felt that... connection—it felt like I could breathe again. But this—" He exhaled sharply, frustration flickering in his eyes. "This is different. It's not supposed to feel like this."
Rowan watched him carefully. He could understand the confusion. Lucian's power was unpredictable, dangerous, and Rowan was the one supposed to keep him from spiraling out of control, not get tangled in his emotions.
"I didn't mean to cross any boundaries," Rowan said carefully, trying to keep his voice calm. "We're here for a guiding session, Lucian. That's all. We need to focus on your stability, not—" He paused, unsure of how to finish the sentence without sounding cold. "Not on this."
Lucian flinched slightly at Rowan's words. His expression shifted again, this time a hint of regret settling over him. He nodded, but there was a deep, almost imperceptible tension in his shoulders.
"You're right," he muttered, looking away. "I shouldn't have let it get out of hand like that. I've been... fighting this corruption for so long, and I'm not used to feeling... better. It's disorienting."
Rowan didn't know what to say to that. Lucian was right—it was disorienting. Their roles were clear: Rowan was the guide, and Lucian was the esper who needed to be kept in check. But there was something about the way Lucian spoke, the vulnerability in his tone, that made it hard to ignore.
He took a step back, creating a bit more space between them, both physically and emotionally. The air was thick with unspoken words, but Rowan knew that he had to maintain control of the session. The guiding process was delicate, and they couldn't afford to let personal emotions cloud their judgment.
"Listen," Rowan said, his voice firm but not unkind. "This is about you. About your stability. It's not about... us." He paused, trying to find the right words. "We can't let the guiding process become something it's not. I'm here to help you control the corruption, not to..." He trailed off, the words hanging in the air, unfinished.
Lucian looked at him for a moment, his eyes dark and unreadable. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but no words came. Instead, he looked down at his hands, fisting them at his sides.
"I don't know how to do this," he said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. "I've spent so long fighting this power, and now... now it's like I've forgotten how to keep control. I thought if I could push everyone away, I'd be safe. But it's not working." He lifted his gaze back to Rowan, and for a moment, it felt like the world around them had shrunk to just the two of them. "I don't know how to trust anyone anymore. And I'm not sure how to trust myself."
Rowan felt a pang of sympathy for him, despite the boundaries he was trying to maintain. Lucian was clearly torn—caught between his need for control and the pressure of his corruption. But Rowan couldn't forget his own role in all of this. He was a guide. It was his responsibility to help Lucian, not get lost in the storm that surrounded him.
"I understand," Rowan said after a long pause. "But that's why you need me. You need me to help you stabilize, Lucian. Not just physically, but emotionally. You can't keep carrying all of this on your own. That's what the guides are here for."
Lucian's eyes softened, a small, almost imperceptible shift in his posture as the weight of Rowan's words seemed to settle over him. He exhaled deeply, the tension in his body easing just slightly.
"I know," he said quietly. "I know. I just... it's hard." He ran a hand over his face in frustration. "It's hard to let go."
Rowan gave him a steady, reassuring look. "It doesn't happen overnight. But you're not alone in this. I'm not going anywhere. We can take it one step at a time."
Lucian nodded, though it was clear that the uncertainty still lingered in his eyes. The distance between them hadn't been fully bridged yet. They had a long way to go before the connection between them—whatever it was—could be fully understood. But for now, Rowan was content with the progress they had made.
They still had work to do.
Rowan exhaled slowly, stepping back just enough to reassert the boundaries of their roles. "Let's continue with the session," he said, his tone professional, the steadiness returning to his voice. "We'll start by focusing on your breathing. Deep, steady breaths. Let's reset."
Lucian gave him a small nod, though his gaze seemed distant, lost in thought. But Rowan could see the flicker of something—perhaps not trust, but the beginning of understanding.
And that was enough.