Chapter 17 :
13 June, Thursday, 2024
8:30 a.m.
Author's POV
It was finally the day. The mansion was most occupied today than the other days during all the ceremonies held previously. Women of the house ran from here to there—some gathering pooja essentials, some instructing and the rest engaged in other activities.
The males engaged themselves in seating arrangements along with food and the rest engaged with how to welcome the guests.
The atmosphere was lively and filled with hustle and bustle. Loud noises echoed in the place, marking the day as very special.
Children ran from here to there for fun, tossing and turning baskets of flowers.
Anika smiled at everyone, standing at the top of the stairs descending down to the group floor.
"Anika beta, go get back to your room. You've taken bath right?", asked her mami yelling from the last step.
"Yes mami I'm done with it. I'll go get ready for the pooja", she replied.
"Ha ha jao jao", she spoke waving her hand back and forth asking her to rush, while she, herself being in a rush.
(Yes yes go go)
Anika chuckled in a whisper before retiring back to her room.
In her room sat Vidhi, Rooh, Esha and Maya, waiting to get her ready.
"Sit here. We still have time. Pooja starts at 11:45", spoke Vidhi patting the empty space beside her on Anika's bed.
Nodding at them, Anika walked over to her bed, dressed in a white kurta and pajama.
As she settled down, Vidhi spoke, "So tell me about your feelings today", she forwarded a deodrant near Anika's mouth.
Throwing a glare at her, she spoke, "Put it down first", pointing at the bottle.
Huffing in annoyance, Vidhi kept it down before wiggling her brows asking Anika to answer.
•
Anika's POV
"It's nothing much. I just feel nervous and scared", I replied, being honest.
I was feeling nervous because everything is new to me. All these rituals and ceremonies, they were beautiful but new and inexperienced to me.
I never actually involved myself in talks about marriage with neither mami nor dadi or Maya di. I never felt the need to do so until now.
I was able to avoid him all day during the past few days except the time of the ceremonies. But now as the realisation had dawned upon me, I couldn't deny the fact that we'll be together under the same roof. And as per what Yuvraj bhai had told me, Arnav lived alone.
So he and I are returning Paris after one week of our marriage, this is what he had told me last night through the messages. Of course I was not worth his time, maybe this was what he believed or who else would message his fiancée about something important like that instead of calling.
I was not happy because I can't be and I wasn't allowed to. If I tried to be, I'll end up bringing more miseries upon myself and others around me.
It was my marriage today, finally, yet I was too scared and stressed.
Staying strong all the time wasn't possible, because I was a human too. Even if not considered, I had feelings too. It was just too overwhelming for me to look after everything and...hide so many things.
"Why? Aren't you happy?", asked Rooh frowning at me.
I diverted my attention from my hand to her before shaking my head, "It's not that. I'm getting married for the first time and everything is new and inexperienced to me. So I'm nervous and scared", I replied.
"It's normal Ani. I was scared too. Except for the fact that I had a love marriage so I knew well about my husband. And I had met my in-laws multiple times so it was a bit easier for me", spoke Maya di looking at me with a mild smile.
"We had asked you to look for someone for yourself but you were just so busy in magnifying your pain-", Esha stopped midway realising what she spoke. Slapping her palms on her mouth, she widened her eyes, regret filling her orbs.
"I'm sorry Ani. I-I didn't mean to do that. I'm rea-", I cut her off, "No it's okay. I was really busy in that matter and also I just wasn't interested. And you all know why", I muttered staring at the glass sliding door behind her.
Maya di had a successful married life. She married whom she loved just a year ago. Rahul Suryavanshi was her husband. He was a very kind and charming guy.
Him being the university's heartthrob had fallen for my sister, the university's sweetheart. She was in the first year and he was in the third.
They had an ideal 90's love in the early years of 2000's. Whereas she was thirty two and he was forty. This age gap seemed to vanish when he looked at her eyes with pure love and adoration. He respected her as both an individual and his wife.
She even got the best in-laws.
After loving for thirteen years, they finally got married.
I used to listen so fondly to her love stories after I returned from college and she'd be back from work.
Even maa and papa had the same story.
Maybe it was only me who was the odd one out. I had even noticed that I looked kind of dissimilar to my parents. I looked a bit like them but there was just an unsettling feeling inside me.
