She had barely managed to maintain her composure. Sitting at the table with them felt suffocating, a constant strain on her endurance. Usually, she skillfully avoided such encounters, but now her duty demanded otherwise. The meetings were always an ordeal. Duchess Elizabeth's face, with its persistent kindness and affection, was a source of discomfort she could not ignore. The Duchess's attempts to bridge the emotional distance between them were met with her own efforts to keep away.
"When will she concede and detach herself? I find myself increasingly weary and frustrated with her constant persistence." She glanced around, feeling the distance from the royal garden's oppressive opulence. The extravagance of royalty was a burden, suffocating in its splendor. She settled onto a bench beside the stony pathway. "I must maintain control over my emotions, especially in their presence."
She took a long breath, trying to steady her uneven breathing. Although she was meant to return to the ward, she needed this moment of respite. Her fingers were numb, her palms damp with sweat. Leaning back on the bench, she closed her eyes to seek some solace in her surroundings. The cold winds had intensified, heralding the approach of winter. The season, though bringing a potential threat of worsening of the epidemic, also brought a serene beauty with it. The wind rustled through the trees, and the chill felt like it was biting onto her skin. It provided a chance to dissociate from her troubles and escape reality. She desperately wanted to disappear.
Lost in her thoughts she turned to look at the palace. Although suffocating, it still looked beautiful from a far. Its distant buildings, bathed in yellow and golden light, stood out against the darkening evening sky. This contrast of the vibrant lights against the deepening dusk felt like a scene out of a painting. She surrendered to this view, feeling a sense of comfort. She wondered if God had chosen to play with colors today.
"I just need to quiet my mind and everything will be manageable," she mused, taking one last deep breath.
Rising from the bench, she began her walk toward the hospital. There was no room for distraction. Despite her desire to retreat into isolation, she knew she couldn't. Her inclination to evade reality had to be set aside.
"Get out of your head and face life. You can do this, no, you must do this," she mentally told herself. Shaking her head to dispel lingering distractions, she resumed her path with towards the hospital.