Shaking off my thoughts, I spoke to di, "Di, when's Jija ji coming?"
"He's going to reach soon. He sai-", her sentence was cut midway by her ringing phone.
Turning behind, she picked up the phone from the bed prior to receiving the call.
"Okay I'll be there", speaking she cut the call.
"Rahul has arrived. I'll go and bring him up", she spoke smiling at us before walking out of the room.
She always smiles when it was about him.
I smiled at the thought looking down at my mehendi.
"Did you talk to him yesterday?", asked Esha.
I looked up at her shaking my head, "I didn't talk over the phone because... it's not allowed, right? So he just messaged me that we're leaving for Paris after one week of our marriage", I replied.
I had to lie because I couldn't explain anything to them right now.
Three of them nodded.
"You remember Rohit?", asked Rooh, mischievously smiling at me wiggling her brows.
My eyes widened. How can I forget him?
"Yes I do. He's coming to the wedding", I replied casually taking them aback.
They didn't expect me to invite my academic rival to my own marriage.
We both used to fight for the first position and nothing else. We were actually good friends.
He and I were together till our college years. He was just so interested in me that he used to roam behind me.
I used to and still wonder why he did that when not a single guy dared to look at me. I had heard that I looked scary with my emotionless face that no one wished to approach me.
I also didn't care.
"But why?", asked Rooh still shocked.
I shrugged my shoulders and replied, "I just did. He was a good friend of mine at that time so I did. He had also invited me to his wedding but I was out of country."
Like that, we spent around one hour before I started getting ready.
I wore a simple light pink saree with white thread embroidery. The blouse was white too with sleeves reaching till my wrists. Matching my outfit with a pair of heavy white earrings, I tied up my hair into a low bun with some gajra around it.
Vid did my makeup as Rooh and Esha got me ready.
As I felt myself ready to walk downstairs finally after more than one and half an hour, I stood up from the vanity stool and walked out of my room with the three of them trailing behind.
.
The pooja concluded just now, after two hours. Everyone was sitting in the main hall having the prasad of the pooja.
I couldn't have anything till the marriage is over. So to get some rest, I walked back to my room once everyone was informed about it.
In India, it was common to see some relatives in your marriage whom you never saw till today. Who won't even call once a year.
Same goes to me. But it was least of my concern.
As I walked up the stairs to my room, my thoughts clouded my mind again.
Since morning I wasn't tensed much about my marriage because legally, him and I had already tied knots on the day we signed the contract.
What was scaring me was the task I was left to complete ahead.
It was something no less than a sin.
The more I try to forget those bloody hands of mine, the more things come in my way to get my hands dirty.
How am I supposed to do it?
An alternative would do but what alternative plan? I don't have any.
I was left to fight so many battles on my own that I might end my killing myself in between.
A sudden suffocation took over me as I neared my room.
The mangalsutra he'll make me wear would be like a shackle, those chooras would be no less. And that sacred vermillion, which symbolises a woman's commitment to her husband, would be his mark of authority on me.
I didn't know what I did in my past births that I was suffering so much.
.
The sound of the clock ticking was all I could hear at the moment. The hustle and bustle in the marriage hall downstairs have faded long ago. They just never seemed to ring in my ears anymore.
The other sound that echoed in my ears are thumpings of my heart and the rapid pulse rate.
I was sitting infront of a wide wall mirror, clad in the dream wedding lehenga I had designed years back for my marriage.
I'm getting married now too and I have a groom too.
But it was for Dhruv and my marriage. We had our dreams and wishes woven on the skirt of the lehenga. It felt like a sin to wear our dreams to my marriage with his elder brother. It...felt too wrong.
So I just changed the skirt and designed something I would wear to maintain the reputation I've earned in all these years.
Everything was simple and according to my taste.
My veil had his name 'Arnav' embedded with golden beads. It looked magnificent the moment I had laid my eyes on it.
Despite the memories that the name held, it was still a beautiful name.
Everybody was happy except the bride and the groom.
I heard from Aisha, when she came to see me, that he was looking stunning. According to her words, he was clad in a beige off-white sherwani. She was praising her brother and shipping him and me as if a match made in heaven.
I scoffed at the thought.
Lucifer can never be in love with his prey. I'm his prey and he's Lucifer.
He'd promised to hunt me down and I had promised to submit myself. Neither I would back off, nor he'd show mercy.
This won't be a bloodshed war but a war of hearts—a heart burning in the fire of revenge and the other drowing in guilt.
I've been thinking too much these days. Ever since he has shown up in my life, things have taken a new turn. I never felt as powerless as now despite having so many powers at the tip of my fingers.
Even without words, his aura boasted about his prowess of mercilessness.
I don't know why but I just knew he'd never hit me. I never heard about him disrespecting a single woman in his whole career. The trust I've put unknowingly in him has amused me indeed.
I looked down at my left palm.
Arnika
I still don't know what it meant. He never told me. Maybe someday I'd ask.
The mehendi was dark and beautiful.
According to Indian believes, darker the mehendi color, deeper the love of the husband for his wife.
But here, it was the other way around. It's just hatred and nothing.
A sudden knock on the door startled me.
Wiping away the tears I never knew I had in my eyes, I allowed the person to enter.
The door opened revealing my bestfriends and Neha maa.
She was clad in a cream colored saree with heavy designs of golden beads and stones. Her v-neck quarter sleeve blouse accentuated her pale skin. Her hair was tied up into a low bun matching her heavy jewelry as the eldest daughter-in-law of Hema Rai Mehrotra and Achyut Rai Mehrotra.
Her orange aura simply spread the unknown warmness in the room the moment she stepped in.
I stood up with a smile as she approached me.
Bending down I touched her feet as she held me by my arms pulling me up.
"Rai Mehrotra vanch ki sabse badi bahu itni sundar hogi kaun janta tha?", she spoke smiling at me.
(Who knew that Rai Mehrotra linage's eldest daughter-in-law would be this beautiful?)
I smiled back.
"Jeeti raho meri bacchi. Sada suhagan raho", she spoke caressing my head over the veil.
(Keep living my child. Always stay married)
My smile flickered. The once simple act suddenly seemed burdensome. The smile I was bearing so effortlessly just a moment ago felt too heavy to sustain. The ache in my chest made it increasingly difficult for me to maintain my façade.
The words felt precious; too precious to be directed at me. I don't deserve them, they aren't meant for someone like me, atleast not in this lifetime.
The kindness she was showing me and the way I was relying on her, it felt wrong to me. She was putting all of her trust on a girl she just met a few days ago who's now going to be her daughter-in-law. The golden heart she had, deserved to be cherished and I do not consider myself worthy of that honor.
But I'm helpless.
"Maa, pandit ji is asking for the bride", spoke Aisha bursting into the room. She was breathless for a moment but her eyes widened when they landed on me.
"Bhabhi you're not hiding your face? Do it fast dadi is coming", she spoke in a creaked tone due to sprinting hard, glancing at the hallway behind her.
I knew his grandma is a strict lady but this much strictness and rules?
Nevertheless, I didn't oppose but nodded in response.
As I kept standing there, I saw his grandma entering the room as maa stood beside me.
I moved ahead standing before her. She was about to retort but I cut her off, "I'm sorry dadi for interrupting you but things have changed, unfortunately. I never intended to disappoint you by replacing your chosen bride for your grandson. But now everything is happening and we can't stop it. So please let go of the past, dadi. I'm going to sit for my marriage with your grandson and it's highly impolite and disrespecting to me if I don't take your blessings", I spoke in a soft tone.
I don't harbour any resentment or enmity for her. It's just the nature we all bear since our births.
I bent down touching her feet.
"Sada suhagan raho", she spoke in a stern voice before taking her leave.
I smiled at her melting nature. I don't know if I felt that she softened a bit or it was just an illusion.
.
The moment arrived in a blink where I sat beside my groom. The fleeting moments of despair and guilt vanished into the thin air with time.
The sacred fire burnt fiercely infront of us while the priest chanted the mantras. My family, friends, relatives, along with his stood near the mandap.
A while ago when I had walked into the hall guided by my bestfriends and cousins, I was welcomed by a sudden wave of nausea. An uncomfortable feeling twisted inside my stomach rising a weird sensation in my chest.
The moment my gaze settled on him, sitting in the mandap waiting for me, doned in an off-white sherwani, he looked ethereal. Simply admiration won't make up for the beauty he has. He never smiled, yet, he appeared ethereal. I should've denied but it was the truth.
He was India's richest Law Firm owner and despite being in his early thirties, he looked devilishly handsome. Every girl and woman out there admired him and wished to be his partner. But God gave that lucky ticket to me, unluckily.
Everything was new and surreal to be considered real.
Extravagantly decorated place, people everywhere—it was a dream I had dreamt of with Dhruv.
The sky would descend into a breathtaking canvas of soft yellows, warm orange and passionate reds, each blending seamlessly with the next. The afternoon sun, an enchanting orb, would beam down at us from the horizon, its smile and embrace that draped around Dhruv and me, casting a radiant upon our hearts- a heavenly blessing on this sacred day.
Fluffy clouds above would dance in harmony, their gentle shapes mimicking our joy, whispering sweet things in the air. A beautifully adorned mandap would stand as a symbol of our union, draped in delicate fabrics and vibrant flowers, evey detail reflecting our love. The sacred fire, flickering and alive, would stand witness to our vows, its flames intertwining like our fingers, forming the promise of our to forever lasting bond. In this magical moment, surrounded by nature's beauty, our hearts would beat as one, sealed by love and the magic of the universe- is what we had dreamt of.
I'd be happily walking down the alter to him before we sat infront of the sacred fire. I'd be beyond happy and excited. I'd be nervous but his smile would soothe everything- is what I had said to him.
Everything we wished was still there—the colorful sky, the clouds, the sun, the mandap, yet, he wasn't there. Everything is incomplete, including me.
Everything we had dreamt of were burnt down to ashes. Those ashes stained my life that I never knew I'd be living one day.
Today is that day.
13th of June, 2024—the day I traditionally and emotionally signed my decree of ruin.
My throat ached as tears stung in my eyes.
"Vadhu ke maang me sindur bhariye", spoke the priest bringing me back to trance.
(Fill the vermillion in the bride's forehead)
Everything seemed to stop. The sound of everyone talking and whispering faded.
I felt as if my ears had tightened, my heart picked up it was unusual pace and I felt my hands shivering.
This was supposed to be the best and one of the most special moments in my life but it was exactly the opposite right now. I wanted to run away right now, stop him from filling my forehead but the contract kept me still.
Feeling my veil being pulled up finally, my eyes met his.
His deep and profound gaze fixed to mine, harboured some unknown emotions.
My heart raced the moment he brought his hands near my forehead to finally fill it in his name.
I closed my eyes feeling the vermillion being filled on my forehead.
"Aree dulhan ke nak me sindur gira hai dekho"
(Oh! See the vermillion has fallen on the bride's nose)
"Bhagyashali hai dulhan. Pati bahut pyaar karega usse"
(She's very lucky. Her husband will love her a lot)
I heard some women murmuring amongst themselves.
Opening my eyes, I brought my fingers to touch the tip of my nose.
Vermillion had actually fallen on my nose.
I wanted to laugh in sarcasm because all the myths in Indian weddings have happened with me, yet, the meaning is exactly its opposite.
All the romantic things happening with me has pure hatred of my now, husband.
"Mangalsutra pehnayiye", spoke the priest.
(Tie the nuptial chain)
This nuptial chain was nothing more than a shackle given to wear around the neck to prisoners, to me.
I kept my gaze on the sacred fire—the witness of the starting of my destruction. The sacred bond being tied hides the biggest lies and secrets.
He inched closer before tying the mangalsutra around my neck.
As he retreated, I let out a shaky breath fiddling with my fingers.
I'm finally Anika Arnav Rai Mehrotra.
I was no more that carefree girl living her freedom. I was bound to my husband despite my will. It was nothing but my actions that have led me to face everything I'm facing today.
The commotion in the hall suddenly felt suffocating. The jewelries, the heaviness of the lehenga, the vermillion, the nuptial chain—they all felt so heavy.
My heart is already aching and now all the newly made shackles tied around me escalated my fears. The fears of being ruined beyond limits, being valued too less, being hit but most of all—forced upon.
What if he forced himself on me on our first night?
What if he hit me?
What if he shamed me if I didn't submit myself right away?
What if—there were too many 'what if's' but there were no answers to them.
He already hated me and him possessing the merciless nature, won't take time for him to force himself on me. He can do that anytime because he'd not evenfeel guilty about it.
Will he stoop so low? My conscience questioned me.
I don't know.
I don't know anything, at all. I'll accept whatever comes my way, just how I've always done.